hiii

idk about anyone else, but i feel a renewed urgency to create new fan fics, fan art, etc. thanks to the enshittificaiton of one of my favorite fictional universes

1.) where would grievous get the money for elective surgeries if kalee was a destitute planet?

the easiest solution for this would be to make kalee one of the wealthier planets that chooses to join the cis via the igbc, techno union, etc. (like muunilinst and geonosis) or make grievous come a super wealthy family on kalee.

however, if you make kalee a wealthy planet, why don't we see any other kaleesh working alongside the muun and geonosians? wouldn't a wealthy planet demand representation in powerful political and economic bodies? i don't understand how this would be an easy thing to retcon, since the muun and geonosians' presence as politicians and traders specifically is very prominent in atoc and tcw, and other species that joined the cis due to historical oppression on their home planets like the twi'leks are noticeably absent from high-level discussions with other politicians, the jedi, dooku, etc.

also, if grievous is born into a wealthy family, would he even have the motivation to become a skilled warrior and die for his people? irl, this happens occassionally, but rich people tend to use the wealth they've accumulated to get as far away from battlegrounds as possible.

maybe the idea of a rich guy who turns himself into a superweapon to seek vengence is appealing to some people, but that just kind of makes him into a non-unique and even more cartoonish villain in my opinion. is he supposed to be syndrome from the incredibles, mr. freeze, doctor octopus, doctor doom? that's a really fucking boring and played out archetype that died in the 2000s (i can go into more detail as to why) and if george lucas, sam witwer, and others chose to abandon a more psychologically rich motivation for vengance to opt for this recharacterization, they're just kind of blind to what audiences respond positively to.

2.) why would grievous elect to get cybernetics in a universe that is discriminatory towards organics with cybernetics and has anti-droid sentiment?

anakin famously hates his mechno-arm because the jedi council thought it made him less human and negatively impacted his connection to the force. droids are not allowed in certain public spaces (like bars) and face discrimination from organics. cyborgs are also discriminated against because basically everyone acknowleges they're disabled.

why, then, would anyone elect to get cybernetics? would cyborgs just not be discriminated against in kalee? again, that seems really unlikely if kalee is a poor planet, since most people would not have access to medical care in case of an accident where cybernetics would help replace a damaged limb or organ. also, even if kalee is an exception where cybernetics are epic, that doesn't change the fact that kaleesh with cybernetics would be discriminated against elsewhere in the galaxy.

even if we're really generous and assume cybernetics are treated as a badge of honor there, that still doesn't change the fact that it would probably take a ton of money to acquire cybernetics in the first place. i guess this would only make sense if grievous started getting surgeries after he began being worshipped as a demigod and other kaleesh made offerings to him in the form of credits. but if the surgeries weren't medically necessary, wouldn't someone notice he's getting whole limbs removed for funsies instead of losing them in battle? if the kaleesh are a very honorable warrior people, wouldn't being an obvious fraud get you killed? all of this seems very convoluted!

grievous also doesn't exactly try to mask his pain, the motherfucker is constantly gasping, coughing, and keeled over. wouldn't someone with cybernetics try to hide that at least a little bit if they chose to get them willingly? you don't see people with botched rhinoplasties and facelifts bitching constantly, they deny deny deny and act as if they're satisfied, even if their results were disastrous. why purposefully make yourself look weak?

3.) if grievous willingly chose to get huge portions of his physical body replaced by cybernetics, why is he attached to any of the remaining parts?

his cough bro. why not just remove your lungs if everything else is already gone? his entire chest cavity is a liability. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

4.) how does dooku play into all of this?

it's implied dooku learned of grievous's prowess as a warrior somehow after the huk war escalated and the kaleesh petition to the republic for aid was denied. dooku targeted him specifically as a potential sacrifice for the whole cyborg experiment. the experiment required him to be mostly organic (like anakin) to work according to palpatine's plan so they could see just how far they can stretch the limits of life-saving technology prior to creating darth vader.

i think it would make sense for him to spiral after ronderu's death and spend some time endlessly pursuing other women (and men? 👀) to try and fill the hole she left in his life. if disney ever wanted to take a more "adult" approach to making content featuring him, i would be satisfied with a don draper-style meltdown where he just parties for 1-2 years. this would also give us an excuse to see how kaleesh pheromones work and maybe explain why his body and brain are already kind of fried before he becomes a cyborg. maybe he would also run into obi wan at a random bar without either of them knowing they'd meet again? i already know i'm not the first person to think of this LMAO

it would also make sense for him to do this while he's working as an enforcer for the igbc where he's shuttling from planet to planet to threaten debtors and rarely returning home to his wives, which were also probably just tools for him to save face and carry on his legacy on kalee rather than actual love interests. i'm assuming he was receiving individual payments from them as an employee in addition – bailing out kalee would be part of a separate agreement just to retain him on their staff, there's no way he was spending his entire paycheck on sustaining his planet.

was he basically a vehicle to sell cool toys? yes!

is he kind of a loser? absolutely!

none of this means star wars fans should be satisfied with knowing next to NOTHING about one of the three major villains in a third of the existing saga.

why is sk'ar purple? why is he 3 meters tall? why is he comically angry all the time?

maybe it's because he was born into an incredibly wealthy family on kalee

maybe his parents are some of the wealthiest traders on the planet and he has access to the finest steroids, hormones, and limb lengthening treatments a young, insecure kaleesh man could find anywhere in the galaxy

my write-up got pretty long so i put it under a read-more (i haven't talked to anyone about star wars in literal years while finishing my studies and focusing on work so it's kind of just a massive brain dump whoops sorryyyyy :((((( )

i think it's not entirely impossible for a grievous-focused adaptation to be made sometime in the next decade – i feel like grievous fans are a very dedicated and vocal minority, but i have no idea how much demand there would be for a grievous movie, tv show, video game, etc. when compared to other, more popular characters that casual audiences don't know much about (palpatine, yoda, etc.)

i also think disney executives have an obsession with the new republic era (which sucks really bad for prequel fans, much less old republic and legacy era enjoyers) and don't want to focus on aliens that aren't sexy humanoids (like zabraks, twi'leks, and togrutas) or cutesy (like yoda's species), but tmag becoming the lowest-grossing star wars film might make them reconsider this position

i try to be a realist about these things :)

has anyone else noticed someone quietly removed the section about hair from the canon kaleesh wookieepedia page? it's not under the distinctions section and i don't think dumas mat'ri (i'm pretty sure she's the only named kaleesh besides grievous in the canon universe at this point, but someone correct me if i'm wrong) is mentioned to have hair