Hannah No

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

It's so funny to see people ship other characters with Imodna (ship and let ship this is not an anti post like witches be bitches are cute AF but not my cup of tea) because Beauyasha or Perc'ahlia for example have (for me) "We Saw You From Across the Bar and Really Dig Your Vibe" feel while Imodna seems so possessive and jealous that I can't imagine them adding someone even for a night. Like they are too obsessed with each other like Imogen looks like she'd electrocute someone for wanting Laudna and Laudna seems like she'd be screaming, crying throwing up the moment someone showed interest in Imogen.

Chappell Roan was right. it is like a hundred ninety nine degrees

when i was a kid my parents bought me an inflatable doll of the Scream by Edvard Munch (??) that was significantly taller than i was at the time and i used to slow-dance with it and pretend it was my boyfriend. It had its hands attached to its head obviously so it felt like he was always a bit horrified to be forced to dance with me

I love this website I love it when people tell us what's wrong with them

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because my parents joked so many times about returning me to the child store I decided to void the warranty.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was my dad complained about women in golf so much I knew it was a sure fire way to make him stop trying to teach me golf.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because I'm really supportive of my wife but I wanted to make shopping for their tampons feel less awkward.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was to prove to a point about the ending of the Scottish play to my 8th grade English teacher.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because slutty shorts for men went out of style and I couldn't give them up.

Have you considered doing standup comedy?

I prefer to sit.

Well then have you considered sit down comedy?

For sure, every time I stand up for open mic night, they says to me "sit back down."

This feels like a fun alternative to "do you want to know how I got these scars?"

I very much also have scars, but everyone knows I got them in an explosion.

they teach you the golden rule, treat others how you want to be treated, but in a pinch you can apply the silver rule (be kinda selfish because you’ve earned it) or even the bronze rule (manipulate others purely for your benefit).

There's also the stone rule: Just start hitting people.

that’s right

i’ve been so well-behaved i deserve to light things on fire now

the mexican football team has a 17 yrs old player and one of the funniest outcomes of this is that he cannot appear in any ad for gambling or drinking so he only appears in candy and milk advertisements. his first world cup and he's not even legally allowed to drive. his nickname is "morita" (little berry). he's three apples tall.

Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.

Untie yourself from that altar right now.

Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.

That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.

Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.

Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.