Just An Egg

so fucking stupid that meds literally work. "swallow this pebble it makes you think" hateful

a chainsaw is a lot like a hot glue gun

when you have one in your hands you start to get Ideas about your surroundings

doctors will be like. yeah. there’s something so so so so wrong with you. idk what and I don’t really care

if you're transgender you have to live.

please. I love you.

everyone get unemployed. i will provide for us.

I love how safe everyone in the comments feels about being entirely dependant on a potentially psychopathic benefactor 😁

im nice…..

He’s literally nice

sorry yeah, you're actually not allowed in the grocery store anymore. yeah, everyone thought it was super weird when you were rummaging in your wallet for your debit card and it was making everyone super uncomfortable and taking a long time. sorry

I love how some fics are called shit like "They Only Shoot The Birds Who Cannot Sing" and it's like the most insane porn you're ever read and then some fics are called Spit On Me and it's 18,000 words of the most achingly id-scratching prose you've ever read and they're both. They're both so fucking good. thank God for fanfiction.

the thing about heated rivalry is that it is that serious. however you dont need to be taking it this seriously like calm down. but at the same time its absolutely even more serious than you could ever imagine. but still you could stand to be a little less serious about it. but also you arent taking it seriously enough. you need to be taking it more seriously. unless youre taking it too seriously. then you could stand to tone it down a bit. nevertheless its the most serious thing in the world

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

"how am i gonna be an optimist about this?" was actually the craziest thing to have in the chorus of a pop song

We should hang out soon before one of us evolves or disappears