I’m just here to fuck the popcorn bucket. Completely NSFW diary-esque blog. I don’t care what pronouns you use for me but I’ll use the ones you want for you.
This is the digital log of a CBD/THC, ADHD, and energy drink powered, touch-starved, bi- or pansexual (still trying to figure out), anxious, overly-sensitive, too-much-information-sharing, squirrels-for-brains-having weirdo. I post primarily NSFW and Xx3-esque (no nude media ever) stuff. I tag my fandoms and my TMIs as needed and provide breaks and warnings before anything I think is too 18+ oriented for anyone sensitive to such material. I have the same name on … umm. Literotica, Imgur, Discord, pHub, and Ao3 as AbstractDiagram. I’m on Fetlife as FumbDucker (no full pics or nudes there), Reddit as Mobile-Amphibian4475. I swear a lot. I go off topic. I over use ellipses, parentheses, and em-dashes. Please consider yourself warned if you follow me.
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I have a new offering. It’s a companion piece to a previous work.
Kudos and comments appreciated - especially since I don’t speak Lithuanian and I still haven’t watched the show. I’ll watch it eventually. There are only a couple of tags but they’re serious.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I bought a painting from @dorywhynot quite a while ago. I dropped it off at the framers like the day after I got it done I wouldn’t ruin it. It sat there for quite a while. I guess the guy that helped me pick the frame and mat quit and the gal that I’d met before is on medical leave. It’s all new staff and they “may or may not” have remembered to call me to remind me it was there. No one knows. At any rate.
“Spectra” is home.
Holy crap. I own real physical art that I purchased from the artist. It’s not a print. It’s not a download. It’s. The. Painting.
I wish I had skills and an Etsy shop. I had a great idea.
I’m gonna make NPC t-shirts for me and my SO for Halloween.
I’ll use a different name but here’s my example:
“Abstract Diagram. Race: Human. Class: Deceptive Craftsman. This is a non-combatant NPC”
My SO’s:
“____. Race: Human. Class: Security Gourmand. This is a non-combatant NPC”
I wonder if I could add more … like the AI explanations or something. If I knew how I was going to do it and if I had an Etsy shop I’d offer a personalization slot for name, race, and class with options for me to pick the race and class for the buyer. I’d offer the chance for approval/changes/whathaveyou of course.
“Security Gourmand. This class may sound like a health inspector with an over inflated sense of importance but they are really covert experts in the field of asset protection. Especially if that asset is edible. They are gourmands, after all. Tell one of these body guards that your enemy is after your favorite cupcake that you just so happen to have in your inventory and they’ll watch them like a hawk and keep them at bay just for a chance at a fingertip full of frosting.”
“Deceptive Craftsman. This NPC can make or do just about anything within the realm of arts and crafts. From amigurumi - you know, those crocheted stuffed animals that are usually way over priced at craft fairs and have those creepy plastic eyes that should be safety backed but probably aren’t because the “artist” bought them from Temu? Yeah those. - to useless t-shirts pretending to be Halloween costumes, this craftsman can do it. They’ll promise to make one for you. Here’s the deceptive part. This caffeine fueled ADHD tornado means well, but you’ll never get the item. They’ll get sidetracked or go in a new direction of hyperfixation and your craft will languish at the bottom of a doom pile, tucked neatly into its own little bag or box, waiting for the hyperfixation to rotate back. If it ever does. I hope you didn’t pay them!”
Obvi, that won’t all fit in the shirt. But I’d give the “AI description” with the shirt. Anyway.
I’m making the shirts for Halloween for me and him. I’m also gonna carry the Celestial Asshole’s Box. (“You know what you did. Asshole.”)
The Celestial Asshole’s Box had been started! I painted the lid and had someone die cut letters for me. I don’t particularly like the pink and I hope that’s just me not being a big fan of pink instead of the letters looking like crap.
I’m also gluing a couple little sparkles around the lettering.
Then I’m thinking for the front … umm. I don’t know. This is the back.
But I want to write “You know what you did” on the front because I think the AI would definitely make that comment.
When you open it this will be inside the lid.
I don’t know what to do with the last two sides or the rest of the inside.
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Ok. Explain it to me like I’m either two or ninety-two.
What is up with “free bleeding” and why am I expected to be ok with someone else’s menses mess at work?
For those that don’t know: free bleeding is when a menstruating person does not use any typical form of barrier (tampons, pads, period under garments, menstrual cups) between the blood and the outside world.
I get that not wanting chemicals and plastics on or in the area is a thing. I can see how accidents happen - I’ve been a victim of leakage too.
I just don’t get how I’m supposed to be ok with coming to work and not having a chair because a coworker has now bled on all of them. I work in a transitional care unit. You know, a medical facility? We have biohazard safety modules every year. We have free products in all the bathrooms for those that use and we have towels and such if she choses to avoid the products so at least blood might be blocked from the chair. There are old blood stains on all four chairs (brand new since March, may I add) and for some reason they won’t supply us with stain removers. I could go buy my own honestly but by the time I leave work at 0630 I don’t remember. (I should just have it sent directly to work via internet … just thought of that)
Anyway. I mentioned that I think it’s unsanitary and that I do not want to risk my clothes and body by sitting in someone else’s menses. Now I’m the bad guy, “shaming a lifestyle choice” and “picking on someone that is chemical conscious.” I mentioned it ONCE. It’s been happening for ages!
So. Explain it to me. What am I supposed to do regarding the “picking on and shaming” stuff? I’m buying my own cleaner (not to be kept at work but in my car because it will disappear from work) and if it bleaches the chairs then oh well. I haven’t said a word about it since last month but every time someone gets a period they ask if I’m going to tell them they’re gross too. I never said “gross.” I said, “it’s unhygienic, unsanitary, and I’m not comfortable having a choice between sitting on the floor or a bloody chair since both are equally unsuitable.”
He’d rather I drug myself into a stupor than help in any way. But I’m “his miserable bitch and he loves me.”
Move in with me? Won’t discuss it.
Physical attention of any kind? He “feels gross about himself” so no.
Help sorting/selling/downsizing? If he sells it he keeps the money and he will not come to my house to see anything.
Emotional support beyond “u got this” and “im sorry?” That’s the only vocabulary he has.
I’m gonna get my psych meds changed until I quit caring about anything? “Good idea.”
I’ve typed “we’re done” a thousand times. But I’ve never sent it because once again, I am too fucking invested in the other person’s emotional health to take care of my own and he’d have a break down.
Ummm…. So it’s 0445. I’m playing on my phone looking through old videos. I found this one.
I have never seen that before. I never would have saved that. I don’t use my Instagram - I think I’ve spent 20 minutes total over the course of the existence of the app.
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Bad: Nurse Aide calls, “Huddle in 234.” (“Huddle” is our code for “they done fell.”)
Worse: Nurse says, “On my way, let me grab the lift.” To which the NA replies, “I’d rather you come right here.” (Said calmly, to her credit.)
Even worse: Nurse calls, “I need the supervisor in room 234 immediately.”
So I came back from break (literally three minutes in according to my timer) so the NOC Super could go up. Cuz I don’t suck at my job and I can tell that this is not a “normal” fall. So I tell Super, “Must be broken or bloody. Let me know. I’m nosy.”
Shit has hit the fan: Nurse asks, “Super? You on your way? Can you check the code status of 234? She’s on hospice.”
I’m at the desk by then and can look it up faster than they can log back into find out so I called it up. DNR/DNI.
Ok ok ok. Hear me out. I started listening to the Dungeon Crawler Carl audiobooks like a month ago. I’m almost done with book five. At the very first I thought the reader sounded like a Temu version of Patrick Warburton (Kronk from Emperor’s New Groove) and it was almost enough for me to just read the book instead. But it got way way better and the voices the guy created throughout so far are fabulous. So. Yes. I’m obsessed with DCC. Not enough for a tattoo or joining a cult or anything. But in a crafty sort of way. (And in a way that’s pissing off the people in my life that absolutely could not care less about DCC and are sick of hearing about it. But that’s neither here nor there.)
I have a FABULOUS idea and I want to put it out there.
I’m gonna make a Loot Box out of a small, unfinished wood chest thing that I have. The top is going to have this picture Mod Podged onto it.
I have to have the lettering for the front cut for me. I want silver holographic material that just says “Celestial Asshole’s Box” and the rest will just be painted or Mod Podged (depending on how creative I feel and what paints I have) nebulae and stuff like that.
I’m hoping to get started on it tonight so I can have time stamped pictures so that when my friend steals the idea (and, let’s face it, does it better because they just out do everything I can do) at least I can say I was first.
Ok. So. I’m in the throes of being high as fuck and in a creative mood. I want to continue my wound-fucking fic. I had an idea but idk if it’s hot to anyone else.
Through already established methods, the injured is not going to die. (Yet. If this keeps going, he might.) but imagine fucking someone’s slit throat. Wound fucking, breath play/control, and non-con/unconscious. I am a fan of consensual non-con. I wouldn’t find banging someone who was barely alive and out of it any fun. But it works (I think) as I set up in the first story I wrote.
Is the idea of the deepest of deep throat blow jobs while covered in blood and knowing you could suffocate them and all you had to do was nothing a turn on? An ick? An impossible scenario?
Oh! I just realized. The way I’m doing this is kinda consensual non-consent because the guy slit his own throat in an attempt to recreate parts of events he doesn’t remember and he trusted the other to save him this time too.
This is not a particularly original thought (I've probably made this exact post before myself) but one of the bleaker vast cultural gulfs out there is and likely shall remain the one between 'material children can understand and engage with' and 'material guardians and gatekeepers are comfortable thinking about their children engaging with'.
The beautiful but brief period where video stores just threw every animated movie in the same section and vast numbers of parents just assumed all cartoons were for kids was a little golden age in this regard. We need to come up with a new way to trick middle class helicopter parents into letting their 7-year-olds watch Watership Down again.
To this day I am convinced that, while I loved the movie as a child, The Brave Little Toaster is responsible for my teenage obsession with unplugging everything before I could leave the house because I was convinced something would catch on fire.
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::speaker bzzzts. Hums and squeals with feedback:: *💨💨* Is this thing on? Hi, yes, this is your Captain speaking. On behalf of myself and the flight crew I would like to welcome you aboard Flight 420, non-stop to NSFW TMIsland. We ask you to observe the emergency exit located below indicated by the downward pointing arrows. Please watch for any discomfort and be prepared to vacate as needed as we do fully expect to run into the following: NSFW TMI YHBW EIYD. The airline takes no responsibility for any negative feelings that the above tags may provoke. Positive feelings, I as your Captain will take full responsibility for. Now. Just sit back, grab your energy drink, and enjoy the flight. Random brain squirrels will begin distribution momentarily” ::more feedback: “Motherfu—“ ::high pitched two second tone. Hmmm bzzt click::
⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Why do I use that opener a lot now? Well, because I’m fucking lazy and/or highly distractible and that’s a fast way to put in all the warnings and such that I feel are necessary. I remember how to spell “necessary” because something somewhere (meaning someone on tv) told me something about how it’s one Collar and two Sleeves and that’s how you remember. Wtf who thought that “necessary,” out of the entire fucking English lexicon, was what kids needed to know how to spell. Meh. My mother, who is driving me up a wall, always says “cheap, fast, and sleazy.” I think she called me that a time or two. Not just “sleazy” but the whole phrase.
Bahahhahahhahah! Ok. So this:
There are a few things I’d like to say about that.
1. Those are some of the MOST ICONIC MOVIE KILLERS in recent cinematic history. They are known for being scary, brutal fuckers.
2. They have Kawaii eyes and Ghostface has hearts but no one else does. Ghostface looks like he’s part of a set of Valentines Day cards with cheesy murder-based puns (that I would probably collect TBH).
3. The age range is listed (between two places) as 8-12.
4. The fucking COLOR IS HORROR!!!
All of the above adds up to this thought:
If your eight year old can tell me who at least one character is and knows what franchise they’re from (ha! Not “he’s from.” No, no, no! That is an unspecified Ghostface. And as we elders know, one of the killers in Scream 2 ((yeah, yeah, I think … three or four of them have a female killer now. But I’m (((almost said “OG” but they don’t get much more Caucasian than me))) old and I don’t remember to include 4-Wherever We Are At.)) was female. So that could be a female under that mask, thus: “they’re from.”) bah. I digress.
If your eight year old knows fuck-all-anything about any of those characters then I don’t know if you’re my kind of people or if I question your parenting. Because for a minute I was like “hell yeah, the kid knows” but unless the kid is pretty distinctly saying that they like the character or whatever, then that could be kinda mean to the kid? What if they’re scared and have nightmares because of Billy but they don’t want to tell you because you like Billy? I dunno. I’d be a rubbish parent and at this point my risk of complications isn’t worth it. Well. That. And. I don’t fucking want kids. But yeah. Even if I did want, it’s too late.
Ok. Aaaannnyway. I’m gonna make a playlist on Spotify. It’s gonna be all meme tunes. Like. Not stupid crap “real” songs that went viral. So no “What Does the Fox Say,” “Cake by the Ocean,” “Crazy Frog,” (because it’s called “Axel F” and it was the theme for Axel Foley in the movies Beverly Hills Cop ((four of em now, I think but I saw the third one when I was little and for a long time I only liked three because it was more silly and the other two were boring. The fourth I think is much more recent. (((Hang on. BRB. Ah. Yes. 1984 <I was born that year>, 1987 <bro was born>, 1994 <You do the math. It’s easy.>, 2024.))) and I haven’t see. It.))
) or stuff like that. (Yes, the “)” at the start of this line after the .gif is the closing of the parentheses waaaaay back when.
Parenthesis parentheses. But why couldn’t I find “plural parenthesis” when I searched it? It kept changing my results to “plural ellipsis” and it fucked me all up.
Oh. The songs that WILL be on the list:
1. Badger Badger
2. Chicken Banana
3. Peanut Butter Jelly Time
4. Llama Llama Duck
5. The Hamster Dance
6. Stick Stick (or whatever the hell it’s called)
I’m missing a ton of em. But I don’t remember any of em.
Ok. Anyway. My Hannigram story is calling. I guess they’ve decided they have more ideas of things they want to do and now I’m trying to find a feasible way to write an “ok as a stand alone” piece that also goes with part one AND maybe lets me have a third if the guys agree. But I’ll see if they will give me part two first.
I was helping an elderly gentleman to the bathroom early this morning - 0515ish. He is pretty stable on his feet, but as everyone in healthcare knows, “mostly stable” is not the same as “allowed to be alone in the bathroom.” So I stood with him, holding his gait belt.
Me: “I know you don’t need an audience for this part, but for safety I’ll be standing behind you. I can’t see anything.”
Him: “Oh, honey. Neither can I. It’s like a mud turtle! Goes in deeper the more I need him out. Is that normal?”
I damn near lost it at “mud turtle,” but I didn’t laugh. Instead I said, “well, in 20+ years of health care I have seen a lot of different anatomies. As long as it’s not some shade of blue or as round as a grapefruit it’s probably on the normal spectrum.”
Him, incredulously: “You’ve seen a blue penis?! How’d he manage that? Did he sleep with a Smurf?”
I have, in fact, seen a blue penis. But it was because the dye he used for his pubes colored it. I’m not explaining that to an elderly man. I brushed the question aside and got the guy back to bed and settled.
The last thing he said as I was exiting?
“Well, thank you for not laughing at my innie. You’re a good lady.”
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