I swear to drunk I'm not God

daniel’s professional reputation in-universe must be fucking crazy because he’s a two-time pulitzer winner who suddenly wrote a gay porno claiming that vampires were real and then filmed a cash-grab documentary about the barely popular tribute band for his book that ended in a politically motivated anti-vampire assassination. AND THEN he chose to promote that documentary on his youtube channel by doing a couples vlog with the villain character from his vampire novel (in the sun mind you) who said “by the way that rockstar is actually alive and being molested by his mother. here’s footage!” like have they called for a wellness check or rescinded his pulitzer yet or what

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

that's MS. substance abuser to you

sorry women sorry sorry sorry you can kick me really hard in the head

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.

Armand using facial recognition software on his iPad is so fucking funny. He’s such an iPad kid he couldn’t even go to a real ass computer to track down Fraudia.

Lestat sucked a gen z's blood once and now can't stop saying internet slang slightly wrong and putting it in other people's mouths. This is why Daniel keeps saying insane buzz words this season and why Armand said girly

no you do not need to hold fictional characters "accountable". they are not real.

This is kinda ominous ngl

Gotta compliment him on his reflexes. No hesitation. Just described exactly what he was seeing, regardless of what it was.

[VD: A weatherman is giving a report and pointing to a map, saying "feel like temperatures really take a tumble too, because after the storm-" before he is interrupted by the screen going black and then displaying a picture of some baby spinach. He says, "um," then immediately points to the screen and confidently announces, "this is baby spinach." /End VD]