Depressing General Grievous Headcanon Depository

“look brother! credits! we can steal these and become rich!”

AND THE ONLY RESPONSE HE GETS FROM MAUL IS:

artfight in 3 weeks and team reveal in 24 hours, i had to redesign Lyn because her poncho changed and i plan on adding her anyway..

Emperor Porcelain Sheen, alicorn lord of darkness! He holds his wings forward to substitute arms after learning from the centaur mage Plagueis.

I was hesitant to write Maul because I’m not as autistic about him as I am with General Grievous but watching Shadow Lord gave me enough confidence that I would be comfortable winging it. I do want to write this fic but I also may never get around to it, so I’m doing a bullet point fic outline lol.

TL:DR: Pre-mecha kaleesh General Grievous finds half of Maul in the trash &, against his better judgement, takes him in. Maul is forced to recuperate on this guy’s couch in his bustling family home.

Chapter 1: Grievous exposition. Finds a guy in the trash.

Chapter 2: Mygeeto pit stop

This planet also sucks but not as much as junk world.

When Grievous had first started work with the IGBC, he had played bodyguard to a bespoke muun that had come to cut the ribbon at the groundbreaking of a new medical facility.

Whilst that muun was shmoozing with other rich guys, she had motioned to her bodyguard & talked him up as very adaptable. He was ordered to fix up the holdover medical droids while she drank wine.

In the spirit of networking, Grievous would stop by on occasion when he’d been shot in the line of duty to get cleaned up before he went home

Now he had a much more complicated favor to ask. He uses the loading entrance & cuts a deal with the lurmen wrench jockey in charge. Lor Wyl Tee, Wilty for short.

The deal is the rest of Grievous’ homemade lunch to mind his own business as usual

Grievous talks up this impressionable medical droid. 2-1B 1VHA, Iva for short (borrowed from one of my other fics lol)

Still, Iva is dismayed at the sight of half a guy. Grievous sells it as a test of her medbay. Maybe it will be able to compare with the rest of the facility when the update is complete.

Grievous is like, “He might die anyway but can you at least …close him up. You know, so everything doesn’t fall out.”

Iva confidently says she’s up for the challenge.

While the droid gets to work Grievous considers what he’s going to do with half of what he assumes is a jedi.

He’s pretty sure his boss & company would like to keep the Republic out of their business. Probably make him take the poor guy right back to Lotho Minor (put that thing back where it came from or so help me-)

OR…or he could take this guy home & cross-examine him should he ever regain consciousness. If he was a jedi, perhaps he had insight into the particulars of the Republic’s fucking problem with his planet.

Grievous was desperate for any respite from the Republic’s embargos on Kalee. Even though the IGBC had promised their aid in return for his work, he would continue to do literally anything he could about it

And if he died. Well, they would keep his bones in the temple should anyone come looking for him

Having settled on the worst decision anyone could possibly make (letting Maul into your house), Grievous played more than a few garbage rounds of sabbac with Wilty waiting on a prognosis.

“What happened to that guy” “Industrial accident” “Oh. Yup, that’ll do it. I once seen a guy get sucked into a shuttle engine- not even one of the big ones- just like that. More pieces than your guy.” “…”

Iva announces moderate success. Grievous saunters over for a debrief.

Good thing zabraks have 2 (two) hearts

Stabilized the position of his organs

Closed his abdominal cavity reasonably well, supplementing synthskin where needed. Its not quite a matching shade of red

Installed nervous stabilizing module to the new bottom of his spine in between 2 filtration modules

There was fancier waste filtration modules out there but all she had were these older models that needed emptying a few times a day, to which Grievous remarked, “better than being dead”

Iva tries to get Grievous to let him stay, because this isn’t so much an instant fix as it is a lifelong disability.

Grievous convinces Iva to give him the release care files & that he’ll take care of him

He then waits until Iva & Wilty are not looking to reset Iva’s memory to before he showed up

When Iva blinks back on he asks her to look at one of his old blaster burns, to which she gladly complies

Grievous gets back in his shuttle & calls his supervisor: Jos Haines, muun bank lackey & wrangler of Grievous’ jobs. Much less lovable than the other 2 characters & unfortunately recurring

Grievous lies to this guy with his infamous deadpan expression. Haines smiles in that strained customer service way bc he hates him.

Maul remembers Kenobi. Indistinct jumbles of random garbage. Sith ancestry screaming at him in his head. His kyber crystal also screaming at him

It took everything he had to drag himself across sharp scrap to retrieve at least half of his saber

After that he seemed to fall into an endless void. At times it was mercifully silent & there was nothing but the pain.

This was punctuated with twisted, feverish visions mixed with warped memories to a soundtrack of anguish & admonishment. Not fun times

He had no sense of how long he languished there, just that eventually his consciousness began to make grabs at the surface.

Glimpses of light, warmth, respite, yes but there were also skulls that would loom & circle him. Hands on him. What seemed like countless wide metallic eyes watching & an incessant unintelligible yammering

Finally, he comes to with enough energy for it to mean something.

Blys’aan (round green kaleesh woman) is giving him a drink of water. He’s like “???”

Tries to get up. Gets denied by her big meaty claws

Asks where he is. Blys’aan impressed he’s awake “for real” says he’s on Kalee. No idea where that is. Behind Muunilist, in wild space. Displeased, confused growl

Steels himself to look down but can’t quite contain the disappointed cry of shock at, yeah, his legs are gone.

“Don’t worry, dems not your bones” as she slaps a cool wet cloth on his head, referring to some kind of harness he’d been fitted into at the waist made from the pelvis of some animal (?).

After a while covering his face with his hands, he asks how he got there. “My husband fount ya in de trash, honey.” Another displeased groan.

“He gon’ have much question for you when he get home, ya track”

Disregards her & begins trying to piece things back together. Takes a deep breath that stretches where he’s been put back together. Winces.

Maul floatingmath.gif

Surely, Master would be trying to recover him? He had slain his own Sith master just the year before. To make room. For HIM. The Grand Plan was in motion. It was his time.

At long last, it had been HIS TIME

Ruined. FAILED. WASTED by that PADAWAN KENOBI

Not wasted. He was still alive. Surely, he could still be of use to the Master. See the Plan through.

These stupid lifeforms had taken him straight to the other side of the entire galaxy. He needed to get back…perhaps the bankers…?

At some point Blys’aan came back over to interrupt his manic panic. “Ay, child, got to flip you like steak on da grill to keep what left o ya good.”

Scowl. “What.”

“Gonna get bed sores if ye don’ rotate, now” reaches to grab one of his shoulders. He deflects & is like “I can do it myself.”

“Oh, okay, go oan then if you so hard.”

Tries & is immediately wracked with insane pain. Mission failed. Almost passes out

“Told you, tough guy. Is gonna hurt all ya meat movin ‘round” She grabs him & flips him onto his stomach like a tortilla

He yells & almost throws up, which would not have helped.

“There ya go, prickles, save yer strengt, now.” She gives him a fresh cold rag & pats his stupid head