Bedniy Yorick

been thinking about the moralintern motto. a blue forget-me-not; a piece of the grey sky.

curiously, kim misquotes it as "a blue forget-me-not, a piece of the sky" - omitting that the sky is 'grey'. this doesn't necessarily have bearing on the rest of the analysis, but it is a very interesting note.

kim's dream was always to be a pilot. maybe a bit of a hopeless dream considering his eyesight, plus the fact that there no longer *is* an air force, but... it's what he dreamed of being. it's how he dresses - probably part of the reason he has so much reverence for his vehicle is a displaced longing to fly.

kim kitsuragi, above all else, wanted to be a pilot - to be a piece of the sky.

and as for the blue forget-me-not...

for jean vicquemare, harry's satellite - his first anchor to the world, before kim - all he wanted was to not be forgotten.

jean-heron vicquemare is a blue forget-me-not, kim kitsuragi a piece of the grey sky.

and harrier du bois?

We have never seen him look the way he did in that bowling alley. He meant every word he said (or didn’t get to say) to Daniel. And what he said to Lestat required at least some genuine self-reflection. He apologised for some things he did, took responsibility for some that he didn’t need to. The fawn response was out in full force. And even if he knew he’d be rejected, which he did, it was partially for himself and that can only be a good thing. He’s never been able to know himself and if he can take one step closer to figuring that out, then good. People don’t need to forgive you when you make amends, and they often don’t, but it is still worth doing.

And then he pushes Larry to suicide the very next week. The same week where he admits to projecting Daniel over the years. Evil and good all at once. And even his protection of Daniel is morally dubious. Covering up Daniel’s misdeeds but selflessly guarding his heart too. This is the dichotomy of his character. Yet another thing he has in common with Lestat. They have such an evil inside them and try at times to fight it, and then at others they let it consume them. There is a want to be good but it is to hard when you have so much time between you and the last time you felt humanity. But they’re two of the most human characters in the series because of it.

"...where the World Trade Center (so good they did it twice!) stands as the final failure of architecture; not an idea, not a design, not a whimsy, not a grace note, not a shred of art or passion wrinkles those sharply creased trouser legs."

Love is not a healing emotion in IwtV. It doesn't mend any harm, or fix their problems; it doesn't act as "proof" that they're meant to be together. It's the emotion that connects them, that draws them to each other, even as the harm pushes them apart. It is the excuse for every action, and the support for why they stay until the hurt is too much. This is not a fantasy fairy tale romance with a happily-ever-after. This is Gothic Horror about forever being an "other".

With Nicki, the ultimatum is explicit. Nicki wants to be turned, and he frames it as proof of love… if Lestat loves him *enough*, then he should be willing to give him the gift. Lestat knows it’s a terrible idea. He knows Nicki is already unraveling. Yet he does it anyway, because Nicki has tied the act to love itself. Refusing would feel like a rejection; agreeing becomes an act of devotion.

Louis does something remarkably similar with Claudia. The language is different, but the mechanism is the same. Louis doesn’t say, “If you love me, turn her.” Instead, he offers Lestat something he desperately wants: the promise of happiness, stability, and permanence. He tells him that if Claudia is turned, he’ll stay. Their relationship can be saved. Their life together can continue. Lestat knows creating Claudia is wrong. He knows it goes against his instincts, his experience, and his better judgment. Yet once again, the person he loves most places the key to their relationship in his hands and asks him to do the one thing he does not want to do. And once again, Lestat gives in.

That is the tragedy at the heart of his character. For all his arrogance, bravado, and theatricality, Lestat is fundamentally driven by an almost desperate desire to be loved and understood. He spends his life searching for connection—for someone who will choose him without conditions, without demands, without asking him to become something else first.

But the cruel irony is that the people he loves most often make their love conditional. Nicki ties love to immortality. Louis ties companionship and happiness to Claudia’s creation. In both cases, Lestat is cornered into believing that giving them what they want is the only way to keep them.

So he does what he always does: he gives everything. And every single time, it fails.

Nicki’s turning doesn’t save Nicki. Claudia’s turning doesn’t save Louis and Lestat’s relationship. The sacrifices Lestat makes in the name of love never produce the outcome he hopes for, because the problem was never the thing he was being asked to give. The problem was the impossible expectation that love could be proven through self-destruction.

That’s why these moments are so heartbreaking. They reveal a pattern that defines Lestat’s entire existence: he keeps sacrificing his own judgment, his own boundaries, and sometimes even his own morals for the people he loves, believing that if he just gives enough of himself, they’ll finally stay.

   Look at Armand’s face as Nicki hacks off his hand. Remember, this is Lestat’s memory. Remember that he isn’t exactly on the best terms with Armand. Still, he never frames Armand as the villain, never tried to levy any blame onto him. Armand is not happy about the outcome of Nicki’s sanity. Armand looks borderline…defeated? He’s definitely very resigned in that moment. I think Armand viewed Nicki the same way he would later view Claudia. He didn’t want Nicki dead, he just wanted him to not be a threat to his relationship. 

For Claudia, it was the coven that wanted her dead and I could go into how Armand went with it because of his fear of being alone but I’ve spoken on that enough in previous posts. For Nicki, I genuinely do think Armand saw this as a mercy, like putting down a pet because you can see them suffering. Armand did try to help Nicki, even if he wasn’t very nice about it, “you’re his maker, make him.” Armand sat down and discussed Nicki’s depleting mental state with Lestat. I don’t think Armand wanted to be right, which is why I feel like even though he was probably horrified at what Nicki had become, he accepted it so quickly. Because he knew he was going to be right, that this is how things would go.

This might also be why Armand was okay with having Claudia killed. Just like how Lestat saw so much of Nicki in her, I think Armand saw it as well(I think he also saw so much of himself in Claudia but that’s a conversation for another day). Armand probably viewed Claudia’s death, as brutal as it was, as a form of mercy. Armand told Louis how he’d seen countless vampires fall to madness. I think Nicki is one of first vampires that came to mind. To Armand, Claudia is yet another fledgling of Lestat that he irresponsibly made. A fledgling that did not have the mental capacity to be a vampire. Yes, Armand likely let her die because that’s what the coven wanted, but I also think that’s because he figured that he was stopping Claudia’s suffering.

Another point to this theory, Armand asks Madeline what she’ll do when Claudia kills herself at some point in the future. And Madeline insists that she’ll be fine.

Doesn’t that sound familiar?

Armand probably viewed Madeline as Lestat(did y’all see how mouthy she was? How sassy she was? Totally Lestat)and Claudia as Nicki. A hardheaded lover and their beyond saving lover. When you realize what Armand has witnessed, it’s no wonder that he had Claudia killed.

Back to him and Daniel, if young Danny Boy Molloy was anything like his book counterpart, then he was incredibly unstable as a 20 something to 30 something year old. He was an addict who he regularly had to rescue and bail out of jail. Daniel would have been dead if not for Armand, he was literally incapable of caring for himself.

I want you to imagine you’re Armand. 

You were human trafficked as a child, “rescued” by your abuser that you loved because he was the only one who showed you any love or care, and because of all of this you believe that a person can only love you for your beauty, your body, and how much you take care of them. Then your abuser dies, you watch your found family brothers get burned to death in front of you, have their ashes dumped on you, then you’re forced to eat the brother you were closest to, and you wind up caring for your two main abusers because again, you’ve been through horrific abuse and they showed you a sliver of love and care, then you’re forced to lead a coven for a few centuries, then this blonde mother fucker named Lestat and his mother named Gabriella come to you and you and Lestat kind of fall in love but he downplays it in front of his mother who he had an incest relationship with and it probably kind of reminds you of your relationship with your abuser/father figure and Lestat has this boyfriend that was not mentally sound enough to become a vampire and you wind up having to put him down like a dog because he literally chopped his hand off.

Cut to some time later and Lestat’s ex comes along with their daughter. Their daughter was changed as a child which instantly makes her a “cripple” and pretty much guarantees that she will go mad just like Nicki and countless other vampires have. You warn Louis and Madeline about this, neither of them refuse to acknowledge it and it reminds you of Lestat.  Not only that, but you try warning Louis that the coven is going to kill him and Claudia. It he doesn’t listen and so you have to choose between your coven and Louis. Thing is, you don’t believe in making vampires and you’re terrified of being alone. Louis is still obsessed with his ex and since you probably think incest is normal amongst vampires you wonder if Louis might fuck his sister/daughter and leave you. So so far the man you live has two people he might leave you for and your coven wants him dead. You choose your coven because you can’t be sure Louis won’t leave you and having a bunch of nuthead theatre kids is better than nothing. So you agree to have Louis killed but Lestat saves him so you just pretend that you saved him and yada yada “is that what makes you fascinating?”

So now you’re in love with this mortal who doesn’t love you for your beauty or your body or because of how much you take care of him. He loves you for you. He loves you not because you look beautiful, but because you are horrid and he would have you no other way. But you still have a problem because you think making a vampire is disgusting and you think all fledglings will eventually hate their makers to some extent. Not only that, but this man is pretty much a toddler on meth. He’s cute and sweet, but you have to constantly take care of him.

   And that’s because he’s on meth.

   You are dealing with an addict who you constantly have to clean up behind. Not only that, but you have to upkeep your other relationship with Louis because deep down you know this isn’t going to work. And even though you know Louis is mainly with you out of spite and at one point he was fucking everything BUT you that had two legs and a cock, Daniel is going to die one day and you’re terrified of being alone so you have to keep Louis on standby.

You’re constantly reminded of Nicki and Claudia when you look at Daniel. You know that it would be selfish to turn him, so you try to not be like Louis and Lestat and actually be responsible. A decade goes by, and you begin wondering if Daniel could possibly mature, if maybe he would ever be mentally sound enough to turn. As much as you want to hope this will happen, Daniel proves over and over again that he can’t handle the Dark Gift. So now you’re spiraling because you’re starting to realize that Daniel deserves better than to just be “the other woman”, you begin wondering if it would be better to let Daniel live his own life away from you-

-then he proposes.

It’s no wonder Armand said no and then mindwiped him.

request from @outofmyowncharacter! (ft. Jean)