your mom, bro

do you ever sit there in your bed with your head in your hands and it's like you can just imagine 9 swords behind you

#the worst is when a kid fucking dies #and his parents try to raise awareness that your kid could fucking die #but all they get is other parents telling them their kid died because he was bad at football

our new job launched its mandatory ai transcription program designed to streamline our workflow and not only does it melt down the moment it has to transcribe non-white customers but it keeps hallucinating the existence of a mysterious boy named dorian who shows up in every third call summary

caller got into a car accident on their way to work? their nonexistant son dorian was hurt. got kicked out of a bar and broke their ankle? their son dorian was the one who broke it. i now spend more time having to de-dorian the call summary than if i had just written it myself. really funny. we're required to use this now

The Picture of Dorian GrAI

Woman murders man in broad daylight

Always reblog this queen of burns the dude didn't even realise happened

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

#really cannot emphasize enough how much iguanamouth changed the site’s sense of humor and therefore the timeline of the western world

adhd is so funny it's like being possessed but with myself

The issue with the daylight savings time change is that people aren't used to falling back an hour or springing forward an hour, and people struggle as they take the time to adjust. But of course, if you only do something twice a year you'll never develop a talent for it. You need to practice if you really want to be good at something! Under my proposal, which absolutely everyone will hate,

If I was in a fanfiction and started coughing up flowers while working at a flower shop (because this is a flower shop au) I would NOT connect my crush on the tattoo artist next door to the flower cough situation. I would freak the fuck out and think the pollen at work was doing some Last of Us shit to me, quit my job and move FAR away. inadvertently my flame for the tattoo artist would fade with distance, solving my hanahaki situation and proving my 'the flowers were trying to turn me into a plant zombie' theory

Dear Lord please not this post. I promise I'm cooler than this

you’re fucked. man

Dropped her like a brick lol, that's how you know she's actually a serious activist, good on her