Thoughts of a dominant/submissive switch

originally from the Disciplinary Wives' Club

via whatmakesaspanko (deactivated)

About three weeks ago I had a heart to heart discussion with my husband. I told him that after his years of asking me to spank him as part of our sex life I would consider doing so, but not as a prelude to sex. His only spanking would be as a disciplinary measure when I felt he was behaving in an inappropriate manner. If he could agree to this concept I would begin spanking him that evening. He agreed not really knowing what I really had in mind. (I had already found a good spanking tool. It was an old long handled “luffa” brush. The handle is fifteen inches long and the business end is about 3×4 inches. I removed the “luffa” scrub part).

About 9PM that evening we retired to our bedroom and I asked him if he still agreed to my terms. He said yes. We have a large wooden chest at the foot of our bed on which I sat down. I asked him to stand beside me and lower his pants and underwear. I told him to lay across my knees and thighs and once the spanking began he was not to move or attempt to stop his punishment or the spanking would last longer and be much harder. During this first session I gave him about thirty strokes with my brush handle. His rear was bright red and he squirmed a great deal. Once I was finished I asked him to stand beside the bed facing away from me. I left the room and returned in about fifteen minutes. I asked him was he still willing to conform to my spanking requirements. He agreed.

However, the most interesting part took place five days later. I must share this because it really showed me things were turning around. We were at a party on Friday evening. It was at a neighbor’s home about three houses down the block from our home. My husband had one too many drinks and made several off color remarks. In the past I might have been embarassed and said nothing. This time I went to him and told him to excuse himself as we had to go home to get something. He looked at me with a slightly surprised and alarmed look.

When we stepped outside the door I told him he was to go home immediately where I would administer a severe spanking for his boorish behavior.

We went home and I took him to our bedroom. After taking off my jacket I had him lower his pants and underwear and lay across my thighs. I spanked him for ten or fifteen minutes as hard as I could swing that brush. His rear was a bright purple red color and tears streamed down his face. I told him to get dressed as we were going back to the party. He was to be on his very best behavior or the next spanking would be much worse. He stood by my side and never sat down, but was a model husband. I was very proud of him and myself for mastering this situation.

He is more helpful and loving in every way he can be. I have spanked him twice since that fateful night and both times his pain was great, but his demeanor was wonderful.

I want to thank you for opening up this new part of my life.

As Ever,

Then, the other day, I was in the waiting room at my dentist’s, half-heartedly scanning an article about education in the nineteen fifties, in a magazine I wouldn’t normally read when, turning the page, my eyes collided with this enchanting picture of a schoolboy in short trousers, bending over the back of a wooden chair, while behind him stood a thrillingly strict-looking female teacher with a large plimsoll, very like the one my Mistress keeps for me in her kitchen.

I was instantly aroused. Unfortunately, I was not alone on the waiting room. Otherwise, I would have stuffed the magazine into my briefcase and taken it home with me, to bathe in the intoxicating pleasure of that image and its accompanying text. I imagined myself as the boy in the picture, with the hard wooden frame pressing into my stomach, rather than my Mistress’s lovely thighs. Was that some kind of betrayal?

When I saw her next, I described this picture to her, in detail, pleading with her to re-enact the scene with me.

“My knees not good enough for you now?” She remarked, looking sternly at me.

“No, Mistress!” I wailed, stricken with fear that I might be permanently banished from her lap. “You know it’s not like that!”

“Well, “ she said, doubtfully. “You’ll have to supply your own shorts.”

I flung my arms around her neck and kissed her passionately on the cheek, in gratitude. It was an effort for her to disentangle herself from my arms, chiding me for my over-familiarity. I apologised profusely to her, got down on my knees and kissed her adorable toes instead; a mark of esteem that I know she regards as much more appropriate to one of my station.

“Oh, thank you, Mistress.” I sighed. “Thank you!”

I was then soundly spanked for my impropriety and had to stand up all the way home afterwards on the tube.

Being something of a hoarder, I still have an old school uniform in the back of my wardrobe. When I got home, I fished it out and tried it on. To my great joy (I’ve kept my youthful figure!) it still fitted. Unfortunately, the grey flannel trousers were long, with turn ups at the bottom of the legs, rather than the short ones I really wanted. This wasn’t quite the image I was striving for.

But I’m quite handy with needle and scissors, and I managed to cut down the trousers and hem them. Though I say it myself, when I’d finished, they looked quite convincing as the sort of short trousers that would have been suitable for a Junior School boy in about 1960.

I didn’t dare wear my uniform on public transport, however. I decided to change into it when I got to my Mistress’s residence. I got there rather late, so she was already quite cross with me, clutching the slipper as she opened the front door.

“You’d better get a move on, if you’re hoping to put that uniform on.” She said, impatiently, patting her thigh with the slipper in a rather threatening manner.

She made me get changed in front of her, which was a bit embarrassing. She does not like to be kept waiting at the best of times, but I was all fingers and thumbs and it seemed to take me ages before I was properly dressed.

“If you’re not ready in one more minute, young man,” she warned me, while I was knotting my red school tie with the thin white stripes, “never mind the slipper, it’ll be my heavy prison strap you’ll be getting across those delicate white thighs of yours!”

Although he whined in disbelief as he protested he knew better than to resist as his girlfriend secured his wrists behind him to the back of the chair.

"Oh honey, hush. It's no big deal, Beth knows all about our relationship. She and I talked about it before you and I started down this road. She thinks it's sexy."

"What?? Are you serious? What do you mean.... she knows? How much does she know??"

Laughing softly she brushed her fingers lightly through her boyfriend's hair, his body now securely bound to the chair. "Everything, silly. She thinks it's sweet that you're so crazy about me that you agreed to cum only when I let you."

"Oh my god, oh my god... I don't believe this," he whimpered beneath his breath.

Looking down at him with her eyes sparkling wickedly she purred, "Aww, don't be that way. She thinks it's hot that I've kept you simmering on edge for two weeks and that I'm putting you through one last day of torment before finally putting you out of your misery tonight."

Just then the doorbell rang and with panic on his face he pleaded, "Baby please no?? Just... we can wait until you get back... please?!"

Smiling she calmly replied, "Relax honey, it'll be fine. I can't help it that I got called in to work. I should only be gone a couple hours."

Already she was on her way to the door, opening it and inviting her best friend inside. His face blushed three shades of red when he saw a hint of a smirk on Beth's face as she made no attempt to conceal how her gaze was already roaming his bound body with predatory lust.

"Hi sweetie," she said with a smile. "How are you today?"

He was temporarily rendered speechless at how surreal this whole series of events felt. Emma came to his rescue, looking at her best friend and explaining, "He's feeling a little shy and nervous," standing behind him and running her fingers through his hair.

Beth cocked her head sympathetically and stepped forward, not stopping until her legs were straddling one of his thigh. He now found himself sandwiched between the two women, gazing directly in to Beth's cleavage.

Her hand gently caressed his voice, her voice cooing, "Aww, are you nervous cutie? Don't worry, we're gonna have such a nice time together. I know exactly what Emma wants, everything's going to be fine."

She smiled at his soft whimper, then looked at Emma and quietly said, "Don't worry, just go. I've got this."

Emma nodded, leaned down and kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and purred, "Be a good boy for Beth while I'm gone, sweetheart. I'll be back as soon as I can."

And just like that, he found himself alone with his girlfriend's best friend who was gazing down at him wickedly, her eyes sparkling with lust.

"Mmm, it looks like you're all mine now, hmm?," she teased.

Swallowing hard, all he could manage was to nod his head.

Looking down at him she murmured, "I think it's so hot what she's doing to you. Getting you all worked up every day but not letting you cum.... keeping you hard and excited... getting you nice and close to cumming but never quite letting you.... I love it."

"Oh god," he whimpered, his mind starting to reel.

Speaking softly, she purred, "I bet she's making your balls fill up with so much cum, huh?.... are they achy?... is Beth giving you a nice case of blue balls, sweetie?"

"Yessss," he admitted softly.

"Poor baby," she cooed with mock sympathy. "Can I tell you a secret?," she added mischievously.

"Uh huhhh," he replied, having no choice in the matter.

Leaning down she touched her lips to his ear and whispered, "Emma wants me to make it worse for you, so much worse. She wants me to keep your poor cock as hard... and as desperate... and as close to cumming all afternoon."

"Oh my god, Beth please?? I ache so bad already," he pleaded.

"Mmm, I know you do, baby... and it's so fucking hot. I love it so much," she purred, moving down to her knees between his legs.

Beth gazed ahead, loving how his cock was already straining and throbbing in his shorts even before she started with him. Reaching back she began to put her hair up into a pony tail, readying herself to put this helpless man through the most merciless, most agonizing cock teasing she'd ever done to a man.

"Just sit back and breathe, sweetie. There's nothing you can do to stop me, and Emma wants you to be a desperate, broken wreck of a man by the time she gets home. We mustn't disappoint her, hmm?"

His eyes widened in disbelief, watching her hands at work.

Once she'd completed putting her hair up in a ponytail her hands began to creep up his thighs, her voice teasing, "Mmm, now I'm ready. How about you, baby? Are you ready for me?"

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined”. It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant or unfinished. It's also often called a "touchless orgasm", which is more accurate I believe.

"Ruined" is simply inaccurate. A perfectly “ruined” orgasm is still an orgasm! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL – especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking! Males have been giving themselves orgasms for many years, but one thing that it is basically impossible for them to do is give themselves a "ruined orgasm". This, among other things, is what makes it so mind-blowing.

The basic concept is very simple, in theory at least. Let’s say that his point of no return (the precise moment, no matter what happens, once reached, the body gives the “kick-off” and inevitably triggers the orgasm) is very precisely seven minutes, then you must stimulate him for just under seven minutes (and not a second more). At that moment, release his nub and absolutely stop all your stimulation. As long as he doesn’t receive physical stimulation, his orgasmic reflexes will lead him straight to a ruined orgasm. Mission accomplished!

The key to a ruined orgasm is to find the right moment to interrupt the stimulation. Instead of “letting go at the last second”, you can stop much sooner. The goal is to leave him on the verge of orgasm, as if time were suspended, for as long as possible before his body triggers the ejaculatory reflexes. If you do it correctly his semen should just flow effortlessly drip down along his straining nub.

Do you see that “floating” moment, the time it takes for the semen to flow without caressing it? If so, congratulations, you’ve done it!

Benefits of a Ruined Orgasm

If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just ejaculated. Ruined orgasms are great when you want to give him an orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless orgasm.

He will experience no 'refractory period' after a ruined orgasm. Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to lose his erection and enter what  is called the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated.

His recover period will be MUCH quicker, and if you have sex after a ruined orgasm, he will last must longer too!

Most of the benefits of a long period in chastity (for you - i.e. motivation, energy, increased oxytocin etc) will not be lost after a ruined orgasm.

How to give a Ruined Orgasm

I'll start by saying that there is no 'one right way'. But this is what I like to do...

SETUP:

Tell him to lie down on his back.

Ideally, restrain his hands behind his back, or tell him to lie on his hands. Most males can't be trusted to not touch their nub at the crux of the ruined orgasm! Tell him he is at no point allowed to touch his (your!) nub. Throw in a blindfold for fun, if you feel like it.

Tell him you are going to give him a ruined orgasm, and that he should not cum until you tell him he can.

TIP: If you don't feel like direct skin contact or don't want any 'mess', tell him to wear tight lycra shorts or swim briefs, and then stroke him through the fabric, rather than have him completely naked.

PROCESS:

With your male on his back, take one hand (i.e. my left hand), and grip his balls and pull them away from his body until his penis is pointing up at almost 90 degrees.

With your right hand's index finger, stroke upwards (from the balls to the tip of the nub) slowly and deliberately. his most sensitive part is the area on the underside of his nub just before the tip. Stop just short of this area. It's much harder for a male to orgasm with an upward stroke as opposed to a downward one.

Keep this motion up for a while. Don't speed up - slow and steady is what you want, so that you don't drive him over the edge too quickly.

Every 10-15 strokes, slowly rub the sensitive area a few times, or gave a few circles along the head of his nub, and then to go back to the slow upward stroking motion.

If you feel his balls contract, or his nub twitches, let go with both hands immediately. Tell him to not cum - "no cumming... don't cum yet". Or you can ask him to announce when he is getting close. When he says "I'm close", let go with both hands. Count to 20, and then pull his balls away again and start with the slow upward motion.

Eventually (or soon, depending on the lockup period!), even letting go completely will cause him to go over the edge. Don't stimulate him at all at this point. The cum should ooze gently from the tip of his nub and down the shaft - no spurting, no major twitching... a perfectly ruined orgasm.

ADDED EXTRA: The second you see any cum being released, tap / slap his balls with the flat of your hand for 20-30 seconds or until all of the cum has been released. Be careful not to touch the penis at this point, only the balls.

Tell him to clean up and re-lock his nub immediately.

Bravo - you've done it!

As mentioned, everyone does it differently, but this is a basic 101! Trust me, he will be begging you for more in no time!!

Pro Tip: If your male is caged and you don't wish to unlock him for a ruined orgasm, use a vibrator or vibrating massager and simply place it on the base ring of his cage, underneath his balls. The vibrations will eventually bring him to the point of orgasm. Ensure he tells you when he is close to climax. At this point, stop the vibrations and cease all contact. If you time it right, his cum with leak out of the front of the cage in a perfectly ruined orgasm.

Stumbled on a good resource on Medium.com I thought worth sharing:

One of the hardest things about male chastity is actually getting your man to stop himself from cumming.

My husband and I, have found a simple way to do this. First comes the strategy, and then there is are specific tactics within the strategy.

The strategy is easy: he’s found it’s easier for him not to have an orgasm when he imagines it as a ‘cliff’ he’s going to go over.

And once he knows where that ‘edge’ is, then it’s much easier to back away from it (obviously); but it’s also easier then to avoid with subsequent edging. That’s the really important thing because it means we can make love and play for a long time without having to worry about him being too excited to carry on without having an orgasm.

The trick (he says) is knowing how to find the edge, recognise it when it’s approaching and not go flying over it in his enthusiasm.

So now we come to the orgasm denial tactics.

Remember: the point of ‘no return’ is the edge.

So as he’s approaching it he mentally maps his orgasm and how far he is from it onto a path to the edge of the cliff. He literally sees this path in his mind’s eye and imagines himself walking along it.

Now, if you’re going to ask me exactly how he does this, I can’t answer because I’m not in his head. But this is how he describes it to me and I can say two things for sure:

It takes practice. And you’re better erring on the side of ‘safety’.

It works. The chances of him cumming when he’s not supposed to are vanishingly small now. This is A Good Thing, for two reasons: first, we can have a lot more fun and do more things without worrying; and secondly, it makes my teasing of him much more worthwhile because I can push him further.

By working as a team it’s possible for me to take him to that edge and back over and over again before calling it a day.

And like anything, the more you do it, the better at it you’re going to get.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking all or even most of the fun of chastity is to be found in tease and denial, because if you’re not serving her desires and worshiping her body then you’re missing out on some of the most exquisite torture you can imagine. My favorite rapidly became the strapon — almost as good as the real thing and certainly good enough for long term orgasm denial.

Bottom line: your man does not need to orgasm.

He may want to, and there are reasons you might sometimes allow it (and some fiendish ways of doing it for him), but when it comes down to it he doesn’t need to orgasm, ever.