Jamilah

Fear rushes through me and my blood runs cold. Tara, Mindy, Chad and Ethan had left 10 minutes ago, leaving me alone in my small apartment in the dark. I swallow the lump in my throat and try not to panic, controlling my breathing.

I pull the blanket that was draped over my legs off of me, standing on shaky legs and quickly walking to the front door as I speak.

“What do you want?” I ask, my voice quiet.

I check the front door is locked and bolt the door with the chain.

“I just want to play a game with you, Y/N.”

“Well I don’t want to play with you,” I reply angrily. The desire to hang up the phone burns through me but I knew better than to do that, knowing how that would anger him and just put me in a more vulnerable position.

“That’s too bad. I guess I’ll have to play my game by myself then.”

“Fuck off.” I hiss at him.

I pad to the kitchen as fast as I can, and my breath hitches in my throat when I see the knife block. Empty.

“Aw, sweetie. What are you looking for?” He jokes mockingly.

“Where are you?” I ask, tears distorting my voice.

I whip my head around, paranoid that he was behind me. My heart beats a mile a minute and I can’t help how my breathing picks up, panic coursing through me at my vulnerable position.

Nothing but silence echo’s through my empty apartment, the sound of blood rushing and my heart pounding filling my ears as my eyes frantically search each corner of the darkness.

“Boo.”

I scream at the voice behind me and waste no time running, my feet guiding me. I hear his footsteps close behind me and I make the split decision to run into my bedroom, deciding that the front door would take too long to get open.

I attempt to slam the door closed but ghostfaces body presses against it, forcing it open. I scream as I use all my strength, pushing against the door with all my weight to close it but his larger frame blocks me.

I stumble backwards, moving to run to the bathroom but a hand wraps around my body, a knife to my throat.

“Stop your fucking moving or I’ll gut you like a fish,” he spits and I force myself to stand still in his arms, my back against his chest.

Tears run down my face as the realisation that I was going to die hits me. The sharp blade of the knife draws blood on my throat slightly and I’m forced to lean back, closer to the killer, to escape it from nicking any more of my skin.

“Please don’t kill me,” I sob, holding onto his wrist at my throat.

“Shhh, Y/N,” he whispers in my ear. “I told you. I just want to play a game. You like games don’t you?”

“No,” I sob.

“Don’t worry. You’ll like this one, honey. It’s a nice game for a good girl like you. Are you gonna be a good girl?”

I swallow, sobs still leaving me, but nod my head anyway.

“I need to hear you say it. Say you’ll be a good girl or I’ll slit your little throat.”

“I-I’ll be a good g-girl or you’ll slit my th-throat,” I stutter, completely terrified, wishing my friends had never left, or that I had taken up Tara’s offer to stay over at hers.

He releases the blade at my throat, trailing the metal down my neck, down the valley of my breasts. I whimper as the knife trails lower, but it stops at my bellybutton, the hem of my tight sleeping top riding up and exposing it.

I gasp as I’m pushed onto my bed, bouncing on it and I quickly turn around to face him. He slowly steps toward me and I can’t help scooting back away from him slightly.

He keeps the knife tight in his grip as he crawls on top of me, pushing me down so he hovers above me, his knees settled next to my legs.

“You wanna know what kinda game we’re gonna play?”

I hesitantly nod my head, my body tense, his knife caressing my flushed cheeks. He leans down slightly, the fabric of his mask tickling my face as he whispers in my ear.

“I’m gonna make you make those pretty fucking sounds, and I’m not gonna stop until your screaming for me.”

“Don’t!” I gasp, when in one fell swoop, my shorts and panties are off.

His hand snakes around my throat, putting pressure on it as the other holding the knife teases my mound with the point of it. My hips dig into the mattress a I try to stay away from the sharpness but he presses harder into me.

Suddenly, my legs are spread, cool air attacking my sensitive pussy and I whine, tears falling. I cry out at the feeling of the cool ridge of the blade against my clit, drawing small circles on it. Juices involuntarily leak out of me and I bite my lip, hating that I was getting wet.

“No,” I sob as the handle of the knife pushes past my folds, entering my tight hole. I wince at the stretch of it, unused to the feeling of having something inside of me and my legs kick the air, trying desperately to take it. I feel the bumps and ridges of the handle brushing my insides and I bite my lip at the unnatural feel of it.

His thumb pulls my lip from my teeth, his hand still choking me as he tuts.

“Come on, Y/N. We’re having fun, aren’t we? Don’t hold back those pretty noises, it’s part of the game, right?”

I gasp, mouth gaping open as he twists the handle inside of me, burying it to the hilt, an involuntary moan of both pain and pleasure leaving me at the strange feeling.

He pumps the handle into me slowly, and I moan, grateful he is allowing me to adjust to the intrusion. A choked squeal leaves me as he speeds up, fucking the object into me faster and I can’t help the sounds I make.

“Fuck, that’s it, sweetie. Just like that,” ghostface rasps as I get lost in the pleasure, mewls leaving me despite the fear still coursing through my body, still protesting weakly.

I feel the knot building up inside my stomach and my moans become louder, more desperate as I forget who it was doing this to me, focusing on the delicious high he was chasing from me. I shudder as my orgasm rips through me, the killer still pumping the knife inside of me, riding me through my high.

Tiredness fills me and I lie limply, terrified of what he was going to do next. A strangled sound leaves me as he pulls the blade out of me, wetness coating the handle and a trickle of blood still glistening on the metal from my neck.

His grip around my neck tightens for a second and my eyes widen slightly, before he loosens it, trailing his hand down my chest. I let out a shaky breath as I watch him with fearful eyes, my legs now squeezed tightly together as if he didn’t just fuck me with his knife.

He lifts his hand, and slowly pulls off the mask and my breath catches in my throat, my eyes wide as ghostface reveals himself.

“Ethan,” I say in disbelief, a new wave of tears building up.

He smirks down at me, gripping the blade of the knife in his gloved hand and bringing it to his mouth, licking my cum off of it.

“The games not over just yet, Y/N,” he smirks, removing his gloves.

A wave of anger washes through me and I push at his chest, but he doesn’t move.

“You’re a fucking psycho, Ethan! How could you do this?” I sob, my voice cracking as I speak.

I gasp as the sound of a smack rings through the air, my head whipping to the side and cheek stinging. Tears roll down my face, cooling the hot skin as I cower from his anger.

“What did I say would happen if you weren’t a good girl, Y/N?” He questions me angrily, eyes dark and blaring into mine with an intensity that made me shrink from him.

He brings the knife to my throat and presses down, hard.

“I said, I would slit that pretty little fucking throat of yours, slut. Is that what you fucking want? You want me to gut you open? You want to die?”

I shake my head, sobbing, petrified of dying or angering him further.

“No, please, I’m sorry,” I plead.

“Yeah, I bet you’re fucking sorry.” He licks his lips, his eyes flicking down to mine.

“Show me,” he demands huskily, knife still at my throat.

The blade still threatening me, I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull him down to me, capturing his lips with mine. I taste the saltiness of my tears and the slight flavour of myself on his tongue as he kisses me roughly, breathing heavily. My own kiss is desperate, begging him silently to have mercy on me.

He pulls away from me, breathing heavily as my own chest heaves, and he pulls his clothes off of him. Panicking, I attempt to get away from him but he straddles me before I can, hard cock bobbing on my stomach.

I cry harder at the sight of it, dread filling me.

“No, no, please don’t, I’ll do anything, please,” I beg, sobbing.

He doesn’t do anything, a menacing and sinister smile on his face as he pumps himself slightly.

“Ethan, please, I’m-I’m a virgin,” I confess.

He chuckles at me, hovering over my terrified body as he looks down to where his cock just meets my pussy.

“I know, baby. But that’s how I’m going to win the game. I told you, I’m not stopping until your screaming for me.”

And with that, he thrusts himself all the way into my heat, burying himself to the hilt and I scream at the intrusion of something so big inside me, barely prepared. I cry hard at the pain, gripping onto Ethan’s forearms as he looks down at me, a disturbing look of joy and lust in his eyes at my pain. Sharp stinging pain runs through me and I feel like I’m being split open, tears running down my cheeks as I sob, arching my back to help me take him.

He groans breathily at the feel of my tightness and when he pulls out slightly, I look down and almost faint at the sight of the blood on his length.

“You feel amazing, Y/N. You’re such a good girl. Such a good girl for ghost face, aren’t you?” He praises mockingly as he begins to thrust into me, pace slow but thrusts hard, making me jolt at every step.

I whine in response, eyes clenching shut, unable to watch him take my virginity from me. But when his pace speeds up, pounding into me angrily, he growls and grips my jaw.

“Open your fucking eyes when I fuck you, Y/N. Who does this pussy belong to?”

“You,” I whisper.

He wraps his hand under my knee, lifting it onto his shoulder as he fills me, pounding into me deeper, groaning deeply.

The pain begins to subside, and hot pleasure fills me from the inside out. Tears continue to fall as small gasps of pleasure leave me, jolted by Ethan’s quick thrusts.

“Tell me how good my cock feels, Y/N,” he demands, his eyes boring into mine.

I cry out loudly at a particularly hard thrust and my eyes roll to the back of my head as he hits a delicious spot inside of me. Ethan smirks and lightly smacks my cheek.

“Don’t go dumb on me now, pretty girl, answer me.”

I bite my lip, trying to suppress a moan but failing miserably. I clutch onto Ethan, trying to ground myself as he fucks me roughly.

“Good! S-so good,” I moan out, hating the conflicting feelings of pleasure, hate, and fear inside of me.

“That’s right, baby. Come on, louder, I wanna hear you scream,” he orders me.

I completely let go, taking the pleasure with the pain and I moan loudly, gasping at how his cock relentlessly pounds into me, forcing me to take every bit of him, completely controlling me.

I’m still vaguely aware of the knife that he now holds with the hand he uses to hold himself up, next to my head on the bed. My eyebrows furrow as I feel the tip of him kiss my cervix painfully, squealing at the feel of him so deep. The tears of fear and now overstimulation don’t stop and Ethan uses his thumb to wipe them away.

“Mmm,” he moans, sucking on the droplets he wiped away. “You’re so fucking pretty when you cry, Y/N. Want you crying underneath me all the time.” He pants, speeding up even further, his pelvis smacking against my clit and bending my leg back far.

My walls squeeze his shaft as my orgasm approaches and I squirm underneath him, struggling to take all the feelings he forces upon me.

“You gonna cum for me, you fucking slut? Come on, baby, cum for me,” Ethan encourages me, wrapping his hand around my throat, and I can’t help but practically scream, scratching down Ethan’s arm and leaving bloody red marks as my body convulses, powerful feelings of pleasure washing over me.

“Oh fuck, yes Y/N, take my cock. You’re fucking mine,” Ethan rasps as strangled breaths leave me, hair sticking to my sweaty forehead, lying limply and completely fucked out as he groans, releasing his load into me. He holds himself inside of me, gripping my leg with a bruising pain and still choking me as he spurts every drop into me. My hips squirm underneath him, struggling to accommodate him but he holds me still.

He finally lets go of his tight hold on my throat and I breath deeply, coughing. Ethan stays above me, catching his breath as he looks down at me, and fear and anticipation fill me.

The knife glints from the corner of my eye and I cower away, whimpering as he trails the point down my face, mesmerised.

He leans down and licks my bottom lip teasingly, before pressing a soft lingering kiss to it. He looks down at me again before kissing me sloppily, his tongue completely intertwining with mine as a hoarse noise leaves me from the back of my throat.

His eyes remain on mine when he pulls back and smirks.

It was like he was possessed. His eyes were dark and his hair was in his eyes but he kept going, kept punching this guy he had just tackled and incapacitated before he could even fight back.

JJ continued beating him, the chants of “Fight! Fight! Fight!” ringing in his ears and encouraging him despite my own shouts at him to stop or even Pope and John B’s attempts to get JJ off of the poor guy. It wasn’t until blood started spattering did the chants die down and people started getting scared. And it was only when JJ pulled out the gun, pointing it at the guys forehead did the chaos really start. People tripped over each other trying to run away, shrill screams filling the air.

My eyes had widened at the sight of it and I screamed JJ’s name, Pope and John B stepping back in fear as JJ leaned down and hissed something at the barely conscious boy lying in the sand. I barely registered what I was doing when I threw myself at him, attempting to pull him off before he could make a mistake he would regret for the rest of his life. It was only when his elbow hit me in the face, hard, sending me back onto the sand did he finally stop.

It was like I didn’t recognise him. The misunderstood, sweet boy who, growing up, would come running to me whenever he had problems with his dad. I was four years older, and I had practically been his baby sitter since he was a kid.

Being an only child to a mostly absent mother meant we were very alike, and I had always had to take care of myself. I had dropped out of school when I was 16 despite my school smarts, knowing I couldn’t realistically make it out of obx without any kind of finance. So I started working full time, shifts at the wreck, really any where I could just to get scraps of money so I could afford food and the roof over mine and my moms head.

And of course, came the responsibility of JJ. I had caught him lurking around the cut at night when he was barely 8 years old with a bruised eye, the young boy of Luke Maybank, an infamously no good piece of shit. He was wary about coming to my house so he wouldn’t just be out roaming the streets, but eventually I had convinced him.

From then on, it was like he was my little brother. He would come to my house whenever things got bad with his father, or if he just wanted to get away. So practically every day. I’d feed him and give him a place to sleep. Most importantly, we were an emotional comfort for each other, away from our shitty parents who couldn’t care less about us, who we could be real with.

Feeling an almost maternal instinct over him from caring for him since I was 12, I tried my best to not burden him with my own problems. But JJ wasn’t stupid, and when he was around 14, he started trying to help me, knowing how badly I wanted to go to school. He started working jobs young, and would forcibly give me spare change he had, or goods that he had “found” (which were obviously stolen, but would deny any time I scolded him for it).

Now we were older, I had been taking online classes for a year now, but JJ still came running to me for food and comfort, which I gladly gave him. He was a good, sweet boy who made reckless decisions at times and was a bit boisterous, prone to occasional underage drinking, fights and stealing, but kind and so caring for the people he loved.

Feeling like his baby sitter or big sister since he was young meant I would try and sway him away from the decisions he made, to focus more on school. Of course, there was only so much I could say, not wanting to push him away by lecturing him too much. But it was times like this, that I really felt anger at his stupidity, and I wanted to scream at him.

I can barely say anything as John B and Pope snatch the gun off of him, shouting at him for his actions. Kie pulls us along, something about the sirens and how the cops are coming. I barely realise as we pile into the Twinkie, despite my coming to the party at the beach with other people.

All I can hear is the ringing in my ears, the sharp pain in my cheek fading to throbbing, and all I could see in my head was the manic and almost psychotic look in JJ’s usually soft eyes as he had tackled the guy.

Vaguely, I could hear Kie scolding JJ as she assesses my cheek and I have to fight to keep my tears in. I have never been much of a crier, and I wasn’t about to cry over a small injury or in front of JJ’s friends. But the idea that JJ was no longer a little boy who needed help with his father, a victim, and was in fact capable of so much damage and hurt was flooding my mind.

We reach my house and I bite out a quick goodbye as I stumble out, hearing another door slam behind me. I speed walk to my front door, JJ calling my name, but I can’t face him. I didn’t know what it was, and I hated feeling this way, but it was almost like the image of him as my little brother was tainted. I hated it.

I don’t wait for him as I step in but I knew he had come in. I walk to the bathroom, dropping my purse on the floor on the way there. I contemplate what I’m doing there for a second, before turning the tap on and washing my hands. My gaze remains on my hands, not quite wanting to look at the damage on my face, not wanting to face the fact that my JJ had hurt me.

I could hear him breathing heavily behind me and the thudding of my heart as I spend longer than normal washing my hands, wanting to drain away the horrors of the day.

“Y/N?” JJ spoke.

And it was like my heart broke. That voice that had cried to me so many times, laughed and argued with me. How could the loving boy who’s voice that belonged to do something like that?

I look up at him through the mirror and almost flinch at the sight of the bruising injury on my cheekbone, a slight trail of dried blood running down it. I pause, just looking at him, the blood splatters on his face, his hair, but not a single injury on his flawless skin. And noticeably sobered up some.

“What the fuck possessed you to do something like that, JJ?” I speak with so much venom it shocks me. He had never been on the receiving end of that much anger and disgust.

He sighs, running his hand through his hair and looking up at the ceiling as his Adams apple bobs when he swallows. He looks at me again, just staring for a few seconds with this strange look on his face before chuckling, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he shakes his head.

“You wouldn’t get it, Y/N.” He spoke neutrally.

I was taken aback by his response. Since when did he start believing that?

“What wouldn’t I get JJ? What this guy, who I have never heard you mention having any kind of conflict with, did that was so bad you beat him so hard you almost killed him?!”

He opens his mouth to speak but I beat him to it.

“And then you held a gun to his head? While he’s barely conscious on the ground and could be dying right now?”

Anger bubbles up inside of me and I don’t even notice that I’m shouting at him.

“Do you even realise what the fuck you did JJ? You almost killed a guy! You could go to jail for this! And how many times have I told you to get rid of that gun! How fucking stupid can you be?!”

I look at him, breathing hard and heart pounding, waiting for an answer. He keeps his arms crossed, gaze on the floor, not meeting my eyes. He shakes his head again before answering.

“You wouldn’t get it.”

The tears finally fall as helplessness rises in my chest.

“I don’t understand, JJ. You’ve been like my little brother for gosh knows how long now. I’ve been good to you, haven’t I? I’ve helped you, I’ve tried to guide you to be the best person you can be. But what, now all of a sudden you’re just throwing all that away to be this violent, aggressive, piece of shit? Look at my face JJ!”

He looks up at me and his jaw clenches.

“It’s not pretty, is it? You did this, J. Because you decided to get reckless and fight someone as if they weren’t even a human to you.”

I sigh, biting my lip and making eye contact with him. “Please, J, I’m begging you, just explain to me why you did that. You’re better than this, I know you are.”

We stand in silence for a few seconds, just watching each other. Then, JJ’s nose flares and anger fills his face.

“You want to know why I beat that motherfucker? Fine, Y/N. You asked.” JJ says, his voice hard and like ice.

“He was talking to you. He was flirting with you. He was touching you. He was looking at you with that fucking look on his disgusting face, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was thinking, that you were a nice piece of ass that he could have some fun with.”

He’s stepping forward and I suddenly feel a lot smaller than normal, my back to the sink but beginning to dig in as I attempt to move back as confusion fills me. He’s never cared before about guys that I talk to.

I take a breath before speaking. “What is that to you, JJ?”

“You think I like seeing men talk to you like that? See you like that? You think I’ve enjoyed seeing you with these sleazy guys who just wanna fuck and leave? You’re mine, Y/N.”

My eyebrows furrow slightly at his confession, concern and worry suddenly filling me and my heart sinking in my throat. Please no, JJ. Please don’t say what I think you’re saying.

“I have loved you all my life. We make each other happy, we’re best friends, I’m the only one who understands you and you’re the only one who truly understands me. I fucking hate seeing you with anyone that isn’t me. It makes me sick. After all we’ve been through together and you think you can find that kind of connection with any other guy?”

He takes another step forward and grasps my face with his hands as I instinctively grab onto his wrists.

“J,” I shakily let out but he stops me.

“I have been waiting for you, for so long, to notice and finally realise that we are meant for each other. I’m not your little brother, Y/N. I might be a bit younger than you but that doesn’t mean anything. I can’t stand to look at you with any other guy. I want to kill every one of them that even tries talking to you, because they don’t deserve you, they don’t know you. I love you.”

The heaviness in my stomach worsens and I feel nauseous as he gazes into my eyes, adoration in his expression and tone.

“JJ, you know-“ I begin but am cut off by the sudden pressure of his lips on mine, a gasp coming from my mouth as a moan escapes his. My head spins and I’m frozen, my eyes wide and looking at his own closed ones, the blood on his face.

The kiss is short but passionate, strong and full of unspoken words and emotion. His lips are soft and taste like seawater but all I feel is disgust at the idea of kissing someone I have never perceived as a potential romantic partner, someone young who I have only ever felt maternally for. I muster up the strength to push at his chest as I bite his lip, making him stumble away from me at the force.

My eyes are wide and mouth slightly gaping as I look at JJ in a light I have never seen him in before. He brings his hand up to touch his previously perfect skin, finding a spot of blood on his lip.

What just happened?

“Y/N-,” JJ begins before I stop him.

“Get out.”

“Please-”

“Get out, JJ! Now!” I practically scream at him.

I look up at his face and my resolve almost breaks upon seeing the pleading expression on his face. But the anger in my heart overwhelms my sorrow for him and I glare at him pointedly until he leaves, only finally letting out a breath when I hear the front door slam.

What just happened?

……

I lie in bed, freshly showered, soft music playing in the background while I stare at the book in my hand which I just can’t seem to focus on. I’ve had two online classes today, and worked a long shift at the wreck but all I could think about all day was JJ’s confession yesterday.

I had calmed down significantly since yesterday and all the anger I felt was replaced by sadness. I had spent all day rationalising his behaviour, not quite wanting to believe JJ.

He was drunk, right? He couldn’t have meant everything he said. Of course he loves me, I love him too. He was just confused by my anger at him, I’ve never shown him that much malice before.

I was so angry at myself. Yes, he did something stupid yesterday, the worst thing he ever did but I was meant to be a comfort to him. I had lashed out at him and barely let him explain himself, just throwing him out when he had… kissed me.

I could still feel his lips on mine, hear the sound of his moan and my skin crawls. It’s not that I find JJ repulsive or something - he’s gorgeous and charismatic and fun. But I could never be attracted to him. It made me sick just thinking about it. It felt gross and wrong.

But even the pain of the bruised and swollen injury on my cheekbone couldn’t keep me angry at JJ. All I could think about was the little boy roaming the streets at night, no place to go. All I saw was the young child running to me after his dad had finally come home after a week bender, only to beat him for the dumbest of reasons, bloody and broken.

I hated how I reacted and my heart hurt thinking about him, thinking about how this could change everything. I needed to see him, to explain to him how we was just mistaking his feelings for me. Sure, I knew he had always had a puppy crush on me, but I always thought that was just the novelty of having an older girl friend. He couldn’t love love me.

I sigh, thinking about what I could say to him that wouldn’t cause too much damage to our relationship. JJ relied on me, yes, but over the years I had come to rely on him too. I wouldn’t know what to do if JJ reacted badly to what I said. And he was nothing if not stubborn.

As if on cue, I hear a knock on my window to my right. Startled and snapped out of my thoughts, I look and see the very person I was thinking about. He waves at me as my brain attempts to sort its thoughts, not knowing what to do or say.

A flood of emotions rush through me as I stand up and pad to the window, opening it wordlessly and letting JJ in as I go back to the bed and sit. He stands awkwardly, with his hands in his pockets as I fiddle with my own fingers, looking up at him.

Neither of us speak, and tension fills the air. I hate it. Just as I’m about to speak, he beats me to it.

“I probably shouldn’t be here. Sorry. I just.. I just needed to see you.” JJ speaks, his voice uncharacteristically small.

I bite my lip, contemplating, before patting the mattress next to me.

He hesitates but sits down next to me, a purposeful gap between the two of us. I turn to him, one foot hovering above the ground and the other leg bent on the bed, my knee just brushing his thigh.

I see his eyes linger on my legs for a second before meeting my own. I’m suddenly hyper aware of the lack of clothes I am wearing, a small pyjama top, no bra, and shorts that barely cover my ass. I’ve never thought about how I looked with JJ before.

I chew my lip, thinking about what to say.

“I- first I want to apologise for how I acted yesterday.” I say.

His face remains the same but I see a flicker of shock in his eyes, not expecting to hear me say that.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I was just scared, seeing you do something so stupid like that.” I continue, my words slow and carefully chosen.

He nods at that, and I feel relief to see sorrow in his eyes. He scratches his chin before speaking.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have had the gun. If it makes you feel any better, John B has it hidden somewhere so I can’t get to it.”

I chuckle at that, feeling almost giddy that I didn’t have to explain to him why what he did was wrong, and the conversation was going okay for now.

“I know- I understand what you were saying yesterday. I get that you probably feel that way because we’re so close, and we’ve kind of protected each other for so long. So I get why you hate seeing me with guys that haven’t been the greatest, because you feel protective over me. And I really appreciate that JJ, I love you, and our friendship is so important to me. But you have to understand that what you did yesterday was wrong, so wrong. You cannot beat people up just for talking to me. You - you can’t act that recklessly anymore. You’re not a kid anymore, J, you can get into some serious trouble.”

I lick my lips, trying to address what troubled me the most.

“And- and the kiss yesterday. I know that you, you may think you like me in that way but we’re friends, JJ. You crossed a boundary doing that, but I would really like to look past it.”

I grab his hands, urging him to look at me.

“Please understand, J, you know how I feel about you. I don’t want to ruin that.”

His face remains the same for a few seconds contemplating. He blows out a breath, before his face shifts into anger, and he rips his hands from mine, standing up.

“No,” he replies in disgust.

My heart drops, pressure in my throat. I swallow, looking up at him and trying to keep the tears down.

“I can’t do this shit anymore. Pretend like being friends is enough. You said it yourself, I’m protective of you, I’m your best friend. Why the fuck would you even attempt to stop our relationship? It’s inevitable, Y/N. We love each other. We’re the only ones who could ever really love the other one, flaws and all. We’re perfect for each other. Why are you saying this shit? Like I don’t know what my feelings are? You’re not my baby sitter, you’re not my older sister. Cos people don’t feel the way I do for you for their sisters.”

My heart thuds as I let him speak, dread filling me.

“I can’t- I can’t keep stopping myself from kissing you. From touching you. You’re so goddamn beautiful, Y/N. You’re so perfect. Everything about you. It’s like I’m high when I’m with you, and crave you every time I’m not. I need more, Y/N.”

My brain struggles to process his words, my breathing heavy and body shaking slightly. But as I do, an idea comes to my head.

No, Y/N. Don’t. It’s a bad idea. Don’t do it.

All I can think about is that I can’t lose JJ. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I did. But my thoughts can barely function and I speak before I can think about it.

“If- if we…” I swallow, trying to gain the courage to say it before I back out.

“I know you find me attractive, JJ. So if we, have sex, just once, would- would that make you feel better? That way, the novelty would wear off and maybe you’ll feel differently after.”

Even as I’m speaking, I can hear how dumb this is. My brain is screaming at me and I regret my words as soon as I speak them. But I couldn’t take it back now.

JJ stands in front of me, dumbfounded. I had always been the strong one, the decision maker, the opinionated one. But this- this was new territory. To both of us.

I can see the clockworks in his head and my heart thuds, waiting for any kind of response from him. But then he slowly nods and dizziness surrounds me, my mouth dry.

He drops down next to me, his eyes never leaving mine, mouth slightly gaping open in shock. I had never been shy with him before, but now it was like I didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act.

“Just this once, J. Just so you can get over whatever this is. And we can go back to usual. Okay?” I say, my voice quiet.

He nods again, but I shake my head.

“I need to hear you say it. Okay, JJ?”

He licks his lips, eyes flickering to my own as he speaks.

“Okay, Y/N. Just this once.”

I let out a deep breath, my shaky hands lifting to gently grab JJ’s face, stroking his cheek with my thumb. He watches me, not knowing what to do, so I lean in. I see his eyes close before my lips meet his own and mine close. I kiss him softly and lovingly, before moving my mouth and barely feel his own move with mine. I slowly slip my tongue into his mouth, and it’s like he finally awakens. His strong arm snakes around my waist and pulls me into him, forcing me to manoeuvre my legs to around him and I feel his chest against my barely covered breasts.

His kiss becomes more passionate as he deepens it, and I tangle my fingers in his hair, pulling slightly and he groans. I push away the glaring thoughts in my head, losing myself in the kiss, the feel of his body on mine, trying to forget who exactly this was.

His fingers push under my top, kneading my flesh. His movements are fervent and clumsy, which I’m almost grateful for, not wanting to experience the confident player JJ has made a name for himself as in bed.

I pull away from him, needing to catch my breath and JJ looks at me with such intensity and adoration, his pink lips swollen and eyes glassy, that doubt fills me again. But I keep my eye contact with him, panting.

“Take my shirt off.” I instruct him.

His fingers hook to the hem of my shirt, and I raise my arms, allowing him to peel it off of me. I feel my boobs bounce as they escape the tight top and my nipples immediately harden in the exposed air.

JJ pulls me closer to him by my waist, so that I’m straddling him, now completely on his lap. His thumbs hesitantly brush over my nipples, before pinching them slightly, and I let out a soft moan.

His eyes flicker up to mine at the sound and straight away, he leans forward, pulling a nipple into his mouth, licking the bud before suckling at it. The vibrations of his moan runs through me and I throw my head back at the feel of his tongue, vaguely aware of the music still in the background.

His hand returns to my tit, kneading as his head moves to the other one and sucks the hardened bud into his mouth. I massage his scalp with my hold in his hair, letting out pants at the pleasure.

After a moment, I pull his head away from my chest, leaning down and kissing him as I find his length through his shorts, palming at his hard on.

“Fuck, Y/N,” JJ groans at my touch.

I ignore his voice and the feeling clawing at me as I climb down from his lap, kneeling on the floor between his legs. As I pull at his waistband, I look up at him.

“Is this okay?” I ask, to which he nods, the best response I could get out of his delirious state.

I pull both his shorts and underwear off at the same time, his hard cock springing out. My eyes widen slightly at the generous size of him as he leans back on his hands, breathing heavily. I feel his intense gaze on me as I wrap my hand around him, my fingertips barely able to meet.

My thumb collects the precum leaking at the tip, and I spread it down his length, lubricating him. I tuck my still damp hair behind my ear and hover my mouth just above his cock, letting a trickle of spit lubricate him more before I begin to slowly jerk him.

I can see his chest lifting and deflating rapidly as I speed up, the moans he tries to contain some filling my ears. But when I wrap my mouth around his cock, his hips flinch and he lets out a loud appreciative moan. Despite my experience, I struggle to swallow much of his length, needing to squeeze some with my hand as I twist my tongue and suck at what I can fit comfortably in my mouth.

The salty taste of him and beachy scent of him surrounds me. I attempt to swallow more of him down, gagging as he hits the back of my throat but seeing it as a welcome distraction from who I am doing this with. His hands hesitantly tangle in my hair as I suck his cock, my throat anticipating the load my mouth tries to milk from him.

I pull myself off to take a breath, still jerking him with my hand to get him off quicker but confusion fills me instead when JJ pulls me away from his dick, kissing me sloppily.

“I need to taste you, baby girl, please.” JJ begs as he pulls me up from the floor.

I ignore the nickname, allowing JJ to push me down onto the bed and hover over me.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this, Y/N.” JJ says, kissing down my neck and chest, stopping to lick my nipples as his hand slips past the waist band of my shorts, cupping me.

As he reaches between my legs, he wastes no time pulling off my shorts and spreading my legs, letting out an appreciative sigh at the sight of my glistening folds.

“You’re so fucking perfect, Y/N.” he whispers.

He licks a slow stripe past my folds, collecting the slick on his tongue, tasting me for the first time. His face contorts in pleasure and he grips my inner thighs almost painfully as he begins to bury himself in my pussy.

I know that JJ is satisfying his own needs as he focuses on slurping the wetness from me, not using his fingers and focusing purely on the taste of me, his eyes rolling back in ecstasy.

I grip onto his hair, knowing now that he likes that, and loosely wrap my thighs around his head as the wet sounds of my pussy and his tongue fill the air, my breathy moans mingling with it.

I begin to ride his face slowly, his sucking moving to my clit, and his tongue lapping at it roughly. His movements become even more enthusiastic, moving his head up and down as he pushes himself into my pussy as much as he can, catching as much of my slick as he can.

His tongue moves inside of my hole, thrusting in and out and I jump at the intrusion, to which JJ grips harder onto my thighs, not letting me leave.

I finally push JJ’s head away, a bit forcefully, the bad feelings creeping up on me more and more, my brain telling me to fuck him quick and this will all be over.

I pull him up by his arms and wrap my legs around his hips, lifting my hips up slightly so that the tip of his cock meets my cunt.

“Fuck me, JJ,” I whisper.

He leans back, pulling his shirt off before hovering over me once more, kissing me softly. His eyes are full of emotion, lust and admiration, overwhelmed by the sight of his dreams coming true. He couldn’t believe it.

JJ tears his eyes away from mine, redirecting his attention to my pussy, his cock poking at me. He uses his hand to guide himself and he slides up and down my wetness, collecting it, before the tip finally catches at my hole.

His gaze stays at his cock sliding slowly inside of me, disappearing inch by inch, only flickering his eyes up to me to see my eyebrows furrowed and mouth gaping slightly, trying to take him with the pain of the stretch.

“You look so beautiful, baby.”

I clench my eyes, focusing on the painful yet delicious stretch, loving the way his slow pace lets me feel the ridges of his cock which brush the right spots inside of me.

I bite my lip when I feel his hipbone against mine, whimpering as he bottoms out. His gaze remains on the sight of his cock inside me, revelling in the feel of it as he allows me to adjust.

He returns to his place above me, staring down at me lovingly and placing soft kisses to my lips before he begins to move. Oh so slowly, he pulls out, before thrusting back inside. The wetness of my cunt allows him to move easily, but the tightness of my walls hug him, reluctant to let him go.

“You take me so well, Y/N.” JJ praises as he begins to speed up his pace slightly, but still slow as he fucks me. His kisses rain down my neck as he thrusts into me, sucking at spots on my chest and tasting the sweat on my skin.

His slow pace is romantic and loving, his hold careful and sweet and I hate it. I hate the way his soft lips kiss me and taste me like I’m the only girl in the world, his intent gaze solely on me as he fucks me passionately.

So I push at his shoulders, gripping onto them and sitting up with him as he sits up on his ass, staying connected through the move. I kiss him, hard, so as to escape the emotions in his eyes and begin to ride him.

The groans he lets out are plentiful and my own moans are loud as I bounce up and down on his shaft, my eyes closed and focusing on our pleasure. Still, I feel the hold to be too intimate as he grips onto my waist, looking up at me, so I move his hands to my ass, encouraging him to help me bounce and entangle my hands in his hair, pulling him to a nipple which he gladly nurses on.

I keep control as I slide up and down his thick cock, grinding his tip into my sweet spots inside of me. One of his hands snakes down to my clit, and begins to press precise circles on the sensitive nub, sending delicious waves of pleasure through me and triggering uncontrollable loud moans, my mouth open in ecstasy.

Even as he plays with my clit, I refuse to make eye contact with him, keeping the ordeal strictly sexual, refusing to succumb to any kind of romantic or emotional feelings JJ may try to connect to it.

I keep my arms wrapped around his shoulders and JJ begins to fuck himself up to me, meeting my bounces, heightening both our pleasure.

“I’m gonna come, baby, keep going, please,” JJ speaks, his thrusts becoming pounding as he chases both our highs.

“Fuck, I need to see you come, Y/N,” he says, rubbing harder at my clit.

“J,” I accidentally moan, his eyes lighting up at the sound of me moaning his name.

“Come with me, Y/N, come on, baby.”

And to my dismay, I feel my walls fluttering around his cock and immense pleasure courses through me, my mouth open in a scream as I grip onto his cock. JJ let’s out loud groans as his length twitches inside of me, spurting his load into my spasming cunt.

I remain on top of him, his cock softening inside of me as I catch my breath, panting and still feeling JJ’s eyes tracing my face.

His hand comes up and wipes a bead of sweat from my neck, leaning forward and tasting it suddenly. As the high of our orgasms leave my body, the feelings return and nausea rises in my throat. I peel myself off of him, feeling his eyes on me as I lay down on the bed, nude on top of the covers.

JJ slides down next to me, still watching me and I finally turn my head to look at his eyes. I stare into them, wondering and trying to decipher how he’s feeling.

Without thinking, my hand raises and I caress his cheek, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his lips for the last time.

“Did that make you feel better, J?” I whisper.