Listen Boi

i accidentally dog trained myself yall.

I forgot to finish this story, anyways I have food alarms set throughout the day to remind me to eat. My alarm is the exact same as my ringtone, so when my mom called me earlier instead of answering my mom I went to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich.

shoutout to people with simultaneously great and terrible memories. like oh yeah i remember in perfect detail that random story you told about the banana costume from a year ago but all of novemeber? completely blank.

she drunk as fuck

ambiguously Hispanic warehouse worker on Law & Order: si… I recognize your señorita… she trabajo’d here about three months ago

The real reason it’s a fucking travesty Peter Parker is “straight” is that he would have a fucking field day making gay jokes. Imagine Spiderman wit mixed with millennial gay humour. He’d be unstoppable

when will the clown sightings happen again that was fun

look in the mirror and they can start today

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