Boo

me, applying a hydrating serum to my skin: have a fucking sip babe

power move: just give the villain your own name

Why must my feelings be "rational"? Is it not enough to sit quietly in my hawaiian shirt, deranged?

ads don’t work on me b/c i’m poor 

i couldnt survive in a sitcom

so many characters are just dicks for absolutely no reason and i would. simply have to punch them. the way people treat each other in like every single sitcom makes me so angry and i would be on full punch mode all the time and go to comedy jail

I need you to know that I would emphatically and without question pay real human dollars to watch a season of ‘Friends’ where you appear to routinely beat the shit out of Ross Geller

Let’s all be honest, every last one of us wants to stand in the mouth of a dark cave holding a flicking torch in one hand and a sword in the other.

to the casual observer it may look like i'm trying to summon a demon but anyone who knows me will realize that i am simply calling my wife

The wife and the demon are the same person

The fact that these replies would mean wildly different thing had they been said on a different platform, such as Facebook, is absolutely hilarious

if i was a grisly bear i would literally attack every single human i came in to contact with . this post might seem controversial but its my opinion

always remember that the “genius serial killer” narrative is a blatant cover for the fact that the police will always look the other way when it comes to white cis men exhibiting blatantly violent and hateful behavior