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He has been planning this for months.

The cage is already in his cart. He has picked out a key on a thin steel chain to hand her across the dinner table. In his head she takes it, something shifts behind her eyes, and she becomes the woman from his favourite captions.

Then he panics and empties the cart. Again.

If any part of that is you, breathe. You are not stuck because you lack courage. You are stuck because almost everything the internet taught you about how to ask your wife for FLR is wrong. And if the two of you are not even on the same page about what a Female Led Relationship really is, start there. You cannot ask her for something she still pictures as a cartoon.

Let me walk you through what works instead.

The Tricks That Feel Clever and Fail Anyway

Every clever shortcut leads to the same dead end.

Every forum recycles the same shortlist. Stealth submission. “Just treat her like a queen and she will catch on.” Lock yourself, hand her the key, let the mystery do the talking. Or the slow con: submit in secret for weeks, then reveal it like a magic trick.

They read beautifully. They almost never work.

You carry the whole thing alone. You serve, you wait, you hope she notices, and she does not, because you never told her there was anything to notice. Weeks in, you feel lonelier in your own marriage than before you started.

And she stays indifferent. In fantasy erotica, a wife spots her husband quietly submitting and melts. In a real home, she sees the dishes done and assumes you are being sweet, or that you want something. Devotion with no context does not read as devotion. It reads as odd.

"Have you ever felt the cool sensation of a steel cage sliding over your cock? It's quite a fascinating experience and I love to savor it through a boy's eyes every time I lock a nice penis up.

“A cock loves to get into tight places and a chastity cage is no exception. The metal feels slippery and smooth on your skin yet cool instead of warm. The penis tingles with pleasure inside such a home.

"If that weren't enough, the cool metal of the ring sliding behind your balls feels just as amazing. So comforting, so thrilling, yet in the back of your head you know that base ring means you're about to embark upon a journey that you can't easily back out of.

"Then the click, a vibration that you hear and feel. You see me smile. I kiss you and you know that you're stuck.

"The final mind trip is when I step back and you move your hands down to feel it. It's such a strange sensation. Your cock feels the compression of being held, and your hand feels a cock ... yet they can't feel each other.

“With a gentle tug you learn how firmly attached it is to your body and how impossible it would be to pull off. You suddenly feel a surge of panic and excitement as you realize you're trapped. You’re good and truly trapped and nobody but I can free you. Your eyes scan around for they keys that were here just a minute ago. Where are they?

“I’m talking to you and the words aren’t quite sinking in. I’m kissing you and you’re trying to catch up. I’m walking out the door and you’re missing me already, but you can’t find the words because 90% of your brain power is trying to comprehend not being able to orgasm freely anymore.

What saddened me the most was, that he said that all along he was fantasizing about me teasing and edging him so he didn't cum throughout the days of the convention and he only allowed himself to cum on the last day to have a mind blowing release, knowing that once back home nothing will happen or best case scenario I will give him an extra fast duty orgasm.

The last nail was that he said that with time he stops fantasizing about me doing it because he knew it just won't happen and it frustrated him, so he started fantasizing and masturbating to a random model while scrolling.

I belive, that confession shook me enough, to be more receptive to my dear dear husband's suggestions towards a WLM and cock control lifestyle.

Understood?

My husband introduced me to Male Chastity.  He brought to my attention there was something called a Cock Cage.  I thought that sounded immediately fun, and told him to go ahead and order one.

A week or so later this plastic CB-600 cage showed up! Yes, let’s put it on right now!

I immediately thought it was great fun, and loved to make him wear it and torture him with teasing.  What was not to like? I just thought it was fun. It immediately put a smile on my face, but then again, I didn’t take it more seriously than that. It was fun.

But he always wanted ‘more’… and I admit I saw it as just ‘another thing to do’.  It’s not that I didn’t want to do things for my husband, I did, I just started to see it as something more I had to do, and we were both busy.

But what changed was when I saw that Male Chastity games were for ME TOO. I wanted him locked, because I got what I wanted.  And I really liked getting what I wanted.  I was good at receiving what I wanted.

I just didn’t want to work for it as if it were a burden!  But then I saw it as a co creative game between the two of us. And I started to really look at what I got from this arrangement. 

What do I get from Male Chastity?

A Body Servant -  My husband daily rubs my shoulders, or my feet.  At least once a week he sets up the massage table and I get a deep, full, 2 hour massage.  When we watch TV, he sits behind me and rubs my shoulders.  I don’t get tired of this. I don’t rub him back, though I am affectionate with him. I’ve gotten used to his strong hands giving my body the work it needs, daily.  This is just the way it is, and I love it.  I hear from other women whose men hardly ever touch them, and I’m shocked. I’m spoiled for usre.

A Sex Slave – My husband’s focus is on pleasing me sexually.  I don’t care about pleasing him sexually. We have sex when I want, and I get the orgasms.  There is an old Quinn Klaxon caption that says: Only She Cums. Yep.  I have as many orgasms as I want, and I want far more now that we have this arrangement, and he doesn’t have any, or very few.  Doesn’t bother me at all. My sexual pleasure first, and really… only my sexual pleasure.  He serves me fully in this regard. (And yes, I realize he gains great sexual pleasure from serving me, and touching me, and seeing me in pleasure).

Cook/Housekeeper – My husband does a lot of housekeeping, and most of the cooking.  I clean dishes once in a while, and the house, because I enjoy helping out and I’m a part of the family.  But he does the most of it, and I’m happy about that. The best part is that he does it the WAY I LIKE IT.

Gentleman – My husband treats me with deep masculine respect, and takes care of me like a true gentleman. In speech, in attention, and in service. He’s there for me, he’s strong, he’s mostly silent, he’s still, and he’s my rock upon which I am secure.  I love his deep masculine strength and how he takes care of me. 

Fun – It’s a lot of fun to keep your man locked and focused on you. The power, the teasing, the love, the service, sometimes even the sadism (just a little!). Yeah… I get a lot of fun and creativity from the whole thing.

So What Does He Get?

Writing that out it sounds very one sided, but it’s actually not.  To understand that let’s look at something I read years ago. 

A Submissive wants to told what to do. 

A masochist needs pain. 

A slave is pure service to his/her Domme/Dom.

While we have fun with me telling him what to do, and punishing him and torturing him and teasing him… deeply my husband loves me and channels all of his sexual energy into a depth of connection through service. It’s kinky weird, but it really isn’t. It’s love. Deep service not just to me, but to the FEMININE.  He’s powerful man who chooses to channel is love in a certain way.  He’s not unlike Taoist sexual masters who avoid orgasm and circulate their energy in full body orgasms.  Again, we are kinky, and have a shit ton of fun with that stuff… but deep underneath it all, this is a loving partnership relationship that keeps the spice going long, long, after most people’s has faded.

He also gets a shit ton of sexual energy from me.  We play like we were kids.  Still. Year after year.  Something about teasing the shit out of him…

So What Are My Duties?

This was the part that got me started writing. You see, I wanted him to do all of the things above without me having to do anything.  I know.  Kind of shitty, but it went back to old stuff in my head about sexual duties. I’ve got to do all this stuff… FOR HIM.  Then I realized A) I like doing things for him, and B) keeping him in chastity actually is a FUN sexual duty and C) It pays off (see above list).

Keep Him In Slave Mode

There is a place he goes to in service to me, that is slave, it’s an emotionally charged depth of love and service, and it’s what keeps him going.  It sexually charged submission slave service. It’s not the submission I was talking about above, it’s the SLAVE offering, of a man willing to die for his family to protect them.  Intimately connected to death in some ways.  But this is a ‘sexually charged’ submission, a state of being. That’s my job, to feed that state. Keep him in this ‘submissive’ state.  That requires me to be dominant, and these are the things I do to stay dominant, and keep him submissive.

One – Control His Cock With a Cock Cage – Control the orgasm, control the male. He is kept in chastity longer and longer now.  It works. He enjoys it, it’s a fun challenge for him, and I enjoy, it gives me power and pleasure, and it deepens his submission.  Gives him access to a deeper masculine focus on the feminine.

Two –Service – He wants to do things for me. Give him things to do, and do it in a sexy way.  Part of the game is MAKING him do it.  FORCING him to do it. Now of course, he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, he’s grown man, but if I TELL HIM to lick my pussy, or clean the house, in a dominant sexy way, we both have a lot more fun.  I used to think it was a job to give him things to do, but then I realized I was doing that all the time anyway. Can you take the trash out? Can you pick up eggs on the way home? Can you call your Mother and tell her we are going to be late for Sunday dinner?  Can you give me a footrub, my heels are killing me from walking in them all day at work?  Can you change the oil in the car? I ask him for things ALL THE TIME… anyway.  So why not making it a game and TELL HIM he has to do it because he’s a slave?  Yes, it’s more work, but it works, and it’s actually fun. And why not make taking the trash out fun?

Three – Discipline – My husband benefits from being beaten once in a while, I think it’s a BODY thing, not that he needs it, and I have a bit of a sadist streak liking to beat him.  Also… there is the sexy POWER dynamic. I tell him to do something, he doesn’t do it, there are consequences. It’s sexy. It’s powerful. He breaks the rules once in a while just to feel my power, which then gives him that deep slave feeling.  So yes, I have to discipline him sometimes, and it can be really fun, and really creative. I’ve come up with some really fucked up punishments. I impress myself sometimes. He tests the limits of my rule… and sometimes I get tired of that… but things are always better if I stay firm and consistent.

Four – Tease and Denial – Build suspense.  Give him energy, give him energy… and pull it back last second. This seems cruel, if someone did it to me I would slit their throat, but he loves it and I love it too.  It’s a big part of the work… giving him that pleasure of teasing… and it helps put him into slave mode, which gives me more focus on me. 

Five – Experience as much pleasure as possible. Porn stars make ridiculous noise for a reason. The masculine LOVES to see the feminine in pleasure.  Women I talk with have a hard time understanding this, they feel embarrassed, etc.  But if you have loud orgasms, and with as much energy as possible enjoy his slavery… he’s going to fucking love it. And it’s something that really keeps him going and keeps him in slave mode.

Sum it Up

Cage his cock and lower his status (he’s a slave, you are a mistress)…

Give him things to do in a fun sexy way…

Punish him regularly for not doing them or not doing them correctly (in a fun nasty dirty sexy way)…

Tease him sadistically with tons and tons of feminine sexual energy but denial him that ultimate ejaculation…

While enjoying it so deeply and thoroughly with such feminine bliss and radiance and pleasure that he can’t help but worship you.

-X

Credit: https://sanaslave.tumblr.com/ You might not resonate with everything in these books. It is because every relationship is unique and there is no "One size fits all" in these books. You can learn from these books and then discuss/communicate openly with your partner.

The Hesitant Mistress - by Dvanna Hightower This book is for total beginners who are trying to unlearn the conventional way for Dominant males and Submissive Females. It also tells why Woman should actually take charge and how they should establish an FLR.

2. Male Chastity A Guide for Key Holders - by Lucy Fairbourne

This is one of those rare books which actually explain the concept of Male Chastity in a less fantasized way. Although some of the topics seem far stretched but it helps you develop a sense of direction you need to think in.

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.

Starting Out

In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.

Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.

Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.

This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.

This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.

4. Default Locked

In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.

I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?

Short answer - wherever you like.

But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.

If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.

Expand your Knowledge

Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.

Hello my wonderful community, I know it’s been quite a while since I last posted on here. I’ve been going through a few mental things recently, thinking about my past and my future. Some of my revelations may even make their way onto here, it hasn’t been a negative experience at all, but a draining one. Let’s just say my sub has been doing a lot more foot massaging and pussy licking than usual to keep me relaxed.

There’s also been my birthday, which was its own event. You’ll find out all about that soon. I recently went into a writing frenzy and created quite a few essays like this one, getting out all of my feelings and thoughts. It was freeing and you’ll see more of it soon. For now this essay is about my thoughts on denial for subs, and the journey I’m on with my slave, marching headfirst into permanent chastity.

There’s something intoxicating about denial. It’s not just the act itself—the click of a lock, the weight of a cage, the way a sub’s eyes widen when he realizes he’s truly at my mercy. It’s the art of it. Chastity, when wielded by a Mistress like me, becomes more than a tool; it’s a brushstroke on the canvas of control, a melody in the symphony of submission. It’s about crafting desire, bending it, shaping it until it serves my pleasure above all else. Over the years, I’ve honed this art, and today, I’m pulling back the curtain to share what I’ve learned—both from my own journey and from the writhing, devoted slave who kneels at my feet, currently locked in a year-long test of my design.

Let’s start with the basics: chastity isn’t about punishment. Sure, it can sting—figuratively and sometimes literally—but its true power lies in transformation. When I lock a sub, I’m not just taking away his ability to touch himself; I’m redirecting his energy, his focus, his very essence toward me. It’s a slow burn, a delicious unraveling of his ego until all that’s left is a man who lives to please.

And trust me, there’s nothing more satisfying than watching that shift happen—knowing I’m the architect of it. In the femdom world, we talk a lot about power exchange, but chastity is where it gets real. It’s tangible. A sub can kneel and call me “Mistress” all day long, but when I snap that lock shut, he’s not just saying it—he’s living it. His body becomes mine to command, his pleasure mine to grant or withhold.

And here’s the kicker: most subs crave it. They might not admit it at first—there’s usually some squirming, some whining—but deep down, they want the structure, the surrender. They want to be sculpted by someone who knows what she’s doing. That’s where I come in. Chastity isn’t something you dive into headfirst—at least, not if you’re smart about it. It’s an art that demands patience, both from the Mistress and the sub. You don’t hand a novice painter a massive canvas and expect a masterpiece; you start with sketches, studies, small exercises to build skill. Chastity’s the same. When I first began exploring it, I didn’t lock a sub up for a month and call it a day. I started small, testing the waters, learning how it felt to hold that key—and how it felt for him to lose it.

Take my own slave, for instance. When he came to me at 19, he was eager but untested—a skinny thing with a flicker of muscle and a lot of bravado. I could see the potential, but potential doesn’t mean much without discipline. So, I introduced chastity in bite-sized pieces. The first time, it was just a weekend—48 hours with a simple cage, enough to make him squirm but not enough to break him.

He’d fidget, glance at me with those pleading eyes, and I’d just smile. “You’ll survive,” I’d say, and he did. That little taste was enough to hook him—and me. I saw how his focus sharpened, how every command I gave carried more weight. It was like flipping a switch: suddenly, he wasn’t just my sub—he was mine. Those early sentences were experiments. A weekend here, a week there, each one a lesson in control.

I’d watch how he reacted—did he sulk, or did he rise to the challenge? Did he beg too soon, or did he learn to wait? For me, it was about gauging his limits while teaching him that his body wasn’t his anymore. And for him? It was about discovering what it meant to serve. Each short stint built trust—trust in me, trust in the process, trust that I’d always hold the reins.

After those initial dips, I decided to stretch the canvas. Small sentences were fun, but I wanted to see what chastity could really do—how it could reshape a sub over time. So, with my slave, we moved to a year-long experiment. Not continuous—not yet—but a year total, broken into chunks with breaks in between. Think of it like intervals in a workout: intense effort, then rest, then back at it. It was a rhythm that kept him on his toes and let me refine my technique.

We started with a month. Thirty days locked, no release unless I deemed it earned. He’d been a little cocky after the shorter stints, thinking he had it figured out, but a month? That’s when the real denial kicks in. By day 10, he was restless. By day 20, he was desperate. And by day 30, he was a different man—quieter, softer, more attuned to my every word. I’d let him out for a week or two, let him breathe, then lock him back up—two months this time. Then three.

Each stretch was a deeper dive, a chance to peel back another layer of his self-control and replace it with my control. What I loved about this phase was how it revealed chastity’s ripple effects. It wasn’t just about his cock being off-limits; it changed everything. He’d hit the gym harder—those breaks between locks gave him just enough taste of freedom to fuel his drive. He’d cook for me, clean for me, anticipate my needs before I even voiced them.

Denial didn’t just deny him pleasure; it amplified his purpose. And for me? It was a masterclass in patience and power. I learned how to tease without breaking, how to dangle the key just out of reach and watch him strain for it. That year, with its starts and stops, was when I truly began to see chastity as an art form—not just a game, but a craft I could master.

Now, we’re in the thick of it—my slave’s currently enduring a full, uninterrupted year of chastity. No breaks, no pauses, just 365 days of me holding the key and him living under my rule. No erections. No orgasms. The bare minimum in terms of being allowed out for cleaning. We’re several months in, and let me tell you, this is where the real magic’s happening. He’s not fighting the cage anymore—he’s starting to embrace it.

His body’s changing too. Those gym sessions I’ve pushed him toward are paying off—the skinny guy I started with is turning into a lean, sculpted sub, all that pent-up energy pouring into weights instead of wasted elsewhere. I catch myself admiring him sometimes, the way his shoulders are broadening, the way his dedication shows in every line of muscle.

He’s not there yet—not the masterpiece I know he’ll become—but he’s on the path. And me? I’m loving the control. I time his tasks, his workouts, his moments of weakness, all while dangling the promise of release like a carrot he won’t reach—not this year, anyway. He’s stopped asking as often now. He just looks at me, waiting, knowing I’ll decide. And I do—usually with a smirk and a “Not yet.”

This uninterrupted year is painting something beautiful. By the time we hit day 365, I expect him to be a different man—fully surrendered, fully mine. It’s a test of endurance for him and a test of precision for me. I’m learning how far I can push, how much I can shape him without breaking him. And when it’s done? That’s when the real fun begins.

Here’s where I’m headed: permanent chastity. Once this year’s up, he may be unlocked for a short while. But then it will be time to move forward into the next stages, slowly building up until we reach a point where that cage will go on one final time, and never be unlocked again. The cage won’t just be a tool; it’ll be part of him, part of us. I won’t even think about the key anymore, and I’ll train him not to either. It won’t be a sentence—it’ll be a state of being. People might call it extreme, but they don’t understand. This isn’t about cruelty; it’s about completion.

I see it so clearly: my slave, thriving under permanent lock. All that energy he’s channeling now into the gym, into serving me, will become his norm. He won’t be suffering—he’ll be soaring, a sub who’s found his purpose in my hands. That skinny kid I started with? He’ll be gone, replaced by a strong, devoted man I can’t take my eyes off. And me? I’ll feel more powerful than ever. Every glance at that cage will remind me I’ve shaped him into this—that I’ve denied him to give him something greater.

I’m not there yet, but I’m building toward it. This year’s the foundation, the final stretch before I frame my masterpiece. I’ll keep pushing him, refining him, until he’s ready to wear that cage forever. And when he does? The view from this side of the key will be exquisite.

So, what’s the art of denial teaching me? First, it’s personal. Every sub’s different—some need a week to crack, others a year. You’ve got to know your canvas. Second, it’s dynamic. Chastity evolves with you, deepens as you push it. Third, it’s mutual. Yes, it’s about my pleasure, but a good Mistress knows how to make it feed his soul too. He might not get off, but he gets me—and that’s better.

For the subs reading this: try it. Start small, let her lock you, see where it takes you. For the Mistresses: wield it. Play with it. Make it yours. Chastity’s not just a kink—it’s a craft, one that can turn a man into a masterpiece. My slave’s on his way there—months into a locked year, with permanence on the horizon. And trust me, when I get him there, it’ll be a work of art worth every second of denial.

This is useful advice. Keeping him horny... and then denying him. The ignoring him part is absolutely the worst thing you can do, and yet it feels appropriate as a punishment sometimes, yet it never works. It just immediately builds resentment.

Which means that I, as the keyholder, have work to do. It doesn't have to be a lot, but each day I give him a little feminine energy, a little tease, a little tit, a little ass, so to speak.

That is really what this seems to be about. Feminine energy. He wants it, needs it, and if you keep him from cumming, he has a delightful ache and frustration that is energy, good good energy, and he uses it like a younger man, trying to please you, to get you in bed. He's courting you, and that's a fantastic place to be. He likes that, and actually doesn't want to cum, because all the fun goes away. For both of you.

Although Most Females Are Truly Unaware of It at the Conscious Level, Subconsciously Most Females Understand the Following Fact “Innately” when it’s Rationally Exposed to Them:  A Man is Much More Obedient, Kind, Nurturing, Loving & Generous with his Woman, When he is “Yearning” For Orgasm – Rather than After He’s had One. This is Due Primarily to the Unconscious, Involuntary Neurochemistry of His Male Mind.

Neurochemistry is Quite a Fascinating and Intriguing Science, But also quite simple to summarize to get that “Aha!” Feeling About Male Orgasm Mood Change “After” Orgasm/Ejaculation. To understand what is going on, You need to look into the Three Powerful Neurotransmitters - Oxytocin, Prolactin and Dopamine that all interplay while a Male is Visually as well as Sexually Aroused and Stimulated. Feminine Sexual Attention (Teasing & Edging) Serves to Naturally Heighten Male Dopamine Levels - The Powerful Reward Chemical that is at the Very Heart of All Human and Animal Behavior. Along with the Dopamine “Increase” when a Male is Highly (Hyper) Aroused is also Heightened Levels of Oxytocin flooding his bloodstream, often colloquially referred to as the “Cuddle Hormone” that is responsible for “Bonding” not only between couples but between siblings, children etc - and produces that warm wonderful afterglow after sex. Interestingly, (Both Genders Produce Oxytocin), But these levels Fall away Rapidly in Males after they have an Ejaculative Orgasm. Whereas A Woman’s Oxytocin Level Stay Naturally Elevated and Her Dopamine Levels Stay Elevated As Well, Which is Probably One of the Major Reasons Why Women are Naturally Multi-Orgasmic.

So What Is Dopamine You Ask:  It’s at the Very Core of ALL our Sexual Drives and Survival Needs, and it Motivates “All Of Us” to Do Just About Everything in Life. This mechanism within the Reward - Pleasure circuitry of the Human Brain has been around for millions of years and has not changed.

In the Male Brain, Dopamine is “Go & Get it!” and Prolactin is “Whoa!” Learn all you can about the Incredibly Addictive Pleasure Drug Dopamine. It’s Incredibly Strong and can Control a Guys Devotion, Veneration & Ultimate Subjugation (Mystically) if Properly Exploited. Think of the Subliminal Programming Possibilities here Ladies, as You Read the Rest of This Excerpt.

Few females Fully Understand or Appreciate the “POWER” in their Hands, in that All Males have an “off switch”, which kicks in - right AFTER they Orgasm. It is Generally NOT Understood that Guys have the Rare, Basically Unknown “Potential” for on-going, Intense Dopamine-Driven Sexual Desire, If their Naturally Occurring Self-Regulating Production of Prolactin is Eliminated and/or Avoided. When The Male Orgasmic Nerves “FIRE”, The Explosive Male “Orgasm” produces a Sudden Massive Increased Wave of Both Chemicals (Dopamine and Oxytocin), But at the Same Time, Applies the Sexual “Brakes” by Producing Increased Prolactin Levels. Prolactin Functions to Effectively Shut Down Their Intense Sexual Desire and Prolactin Remains Enhanced / Elevated in the Male Brain for up to “Two Weeks’, as it takes a while for the levels of Oxytocin and Dopamine to Return to Previous Levels. Therefore Ladies…, Daily Tease, Denial and Firm Sexual Control of a Males Joystick, Means that a ”Trainable“ (Orgasm Managed) Male Will Be Operating Daily, on Heightened Levels of Both Oxytocin and Dopamine without the Undesired, Destructive and Unwanted rush of Prolactin into his bloodstream produced by Male Orgasm. Thus, Keeping in mind that A Man is Much More Obedient, Loving, Nurturing & Generous with his Woman, when he is Desperately “Yearning” For Orgasm (High on Dopamine)- Every Ladies Secret Programming Goal Should Be to Carefully and Meticulously “PREVENT” the Dopamine and Oxytocin Level Plunge from Occurring, and the Natural Easy way to do this is by Prolonging and Preserving his Raging Erection, While Restraining & Preventing him from having an Ejaculation. Precious Dopamine and Oxytocin (Again The Bonding Drug) Can be “Kept” at Peak Levels While You Easily and Secretly Influence his Vulnerable Psyche.

As for Easily and Covertly Influencing his Vulnerable Subconscious), The Best Time to Whisper your (Will), Desires into his (Ear), Subconscious Mind, is when he is Lost, Floating in Subspace, Blissed Out AND Ultra Rock Hard - “Held” Totally Captive & Imprisoned, Deep up Inside the “Paradise” of Your Glorious Heavenly Womanhood. It Is At This Divine Moment, While His Eyes Are Rolled Back Into His Head and you are Skillfully Delaying & Denying Him Orgasm (Edging), that He is Most Naturally & Helplessly under The Intrinsic Power of Your Will/Suggestion. Imagine the Programming Possibilities Here Ladies - His Vulnerable Open Psyche Will Be Naturally Unprotected, Extremely Susceptible to Your Complete & Total Feminine Control !!!

When His Dopamine (Reward) and Oxytocin (Cuddle) Levels are Routinely and Habitually Maximized - Improved, More Affectionate & Loving Male Behavior, Naturally brings about an increased level of Reciprocal Behavior from his Sensual Nurturing Woman - Creating a Virtuous Subliminal Self-Perpetuating Feedback Loop Deep Within Both the Male/Female Mind & Psyche.

{Visualize or imagine the following scenario… A Man and Woman Laying in Bed, Both Watching The Movie 50 Shades of Grey. The Male on his Back , propped up by pillows (completely naked of course), While the female lays her head (resting it) on his lower abdomen, faced towards the TV screen. For the Entire Length of the Move, the Lady holds Captive and Still, in her Gently Nursing Mouth, the first 2 or 3 inches of the Males Raging Hard - Desperate Erection. She Knows That Not Only is he Feeling “Ultra Male” in this Extremely Rock Hard Condition, But that she is also Flooding his Helpless Brain with Steady and Consistent Levels of Dopamine and Oxytocin. As his Joyful Hyper-Sensitive Manhood Pulses with Each Heartbeat, She is Ingeniously Re-enforcing her Natural Feminine Dominion and Authority - Deep Into the Depths of Her Males Defenseless Psyche. By Tenderly & Carefully “Teasing” Him in This Powerful but Nurturing Way, She Can Make Comments and Plant Her Thoughts and Desires (about Certain Key aspects of the Movie) Easily into the Subconscious of Her Entranced Male}.

In Conclusion, A Males Orgasm / Ejaculation / Sexual Energy - Should Be Routinely and Habitually Managed, ”Saved“, Restricted & Preserved (Karezza); Causing Not Only His Healthy Libido / Yearning Desire to Naturally Explode, But His Loving Devotion & Bonding as Well. The whole point of Prolonging & Preventing his orgasm, is to “Accumulate” and Build the Sexual Energy or nervous Energy called “Ojas”, which is Wasted the moment the Nerves Fire During Male Ejaculation. It is not his semen loss that’s the problem, It’s actually the Firing of the Male Nervous System During Sexual Stimulation that Needs to be Avoided and Retained. The more you Conserve this Reservoir of ENERGY, (His Battery “Joystick” Fully Charged) The Stronger the two of you will Bond & His Desire to Pleasure “His Goddess” in Every Aspect of Life Develops Beautifully.

Nurture  What’s  Natural  -  Ladies Are Multi Orgasmic - Males Are Not !!!

While A Males Precious Sexual Energy (Ojas) Should Be Routinely And Habitually Conserved, Preserved and ”Saved“ (to Increase Dopamine / Oxytocin – While Minimizing Prolactin) , A Lady on The Other Hand Should ”Fully & Freely” Bask in Feminine Orgasmic Bliss, As Often As She Desires !!! Nature Intended it Like This Ladies - Don’t Fight Nature, Learn from it, Exploit It and Revel in It !!!

Thus, A Female Led Relationship (FLR)… Keeps “The Passion”  Alive in The Relationship, With The Seductive, Tantric “Femdom“ Art of Karezza…

Secretly, Carefully & Strategically…. Take Him to the Dark Side (Femdom) - Show Him What His Male Body, Was Truly Made For (Karezza) !!!

His Entire Function and “Design" as a Male is Ultimately For Your Total Exploitation, Entertainment and Gratification, Not Just Your Sustenance and Sanctuary …

In Review, Routine & Habitual Karezza “Training” of the Male (Mind & Erection), Beautifully and Naturally Increase “HIS” Libido, Passion, Devotion, Desire and Virility as well as his Subjugation and Veneration. Creating Once Again, A Wonderful, Subliminal, Self-Perpetuating (Feedback Loop), Deep Within BOTH The Male & Female Psyche…

With this Powerful Femdom type of  “KAREZZA”, The Woman’s Love Life / Sex Life - Naturally Improves Exponentially…

Imagine the Connection, The Prolonged Bliss you Both Will Experience - Him Being Perched Everlastingly Right on the Very “Edge” of Orgasm, And You Perched Right “On Top of Him” Having Quivering Full Body Orgasmic Bliss to your Hearts Content. Take Breaks Frequently - Sexual Fulfillment, Is Most Assuredly Made “Sweeter”, By The Prolonging of Desire… In this Way, You Can Both RIDE The Exquisite “Edge” For as Long, and As Deeply as you Both Breathe Properly.

Although this Might Sound Torturous to Some (a Good Kind of Torture) Trust Me, it’s Pure “Euphoria”. By Harnessing, Channeling and Absorbing His Pulsating Sexual Energy Consciously Into and Through Your Consuming Womanhood; That Divine “Accumulated” Flow of Precious Sexual Energy will spread into Everything That You Do. You will Feel Revitalized, Connected and Tuned into the Rhythms of Life and He Will Absolutely and Utterly Worship You…

Note: Depriving a man of the use of his Erection while he is Utterly Helpless & Completely “CAPTIVE”, (Imprisoned) Balls Deep Inside of the Paradise of Your Heavenly Vagina, is a Most Wonderful Form of Obtaining Complete Sexual Dominance / Control over him, Especially If U Freely Orgasm - While Deftly Preventing Him from Doing So .

Having him sit upright and then wrapping your legs around his back is one of the Best Possible Positions for Prolonged Tantra & Karezza Lovemaking, Especially in the Hyper-Sensitive State He Will Undoubtedly Be in After Your Interminable Edging… The Wise Woman, Skilled in her “Art” Must Retain Control of “ALL” Movements, Thus Beautifully Controlling Herself & Her Subordinate Male… Until Her Stud Has Not Only Attained Complete and Deepest Union With Her, But Has Also Become Acclimated to His Secure Enveloping Captivity.

Then….and Only Then….Slow, Rocking (Karezza) Style Intercourse – Will Lead to a Woman’s Complete Discharge of Her Nervous Surplus, Complete Relief from All of Her Sexual Tension - Due to Intense Orgasmic Ecstasy - And More Prolonged BLISS, Satisfaction and Fulfillment for Him than any 15 Second Ejaculation Could Ever Provide… Due to his elevated Oxytocin Levels…

Remember, The Key to Teaching A Male ”NEW BEHAVIOR” (How Not To Cum) with the Hypnotic Powerful Neurotransmitter Dopamine, Requires Frequent Repetitive Training !!!!!   If You Learn To Exploit The Powerful Processes Neurochemistry (Dopamine and Oxytocin) Have on the Psychology of the Vulnerable Male Mind - You’ll Be Able to Easily “Train” Your Male To Respond To You, With Virtually Any “Conditioned” Behavior You Desire…

(Karezza)… Ladies Cum  - MALES DON’T (Tease & Denial)

————

Of all the things You can “Do” when You Tease, “Edge” & Torture a Man, The One Thing that will Ultimately give you the Greatest Dividend – Will Be - Ruining His Orgasm.

How many Ladies reading this are Familiar, Comfortable and/or Titillated with the Concept?

Ruining Your Males Orgasm is Always Done by Abruptly Abandoning the Stimulation of His Penis (Joystick) Just Prior to the Point of No Return, Thus Minimizing his Pleasure, But at the Same Time Magically Making Him Hornier & Hornier & Hornier; The Purpose Being, Driving his Libido, Dopamine and Desire for your Femininity Up to Absolutely Peak Levels.

Learn to Always Say, “Aww, Did I Ruin that Honey?” Many Ladies find that they get a Real Power Thrill when they See their Studmuffins Imminent Ejaculation, Utterly Stopped in it’s Tracks. Virtually All Women Become Absolutely Delighted In Just  How “Horny & Rock Hard" Their Males Stay Immediately Afterwards !!!

Once Again Ladies, Here’s the Paradoxical Secret of Habitually Ruining Your Guys Ejaculative Orgasm; His Libido & Desire for your Femininity Will Multiply Beyond Your Wildest Imagination, Such a Win-Win Situation for Systematically Subjugating Him!!!

Within Every Woman there is a “Domme” - Waiting to be Discovered, Nurtured, Worshiped and Served !!! 

It takes Practice to get Really Good at Ruining a Males Orgasm. Probably the Single Most Often Asked Question in a Woman’s Mind, Women who Really Want to Subliminally Dominate, Subjugate, as Well as Perpetually Tease and Deny Their Stud Muffin “Properly”, Want to know How to Ruin a Male Orgasm The Right Way. Here is a Quick and Sadistic Outline of How You can Learn to Habitually Ruin your Guy’s Orgasms & Make him your Totally Subservient, Subordinate, Lusting Sex Slave (As He Should Be). Remember, every Man is Different and You will have to Learn the Signs Your Man Unwittingly Gives when He is Reaching The Point of No Return. That is, the Point at Which He is Going to Erupt & Explode no Matter what You do. You Can Only Learn these Signs and Signals by Watching Him Closely and “Practicing” Daily. Watch his facial expressions, his body, his feet, his movements, which muscles tense and Watch His Breathing .

You Need to Get Him and “Keep” Him Ultra Aroused Obviously, and then You want to Bring him as Close to Orgasm as You possibly Can, Without Allowing Him to Actually Cum while You are touching him. I emphasize this because in order to ruin his orgasm Properly, You must stop All Physical Stimulation “Right Before” The Last Possible Second. Always Remember, It’s Better to Stop Stimulation 15 Seconds Too Early, Than 1 Second Too Late !!!

I recommend that you Stroke or if you Prefer - Nurse on his Erection Very Gently, and with a good amount of lubrication. Although You can do this without lubrication if your sucking on him, Males Last Longer when they are Well Lubricated, And the longer you KEEP Him Rock Hard in the Peaked “Edged” Phase, the Higher his Dopamine Levels Will Ultimately Be. Give him four or five strokes, fast or slow doesn’t matter. Alternate between fast and slow if You like. The Key Is In the Pause Between these “Elongated” Never Ending Sets of strokes. You Must Pause However  Long Enough to Allow Him to Relax and Recover Just a Little Bit, Before You give Him His Next “Set” of Blissful Hypnotic Programming Strokes. The Longer You want to Tease Him, and the More Dopamine/ Oxytocin You Want in His Brain (while you whisper your desires into his open ear), the Longer Your Torturous Teasing and “Pauses” Should Last. Remember, His Impressionable Mind is Quite Open in this Condition to Your Hypnotic Suggestions, So Be Sure To Exploit this Vulnerability Ladies …

Watch him Very Closely !!! When You see the signs of his Impending Imminent Orgasm, Remove your hand or mouth and Stop touching him Immediately!!! Wait at Least Ten Seconds Before You Touch his Hyper-Sensitive (Straining) Erection Again; Fifteen to Twenty Seconds Even Better. Any less time, and You may trigger a Full-on Orgasm the Instant You start Up Again. Many men unconsciously try to hold back their ejaculation, especially if You’ve Properly “Trained” them with Karezza Not to Cum without Your permission, or if they feel they might cum while You are not directly touching them. This a good thing, encourage this behavior & Exploit IT… Once You’ve reached that all important point of no return, they will most often trigger their own miniature ruined ejaculation by just trying not to Explode.

Many Men hold out, for as long as, eight seconds before they Finally Succumb to a Helpless Joyless Ruined Orgasm. That is, eight seconds after You stop touching, sucking & stimulating them. That is why I say, The Astute Lady Should Wait at Least Ten to Fifteen Seconds before she begins stroking her Stud Muffins Hypersensitive Joystick Again. The Longer the Breaks are between stroking stimulations, The Better!!!

What You Ultimately Want to See and Trigger Ladies, is your guys “Creaminess” begin to slowly flow out of the tip of their penis head “smoothly”, like a miniature oozing river - AFTER You’ve Stopped All Stimulation. The Cum will NOT Explode Out with Force as you “and they” are typically used to, Thus in this Way, You Ultimately will be Saving, Accumulating and Preserving Your Lovers Precious Sexual Energy from Being Wasted, and this Sexual Energy Once again Beautifully Builds Upon Itself. The sadistically fun part is, that no matter how hard they try, they will be unable to pump their own cum out with any pressure, But They can try. They can flex their “Kegel” muscles that usually make their cum squirt, spurt, or shoot out, but it will not work :))  Most Importantly, They’ll be Hornier and Harder than Ever…

——- In Review, Ruined Male Orgasms are Just That, Totally Unsatisfying!!! They involve stroking, sucking, stimulating & masterbating an erect penis, Right UP to the Point of No Return, “ALWAYS” After Interminable Edging. And Rather than Milking the Erection Through the Blissful, Cherished Orgasm, a Couple of Subjugating Femdom Techniques can be Used to Properly Ruin the Male Orgasm & Reinforce To His Unguarded Psyche, Your Ultimate (Feminine) Control.  A Quick Summary of the Most Effective, Femdom Techniques are Summarized Below.

Abandonment: Through extensive experience, the Mistress identifies the point of no return (PNR) for the Erection being Subjugated and Totally Ceases Any & All Stimulation, “Just Before” His Ejaculation Spasms Begin. Simply sit back and Delight in Watching the Silly, “Straining”, Pulsating Appendage Struggle to Expend the Unstoppable Pressurized Cream Inside of it, which is Gut Wrenching and Totally Unsatisfying. The Victimized & Totally Stunned Manhood will (Almost Always), Paradoxically Remain Fully Erect and Extremely Rock Hard Following The Ruined Orgasm & Immediately Feel the Oh So Desperate Need to Cum Again.

Keep in Mind Ladies, Your Routine & Habitual Goal is to “Prevent” his Orgasmic Nerves from Firing “Completely“…Thus Retaining Over 95% of His Precious & Priceless Sexual Energy from Being Wasted… A Small River of Cum Slowly “Oozing” Down His Bursting Hard, “Straining”, Vein Filled Cock Shaft is What You Want to See Happening Repeatedly…

Taking This Subliminal Programming & Subjugation A Step Further !!!

Bleeding: An advanced Technique With Extremely Wonderful Libido Building Effects.  Rather than bringing the Desperate, Throbbing Erect Penis Up To the Point of No Return (PNR), Stimulation is Abruptly Stopped JUST Prior to This Point, Causing “Your” Play Toy to Leak Out (Ooze) a Small Amount of Precum, but Still Remain, Right on the Verge (Edge) of Orgasm.

Due to The Wonderful Involuntary Neurochemistry of his Mind, A Males Dopamine Levels Will Again “Be Peaked” at This Point. It’s at this Exact Point in Time that His Mind & Psyche is Most Vulnerable to your Comments, Suggestions and Subliminal Programming, So Exploit This Omnipotent Gift….. Firmly “Command Him” Not To Cum, Tell Him He’s Never Allowed to Cum Without Your Permission and Praise Him What a Good Boy He Is for Obeying You.

After a Short Pause, Once “Control” is Again Regained over the Straining, Throbbing, Desperate, Hyper Sensitive Erection, This Procedure can be Repeated Over and Over and Over Again, Drawing Small Oozing amounts of Cum from the Screaming “Joystick” Each Time.

At Some Opportune Point of Your Choosing, His Vulnerable Bursting Hard Joystick Can Then Be Stimulated to a Maddening, Straining, Painful Dry Orgasm He Will Never Forget.  If the “Domme” is Feeling Particularly Sadistic, the Dry Orgasm Can Then Also Be Ruined, Most likely Leaving the Possessor of the Tortured Dominated Cock Sobbing and Writhing, But Advantageously Hornier and Harder Than Ever !!!

This is the Perfect Time – After “A Series” of Exquisite Ruined Orgasms (RO) – For The Astute Lady To Mount Her Guys Now Supersized, Traumatized, Totally Subjugated and ”Drained“ - BUT Extremely Horny Stud Muffin, in order to Delight in a Rock Solid “Ultimate” Multi-Orgasmic Ride of Whatever Duration She Chooses !!! – Which Normally He Would Be Unable To Endure For Any Extended Length of Time… The Beauty Of This Viagra Induced (Femdom) Subjugation Is, Even With His Raging Accumulated Sexual Energy Carefully Preserved, He Won’t Be Able to Cum, There Won’t Be ANY Cum Left Inside Him !!!

You Will Now Completely OWN Him, Physically & Psychologically !!!

In Review - Eventually the Males Balls can be Completely “Emptied” in this Most Advantageous “Bleeding” Type of Way, While Retaining & Harnessing All Of His Oh So Precious Sexual Energy. Some Very Smart, Liberated & Skilled Women Use Tease & Denial, Along With “EDGING”, Followed By A Series of Ruined Orgasms, as a Wonderfully Sadistic Method of Totally Draining Their Dominated Husbands / Boyfriends Balls, Before They Mount Their Insanely Horny Bull.

Remember, There is a Major Difference Between Male Ejaculation and Male Orgasm; While usually occurring simultaneously, they are NOT THE SAME THING … Male Orgasm is the Pleasurable Rhythmic Muscle Contractions that are the result of Prolonged Mental & Physical Arousing Stimuli (Thus the “Trainable” Multi Orgasmic Male). Ejaculation However refers to the “Out of Control” Firing of His Male Orgasmic Nerves and the Energy Draining Explosive Expulsion of His Pressurized Ejaculate Which Must Always Be Properly Managed, Controlled, Restricted and Purposely Avoided by the Dominant “Ruling” Female of Course !!!.

Remember Ladies, Practice Makes Perfect…

If he isn’t Totally Emptied/Drained of Semen Every 10-18 Days, Forbidden Accidents May Happen, And this is Definitely a No-No if your Properly Harnessing, Absorbing, Managing and Restricting All of his Sexual Energy and Ejaculated Orgasms As You Should Be !!!

Remember Ladies Your Orgasmic Bliss Will Become “Maximized” …The More Your Dominated / Subjugated Males Orgasms ARE Routinely “Minimized”…

Whether you lock up your man for the weekend, for Locktober/NO-vember/Denial December or some other amount of time, here are 10 fun ideas & tips to make the chastity experience better for you while your man gains his pleasure through yours. Most of what is below is meant to create a horny, frustrated, caged man because they will do almost anything for your pleasure! Enjoy.

1. Part time bitch! I love my husband. I love to run my fingers through his hair. I love kissing him deeply. But I also LOVE the look of surprise and flash of fire and excitement in his eyes when I get a bit bitchy with him when he’s locked up. I’m not talking about being an unreasonable psychopath, just assertive. This would include telling him things I want to happen like a massage, oral pleasure, making meals, snuggling or getting me a drink. I don’t ask, I just tell him. His little cage becomes that much tighter when my inner bitch comes  and I love the feeling of control.

2. Sizing him up. I’ve found this works whether locked or unlocked. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that my husband is my 3rd lover that I have engaged in chastity with. All 3 would get hard as a steel or would twitch in their cage when I called their manhood small. Let’s be clear, I’m not a dominatrix so I’m not trying emasculate them or humiliate them.  But in times of passion or even casusal conversation, asking how my ‘little friend’ is doing down here, or telling him to stroke his little dick slower or faster, if I allow it, or commenting on how cute his little penis looks all produce very effective results. I also love that I can get him instantly hard with my playful and sexy words.

3. Edging. The longer your man is locked up, the more handsy, horny and pleasing he becomes. One way to build that excitement more quickly is through edging. Edging is when he is stimulated to the near point of ejaculating, but he’s not allowed to cum. Either he can do the edging or you can. Personally, I like to do it because I have full control of his pleasure. I love laying next to him with one leg over his. I love stroking his cute little dick and talking dirty because I am causing him such pleasure but love even more that I have the power to take it away. “Does it feel good baby?” “Do you like when I jerk it?” “Ask me to stroke your little dick.” “You know you’re not allowed to cum, right?” Usually there is a whimper or sigh here which makes my heart skip a beat and my inner thighs tingle. “Tell me when you’re close because if you cum, you’ll have to start your lockup time all over again.” This goes on until he tells me he’s close, where his hips are deliciously grinding into the air, that’s when I stop stroking. He usually lets out some frustrated noises and I tell him to go clean up and lock up. The rush of excitement I get is intense. I used to feel guilty years ago with my first chastity boyfriend, but I have learned it is such an erotic rush for the man and the control I have over his pleasure, it gets me so wet. Once he returns and he’s locked up I have him use his tongue to bring me to orgasm. Nothing beats the tongue work and energy of a sexually frustrated, locked up, horny man! 

4. Ruining things. One very small step further from edging is a ruined orgasm. This happens when you push ever so slightly past the point of edging where the ejaculation process initiates just after stimulation stops. It is not full on “cumming” because the stroking, rubbing, stimulation ends before or immediately at the point of no return starts.  The result is the release of some cum but no reduction in arousal. I do this sometimes when I’m feeling very naughty. I may even take some of his cum and use it as a lubricant for a few moments of self masturbation before I climb onto his face. If you’ve never had your man go down on you with his cum on your pussy, I highly recommend it. You’ll be cumming from his tongue action in record time with amazing intensity!

5. Cage cumming. At times, just to drive him wild, I will take my Hitachi wand and run it on his aching balls and all over his cage. If I do this long enough, he’ll cum but I won't  always let him. If he does cum, it is basically a ruined orgasm because just before his little willy begins to spurt, I take away the vibration. Sometimes I make a game of it. I’ll tell him if he can last 5 minutes then he can get something he wants, except he can’t ask to be released. He usually doesn’t last, especially if he’s been locked up for any length of time. Remember the cum lube for masterbating? Another option if you let him cum is to rub his seed on your tits and let him suck on them - all very fun and very, very sexy!

6. Make love to your husband. Sometimes I will let him out of his cage and let him have sex until I cum. He may not cum and he locks up after I have had my orgasm. But when I tell my husband I want to make love with him, I literally want to fuck him in the ass with my strapon. Again, I’m not a dominatrix. I’m not fucking him, yelling, “take that dick bitch!” while beating his ass with a whip. We are moving lovingly and romantically. It’s me laying on his back, skin on skin grinding into him or it’s him laying on his back and we are passionately kissing while I play with his cage. There’s moaning with lots of dirty talk by me and sometimes we both cum together. I love sending him a picture of me wearing the strapon and telling him what a romantic evening I have planned.

7. When he fucks me. One of my favorite things to do, aside from getting oral pleasure is to get fucked with his strapon. I love the look of his small cage just below the dildo. I love feeling his little caged dick smacking against my ass while he’s fucking me. I love how this bigger dick feels inside me and the places it reaches. You can be sure that I’m telling my husband exactly how good this larger dildo feels and I compare his size to the dildo which drives him crazy! This excitement causes him to pound me even harder! Yes, we sometimes both grt to cum, but I cum every single time. 

8. Grab him by the balls. I like to caress his balls, especially when they are caged. They feel so full and firm! I love to squeeze them with some force at the request of my husband which I’ve really grown to love. The feeling of his 2 balls in my hand, the warmth and several nice, firm squeezes makes him moan. This also gets me turned on as well.

9. Vacations. There is daily teasing that goes on at home whenever my husband is locked up. Me brushing my ass against his cage, flashing him my tits or ass, or fondling his cage or balls. I like to keep him locked for a minimum of 2 weeks at a time or longer to get the full effect of the frustrated, horny man. I also don’t tell him how long he will be locked because it is MY decision, not his. Sometimes a vacation lands in the middle of his lock time.  First, my husband’s cage is metal and if you are going anywhere with a metal dector, like an airport, you should have a backup plastic or resin cage. Prior to leaving, I will have him switch cages to the plastic model then we’ll fly to our destination. I’ve had him caged at the beach and scuba diving, at a several weddings, 2 different countries and 4 theme parks (cages and roller coasters are amazing!). Yes, there have been times I’ve let him out on vacation and we’ve been a ‘normal couple’ which is a fun surprise for him.  But more often than not, his little boy is locked up and his mouth and hands are quite busy during most of our vacations

10. Inner bum. The art of a prostate massage can be quite pleasurable. Inside of a man’s anus, about a half of a finger length in and opposite the spine is the prostate. If massaged, it can give an intense feeling of pleasure. This is the area where the fluid of semen is produced. By massaging the prostate, you can also make him expel this fluid which appears like cum minus the sperm which are.produced in the testicles. It is amazing that you can make him “cum” several times until he has ejected all of the seminal fluids that were built up and boy is it sexy to watch. I prefer using my finger so I can feel what I am doing but they also make prostate massagers that you can insert that do the same job.

chastity has many flavors and it is important to understand exactly what flavor of chastity your slave needs in order to best exploit his desires to suit your own wants and needs.

think of chastity as the bare minimum from which additional things are added. no one, absolutely no one, is simply just into chastity. it’s always chastity AND ______.

you dont even necessarily need to be into any of these things yourself. keep in mind many of these things can often be done without actually engaging in it yourself or engaging in it in only ways you yourself want to engage. i will try to explain each and give examples. ill also preface this by saying i’m not an expert in all of these things im discussing. I may be incomplete or maybe the way i engage in it isn’t how you engage with it so take what you like and change what you want.

it is vital to find out exactly what his AND is and how to exploit it. common ANDs are:

1, chastity and denial:

• Denial of full orgasm. This does not mean that you deny sexual intimacy. On the contrary, there will be plenty of sexual intimacy, but he is denied orgasm. The thrill comes from constantly being aroused without the release of an orgasm. • This is the easiest one to do, the most universal, and likely the most important but also the one that is easily done wrong. By default, anyone interested in Chastity is interested in denial. This is obviously on a spectrum with some people only wanting to be denied for short periods of time And others wanting to be denied indefinitely.

you should be keeping your slave locked and denied an orgasm for as long as possible. How do you know when Is too long? Well, when he begs for release.. you’re probably half way there.

2, chastity and humiliation: very common. Use his status as a chastity slave to humiliate him. I’d say this is usually done through small penis humiliation (SPH) and/or emasculation. Tell him how small his penis Is and how its isn’t big enough to satisfy you anymore. If he has a larger penis then tell him you think it Is shrinking due to prolonged charity. Have him use a strapon on you that Is bigger than him and comment how it Is so much better and there is no reason to unlock him ever again. If you do unlock him for sex, tell him that he had his chance but the dildo was better and you may never unlock him again! Emasculate him by making him wear a micro cage. Tell him how cute his penis is when it Is small and locked.

3, chastity and domination: making him your slave by enforcing rule’s and punishments. Domination occurs in both the bedrooms and outside the bedroom. In the bedroom, you should be taking control. You should be initiating sex and dictating what kind of sex is being had. Tell him things. Use your words to demand he go down on you. Outside the bedroom make a literal list of rules that he must follow. have him sign it and then hang it up in your bedroom. He should be massaging you nightly, doing all the chores, making you a bath, etc all without you having to tell him because those are THE RULES BITCH!

4, chastity and feminization/sissification: a lot of guys. More than i think you could imagine, have this fantasy and chastity is often a gateway to this. Essentially you’re going to leverage his charity to “make” him do typically feminine things. Chastity by default will already make him assume a more stereotypical feminine roll. He no longer has a penis (it’s now yours!). Which means he no longer gets to fuck you the way a “real man” should and you will assume the more masculine roll (you’re the one with the penis afterall)! This will eat away at his masculinity to begin with and it will be your job to continue to chip away at it. This can be done by taking all stereotypically feminine things and making him full-fill them. His penis is locked so now you’re his only hope for sexual release. He’ll be the one left without an orgasm at the end of sex. He’ll be the one on the receiving end by taking your strapon. He’ll be the one that sucks the dick (strapon). he’ll be the one that wears the lingerie. he’ll be the passive one as you assume the masculine roll. You’ll tell him to get on the bed and bend over. You’ll be the one that gets to see his cute outfits and have him give you head. You’ll be the one that does the fucking. You’ll be the one that always orgasms first. Keep it going outside the bedroom too. Have him wear panties/lingeire under his work clothes, paint his toe nails to match, etc …

5, chastity and cuckolding: very simple but a big jump for many. Essential you lock him in chastity and then have an open marriage where you’re allowed or encouraged to fuck other guys. Many are into it. Many aren’t. Better make sure he’s actually into this one before continuing.

I found this somehwere and posted on Facebook exactly nine years ago today.

I came across such a good list describing the benefits of male chastity it would be a shame to lose it. 

1. You are not punishing your man - you are protecting him from his perfectly normal lack of self-control.

2. You are not denying him sexual pleasure. In fact, when you do release him from his male chastity belt, sex will feel better for him and his orgasms will become much more intense.

3. You are not denying yourself the sex life you deserve. While he’s locked up he’ll use his mouth and fingers to provide you with sexual satisfaction on a regular basis. And, there are ways that you have satisfying penetrative sex while he is still under lock and key.

4. Men will try to claim they need to have regular orgasms to stay healthy. This simply isn’t true. They do need to have ejaculations every so often; but you can make this happen in a matter of minutes without him getting an erection or having an orgasm.

5. Hundreds of thousands of married couples are in the male chastity lifestyle. It’s not kinky. In fact, the odds are that several of your friends already have their husband’s crown jewels locked away.

6. When done correctly, your man will feel more loved by you than he did before male chastity became a part of your life. In fact, most men eventually thank their wives for insisting on the lifestyle.

7. While at first you’ll only keep him locked up for a few days at a time, eventually he should be restricted to eight to 12 orgasms a year. This is more than enough.

Have you ever wanted something, like a bouquet of flowers, a present, or even a surprise night out? How do you go about telling someone that you want them to surprise you and, yet, it still be a surprise? Think about it for a moment. If you tell your hubby that you want him to surprise you with a bouquet of flowers and the very next night, low and behold, he brings home a beautiful bouquet. Be honest. Was it really the surprise you hoped it would be? Or was it more a let-down because you just told him what you wanted. The surprise was gone, wasn’t it? And the fun right along with it…

Well, there are things your partner would love for you to do, but… (And here’s the rub) he cannot tell you what they are. If he does, it would simply not be as much fun or exciting when you do it. It’s kind of a conundrum. If he doesn’t tell, you may never think of it on your own, or you might think he wouldn’t enjoy that sort of thing, so you won’t want to push him into it without asking first. But then, asking ruins it too…

So how can he tell you what he wants you to do to him, if he can’t come right out and say it? There is only one sure way I know of. Fantasies! You, as his Mistress (or whatever you call yourself), must pay close attention to the fantasies he tells you. Or, if it is you telling the fantasy, pay attention to the things he says he finds erotic. It’s really that simple…

But the main thing to remember is that you are the one who needs to pay attention when he tells you a fantasy and when you tell him one. Okay, maybe you are not big on telling fantasies, but you can certainly find a story or two for him to read, can’t you? That’s all it takes. Understanding what your subby-hubby enjoys is up to you. He can’t tell you…

My recommendation? Have him read a lot of stories and tell you what he likes best in them. Then you can surprise him sometime by doing one or more of those things.

(The following is an insightful piece written by Tumbelina, a lady who is very much a converted chastity advocate)

The funny thing is that the sight of a cock lock and the idea of male chastity, would make even the most open minded vanilla person cringe. Most view this concept as a twisted fetish, very one sided by way of benefits for a woman, and as being cruel to endure on a man’s part.

However, what many fail to see is that Mother Nature by default causes an imbalance in relationships between a man and a woman. Women are at a disadvantage, and by design the male sex libido prevents a man from fully investing in a relationship to the extent a woman does. He is unable to do so, because he requires a part of himself to be reserved for his own sexual needs and his impulsive self gratification cycle. This cycle in itself, comes with chemical changes in the body, of which cause a diminished level of investment on his part.

If more vanilla people knew this, women would be running out and buying cock locks like they did back when they lost their minds over 50 Shades of Grey. Vanilla men don’t want women to catch on to this, as their relationships would cause them to divorce their dicks or risk divorcing their wives.

How does male chastity benefit an everyday normal relationship outside of sexual? The biggest benefit is the side effects and resulting symptoms of abstinence from masturbation, that lend themselves as positives to the relationship. Men may not see these as positive benefits, but the fact that it provides for true will power and it refines a man’s behavioral psyche…

You see, the process of masturbation involves a mental compulsion, that prompts a physical sexual impulsiveness… It’s actually a very primal behavior and equivalent to the level of an animalistic mentality. Altering the course of this cycle produces more refined and sophisticated human behaviors. It allows for a transferring of resources to the emotional part of the brain, and it prompts a man to seek out fulfillment on a deeper level. It essentially bypasses the dick drain distraction, and allows for the brain to become more aware of its surroundings. It’s almost like turning down the blaring stereo music, and finally realizing that hey ‘listen, I hear birds chirping outside!’… A sound that went unrecognized when the self serving dick rock concert played on infinite repeat lol…

The biggest benefactor that not many people realize?

Male masturbation creates an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very self sufficient and self serving way. Chastity helps remove this barrier and causes a man to have a deeply rooted dependency for his spouse. With masturbation, a man’s emotional offerings are at a level that’s considered sufficient for a male, but insufficient on a female level. Chastity ups a man’s offerings to the level a female requires in order to feel ultimate fulfillment. The very reason why women are known as naggers, always wanting more… ‘It’s never good enough’ is because of the masturbation barrier… If this was not a factor, women would not be associated with these undesirable traits because we’d be much more content. Women wouldn’t feel the need to ‘fight for their food’ and look to secure their emotional meals.

These female feedings do not exclude sex! Chastity forces a man to become truly invested in her pleasures. Men are naturally known to be pleasers in bed… Many men I’ve known have had the mentality ‘I’ll make you come and when you’re done I’ll come’… That’s a considerate male… At best… Understand that this mentality is STILL SELF SERVING on a man’s part! He requires this to stroke his ego. A man needs to feel as though he’s taken care of business, and then gotten his too by getting physical gratification. Once again, it’s double feedings for his needs, and most often she’s faking the orgasms to help stroke him even more. Our emotional ego is tied into our sexual one, whether we’re having sex or saying ‘I love you’ our core needs are being nurtured. This is why a woman is at a disadvantage as she loses out overall.

Masturbation in a relationship is selfish and self serving on a man’s part… Chastity allows for balance and is a selfless act that a man should be willing to embrace if he truly loves his spouse and wants her to find ultimate fulfillment and happiness. When it comes to a woman’s emotional needs, her cup is never full if masturbation is a factor. Chastity increases a man’s tolerance and it neutralizes his male aggressiveness… It also satisfies a woman to the extent that it neutralizes her excessive needs and the feeling that she has to chase down her emotional and sexual meals… There would be a lot more successful relationships and happier couples if the masturbation barrier didn’t exist.

Think about this for a moment…

Sex means the most to a man (as it ties to his emotional ego) and emotional fulfillment means the most to a woman (as it ties to her sexuality) … As a man, Imagine what it would be like if your sex life lacked fulfillment? Your spouse could never quite deliver the quality of sex that makes you feel content… And it was always just ok and sufficient cause there’s no other option… But deep down you know it could be better? This is the exact situation a woman encounters in a relationship, when it comes to her emotional needs. Her emotional fulfillment threshold is at a female level, yet his offerings are limited to the male threshold that he himself finds sufficient… And it’s due to the energy he must reserve for the personal relationship he has with his penis. Men always have this expectation that it’s a woman’s duty to deliver the goods and take care of a man’s needs, if she expects him to stay invested and not stray… Yet a woman is expected to stay equally invested regardless of the level of emotional fulfillment….

He still gets to have his self serving sexual gratification cycle on the side and offer only the left over energy and resources available… While she remains fully invested at all times. The reality is even if a woman engages in masturbation, it does not have the same chemical effects to her female brain and body, and she is able to maintain full investment in the relationship.

Kind of a double standard don’t you think? If a man has those expectations of a woman, he should be willing to hand over all of his sexual/emotional energy and invest it ALL into the relationship. Lastly, the reason why men are viewed as more independent than women is because they have the ability to fully satisfy their most primary need (being sex) all on their own. The idea that they need not depend on a woman for the one thing they cannot live without.

Women on the other hand, are incapable of serving their most primary need (being emotional) without the help of their male spouse. He holds the key to her ultimate fulfillment, and he also holds the key to his own ultimate fulfillment. This is why men have the upper hand as being the more dominant sex. Yes, women are a male weakness… But it’s a desire not a need. Chastity equalizes that all…. As long as men have access to masturbation, they never truly have both feet invested in a relationship and to the point of dependency. Chastity evens out the playing field and allows for a fair game with no one side having an upper advantage over the other.

In a man’s defense, he cannot be faulted for this… As he himself has no control over the male sex brains compulsions and resulting impulsive behaviors. However, a man does have control over the choices he makes to help bypass and remedy this cycle. Making the ultimate sacrifice that allows him to become fully invested in the relationship.

The first time and you feel awful.  It hurts you as he begs and tells you how much he needs it.  As he curses and his hand shakes as you make him put his cock away.  As he wheedles and tries to undermine your command and you aren’t so sure anymore this is what he wants, but you shore up and are firm and you tell him how it will be.  

It turns out he loves you for it.  It drives him mad.  Hearing stern rules almost makes him cum on the spot untouched.  Being denied fuels him in a way you can’t quite comprehend, and this first time as you fight guilt and relief in equal measure you don’t enjoy the power.

Oh but the next time… the next time you barely breathe in his direction and he’s hard?  You work him up with such little effort to the point where he tells you he needs to cum, asks you to cum… and this time you deny him with a smile.  This time the commands fly off your tongue.  This time wonderfully evil ideas spin through your mind and sorting through to pluck only one or two this time occupies far too much of your time.  You are soaked through.  

It is not just a no for now.  It is a no for the afternoon.  It is a no for the evening.  It is a no as you cum and he listens.  It is a no as you send him favorite porn of his.  It is a no as you let him choose what toy you will masturbate with.  It is a no as others tease him.  It is a no as you cum again.  A world of denial coming easily, and with each no his desperation is evident, but he doesn’t fight it.  He’s so grateful.  Drowning in lust and hotness and your attention.  Denied but not forgotten.  Allowed to edge and edge so pleasure builds, if not release.  

…. and even now, when his time limit has expired, his torment set to end, she breathes huskily in to his mouth. “Are you sure baby?….. are you sure? Do you really want all of this to end…. or, do you want more?”

He moans, he whimpers, his mind far too broken to be able to think clearly…. all that exists is her wickedly swirling hand, her lips so close, her breasts grazing his chest. “You can have more baby, all you have to do is ask…. tell me that you don’t want this to end…. not yet…. beg me to make you wait….”

To her delight he does exactly that. Mindless, incoherent, broken…. he begs for more as he sinks deeper…. pleading with her to make this sweet torment last…. to not release him from this sensual hell of desperation where he is now helplessly trapped.

Now, her triumph over him is complete…. his addiction to her unwavering. “Mmm hmm, yes baby….. I promise, you can have more…. so much more…..”