I don’t understand the hate Tony gets for his mentoring relationships, because I am constantly in awe of how Tony has triumphed over the child abuse he suffered at the hands of his own father by constantly self-checking himself and trying to be a better man.
Tony had a very cold and detached father–one who cared more about Steve Rogers than his own son. This emotional neglect permanently affected how Tony operated. Even though Tony yearned strongly for physical and emotional affection, he kept himself aloof as a way of protecting himself from hurt. Tony was a “playboy” not because he enjoyed it (as shown in a deleted scene in Iron Man), but he shied away from commitment because he didn’t feel worthy of someone’s unconditional love. Like… that’s why Tony pined for Pepper, but never actually made a move. He thought he wasn’t good enough for her, and it was easier to keep brief moments of physical affection from random people than actually opening up his heart for what would surely be unavoidable heartbreak.
Because if his own father didn’t love him, why would anyone else?
In spite of all this emotional scar tissue, Tony has healed and grown. He has opened up his heart to love, even if it has gotten him wounded. He’s tried to forge connections, even if they’ve blow up in his face. He recognizes his own troubling tendencies to mimic his dad’s harsh parenting, and actively tries to be better even if he doesn’t quite know what good parenting is because he’s never experienced it for himself. Think about that: Tony has no frame of reference, but, even so, he has proven he’s better than Howard.
And now? Tony actually feels strong enough to brave becoming a father himself–even if that has to terrify the shit out of him, the fear of not knowing if he’ll be like his own father, but he’s going to try–just as he always does.
