Douma_s_eyes

Warning: Crack shit

Tim (who just told Bernard that he was Robin and now he's scared that the other might react because of his lies and stuff and he expects anger or even heartbreak): Listen... Bear... I'm so-

Bernard (who already suspected Tim was Robin and isn't all that surprised): Mhm, mhm. Ok ok, Anyways-

Tim (confused): Wait- Yo- You're not mad?

Bernard (sighs and just takes a step towards Tim): I am worried for you and your... crimefighting thing, but... I understand why you had to lie, despite it hurting a bit... I seriously understand.

Tim: I didn't- mean for it to-

Bernard (blinks cause he realises that the other is genuienly worried that the secret just jepordized their entire relationship): Woah- Tim- Calm down and Listen- Yes, I'm a bit hurt you didn't tell me but at the exact same time I understand and while I'm worried about you being a vigilante, it's more about your safety than anything else.

-----

Tim (sitting on top of the T-rex in the batcave hugging his knees): ...

Damian and Bruce (who just entered the batcave to do some exercise): ...

Bruce (confused): Tim? What are you doing here?

Damian: Aren't you supposed to be with your boyfrie-

Duke (interrupts Damian): He's running away from Bernard.

Bruce: What? Why?

Duke opens his mouth to say something before hearing thunderous footsteps down to the batcave.

Bernard (voice with thinly covered anger): Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne.

Damian (muttering under his breath): Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Bernard (now standing below the T-rex and glaring up at Tim with pure anger): ...

Tim (genuine fear): ...

Bruce: What happ-

Bernard (snaps): WHAT HAPPENED IS THAT SOMEBODY HERE DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO NOT THAW THE FUCKASS CHICKEN WHEN I TOLD HIM I NEEDED HIM TO AND ALSO SIMULTANEOUSLY DECIDED THAT HE WAS GOING TO REARRANGE THE FUCKASS SPICE CABINET BY FUCKING COLOUR.

Bernard points at Tim.

Bernard: SO IF THAT BASTARD DOESN'T COME DOWN, I WILL PERSONALLY PULL HIS GUTS OUT THROUGH HIS EARS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.

Tim (peaks over to look at Bernard): Oh no... the batsigna-

Bernard: It's the middle of the day, I am NOT falling for that shit and if you don't get down here and face the consequences of your actions-

Tim (screaming): YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME WITH THE FROZEN CHICKEN-

Bernard (screaming back while holding the frozen chicken in one of his hands): THE FROZEN CHICKEN THAT YOU FORGOT TO THAW-

Damian: not my circus, not my monkeys, not my circus, not my monk-

you’re telling me there was ACTUAL precedence for this panel??

Yeah, I always think there's something interesting to explore, there, in the way Peter's views on Johnny's history change when they cross the boundary from friendship to romance. And I think there's a really fun model to his protectiveness here, too, where if we're using his previous relationships as a baseline, then he's so, so gentle with his partner when they're hurting, and he's such an attack dog to anyone he views as infringing on their privacy.

"I wish you'd let me do something about that jerk!" (ASM #326) "(ASM #326) This is after MJ was kidnapped by a man named Jonathan Caesar who was obsessed with her, who then conspired to destroy her modeling and acting career because he couldn't have her.

"Look, "Bart" ... and try to grasp this one... she is not going to back into model --" (ASM Annual #35) And then after a different, later kidnapping, when MJ was being hounded by the press even though she said she was quitting modeling, Peter did not handle the press trying to spin it as a publicity stunt very well. So we know how he reacts in these kinds of situations, but I also think it being such a new relationship where he's kind of doing the super fast math in his head and reevaluating a bunch of stuff from his and Johnny's shared past, is going to put him on overdrive. Congratulations, Johnny, that's a boyfriend and a self-appointed bodyguard and a Belgian Malinois rolled into one.

But also with both the Lyja and Sky incidents, there's a writing thing that happens that I absolutely hate, where the rest of the Fantastic Four kind of treat this as a "two sides" situation where Johnny is as equally at fault/responsible. Which, if I'm being generous, is a failure on the writers' parts to recognize exactly what they've written. And like, that's being very generous, because a lot of this is really blatant.

From FF #357, the issue where the Lyja reveal happens -- separating someone from their family is very textbook. So it requires a lot of suspension of disbelief that nobody clued into what they were writing, or that they were writing it completely unintentionally.

But more specifically, I'm talking about the scene where Lyja reveals the egg baby was a lie and a man-eating monster that would have attempted to kill everyone in the Baxter Building and Johnny finally loses it and leaves rather than have to see Lyja anymore. After that, Sue offers Lyja a place to stay in the Baxter Building, and that's always just been such a wild writing choice to me. I can kind of write it off because Sue is going through her own (literally personality altering) stuff during this period, but it's still kind of like. Really. And it's just a terrible writing choice to me that I'm always kind of trying to work around in my mind, but then the Sky arc kind of doubles down on it. Again, I don't think anything that happens there is as bad as what happens with Lyja, but there still weren't steps taken to have Johnny's back. I would, at the very least, have had the other three try to make sure that he could get that soulmate bracelet off on his own terms, and not let him be dependent on someone else's will.

Roy, currently pressed against a wall with a gun under his chin: are- are you flirting with me or are you threatening me?

Jason, leaning closer: how bout you take a wild guess, Harper?