The Dominant Daddy

So as of yesterday it became apparent that Patreon decided to just go and delete a whole string of pages owned by ABDL artists, sending them each a message that basically said they were sexualizing minors. Of course the pages (at least the ones I was following, like Buckarooblaster) were not and their art on those pages all depicted adult characters, college age at the very youngest. But the truth be damned I guess.

Now look, this is nothing we in the community aren't sadly familiar with. People fear what they don't understand and that leads to prejudice. I wish the people working at Patreon and other folks that jump to those assumptions about us would take the time to get to know us or at least do a little research before assuming that we would ever do anything to hurt a child. If they did, they might realize that we in this community are generally hyper vigilant about weeding out people who would and more proactive at keeping minors from assessing our own content then any company ever has been. Part of that is knowing we would all quickly suffer from guilt by association, but another part of it is that a lot of us have either suffered that sort of abuse or known someone who has and take it very seriously. That and this community is just full of genuinely good and decent people.

Kink, like many things about sexuality, is generally not something we choose. In a weird way, it kind of chooses us. And as long as it's consenting adults-including in the imagery-and no one gets hurt, that should be ok. Yes, that includes if grown people want to dress up in diapers and act childish themselves-if there is no actual child involved or depicted it is not pedophilia and this is not a hard concept to grasp. But we live in a time period when the likes of QAnon, Moms for Liberty, and a host of other quacks and crackpots are going back to the old playbook that used to be used against gay people in the days of Anita Bryant to argue that LGTBTQ people are pedophiles and that everything from a sex education text book to a kids book about two male penguins raising an egg is grooming. I say that to note that I'm aware why companies like Patreon are probably a little hypersensitive, it's just unfortunate and hurtful that they joined the cranks in policing adult sexuality that has nothing to do with hurting kids or involving them in any way.

And let me explain how this kind of thing hurts people. First and foremost, it hurts kids that are actually being abused. How? Because just like in the story when you cry wolf so much and there is no wolf people don't listen when the actual wolf shows up. Calling all this stuff "grooming" that isn't is just going to lead to people eventually being desensitized and dismissive about it and ultimately not listening to some kids who really need a grown up to do so. That's the most important thing. But yeah, it hurts innocent people on top of that. Not just hurting us emotionally because this is a very cruel thing to say or insinuate about someone when it isn't true. I mean it genuinely hurts peoples reputations, could cost them their jobs, even get them hurt to be throwing such horrible accusations and insinuations around that don't have any basis in truth. And yeah, it could push some people to hurt themselves. Think I'm overreacting? Let's have a bunch of people start telling everyone that you're a pedophile or something else as horrible and evil as that and see what toll it takes on your mental health for awhile. I wonder if the person that made that decision at Patreon would like to try walking in those shoes for a bit...

What's really sad about this is this a company that's supposed to value artistic expression. It's even based in a supposedly progressive city, being headquartered at 600 Townsend Street in San Francisco. Patreon makes its money collecting a cut of what each artist earns. Think they're returning any of the money they got from that art that only featured adults that they're now banning with a BS justification? I rather doubt it... I know I as a consumer haven't seen any of the money I paid to view that art returned to me by the company either and of course no one else well. Basically, Patreon has now stolen that money from both the artists and the consumers and for all their objections to the art that made them that money you can bet they'll keep every penny of it.

For the artists that are no doubt really hurt by all this, I am so sorry that you're going through it. For whatever it's worth, those of us who enjoyed your art and the communities that were created around them know you didn't do anything wrong, that you're not pedophiles and don't deserve to be labeled as such. I hope you find a place to start back up. I hope someone creates a safe, sex positive and kink friendly space for consenting adults and every artist and writer of any 18+ material featuring only adults leaves Patreon and goes to make their money there. We're the low hanging fruit here and if Patreon can do something like this to our community you can expect them to do so to others eventually. But hey, there's a lot of money to be made in this kind of artistic expression and Patreon clearly deserves to lose that money.

Maybe by this time next year.

In the meantime I’m just going to dream about zoo trips and cuddles during Saturday morning cartoons, of Christmas mornings and birthdays for a boy that never grows up, of cute outfits and blushy faces, bottle feedings and bath times and so much more.

So today, partly due to a message or two in my inbox and partly just because I've been wanting to put this into words for awhile now, I think I'm going to take a long overdue stab at laying out just what it is exactly that I'm looking for (to the best of my current ability) and, who knows, maybe putting it out there into the universe to manifest.

I'm not just looking for a little fun and games here. I'm looking for a real relationship, a daddy/son ABDL relationship.

Ultimately, I want a boy I can diaper 24/7 and baby at home. There will of course be discretion and practicality involved when it comes to public, work, friends and family, etc. But the dynamic will be one of daddy and baby even when we have to tone it down.

If you think that's for you, well, think and ask yourself if you really want that kind of power exchange on a near permanent basis. This, for me, is very much a lifestyle and a strong part of my makeup, even if I do tone in way down in public and exercise discretion. What I'd be going for here is a very real dynamic. (With a negotiable amount of sexual fun.)

That said, everything I want and am interested in is safe, sane, and consensual. I want a healthy relationship that makes us happy. There's life beyond it too-friends and family, careers and other life goals. The idea is not to take all that away from someone and make them a baby, but to complement it all and give that life to someone who wants it as bad as I do from the other side.

Ultimately, I want someone who wants to do this with me not just because I can fit into the daddy niche for them. There's a difference between being needed and wanted. I want to be wanted as a person too. I want to give my love to some special little guy and have it returned.

I've mentioned before having a type and having wrestled with that a bit. I genuinely try to be open to having a relationship with just about anyone (I am a gay man, hence the "just about" part). But if I'm being honest, guys that are a bit younger than me (I'm 37), shorter and skinnier, with boyish good looks really do hit my buttons-can't deny that. Again though, I try to make that secondary and open myself up to see just who all I might click with.

Ultimately, I want to give my little guy all the special things any of us in this community have ever dreamed of. A nursery with a crib, a high chair, lots of toys and cute outfits, a play pen and then some. I want to watch cartoons with him and snuggle on lazy days. Take him to the zoo and on vacation. And yeah, I want to be able to have a conversation with him and do some adult things too, even if I do have to stop and check his diaper in the middle of them.