Abigail

“If home is where the heart is, come and dwell. I will open up to you.” – Maverick City Music, Naomi Raine, Chandler Moore (

There are three unchanging aspects of my personality:

I am an empathy and deeply sense the emotions of others to the point of at times allowing the pain of others to drastically change my mood,

though I am introverted, when I deeply care about something or someone, I push past my lack of energy to pour into others and

I value honesty and transparency so much that I will drop a relationship in a heartbeat when these values are disrespected.

Even though these three aspects of my personality have not changed, age 25 has taught me that change, no matter how difficult it may seem, is typically worth celebrating. Some things we change because we want to and other changes occur without our approval but are needed.

(I sound super deep and profound right now, and this is just the beginning of this chat.)

Change, at times, can be painful especially when God has been whispering for us to shift and we have been holding on to something or someone longer than the LORD intended. Though, today, I want to talk about a different change. This shift took me a while to recognize and genuinely brought me to tears. Accepting this change and living in it has broken walls that I did not even know I still had up and helped me realize a prayer from my childhood that God had been answering over the course of time. Today, I want to talk about the power of the Holy Spirit and how he uses love amid chaos and confusion to break through the deepest pain and yearnings of our soul.

Though, before I explain how I realized this, let me tell you what lead up to realizing that some changes, God does without your awareness only to surprise you when you are ready to receive it for what it is.

Last month was a difficult month for me to say the least. From the passing of my father to witnessing those around me losing their loved ones, it seemed like each day was a grieving day. I would find myself fluctuating from one stage of the grieving process to the other (kind of like a rollercoaster) only to wake up the next day to hear that someone else finished their time on this earth.

The best way to describe how much pain August 2020 was is to picture being tossed into the deepest part of the ocean without any warning and as you attempt to come up for air, the currents would toss you around like a leaf in the wind and drag you deeper into the trenches of the ocean. (Super descriptive, and this that is the simple explanation).

With everything that was happening last month, I began dreading my birthday as the days got closer and closer. In fact, I remember telling my friend that I really did not want to celebrate my birthday.

However, when people love you unconditionally for who you are, even in what seems like a painful season, God will whisper to their souls and give them instructions on how to not only be there for you but lift up your spirit in a way that you cannot help but recognize that it was truly God at work. (run-on sentence much!)

The days leading up to August 30th was filled with family and friends reaching out and loving on me in ways that left me ugly crying. Some friends came in praying for me, others came over, and some even went so far as to send over gifts that were showed how much they love me by just how much they know me.

The level of love each of my loved ones showered me with was so much that I found myself crying during brunch on my birthday and repeating, “thank you for just loving me for who I am.”

Previously, if I were going through a painful season, I would keep quiet and not share it with anyone until I felt like myself again. However, that version of Abigail does not exist anymore. Instead of hiding my paining and suffering through it alone, God used my family, sisterhood, and friends to warm my heart and remind me that I did not have to go through my grieving process alone. This is the change that I am talking about.

Being able to vocalize how hurt I am and just cry in the safety of those who are closest to me is a change that I had been praying for quite some years. To know that people around you love you and are not just saying with words is such a blessing. To witness the love that you have given is returned to you is overwhelming in such a magnificent way. There is a saying,

“the love you give is never in a loss because you will receive one way or another.”

Turning 26 and looking at the many beautiful family members I have (biologically and spiritually) has helped me realize that even though I did not notice that He was healing me, God has changed me. Instead of being the girl who always had to be strong for others and put herself on the back burner, now as I look around at the beautiful souls in my life, I am aware that I do not have to carry my burdens alone. I get to say, help without being afraid, worried that my vulnerability would come back to bite me, and without wondering if those I let in love me just as they say they do.

This entire lesson reminds me of Paul’s letters to the Galatian church, the messages from Hebrews, and a message from Jude.

'Carry one another’s burdens; in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. '

—Galatians 6:2 (CSB)

'Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, since he who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching. '

—Hebrews 10:23-25

'But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception. Watch out, brothers and sisters, so that there won’t be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. For we have become participants in Christ if we hold firmly until the end the reality that we had at the start. '

—Hebrews 3:12-14

'But you, dear friends, as you build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting expectantly for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ for eternal life. Have mercy on those who waver; save others by snatching them from the fire; have mercy on others but with fear, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh. '

—Jude 1:20-23

When you love someone, being there for them is a blessing, not a burden. You are filled with joy knowing that God is sharing his child with you to blessing and love on others. I love how Fred Rogers puts it:

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we give us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people."  -- Fred Rogers "I don't think anyone can grow unless he's loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be."  -- Fred Rogers

So as a thank you to my mother (we all know our birthdays are for the moms anyway), my family, and my beautiful friends:

Thank you. If only the English dictionary had a more extraordinary phrase. Thank you for seeing me for who I am and say yes to loving me despite the amount of growth I will go through. Thank you for meaning what you said when you said, “Abi, I love you.” Thank you for not requiring anything from me but to be my honest self. Thank you for interceding on my behalf and praying for me because your prayers are the greatest examples of your love. Thank you for taking me in and wrapping me up in your love. Thank you for seeing the best in me and encouraging me as I pursue that vision. Thank you for being ready when life hit me despite going through what you all are facing. Thank you for being the best part of who I am in addition to Jesus.

Your love was not just a simple emoji or a picture during an event. Your love for me was revealed when you heard me crying on the phone and drove straight to the apartment within minutes to just spend time with me because you remembered that my love language is quality time. Your love was shown when you hugged me even as my tears kept flowing and my cries got louder. God showed your heart when you sent me texts on top of texts of prayers and said, “God, help me to be there for her.” God wrapped your love with His and has used it to make sure that I do not just I am okay. Instead, now, I can say, I am loved and thriving. Thank you for loving me just the way God asked. I love you all so deeply and thank God daily for each of you.

Until next time…

I want to begin this journey by being honest:

As much as I love Jesus and chatting about Him with my friends, family, and everyone, I have never felt qualified enough to speak on this topic. One reason was that I felt that I lacked in expertise and confidence. My confidence was based on my ability to encourage others when it comes to consuming the Word of God. Another reason was that I felt like there are too many how to read the Bible blog posts and YouTube videos out there. Oh, and do not get me started on the fear of being judged by the Christian community and theologians.

However, you know that it is the Holy Spirit speaking to you when you begin to give yourself every reason not to, yet, God keeps quoting His Word to your soul. God’s correction went something like this:

Me: What if I say the wrong things?

God: Let me lead you. If I have called you to this, I will bring this to fruition, just trust me.

Me: What if I get judged?

God: You are doing this for me. I am the judge and I have already said yes.

Me: I am not a pastor. I have never been to seminary and I do not know all the doctrine stuff.

God: The doctrine is man’s way of understanding my Word. It is my Word; do you not think I have better understanding than all of man?

(Such a Job moment, y’all. It was like my forefathers were Job and Gideon.)

With each what-if question, God gave me rebuttals with great encouragement. I realized that speaking on this topic is not about me but about the beauty of the greatest love to have ever existed. Wait…I am already getting ahead of myself. Let me reel it in and start with my first point (gosh, I sound so churchy already).

You Are Asking the Wrong Question

Often, I receive emails, messages on Instagram, and Facebook (sorry, Twitter is for the Bachelor) about reading the Bible and how to read it better. Since I am being transparent as usual, let me just come out with it: Sis, you are asking me the wrong question. Dude, you are so south of the right question.

The first question ought to not be how to read your Bible more or better. Nah bruh. The real question is one I would ask any person who is reading this post right now:

Why do you want to read your Bible?

No, I am not being rhetorical. I am being quite serious with you. Why does it matter to you that you read your Bible and that you read it better? (Yes, you who is pointing to yourself and wondering if she is talking to me?) Why does this even matter? Why do you care?

(I love asking why questions because they get to the nitty-gritty of the issue and what is going on.)

If you do not know why, stop reading this post now. Grab a journal and start thought vomiting (you know, word vomiting, but you are spilling out your thoughts). Until you can answer this crucial question, you cannot continue this post and you will struggle with the tasks I will be encouraging you to do. So, ask yourself, “why is it important for me to read the Word of God?”

Do not give me that goody two-shoe, Sunday school answer either. (I think all the religious people just got mad now, sorry not sorry.) If we are going to do this whole reading the Scripture thing, let us make it stick and make it real. Plus, you know me, I would never ask you to do something I have not done already.

A couple of years back, I was falling off the wagon of life, and in such a trying place emotionally. Let me just make it simple: I was in the wrong relationships and not where God wanted me to be. I was breaking my own heart by pursuing what looked right on paper and not right for glorifying God. It hit me quite hard that I was my problem. I was pursuing anything and everyone but God? (you know what I mean, we have all been there 😉). When I heard God saying, “come back to me,” your girl dropped every relationship, job, and distraction (that is really what those all were) and ran back to her Father.

Looking back at that time, this was when I got my fire for the Word of God again. This time, I was way too committed to keeping my desire than anything else. So my, why I wanted to get more in the Word, was because I went my own way and realized there was no way I could ever be the best Abigail without keeping my relationship with Jesus as the most important and precious thing in my life. I did not want to just look Christian, I desired (and still do) to be Christlike (there is a difference; remember what I said in Performance or Obedience? There's a Difference)

To add on, how can you mirror Christ, when you do not even know Him? How can you have a relationship with someone you do not even invest time with? You have got to sacrifice the selfish parts of you for the beauty of God (dying to self).

Enough of me, let us talk about you. What is your why? Why do you care so much about getting into the Word of God that you are reading the words of a silly 25-year-old on your phone (or computer) screen?

…did you figure out your why? Awesome! Now let us move on to my next point (where is the pulpit since your girl has got notes for days!)

So…Why Haven’t You?

Remember how I said I love asking why questions? I believe that to get better at anything, you must first identify why you suck at it (harsh but I am not here for small talk or sugarcoating anything). Pinpoint your weaknesses which, let me be brutal, is quite difficult for all of us. You know my favorite saying (literally it is an Abigail phrase now):

The hardest thing for humans to do is to face themselves.

You have to pause, and ask yourself, “why haven’t I been reading the Bible more? Why am I on this struggle bus and how do I get off? Where do I need help? What are the distractions I have been entertaining instead of getting more in the Word of God?”

We use distractions to excuse ourselves from divulging in the sweet goodness of God’s Word, such as:

Social media: look at your ScreenTime, Instagram has more hours than YouVersion and that is not cute. Checking Instagram after turning off our alarm is not getting yourself ready to receive what the Holy Spirit has for you.

Relationships: that brunch can wait; your boyfriend/girlfriend can wait. You are not helping them by not being connected to your source, God.

Obligations: yes, you are a wonderful mother, father, daughter, son, boyfriend, or girlfriend (or whatever title you are using). However, you are only giving your family and friends 50% of yourself because you are not allowing God to fill you up to the point of overflow so that you can be an asset spiritually to your loved ones. You cannot pour from an empty vessel. Sis, get filled first.

Insecurities: did you hear the first part of this post? Where we lack, God fills up. The LORD makes us whole as He is filling up our holes (blind spots).

If you are like me, you struggle was time management and going through the motions. I cannot give you a foolproof way on how to get better when it comes to making time for the Lord. Or, how to not get lost in the motion of crossing your devotional time off your Christian to-do list.

God is massive, an absolute genius, brilliant, and He is such an amazing artist that He finds the most unconventional ways to draw us closer to Him and get the job done. How God helped me to get more in His Word to the point that I refuse to talk to anyone until I have spent time with Him, will be different for you. Though, the best thing I know I can do for you by sharing my journey and what has worked for me.

Without further ado, your favorite part (gosh, I am so dramatic, where is my golden globe?):

How to Get Deeper in the Word & Make it Stick:

Widen Your Perspective:

For real, stop viewing reading your Bible daily as a think you must do. Instead, look at this practice as a blessing you get to do. Remember how the Israelites were in captivity and Daniel got sent to the lion’s den because he chose God? Imagine if you lived in a time like that? (Gosh, I am crying on the inside already thinking about it.) ( Check out Daniel 6)

When you look at the Bible as the greatest love story of all time, you begin to have a deeper appreciation for it. What you appreciate and treasure, you prioritize in your life. When you look at the Word of God as a love letter written by the One who loves you the most, you appreciate that thick book a little bit better. (mind you, many people have not been blessed with the Gospel and there are still believers who risk their lives daily to share the Gospel to those who have not yet heard of the Good News. Remember how blessed you are to have your copy and how God has allowed the government to provide you with religious freedom that you may read the Bible without interference.)

Also, knowing how time management was a struggle for me (therefore it is important to recognize where your weaknesses are), I shut off my phone completely when I am having my time with Jesus. ( no airplane mode, complete power off) Also, I begin my Jesus time with prayer, asking God to help me just grow in love with Him as He breathes His Words into my soul (I mean the Word of God is just that, God’s breath).

'so that the man of God may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work. All Scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honorably with personal integrity and moral courage]; '

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (AMP)

Get that 10% & Pencil it in:

I find this one super interesting because we all know about giving God our 10% (tithing). However, tithing goes beyond the money we give on Sundays. Each day, we are blessed with the opportunity to give God 10% of our most valuable gift besides life and love: time. Time is the only other gift that once you lose it, you can never have it back (no I am not talking about restoration, that is for another time).

Each day we are blessed with 24 hours. You get 24 hours, Beyoncé gets 24 hours. Oprah and the Dalai Lama both get 24 hours. However, what you do with those hours speaks a great deal about your heart posture and what you treasure (similar to what you spend your money on says a lot about what you care most about). In the 24 hours that you and I have, giving God our 10% means giving the LORD 2 hours, 40 minutes of distraction-free time to just be with Him.

I pencil my Jesus time in my planner (yes, your girl has a physical planner😱😂), and on my phone’s calendar that 1 hour, 40 minutes go to God in the morning. This commitment requires consistent prayer, accountability partners, and openness to dying to myself. If you know how much I love sleeping in, you know this is indeed dying to self-moment (Lord, help your child).

The remaining hour typically turns into hours because I have found worship in the shower, spending time after dinner with God by re-watching sermons, and chatting with my Father in my prayer journal to be wonderful ways to invest in my relationship with my main man. There are many ways to making that 2 hours 40 minutes work.

Despite beginning with committing to that allotted time, I have found that the more I got lost in the love of my Father the less I cared about the time.

Get a Game Plan & Faith Family

I love my crew family from VOUS, my sisterhood, and She Reads Truth. My sisterhood keeps me in check and is the squad I go to when I need prayer, encouragement, rebuking, and spiritual family connection. Many of the ladies in my sisterhood are from my crew (an amazing Bible Study family from VOUS church) and their love always warms my heart and pours back into me.

Getting a faith family around you means praying for them before God reveals who they are and once you have them. You must also ask the Holy Spirit to make you sensitive to his guidance as he identifies who gets to be in your squad (check out how I do this in The Garden Access: But, Are You Even a Friend Thou?)

Also, I joined She Reads Truth’s monthly plan. Getting a physical plan monthly that focuses on diving deeper into the Word of God makes me so happy! The best part of joining She Reads Truth is not just having the plans on the app, the amazing wallpapers (they are so cute) but knowing that I have another international sisterhood reading the Word of God with me. It is being the church on your phone, on Instagram, and in your devotional time for $20 a month. Once I said yes, I could not turn back, and I would not want to.

Y’all, I am already at 2400 words! How about we revisit more ways to get into the Word of God soon because as much as I love chatting, I want to spend time with Jesus after talking so much about him. Until we revisit this topic, start listing ways you can make more time for the Lord, and invest in your relationship with God. Heck, send me some of your tips because I would love to share them in the next conversation we have!

Until next time…

🌿Abigail

'For learning wisdom and discipline; for understanding insightful sayings; for receiving prudent instruction in righteousness, justice, and integrity; for teaching shrewdness to the inexperienced, knowledge and discretion to a young man — let a wise person listen and increase learning, and let a discerning person obtain guidance — for understanding a proverb or a parable, the words of the wise, and their riddles. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline. '

Proverbs 1:2-7 (CSB)

'How happy is the one who does not walk in the advice of the wicked or stand in the pathway with sinners or sit in the company of mockers! Instead, his delight is in the Lord ’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night. He is like a tree planted beside flowing streams that bears its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. The wicked are not like this; instead, they are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand up in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to ruin.'

Psalms 1:1-6

'Listen, sons, to a father’s discipline, and pay attention so that you may gain understanding, for I am giving you good instruction. Don’t abandon my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender and precious to my mother, he taught me and said, “Your heart must hold on to my words. Keep my commands and live. Get wisdom, get understanding; don’t forget or turn away from the words from my mouth. Don’t abandon wisdom, and she will watch over you; love her, and she will guard you. Wisdom is supreme — so get wisdom. And whatever else you get, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; if you embrace her, she will honor you. She will place a garland of favor on your head; she will give you a crown of beauty.” '

Proverbs 4:1-9

Job 38 https://my.bible.com/bible/1713/JOB.38.CSB

Job 39 https://my.bible.com/bible/1713/JOB.39.CSB

“Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life’s important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.” -Fred Rogers (The World According to Mister Rogers, p. 77)

Before I go where I am going to go today with this message (trust me, your girl is going to go there), I must provide y’all with a disclaimer and two words to understand so that this post can fully be grasp based on my intent.

Disclaimer: Like many of my posts, this is not the type of message for those who do not want to take a hard and compassionate look at their hearts and how they have viewed people, including themselves. If calling yourself out is not something you are comfortable with, please exit this post (I will not be upset). I will be quite blunt today and for those who do not enjoy checking themselves, you may believe that I am being harsh. This post is not up for debates or disagreements because it is a lesson that many of us dodge and must learn sooner than later. Here are two words I will clarify before beginning:

Honesty: when one is capable to sharing and speaking on truth (factual truth, universal truth, etc.) when said person is asked.

Transparency: one’s capability to expose truth about oneself or event prior to being asked; inviting truth and trust into a situation/ relationship prior to any speculation or request of the truth.

(Both of these words require courage; however, one has a level of integrity that is cannot be disputed. Today, I am focusing on the importance of transparency.)

Onto the message…

If there was ever a time to talk about reconciliation, it would 2020. A year filled with hurt on every side of every issue. A year where if I were to ask, who has experienced some form of pain (emotional, physical, psychological, you name it), just about hand would be raised. Reconciliation is a must this year. Despite how many issues I want to bring to the table, today I want to speak to my Christian brothers and sisters.

Reconciliation: a way of making it possible for ideas, beliefs, needs, etc. that are opposed to each other to exist together

If you were to look back, you had noticed that for the past couple of months I have been hitting on the importance of checking your heart and mind because truly, hurt people, hurt people.

Sadly, the one group of people that I find hurting the very people they are called to love are believers…or better yet said, those who say they believe in Jesus. (I told you I will be going there today. Gosh, I can already see the pitchforks coming; looks like Salem all over again.)

I do not do small talk, so let me say it as it is:

The church ought to take responsibility for the magnitude of hurt we have inflicted on those we are called to love.

Remember what I said in Pornography: Let’s Get Down & Dirty About It

"I'm sick and tired of fake Christians. Gosh, I'm so irritated that I cannot hold it back any longer. I'm so fed up with the number of people who put on fake smiles, get on stage, and on the pulpit that refuses to deal with the jacked-up things that are really going on. I'm so disgusted and tired of how many people come to church in need of spiritual freedom only to receive fluff and prosperity preaching that does nothing for them. Dude, people need to be set free out here. Why the heck are we not dealing with the real issues?"  -- Pornography: Let's Get Down & Dirty About It

Imagine how I felt when I asked a friend to come to church with me, and despite how excited she was to learn more about Jesus and His love, she declined because she didn’t want to face the same church hurt she did when she was younger? A hurt that was the result of a bombastic congregation that cared more about how she dressed than whether she knew how much God loves her?

Imagine how livid I was when I attend a denomination I wasn’t too familiar with only to be told that I didn’t have the right to partake in communion because I hadn’t taken the years to become a part of their congregation based on their rituals despite saying yes to Jesus 8 years prior?

Imagine how appalled I was when I learned that a friend who I believe has the biggest heart of all told me that they had been struggling with an issue (which the church has dodged talking about for way too long) and hasn’t been given a safe and compassionate space and team to uplift them and help them defeat it.

That quote from Pornography: Let’s Get Down & Dirty About It was the culmination of me being absolutely fed up with my family, my faith family.

How dare we call ourselves followers of Christ and yet treat the world the same way the Pharisees and teachers of the law did? I said this in a conversation with a friend a while back and I stand by it:

"It is sad day that there people wearing God is Dope tees with Christian as their religion on Facebook, and yet they do not see that they are the modern-day teachers of the law who persecuted Jesus."

(I said I would go there today…and I am not even done yet)  

I can already see people asking themselves, “is she talking about me? Have I been a Pharisee? When did I persecute Jesus?”

You know what that sounds like? Matthew 25:35-46

' “‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you took care of me; I was in prison and you visited me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and take you in, or without clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick, or in prison, and visit you?’ “And the King will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ “Then he will also say to those on the left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels! For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink; I was a stranger and you didn’t take me in; I was naked and you didn’t clothe me, sick and in prison and you didn’t take care of me.’ “Then they too will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or without clothes, or sick, or in prison, and not help you?’ “Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ “And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” '

Matthew 25:35-46 (CSB)

We tend to believe that God operates in one way when really, He is God and He can do whatever He so chooses to do.

We often think that we have to go on a missions trip to a third world country and help their communities when truth be told, we wouldn’t even help the lady with three kids carrying bags of groceries to her car who is struggling. We gather in massively large building where we get all dolled up to look good for people who really are just there for show, but refuse to go and spend time in the areas of our communities which have been neglected and in need of God’s amazing unconditional love. We judge that young man in all black waiting for the bus that will take him to work which pays barely enough to take care of his wife and child at home and yet…we post on social media how our position on political issues are more valid and get into arguments with people who disagree instead of educating our families about the social issues we have all participated in that have resulted in hurt of the men and women of color in this country. (read: A Message From Your Black Trophy Girlfriend & Your Black Token Friend for a better understanding )

As I am witnessing all this hurt around our world , I look in disgust and sadly I am not the only one. The church has hurt a lot of people. We have hurt each other, and those God had given us the opportunity to share His Gospel.

Do not forget that it was professing believers who thrived off the Mid-Atlantic slave trade which has harmed many men and women of color. Do not forget that it was the professing Christians that told black people, while in slavery, that they are evil because of the color of their skin and religious manipulation that they inflicted on people they were called to love. Do not forget that it was religious manipulation that women fought so rigorously against so that they may have the right to vote and work to feed their families. Do not forget that the church has hurt many people.

As a believer, I cannot sit here and look at the hurt we have in our history and not call it out. We need to reconcile. We need to listen to the hurt of those in the world, those we are called to love, and meet them with love. We must activate the beautiful blessing of reconciliation: a power that brings healing in areas that seemed impossible.

To love someone is not just when you give to mission work, but in reaching out to your community and asking, “here I am, where do you need me?” To love someone isn’t arguing on Facebook about the upcoming election, but go to the virtual towns meetings, listen to the voices of concerned parents and leaders and help with the fundraiser that will bring back more opportunities for the young leaders in our world. To love someone isn’t tossing Bible verse at them when they are facing traumatic events or showing of how Christian you are by listing how many ministries you are a part of, but in making the time to call and check on those you know have been going through a rough patch and asking how you can help. To love someone is to recognize that when they say you hurt them, you have no grounds to say no but to listen, understand their hurt, and make the necessary steps to atone for it despite whether you agree with them or not. To love someone is to make sure that even when a relationship ends, they is still a door cracked open that you can still be there for each other without the feeling of guilt because you never left on a bad note. To love someone is to love exactly the way the Jesus has called us: as much as we love ourselves.

I love how Jesus put it in Luke 16: 14-15

'Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, were listening to all these things and were sneering and ridiculing Him. So He said to them, “You are the ones who declare yourselves just and upright in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts [your thoughts, your desires, your secrets]; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.

Luke 16:14-15(AMP)

I know I gave a lot to chew on, however I will not end this post on a harsh note but one that I want to use to encourage you. See, if anything I said today made you uncomfortable, if you started questioning if this maybe you, I recommend the same thing that Jesus has been working with me on:

Ask God to check your heart. Plead with God for Him to expose your sins to you. Ask the Holy Spirit to make your heart sensitive to His instructions and guidance. (Check Out the prayer below )

When we prayed the prayer of salvation, many of us thought that once we prayed, we were in the clear. Remember what I said in What They Don't Tell You When You Say Yes: 

"The Lord doesn't expect you to get it right, child. I mean, he wants you to start to keep the lessons He'll be teaching you, but I'm telling you, God knows you don't have it together. If you did, Jesus' whole story wouldn't even exist, and you wouldn't have needed this whole baptism thing. You will mess up. Repent and get back."  -- What They Don't Tell You When You Say Yes

'But now, apart from the law, the righteousness of God has been revealed, attested by the Law and the Prophets. The righteousness of God is through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe, since there is no distinction. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

Romans 3:21-24 (CSB)

Why does this matter?

God recently reminded me of an event that took place a little over two years ago. I was on scrolling on Facebook (social media bruh, it messes so many people up, smh ) when I saw a post regarding my dad which exposed a secret I had no idea about. I was beyond upset and hurt to say the least. At the time, I was in a relationship. When I shared my frustration about the issue with my partner at the time, I was told to get over my dad. To let him go and not deal with him anymore and in modern terms, to cancel my dad.

Looking back, I cannot say whether it was a family thing or righteous anger, but I said, “no way, that’s my dad.”

From then on I began working with my dad on our relationship dynamic. Until the end of my dad’s life, we shared with each other the different hurts, miscommunication, and events that needed to be brought to light (transparency). I am quite grateful for God using what the world would have said, “let him go and focus on you,” to reconcile the relationship of a father and his daughter. Being reminded of how God gave my dad an extra year to work on our relationship encourages me and honestly, make me happy cry (I look a mess right now, someone pass me the tissue box please!)

You never know how much healing can come out of atonement until you begin. Jesus came here to reconcile our sins with God. Do not wait because tomorrow is never promised, it really is not.

We have all missed the mark, therefore we all so desperately need Jesus. For our good is not even good unless God is in it. I have missed the mark and miss the mark on the daily and I need Jesus, badly! So, do you. Throughout this post, I am pretty sure you were reminded of someone or a situation where the Holy Spirit was like, “yeah, that was you. You need to go and reconcile with that person.”

The question here is not whether you have someone or something to reconcile. Nah. The question is:

Are you going to own up to missing the mark with that person (or in that situation) and go and reconcile?

Until next time…

-Abigail

P.S.: with everything I shared, and as much as I advocate for reconciliation, I refuse to stand by anyone reconciling physically with any person or in any situation they do not feel safe in. There is wisdom and discernment needed in situations that you do not feel safe in; this is where being attentive to the Holy Spirit is going to blessing you.

What Jesus Says Reconciliation

Prayer for reconciliation

Dear Father,

I need your help. I don’t want to be disobedient and to not be who you have called me to be. I want to do exactly what you have requested of me. I do not want to sin again you and need your help to doing so. Please help me, by taking my heart and giving me yours. Do whatever soul and heart surgery you need to do to get me to be who you’ve called me to be. I want to reflect you. Help me, Father, by show me magnitude of my sins and what they have costed you and I. I don’t want to just hear the gospel but I want to live it. Help me by making my heart and sensitive to your Spirit, the Holy Spirit. I am asking for you to make me hear your instructions and discern in a way that brings more glory to you. I do not want to withhold love, your love. Help me to walk in your wisdom and be kind in every way possible. I know that you can do all of this because I’m your servant. In advance of answering this prayer, thank you. Thank you for coming through like you always do. Thank you for listening even though you really do not have to. Thank you for loving me and all my brothers and sisters by letting Jesus take our place on the cross.

We do not realize the importance and the value of A Blessing until it is all we have or no longer accessible.

Grief is a weird concept and a part of life.

No matter how well you play at the game of life, at some point you will encounter grief. Whether it be after a breakup, leaving a job that you were at for years, the loss of a favorite pet, or (the one that hurts the most) the loss of a parent. Grief a lifelong journey and does not really have a destination because, throughout your life, you will learn something new about yourself, the world, and the loss you experience which will impact the person you grow into. Grief is weird and yet, one of the greatest blessings of life.

Yes, you read that correctly. Grief is a blessing. To be stripped of something, to gain another level of wisdom from an experience with someone or something, these are some of the gifts that come with loss.

Now before I give you the Biblical references that help me come to realize how much of a blessing grief can be, let me tell you why I am writing to you through this post.

Never once, not in any way, did I ever believe that I would be saying goodbye to my dad at 25 years of age. If you were to foreshadow it, I would have looked at you funny. However, as I am sitting here listening to the waves crashing on the beach, soaking in the sun’s rays on my chocolate skin, and taking in the salty air, I know that this is now my reality. My time with my dad on earth has come to an end.

…and though I could leave this post on a sour note that is necessary and true, there is a deeper lesson in this new normal of mine. One that I must thank God for revealing much earlier.

You see, there is something truly profound in the message that Jesus shared with us in John 15: 26 – John 16: 1-15.

' “When the Counselor comes, the one I will send to you from the Father — the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father — he will testify about me. You also will testify, because you have been with me from the beginning.'

—John 15:26-27 (CSB)

' “I have told you these things to keep you from stumbling. They will ban you from the synagogues. In fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering service to God. They will do these things because they haven’t known the Father or me. and about judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged. Everything the Father has is mine. This is why I told you that he takes from what is mine and will declare it to you. He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth. For he will not speak on his own, but he will speak whatever he hears. He will also declare to you what is to come. “I still have many things to tell you, but you can’t bear them now. about righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will no longer see me; When he comes, he will convict the world about sin, righteousness, and judgment: Nevertheless, I am telling you the truth. It is for your benefit that I go away, because if I don’t go away the Counselor will not come to you. If I go, I will send him to you. Yet, because I have spoken these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. But now I am going away to him who sent me, and not one of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ But I have told you these things so that when their time comes you will remember I told them to you. I didn’t tell you these things from the beginning, because I was with you. About sin, because they do not believe in me; '

—John 16:1-15

Jesus explains to us that he is sending us the Paraklētos . This word is Greek for an advocate, intercessor, counselor, comforter, helper, and ultimately the one called to another’s aid.

The Lord tells us that for our benefit, he must leave us. (Yes, our benefit; how cool is that!) Jesus needed to suffer in our place. (Paul harps on this throughout Romans) That for us to testify about the Lord (to be witnesses of the Jesus) we must have the Holy Spirit within us. We must have the Spirit of Truth to speak the truth. (For this reason, the disciples had to wait till the Day of Pentecost to share the Good News) We cannot discern, live righteously, and be convicted as we convict the world without the Counselor, the Guide, and the Advocate: aka the Holy Spirit.

As much I love breaking down the Bible and deciphering through the different translations, there are three characteristics of the Holy Spirit that I want to speak with you about today:

The Comforter

Remember my statement at the beginning of this post? Well, for the past couple of years, God has been dropping snippets of the importance of how the Holy Spirit operates, especially as the comforter and intercessor. Though, there is something about facing the loss of a loved one, especially those you hold dear to your heart that enlightens you.

In fact, I believe that one of the many blessings of Jesus coming here on Earth to die in our place was God fulfilling Psalms 27:9-10 and Isaiah 42:14-17.

'Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord cares for me. Do not hide your face from me; do not turn your servant away in anger. You have been my helper; do not leave me or abandon me, God of my salvation. '

—Psalms 27:9-10

'They will be turned back and utterly ashamed — those who trust in an idol and say to a cast image, ‘You are our gods! ’ I will lead the blind by a way they did not know; I will guide them on paths they have not known. I will turn darkness to light in front of them and rough places into level ground. This is what I will do for them, and I will not abandon them. “I have kept silent from ages past; I have been quiet and restrained myself. But now, I will groan like a woman in labor, gasping breathlessly. I will lay waste mountains and hills and dry up all their vegetation. I will turn rivers into islands and dry up marshes. '

—Isaiah 42:14-17

There is absolutely something powerful and supernatural peace that seeps into your spirit when you know that even when life seems to be falling apart and anything and everything is going wrong, God is there with you. God hears your prayers, He senses your pain, and He is hugging you spiritually. No matter how many apologies you receive in any situation, it is the full understanding that God is there with you and He is got this.

The LORD knew we needed to know that He’s in everything with us, especially the storms of life which is why He had to make Himself relatable in the form of Jesus and continue to reassure us of His love through His constant presence: the Holy Spirit.

The Guide

Knowing that we have God with us (we are literally living life with God 24/7), gives us comfort and undeniable confidence in the steps we take even when it does not make sense. There is a boldness that you tap into (God-fidence) when you know God, you know that He is absolutely in love with you, and you know that He’s in the driver seat, not you. This God-fidence is the same boldness that Jesus had when the disciples woke him up and asked him if he even cared about the storm that was going on. (Do not wake me up during my nap, it wouldn’t be pretty; I’m not Jesus)

Rereading the story of the storm in Mark 4:35-41, I noticed how Jesus never answer the disciples because it’s not that He didn’t care, however, it was that Jesus knew where to place his cares and concerns. Jesus knew that to weather the storms of life, we must know where to place our faith and by doing so, we can clearly navigate the battles of this world.

'On that day, when evening had come, he told them, “Let’s cross over to the other side of the sea.” So they left the crowd and took him along since he was in the boat. And other boats were with him. A great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking over the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. He was in the stern, sleeping on the cushion. So they woke him up and said to him, “Teacher! Don’t you care that we’re going to die?” He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Silence! Be still!” The wind ceased, and there was a great calm. Then he said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” And they were terrified and asked one another, “Who then is this? Even the wind and the sea obey him!” '

—Mark 4:35-41

After calming the storm, Jesus said, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” He said this because He wanted to indicate two important things about what it means to have the Spirit of God within you through the faith in God and himself. Jesus wanted us to know that from the most minuscule issues to the most life-changing situations, the Holy Spirit is here to guide us through it.

No problem, big or small, is a nuisance to God. In fact, He wants us to speak with Him about everything, regardless of God knowing it all. God wants to increase our peace and give us the discernment to fulfill His perfect will for us (Romans 12:2). One is a blessing that comes with the adoption into God’s family and the other is the provision that helps us complete our mission.

'Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. '

—Romans 12:2

The Intercessor

To explain what it means to be an intercessor, I am going to give the textbook definition and then my own:

Textbook: a person who intervenes on behalf of another, especially by prayer.

(Now, typically some of us understand that definition but I am not some. I had to dig and pray a little to gain a better understanding of what it means to truly be an intercessor.)

Abigail’s Definition: one who is ready, willing, and committed to jumping in front of the bullet for another especially when it comes to the spiritual battles that are waging.

See, when I think of an intercessor or the Holy Spirit, I always get a picture of my mother or a parent. When a person becomes the parent of another, you are making a lifelong commitment to your time and life not being all about you. A parent works around the clock to ensure that their child is safe, healthy, and most importantly loved in every way possible. The Holy Spirit does this for us in all the different aspects of his character. The Spirit of Truth is naturally our spiritual parent as we await our first brother’s return.

In other words, the Holy Spirit understands you better than any person (including your parents and partner) could ever.

There are times in my life when the Holy Spirit showed me this side of Himself. Though the one experience that showed me just how powerful and committed the Spirit of God is when comes to interceding on our behalf is most recently when I found out on August 5th, 2020 that my earthly father had completed his time on earth.

There was an agony that as a writer, with about 600,000 words in the English dictionary, there were absolutely no words to convey what I was feeling and experiencing at that moment. Truly, I kept repeating to my friend who was with me at the time I got the news and through the tears, “I never want anyone to experience this pain. I wish I could protect every person from this pain.”

In the tears, in the loud outburst, in the sadness, I knew as clear as possible that God was listening to my prayer. A prayer that I cannot repeat but of deep sorrow. A prayer that the Holy Spirit helped my heart to design and translated to God. There were no words, just loud and sporadic tears leaving my lips. This was God showing me, love, through His mercy and grace by reminding me in the pain that He has given me my greatest asset: The Holy Spirit.

From being a helper that knows exactly where the assistance is needed, the power of Heaven (Luke 24:49), the advocate when we have no words, to being the comforter in all storms of life, the guide that keeps us from stumbling, and the intercessor that loves unconditionally.

Indeed, the Holy Spirit is all you need especially when He is all you’ve got. Hold on tight and never let him go, he is your greatest asset.

Until next time…

—🌿 Abigail

'“And now I will send the Holy Spirit, just as my Father promised. But stay here in the city until the Holy Spirit comes and fills you with power from heaven.”'

—Luke 24:49(NLT)

'I am resolved to obey your statutes to the very end. I have your decrees as a heritage forever; indeed, they are the joy of my heart. Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path. I have solemnly sworn to keep your righteous judgments. I am severely afflicted; Lord , give me life according to your word. Lord , please accept my freewill offerings of praise, and teach me your judgments. My life is constantly in danger, yet I do not forget your instruction. The wicked have set a trap for me, but I have not wandered from your precepts. '

You can tell a person's prayer life by the names they keep in their mouth...especially how often they bring them up.  

As a kind courtesy, I am giving you a heads up that this post is not for the faint of heart. This is not a post that you can read if you struggle to face your yourself and call yourself out regardless of whether others notice or not. If keeping your integrity is not your priority, please stop reading. If saying sorry and genuinely meaning it is not your strong suit, I recommend that you pause right now, go pray, see your therapist, and after much time, revisit this post.

...still here? Mind you, you have been warned. Proceed.  

'Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart. Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip; liars pay close attention to slander.'  

—Proverbs 17:3-4 (NLT)  

Today's topic is one that I did not understand the gravity of its impact until I had it done to me. A lesson that I knew was not cool and did not realize how much it hurt people until...I was the hurt person. Before I give the lesson, let me give you some background:  

A while back, I was on my way to the gym. (y'all know I need the squat rack to keep the pounds on; the struggle is real in these streets😩🥵) Typical me, (more like talkative me), here I was walking into the gym, greeting all my favorite people that worked there. Little did I know, I was about to learn a harsh lesson and the importance of letting the Holy Spirit vet those who enter your garden (insert past blog post about GARDEN)  

Though, this specific day did not seem all that different, at least it was not until I saw the expression on a friend face as I was making my greetings rounds. This guy is someone I consider a brother in Christ through and through. (if you do not have someone like this guy, send me your prayer request because God has been using him to save lives.) Here I was greeting this brother in Christ but his typically smiling face and warm demeanor turned into a stiff and disgruntled expression.  

Concerned as I was, I began asking my friend what was wrong. He pulled me aside and said something that has never left me (almost like, I had been hearing this message for years and it was not until he said it that it really hit home). He said,  

"Abigail, you need to be careful who you tell your business to."  

Turns out, a close friend, a confidant, (someone who I trusted to see me for who I am and love me am) was out here in the streets rattling off about business that was not even theirs. Y'all, sis was livid to say the least.  

Imagine telling someone something that involved you and many others for the sack of accountability and only to find out that the very person you trusted was sharing other's information 1) without asking if it was okay to even talk to anyone about it and 2) to people who clearly didn't have your best interest at heart and 3) after already discussing the importance of transparency and honesty in your friendship with this person? Ludicrous🤦🏾‍♀️  

Yes, learning the outcomes of trusting the wrong people stung like a bee. (Real talk, I have never been stung before and pray to never though, I have heard it hurts a lot🤕!)  

Lying, gossiping, airing people's dirty laundry, there is no excuse for it. However, we have tried to justify ourselves by saying,  

"let's pray for this person because...(gossiping)"  

"I'm concerned about this person and what they're going through.... (gossiping)"  

"we'll, I want another perspective...(gossiping)"  

Gossiping hurts. This form of betrayal has ended many relationships and erodes the trust that is essential to building healthy connections with people. Though, to even address how harmful gossiping is, let me explain what gossiping really is:  

To share any information that is not life threatening about another person without that said person's permission, presence, and privacy protected. To be unloving towards others to the point of using sensitive matters to benefit oneself.  

(We've all messed up when it comes to gossiping and there is no excuse.)  

I see the light bulbs coming on💡. You are remembering that time you said that one thing about so and so to that person. Yes, that time when the person you were talking about was not even there to defend themselves, the person did not give you permission to share their business, and you were not protecting their character and heart.  

See what I mean?  

Remember how God said that the power of life and death is in the tongue?  

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”  

‭‭—Proverbs‬ ‭18:21‬   

When we are gossiping, we are speaking death (even with our best intentions) into another person's life and situation. How is that loving people unconditionally like Jesus has asked of us? How is tainting another's character and sharing unapproved information love?  

Let me tell you something...  

It is not love. It is sin.  

Convicted yet? (If not, please stop reading and head to your prayer closet because God does not play about this topic and we all need to be delivered from it.)  

Still here? Okay, you are a trooper looking to grow. I see you 😉! Growth looks good on you😆!  

Now that we realize how much it hurts God, our brothers, and sisters, and ourselves to gossip, what are we going to do about it?  

What do you do when you realize your sin and want to change?  

REPENT  

Repent and allow the Holy Spirit to help you set up the proper boundaries to keep yourself accountable.  

When I dealt with the gossiping from that past relationships, I refused to say that the former confidant hurt me or put blame on them. In fact, when God exposes areas in which I need to work on through other people, I stand by  I believe that it is a me issue and that I hurt me through the lesson that needed to be learned. Recognizing areas of my heart that need more of the Holy Spirit's power is one of the ways I repent.  

Repentance is a mind and heart change by recognizing the sin and turning around, taking ownership, and recognizing how I played a factor (tolerating) in the sin is a wonderful first step. (Remember, it takes two to tango.) A fitting example is, when you look back at the conversations you have had to with gossipers, you will notice how they talked about their loved ones and those they call their closest friends. If someone will speak poorly of another person in your presence, what makes you think they are not going to (or would not) do that to you when things go south?  

IDENTIFY  

Once I realized the hurt that gossiping caused, I began naming all the ways I have tolerated it. One way, which I think is the most manipulative and ridiculous is when believers mention someone as a way of asking for prayer for that person.  

Do not get me wrong, I am here for prayer. (I could use some holy prayers 🙏🏾). However, when having a chat with my mom, we both agree that it is possible to request prayer on the behalf of someone without gossiping. It is super simple:  

"Hey (whoever you're talking to), God brought (the person you want to pray for) to my heart and I wanted to ask if we could prayer for them. Pray for favor, discernment, and God's protection. "  

See how simple that request was without bringing up someone's business?  

"Keep your side of the road clean."  

SET BOUNDARIES & STOP BEING A SCAPEGOAT FOR SIN  

As you identify the ways gossiping (this nasty, crusty, and musty sin) has played a role in your conversations, ask the Holy Spirit to correct you and teach you ways to combat it. This stage is called setting boundaries.  

I love setting boundaries (probably because I did not set them for so long and have learned the importance of their protection 😅) though be mindful that boundaries are not as much for others as they are for you. They are wonderful guidance to keeping yourself in check and vet people.  

I use questions to set boundaries when it comes to people talking (totally inspired by Jesus)  

Is it my business to know what you are about to say?  

Did this person give you permission to share this matter with me?  

How is this fruitful? Why is telling me this beneficial for our relationship and for me to hear it?  

Have you spoken to this person about this matter and your concerns already? Are you going to?  

Can we invite this person into our conversation since it is about them?  

What you are about to share, if roles were reversed, knowing this person's heart, would they to share it to others? Would you want them to share your information with others?  

Why are we talking about them and not with them?  

Have you chatted with God about this before bringing it to me?  

Have you talked to your therapist, after talking with God, about this?  

(those last two slays!)  

Any person whose purpose of conversing about a person or situation is not from a place of unconditional love will either lie their way through those questions or will stop the sin before they even begin. See, how these questions help keep you in check as you ask them and protect two other people (the potential gossiper and the one who was going to be the topic of the conversation)?  

I went into more detail about gossiping than I intended, though, after seeing how this sin hurts people, I have become passionate about not tolerating it. Let the Holy Spirit deal with this sin now before you become the next hot topic.  

Point blank:  

Keep people's name out of your mouth. If it is not about Jesus, then how is this any of your business?  

Told you this would be an uncomfortable post.  

Until next time...  

—🌿 Abigail  

“Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity. Let the thief no longer steal. Instead, he is to do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need. No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. And do not grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”  

‭‭‭‭—Ephesians‬ ‭4:25-32‬ ‭(CSB)‬‬  

““You have heard that it was said to our ancestors, Do not murder, and whoever murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Whoever insults his brother or sister, will be subject to the court. Whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be subject to hellfire. So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Reach a settlement quickly with your adversary while you’re on the way with him to the court, or your adversary will hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out of there until you have paid the last penny.”  

‭‭—Matthew‬ ‭5:21-26‬ ‭  

““If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you. Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there among them.””  

‭‭—‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:15-20‬ ‭  

“There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue, only a moment. Deceit is in the hearts of those who plot evil, but those who promote peace have joy.  

Lying lips are detestable to the Lord, but faithful people are his delight.”  

‭‭—‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:18-20, 22‬ ‬‬  

“A useless person causes trouble, and a gossip ruins friendships.”  

‭‭—‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:28‬ ‭(NCV)‬‬  

https://www.bible.com/105/pro.16.28.ncv  

“They visit me as if they were my friends, but all the while they gather gossip, and when they leave, they spread it everywhere.”  

‭‭—‭‭Psalms‬ ‭41:6‬ ‭(NLT)‬‬  

““You must not pass along false rumors. You must not cooperate with evil people by lying on the witness stand. “You must not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you are called to testify in a dispute, do not be swayed by the crowd to twist justice.”  

There are more actors out of Hollywood than there are in it…and sadly, the church has become the new Hollywood, instead of being the Holy-wood.

4 years ago I began blogging and kicked off this journey with the toughest post I've ever written. Even though each blog post is aimed to expose more of my journey and who I am, my first post has, and always will be the hardest one for me because I placed myself on the chopping block. ( I bared it all from the get-go.)

The hardest message I've ever share: Overcoming My Thorn (a transparent look at pornography).

I had been hearing the Holy Spirit telling me to speak my truth and bare my brokenness through my writing for months. Though, it was hard when I shared my struggle, this ugly sin, with one my closest sisters and seeing this message give her hope, freedom, and strength, that I realized there is truly power in speaking the truth.

(In fact, the reason why I continue to blog is because of the things that happen in life that hurt my heart. Things like religious manipulation, the mishandling of relationships, withholding of unconditional love, judgmental spirits, and so much more. Indeed, your biggest struggles and the things that break your heart the most are in your life because they play a vital part in your testimony, your purpose, and the perfect will of God.)

After sharing the truth about struggling with porn since 4th grade, God used me calling it out and calling it what it is as a way to save His children. He began showing me the power of transparency through those who would text and send me a message about how impactful the post was for them.

Within the span of 4 years, I have been more empowered for the fight for the souls of my brothers and sisters by speaking truth even when I'm terrified of what others would think and if I would look like less of the "good Christian girl."

'For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save the lost.” '

Luke 19:10 (CSB)

Why am I saying all of this? Why are we even revisiting the first post? I could say that it’s because Pastor Michael Todd's Relationship Goals: Reloaded did a number on me and played a factor in this post (which is true). Or I could say that for the month of August, I wanted to get into more nitty-gritty topics that we don't speak on enough as the body of Christ. Though, ultimately I wanted to come here and speak on the subject of pornography because of the quote at the beginning of this post.

I'm going to say something that will sound so unchristian of me, but I really do not care:

I'm sick and tired of fake Christians. Gosh, I'm so irritated that I cannot hold back any longer. I'm so fed up with the number of people who put on fake smiles, get on stage, and on the pulpit that refuses to deal with the jacked-up things that are really going on. I'm so disgusted and tired of how many people come to church in need of spiritual freedom only to receive fluff and prosperity preaching that does nothing for them. Dude, people need to be set free out here. Why the heck are we not dealing with the real issues?

Jesus didn't come here for religion (don't even know why following Jesus means I have a religion but we'll take about that another day). The dude didn't care about how much production you put together to make your service look like a Coachella festival. God was never about how many ministries you can cross off your list.

' The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed, He came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. As usual, he entered the synagogue on the Sabbath day and stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him, and unrolling the scroll, he found the place where it was written: to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. He then rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant, and sat down. And the eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fixed on him. He began by saying to them, “Today as you listen, this Scripture has been fulfilled.” '

Luke 4:16-21

Jesus said that he came to save the lost, the broken, the rejected, the abused, the hurting, those in pain. What are we doing calling ourselves Christians (followers of Christ) when we aren't even doing what He came here for.

Why do we think that if a person dresses differently, doesn't worship the way we want them to, or has a different perspective of a verse in the Word of God that they are any less of a believer?

There's way too much church hurt and it's because we've got barbie believers here.

I love how Pastor Todd called out pornography and said what he said. Imagine how many people we could touch if we were honest, transparent, and vulnerable. News flash:

To be a follower of Christ is to face yourself. Face your sins and acknowledge that you are imperfect. You are pretty much not worthy of heaven because of how sinful you are by nature. If it wasn't for God breaking His own heart by getting down and dirty with us by sending His ONLY son to be slaughtered in our place, we wouldn't even have a chance to commune with God.

Following Jesus isn't meant to be a perfect put together person but one who says, "Hey I'm a sinner. I miss the mark more times than I hit it. I struggle with this and that and need help. In getting help, I want to love because I have been loved unconditionally by the One who I hurt the most: God."

For me, blogging is how I expose myself and sins that we tolerate. I am not perfect and never aim to be. The only one whose opinion matters is God, not mine. I answer to Him and He told me to speak the truth. If I do not share what God asked me, I will face him and sis isn’t here for the wrath of the Father.

So I'm pledging with the body of Christ, brothers, and sisters:

Let's do better by telling the truth. Let's take off the mask and call out the sins and deal with the issues. We've got people hurting out here and according to Revelations, it's only by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony that people are truly set free and transformed.

Let's talk about how men and women struggle with porn, how alcohol has destroyed the psyche of families and leaders of the home, how a pastor could peach on Sundays and sleep around on Mondays, and how we shun those who look and think differently from us. We've got to get into it.

I wrote the original post about porn to expose something that I had to eradicate. With the power of God, my accountability team, and absolute reckless abandonment of self, God used what was destroying me from the inside to bring healing and light to a topic that has brought so much freedom to my inner circle and many others. If God could use a confused, messy girl to do just that, imagine what the LORD will do when we all (the whole body of Christ) begin confessing and exposing our sins?

I'll end with these questions:

What are you not exposing that God has called you to speak on? What skeletons have you been hiding in your closet that could save a soul?

Enough of the watered down Gospel. We need to get into the truth and live the truth. Imagine how many souls God will use us to save if we were as transparent as Jesus?

Until next time…

"I don’t want to be a comfortable Christian. I do not want to just go to church on Sundays, join a ministry, volunteer, go on missions' trips, and think that that is enough. I want uncomfortable faith. I want the faith that scares me. I want a faith that is convicting."

There is much that can be said about the season of being still. In fact, when you google, “be still,” you’ll find shirts, paintings, and merch with the phrase beautifully placed on them. As much as I like having Bible verses on my clothes and on my walls, I don’t want to talk about lovely Christian décor. Instead, I want to chat about the true meaning of being still. Better yet, I want to share what God has taught me about the power of the be still moment.

If you go on my Instagram (IG), you’ll notice that the first verse I share is Psalms 46:10. This verse was continuously being whispered in my heart before I even knew it was in the Bible (nevertheless, it’s mentioned 3 separate times).

Back at the beginning of 2014, I kept hearing the Holy Spirit saying, “Be still and know.” At first, I was like, “dude, where in the world is this coming from?” After hearing this message many times. I started looking into where it could be found. (Google be clutch y’all! I love how funny God can be.)

I began noticing in Exodus 14:13-14 the statement of being still. Then again, in Psalms 37:7. Though, it was Psalms 46:10 that hit me at the core and guided me through the unexpected year I was about to face in 2014. A year where I faced my first breakup, the death of two friends, my parent’s separation which led to their divorce, and the pressures of life including being first-generation high school and college. Yes, what a year it was.

Since that year, I have continued to hear the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit saying, “Be still and know that He is God.” So, it is not a surprise that I describe Psalms 46:10 as my life’s verse. From 2014 to even now, God has taught me quite a lot about the power, healing, wisdom, and love that we receive when we truly quiet our souls and humbly submit to the LORD as He reveals Himself, His power, His glory, and His perfect will to us.

Being still is not procrastination, complacency, mediocre, or wasteful waiting. Remember that we live in a world that obsesses over the hustle. Though, God does not work the way the world does. He is in a league of His own.

Instead, today I want to share with you some gems God has taught me during our being still moment. Gems that I hold so dearly and have attributed to me becoming a better woman. These are lessons that I’d pass down to my children. Due to how transformative, vulnerable, and transparent they are, it has made this the rawest and equally scariest post yet.

"Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world."  -- Psalms 46:10 (NLT)

As I take in a deep breath before sharing these lessons, please be mindful and respectful. Understand the gravity that this is a moment where I will be sharing a sensitive area of my life and my heart. These are truths God has had to teach me (I am stubborn y’all, pray for sis) and reveal specific areas of my heart:

Here we go:

Unprecedented season & miracles are about to happen:

The first time I was being taught why being still is crucial, I was not aware that my life was about to change so drastically. It reminds me of the first time God tells us to be still: Exodus 14:13-14.

"'But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”'"  -- Exodus 14:13-14 (NLT)

In Exodus, God tells the Israelites to be still in the middle of chaos and one of the most terrifying parts of their story. This moment happens when the children of Israel are pursuing what God has called them to (freedom) yet, they are surrounded by their enemies (the Egyptians). They were facing uncharted territory and they were freaking out (which we all would be) because they did not know what was going to happen next. The Israelites were about to embark on a new chapter that required God to shift the atmosphere and their environment (quite literally).

Though in the chaos, confusion, and craziness (the 3 C’s), God said, “watch me show up and show off to save my people and bring glory to myself.” God used this crazy experience to do one of the dopest miracles ever: the parting of the Red Sea! How cool is that?!

Like the Israelites, you and I have been through seasons where anything wrong could and was happening. In truth, 2020 has been like this for many, if not all, of us. This year did not start off as merciful as we thought it would. Though, chaos is fertile ground for the supernatural; that heaven-sent miracle we absolutely need. When we do not know what is going on or why all hell seems to be breaking loose, our best bet is to be still and watch God show up and show off!

Relationship Therapy:

We live in a world that is now learning to be more accepting of therapy. ( y’all know how much your girl loves her some therapy) As we are getting adequate help on mastering self and life, one area we need guidance is our most important relationship: the one we have with God. I love how Jesus said,

“If anyone loves me, he will keep my word. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. The one who does not love me will not keep my words. The word that you hear is not mine but is from the Father who sent me. '”

—John 14:23-24 (CSB)

And how Ezekiel shares with us what God said in chapter 36:26-38. Only when we allow God to work on us, transform us His way, and keep His statues (His Word) that we can be called His people.

'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will place my Spirit within you and cause you to follow my statutes and carefully observe my ordinances. You will live in the land that I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will summon the grain and make it plentiful, and I will not bring famine on you. I will also make the fruit of the trees and the produce of the field plentiful, so that you will no longer experience reproach among the nations on account of famine. “‘You will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good, and you will loathe yourselves for your iniquities and detestable practices. “‘This is what the Lord God says: On the day I cleanse you from all your iniquities, I will cause the cities to be inhabited, and the ruins will be rebuilt. It is not for your sake that I will act — this is the declaration of the Lord God — let this be known to you. Be ashamed and humiliated because of your ways, house of Israel! The desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of everyone who passes by. They will say, “This land that was desolate has become like the garden of Eden. The cities that were once ruined, desolate, and demolished are now fortified and inhabited.” Then the nations that remain around you will know that I, the Lord , have rebuilt what was demolished and have replanted what was desolate. I, the Lord , have spoken and I will do it. “‘This is what the Lord God says: I will respond to the house of Israel and do this for them: I will multiply them in number like a flock. So the ruined cities will be filled with a flock of people, just as Jerusalem is filled with a flock of sheep for sacrifice during its appointed festivals. Then they will know that I am the Lord .’”'

—Ezekiel 36:26-38 (CSB)

When we humble ourselves and let God teach us who He is, who we are, and the inner workings of our relationship with Him, we are living in our purpose as children of God.

Being still is work because in doing so we can gain the beautiful gifts that come with our relationship with God. Gifts such as wisdom, prayer, unconditional love for all including our neighbors, self, and God. We gain all the fruits of the Holy Spirit, step into our purpose, and continue to run the race with the endurance we need because we are letting God pour Himself into us and emptying us of all that does not bring Him glory.

Dying to Self:

I have lost count of the many times the Holy Spirit helped me dodge making unwise decisions. In fact, there has been many times I almost jumped into relationships, almost said yes to business opportunities, or even sent that super emotional text but then...God was like, “Abigail, no.”

Being still has been such a blessing because in letting God have absolute control, my heart has become super sensitive to the voice of the LORD and the perfect guidance of the Holy Spirit. (And the best part, I have such a long way to go!)

Remember the passage in Ezekiel? God truly replaces our hearts with one which matches His heart. When we humble ourselves and let God stay in the driver seat, we give Him permission to fix us, show us areas that need pruning, and allow the LORD to do the spiritual surgeries we so desperately need.

In addition, remember when Jesus told us to take up our cross? (Matthew 10: 32-39) When we make the choice to stop in the middle of life, humble ourselves, spiritually prostrate in front of our Father, and give Him all of us, we allow the Holy Spirit to do her job. We give room for guidance that with obedience leads to us fulfilling our purpose and the perfect will of God. Treasure the be still moments because this is where you get to die to yourself and transform into the you that brings even more glory to God.

I don’t know about you, however, your girl really loves the be still moments. In fact, all the wisdom, understanding, and all the good things about me are a culmination of God stopping me and asking me to chill out and chill with Him.

"Cause you take broken things and make them beautiful Oh, you take broken things and make them whole again."  -- Dante Bowe (Potter and Friend)

I will end with this:

I am not any different from you or anyone else in this world. God made each of us and loves us so deeply. The only thing special about me is God because He is the One that made me. (This means that you are just as special as I am! We are in this together!) All the wisdom I’ve ever shared with you (and will share) are from the LORD saying, “Abigail, be still and know me. Let me handle this life for you.”

There are many lessons the Holy Spirit keeps on teaching me. Some are about myself and my purpose, however, all these gems always point to how truly magnificent God is. Treasure the stillness, your transformation depends on it.

Until next time...

—🌿 Abigail

'The word of the Lord came to me: “House of Israel, can I not treat you as this potter treats his clay?” — this is the Lord ’s declaration. “Just like clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, house of Israel. But the jar that he was making from the clay became flawed in the potter’s hand, so he made it into another jar, as it seemed right for him to do. '

“You’ve Got to make it to the friend zone to make it to the end zone.”

I started using this phrase back in college because sis was considered one of the bros. Then I realized, why would I ever want to be with someone if they weren’t a good friend first? The friend zone may just be where you want to be because honestly, “You’ve got to make it to the friend zone to make it to the end zone.”

Now, let’s really get into it!

I think I speak for many, if not all, of us when I say that too often, we have said ‘yes’ to friendships and relationships without first consulting with God. We’ve done so without giving ourselves the appropriate time to get to know someone for who they are and why we’ve crossed paths with them. Dr. Dharius Daniels said, “to be surprised by the inevitable is to be naïve.” (Relational Intelligence: the People Skills You Need For the Life of Purpose You Want, p.59)

I will be the first to say that I have been naïve, and I’ve been naïve quite often. A couple of years ago, I began asking myself why my friendships and even the relationship I was in was draining the mess out of me. Why and how did a joyful young lady become sad, double-minded, self-doubting, and miserable within the blink of an eye? (Funny thing is, it wasn’t in the blink of an eye, but a long time coming.) Within that span of time, I had confused what Jesus meant by the second greatest commandment which is to love our neighbors as ourselves. However, I had also been so dry and lost in the wisdom department that I was accepting anyone into my garden.

My garden: my inner sanctum; where I share the depths of who I am, my God-given purpose, and allow the encouragement and accountability of trusted and Holy Spirit vetted souls to commune with me.

Not only was I lacking in knowledge and wisdom which resulted in drastic emotional, financial, psychological, and physical complications, but your girl was also lacking the understanding and importance of alignment.

I will be the first to say that I have been naïve, and I’ve been naïve quite often. A couple of years ago, I began asking myself why my friendships and even the relationship I was in was draining the mess out of me. Why and how did a joyful young lady become sad, double-minded, self-doubting, and miserable within the blink of an eye? (Funny thing is, it wasn’t in the blink of an eye, but a long time coming.) Within that span of time, I had confused what Jesus meant by the second greatest commandment which is to love our neighbors as ourselves. However, I had also been so dry and lost in the wisdom department that I was accepting anyone into my garden.

My garden: my inner sanctum; where I share the depths of who I am, my God-given purpose, and allow the encouragement and accountability of trusted, Holy Spirit vetted souls in.

Not only was I lacking in knowledge and wisdom which resulted in drastic emotional, financial, psychological, and physical complications, but your girl was also lacking the understanding and importance of alignment.

"Alignment is essential. Your relationships have to be defined and aligned properly. Knowing whether someone is a friend, an associate, an assignment, or an advisor will help manage expectations when it comes to the level of enjoyment, development, and achievement expected from any relationship."  -- Daniels, p. 58

So, like I’ve said many times before, after breaking my own heart, I began taking inventory and checking those I was in relationships with. I took each person to Jesus in prayer and started asking God the purpose of my encounters. With each relationship, I began realizing that part of how I went from happy Abigail to sad Abigail who second-guessed just about everything, was because the wrong people were in my garden. Here's the interesting part, I allowed it.

I allowed assignments and associates to not only be friends, but advisors, and in some cases, even my partners. God rightly told Hosea,

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I will reject you from serving as my priest. Since you have forgotten the law of your God, I will also forget your sons.”

—Hosea 4:6 CSB

"[…]aren’t we supposed to love everyone? Our lack of discernment in this area is too often a function of spiritual guilt. We’ve bought the lie that we are supposed to feel the same way about everyone. But biblically this isn’t even true.[…]It’s a reality of life. And it doesn’t mean you don’t love people the way Scripture instructs us to love them. It just means that you’re honest. You are clear that the nature of your emotional attachment to them is not the same…"  -- (Daniels, p. 48-49)

Let me be blunt: I had allowed the pressure of being judged as not a good person and a good Christian to guilt-trip me into accepting people just because they smiled to my face. I was too afraid of rejection and being judged by fellow believers that I placed my own heart and peace on the chopping block. God wasn’t happy with that, and my unrest was the method that the Holy Spirit was using to wake me up.

"Assignments are individuals who may appear to have a genuinely deep admiration for you, but in actuality, their love and admiration is for your gift and not for you as a person.[…]an assignment may have sought you out because of something you have accomplished, and it’s the gift, talent, or skill that they’re actually enamored by.[…] At some point, if your contribution to their life is no longer perceived as valuable, they are likely to leave the relationship."  -- (Daniels, p. 58-59)

Learning the differences between what makes a person an associate, an assignment, an ally, or an advisor quickly made it easier for me to discern who each person was based on character and the evidence that Holy Spirit would reveal. This new awareness also made it easier for me to understand what I needed to work on in order to be considered a friend, and whether I even wanted that with some people.

There are many layers and details that are imperative for us to become aware of so that we’re able to discern who gets to “come in the garden”, how long they get to stay, and what’s the game plan that God has for their access. Our inner sanctum is vital to our health and well-being just as much as it is to our spiritual growth.

“The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.”

—‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:20‬

“Don’t make friends with an angry person, and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered one, or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”

—‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:24-25‬

The matter of 1) discerning and aligning ourselves appropriately in our relationships while 2) taking inventory consistently, is so important to me, that I’ve gotten comfortable with not allowing anyone to be considered a friend, or any title until I get a clear indication from God. Some people have looked at me funny, been taken aback, and even questioned whether I’m being a Christian because I refuse to jump into any relationship until I get the green light. This is where you realize that boundaries are essential and sticking to them determines how and when you fulfill your purpose. (No matter what, don’t budge. You and I answer to God first, not people nor ourselves.)

So why did I share all of this with you? Well…

Get a copy of Dr. Dharius Daniels’ book, “Relational Intelligence”. It's one of the best books I’ve read up to date. While you’re at it grab a copy of Pastor Michael Todd’s phenomenal piece, “Relationship Goals”. Trust me when I say, you’ll either get the awakening that God’s been telling you but you didn’t want to face, the confirmation that you’ve been on the right track to do relationships God’s way, or the schooling that it’s time to check yourself. Or you may just get all three.

I’ve said this time and time again but I cannot harp on this enough: take your time! Please, for the love of all the Klondike bars in the world, take your time. You are not obligated to be friends with every person who is kind to you and gives you compliments. You’re not required to share all of you with people just because they call you friend. You’re commanded, however, to love everyone the way Jesus loves them. Jesus wasn’t even friends with all 5000 loaf-eaters. He only took 3 to witness His transfiguration and even then, only John stuck it through with Him during His crucifixion. (One disciple didn’t jump ship when life hit the fan, one!)

Respect your boundaries. Gosh, I cannot get over this one. Being kind, compassionate, and loving doesn’t mean allowing anyone walk over your boundaries, including you. Again, we answer to God, not people. Those boundaries the Holy Spirit gave you are for your protection and the protection of others. You may just be hindering another person because of your lack of respect for yourself, especially in the boundary area.

Learn how to do relationships correctly from God, not some self-help book. I know, you’re probably thinking, “Abigail, didn’t you just use a self-help book throughout this post?” Yes, I did. Though, I wouldn’t have even shared any of these books with you if there weren’t Biblical references, with context and translation, that correlate with the Word of God. Relationship self-help books and gurus have been flooding the bookshelves at Barnes and Noble and Instagram, but they all suck in my book. Most self-help books aren't as original as they come off. The so-called 'wisdom' is common sense or they’re rip-offs of the Bible (ancient wisdom that stays relevant). Modern-day relationship advice are imitations of the real thing: God and the Bible.

The new understanding of how I perceived relationships and who gets to come into my garden, has encouraged me to love more boldly and radically when it comes to every person I meet. Gaining understanding from God has empowered me to be more intentional with my interactions with every person.

"It's not because God's not with you, it's because you've got the wrong people around you. [...] There need to be more requirements for getting access to your life."  -- Pastor Charles Metcalf

Giving love to others is one of the many blessings we have as children of God. We get to share it as often as possible because we’ve got an endless supply of it. Though, respect yourself and the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

If someone cannot make it to the friend zone, they don’t get to make it to the end zone. There’s always a reason why God says not this one. He tends to reveal the reasons behind His answers over time. Trust and believe that God doesn’t play us. Don’t play yourself by not seeking wisdom, knowledge, guidance, and discernment from the One who freely gives it, the Holy Spirit.

Until next time…

Whew Child 🥵, we are about to get real deep into a topic that I've been asked about way too many times to even count. Before I begin, let me give y’all this disclaimer:  

Disclaimer: I am have not been married before. The lessons that are shared in this post were shared with me by over 30 Christian couples who have been married for 10 or more year. They wanted to bless us with some wisdom to help us get better at this lifelong commitment. Every relationship is different and it's imperative for us to understand that the story of one relationship will not match another or even our own story. With all of this being said, let's proceed to the post.  

Last year, I wrote about why I gave up on looking for Mr. Right. The response was wild (in a good way)! It is more important to me to become Mrs. Right than to have a Mr. Right. What good does it do for me and God if Abigail is not in check, right?  

Well, as I've been dive deeper into my relationship with Jesus, He encouraged me to get some wisdom. Kind of like how Solomon said,

'Listen, sons, to a father’s discipline, and pay attention so that you may gain understanding, for I am giving you good instruction. Don’t abandon my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender and precious to my mother, he taught me and said, “Your heart must hold on to my words. Keep my commands and live. Get wisdom, get understanding; don’t forget or turn away from the words from my mouth. Don’t abandon wisdom, and she will watch over you; love her, and she will guard you. Wisdom is supreme — so get wisdom. And whatever else you get, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; if you embrace her, she will honor you. She will place a garland of favor on your head; she will give you a crown of beauty.” '

Proverbs 4:1-9 (CSB)

'My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I will reject you from serving as my priest. Since you have forgotten the law of your God, I will also forget your sons. '

Hosea 4:6

Without further ado, here are lessons from that all 30 couples agreed upon and wanted to pass on to anyone who wanted to get the best out of their singleness and become better in relationships altogether 👇🏾

Lesson 1:  

The LIE: God told me that you are meant to be my husband/wife.  

Whew, this one is going to trigger some people. (Maybe I should've given a heads up that this post will trigger some of y'all? Welp, here's the warning.) 

God will never reveal something to one person that He hasn't been revealing to another person when they are both pursing their relationships with Jesus. (I feel like we tend to put God in a box because we live our faith through the lenses of humanity and not with the clear understanding that God will forever be beyond our comprehension). God has a tendency of exposing Himself and His plans to us before they even happen. Most of the time we just aren't listening so we think it's a surprise. Sorry, God doesn't play gotcha.  

When the Holy Spirit is guiding you towards starting a covenant with someone, God has already been giving you snippets. For this reason, it is important for us to make sure that while we are single, we are prioritizing our relationship with Jesus and allowing the Holy Spirit to make us sensitive to her voice. It's easy to be deceived by the counterfeits and clowns when the WORD of God has no residence in our hearts. Remember how the devil tried Jesus with false authority and power after Jesus went through those 40 days in the wilderness? Since Jesus is the Word of God (John 1: 1- 5 ), in temptation, the Lord was able to destroy the temptations. Your weapon agains deception and the schemes of the enemy is the Word of God. Jesus was mad tired and even then, because He is the Word (just as we ought to let the Word dwell in us), Jesus was able to overcome the temptations that were knocking on His door.

Be alert and sober minded like Peter said:

'Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same kind of sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world. '

1 Peter 5:8-9

Your best chance to being on top of your game spiritually is to allow the Holy Spirit to do what she does best (guiding and leading you), meditating on the Word daily, and prioritizing your relationship with Jesus.

'Don’t stifle the Spirit. but test all things. Hold on to what is good. Don’t despise prophecies, Stay away from every kind of evil. '  

1 Thessalonians 5:19-22 

Too often we fall into the trap of smelling holiness and thinking that it is God sent. This leads into the next lesson…

Lesson 2: 

TRUTH: It may smell Christian and not be God sent. 

Remember when Jesus gave us the warning that we ought to be careful of wolves in sheep clothing? 

           “Enter through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it. How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it. “Be on your guard against false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravaging wolves. You’ll recognize them by their fruit. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes or figs from thistles? In the same way, every good tree produces good fruit, but a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit; neither can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that doesn’t produce good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So you’ll recognize them by their fruit. “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, didn’t we prophesy in your name, drive out demons in your name, and do many miracles in your name?’ Then I will announce to them, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you lawbreakers! ’”

—Matthew‬ ‭7:13-23‬

The lesson Jesus is giving us here reminds me of when Jacob wrapped himself in sheepskin to deceive his father, Issac, that Jacob was Esau (Genesis 27). Deception at its finest towards an aging and blind man (shame🤦🏾‍♀️). 

When you and I prioritize our relationship with Christ, the counsel of the Holy Spirit, and being absolutely in love with God, we allow God to unmask the facade of fake Christianity so that we can better decern the perfect will of God. It’s hard to miss the mark when you’ve got 20/20 vision, you know💁🏾‍♀️?

“Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” ‭‭

—Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭

Lesson 3:  

ASK Yourself: If they knew Me like i know Me, would they want to be with Me? 

Y'all know me, I love asking those tough questions. I'm all about emotional archeology and digging deep because lets face it, there are too many fake relationships out here. If you want something real, you've got to ask the real questions. Questions that will make you quite uncomfortable.

Singleness is a gift because it's God-giving grace through the gift of time where we get to understand who we are, why we need Him so much, our purpose, the importance of alignment and letting God work through the kinks that we've been dodging for so long. Oftentimes, we use people. (Yeah, I went there.) We use relationships and people to experiment and work through issues within ourselves that God has been asking us to hand over to Him.

Collectively, we portray this façade of us being either the victim of past relationships when in fact, we were either as messed up as our exes or worse. We wear the masks of being dream chasers when real talk, procrastination is our best friend and we need to break up with her. We have all done it, and if you haven't, please teach me your ways. 

If you wouldn't date the real you, if you wouldn't marry the messy parts of you, why would you drag someone else into a messed up setup? (Isn’t it better to let God work through the parts of you that He knows will be assets in your marriage than to fake perfection and drag others along?) That's cruel. 

Marriage is a highlighter and it will expose so many things within both you and your spouse. The lies that you thought you could cover up will come to light because marriage is a covenant and covenants were invented by God and God is in the business of exposing darkness to bring His light. 

“Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life. For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Anyone who believes in him is not condemned, but anyone who does not believe is already condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the one and only Son of God. This is the judgment: The light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the light and avoids it, so that his deeds may not be exposed. But anyone who lives by the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be shown to be accomplished by God.”

—John 3:14-21  

Get uncomfortable with yourself first before you start getting uncomfortable with your lifetime partner. Facing who you are and really allowing God to expose you to yourself if vital to your growth as a person and your assignments while you’re here on Earth.  

“Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For we are the temple of the living God, as God said: I will dwell and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord; do not touch any unclean thing, and I will welcome you. And I will be a Father to you, and you will be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”

—2 Corinthians 6:14-18 

Lesson 4

LEARN: Self-awareness - the art of letting God teach you about you

Y'all, I wish I could stress this one more than just this post but sis doesn't have the word count for all of that. Similar to Lesson 3, your singleness is a God given opportunity, a blessing, to learn. Though learn what?

Who God is, who you are, and how to allow the Holy Spirit to let you be an asset and a helper to the relationships she brings in front of you.

I have lost count of all the new aspects I've learned about myself since taking a step back from dating (yeah, we are not about that life; courtship is where it's at for real, for real). In fact let me give you an example:

At the beginning of last year I began dating myself. (Why didn't y'all tell me how good this was?! I love dating Abigail. I felt Ariana Grande when she said:

"I met someone else We havin' better discussions I know they say I move on too fast But this one gon' last 'Cause her name is Ari And I'm so good with that,"  -- Ariana Grande (Thank You Next)

Since then, I've been dating myself more. I've learned some interesting things about myself, such as: I've never had a first date that actually was my ideal date. I've realized that I've gone along for the ride with many dates because they were romantic and I didn't want to upset others. These dates didn't show that understanding of who I am and the interests that I had shared, instead, they were about wowing me and perception. In taking the time to learn me and learn what I enjoy, I've learned that I'm how the interest I had as a child never left me.

Singleness give us more time to understand why we think the way we do, why we do what we do, how to disagree in a healthy way, how to apologize and mean it, and many important habits that need to be set in place before we say yes to any Facebook official posts.

Many of us trust other people to figure out who we are for us when really it's our responsibility to understand who we are and then effectively communicate who we are to others. It's not someone else's responsibility to understand who you are if you wouldn't even take the time to understand you.

Just like Jeremiah, God knows us better than anyone, even our parents:

'I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born. I appointed you a prophet to the nations. '

—Jeremiah 1:5

Our inner workings, what we like and dislike, who we're called to be and who we're called to do purpose with can all be answered by our Father. I love how David puts it:

'Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding so that I can learn your commands. '

—Psalms 119:73

In order for us to activate the power God has stored in us, we must first understand the purpose of that power in which we have. How can we do that if we do not ask the One who gave us the purpose and power?

Lesson 5: 

UNDERSTAND: Practice purity now. Marriage isn't a band aid to cover up impurity.

"Sin will take you further than you want to go, cost you more than you want to pay and keep you longer than you want to stay."  -- Judah Smith (Jesus is Bringing Sexy Back)

I'd like to add to Pastor Judah's statement, sex will take you further than you want to go and leave you more broken than you thought was possible.

Too many believers have and are treating sex the same way the world does. Too many believers are treating relationships the same way the world does. Yet, we wonder why the divorce rate for Christian marriages and the abuse in Christian relationships match those of non-believers?

The issue isn't really sex because God created it.(oh snap, I see the people coming for me already😳👀. Hold it people🤚🏾, let sis finish.) The issue is our misconception and lack of knowledge when it comes to this gift. The issue is our hearts and our lack of reverence towards God and His Will. The issue is what Paul said.

Remember how Paul said that we're actually dealing with powers and principalities?

            'Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by his vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness, against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens. For this reason take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit — which is the word of God. Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request, and stay alert with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints. Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel. For this I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I might be bold enough to speak about it as I should. '

—Ephesians 6:10-20

Sex outside of marriage is a serious impurity and self-control issue. This is the son we truly commit against ourselves and it’ll hurt you in the long run. There’s always consequences for having sex out of the covenant.

When we have sex prior to God blessing our covenant, we are not only disrespecting and literally slapping God in the face, we are also exposing that we have a soul and spiritual issue that we aren’t letting the Holy Spirit heal us from, which Paul already told us. (This is all rooted in our hearts hence why the Holy Spirit must transform us from within). There’s no way to we can honor God and His will for our lives without the guidance and help of the Holy Spirit. It’s impossible and there’s no way around it.

            'The righteousness of God is through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe, since there is no distinction. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

—Romans 3:22-24

Once married, if we haven't dealt with our impurity and lack of self-control, we abuse the gift of sex and our union. Sex is a part of our covenant with our purpose partner that brings honor to God, each other, and creates life. (there's a post in the works on this so for word count purposes, I'm going to put a pin📌 here and we can revisit this topic real soon) 

Ponder on this: if prior to marriage, you aren’t respecting God's will when it comes to sex, what makes you think being married is going to change it? It's a real soul issue. 

'Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.'

—1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Lesson 6: 

UNDERSTAND: What good is potential when it isn’t being cultivated? 

Raise your hand🙋🏾‍♀️ (well, since you're reading this post you can nod your head because people around you might think you're weird): who here has fallen for potential, only to realize that it was lip service and had no had no sustenance or action plan to back it up? 

“The reflections of the heart belong to mankind, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.”

—Proverbs 16:1 CSB

We going into relationships thinking that someone is responsible and ready for commitment because they got a prestigious job that pays more than the bills, knows how to feed our ego and prop us up, volunteers in some of the ministries at church, knows some Bible verses and (whew this one) shares sermons from well known churches. These things are all actions and mean nothing if there's no faith to back it up. 

Someone’s Christian resume doesn’t mean that they are ready or are even who God wants us to be intimate with. God doesn’t look at the Christian resume. Just like what the LORD today Samuel, He looks at the heart (the soul).

“When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and said, “Certainly the Lord’s anointed one is here before him.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature because I have rejected him. Humans do not see what the Lord sees, for humans see what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.””

— 1 Samuel 16:6-7 

News flash: 

You are in love with potential not the person. 

Potential is like the Febreze people spray around the trash can to make sure others can't smell how much gunk is really in them because they’re too lazy to take out the trash.(Too lazy to do the spiritual work and let God actually heal.) No matter how much you talk it up, there's still gunk in the can and you still got to take out the trash. The Febreze will wear off. 

“For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. No creature is hidden from him, but all things are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.”

—Hebrews 4:12-13 

Responsibility isn't only found in how well you're adulting. It is our responsibility to steward the gifts of God and life He’s handed to us. It’s our responsibility to treat those God shares with us the way He’s asked. 

Ask people what their purpose is, how they've been working on it, and you'll realize how much lip service they've been toss around.

Ask:

Whatever God's hand is in always bears fruit. What good is potential when it is not bearing fruit? Does the Word of God (Jesus) have residence in the soul of this person?

Ask yourself:

Is the Holy Spirit dwelling in me or am I just mouthing off what sounds good so that I look Christian and well rounded?

“As water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the person.”

—Proverbs 27:19

“All a person’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs hearts.”

—Proverbs 21:2 

“Don’t be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.”

—Proverbs 3:7

Lesson 7: 

DO THIS: Take your time & stay in your own lane💁🏾‍♀️! This is your time to focus on Jesus with limited distractions.

I don't understand this for the life of me:

Why do people jump from one relationship to another without letting God work on them and heal them properly? Why would we ever rush something that is meant to last a lifetime? Why does it matter what others are doing, what about what you're supposed to be doing? Seeing that our lives belong got Christ, isn’t it more important to do it His way and let the Holy Spirit guide us than do life the any other way? 

            'He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also put eternity in their hearts, but no one can discover the work God has done from beginning to end. '

—Ecclesiastes 3:11

When you understand that singleness is a gift from God, you value it.

Real talk:

It's impossible to value anything you do not understand. Remember when I said that you will mishandle anything you don't understand the purpose off? The Mishandled Package: 8 Vulnerable Relationship Lessons

Comparison is the root of why people don't take their time and date anyone anyhow. You know what comparison is? When you take your eyes off God and your relationship with Him, you begin comparing. Comparison and doubting is true to His Word (doubting God altogether) is what got Eve and Adam kicked out.

 “God is not a man, that he might lie, or a son of man, that he might change his mind. Does he speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?”

—Numbers 23:19

Think about it as track ( sis loves her some track and field analogies ). When you’re running a race, when you’re aim is to finish and calm your prize, you’re looking straight ahead and are focused. The moment a runner looks to the side, she (or he) begins to run into other lanes and starts stumbling. One simple stumble can cause you the race. This what we look like rushing ourselves into relationships and judging other people's relationships and lives. 

Mind your business because real talk, God's got a lifetime things on the to do list for you. You're story is different from your neighbors and your neighbors is going to be different from yours. You aren't doing yourself any good trying to time yourself on when you ought to be married and have kids. All you're doing is stressing yourself out and stressing God out. Chill and mind your own business. 

“Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy that lay before him, he endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that you won’t grow weary and give up. In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline — which all receive — then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead.”

—Hebrews 12:1-13

Y'all this is definitely the longest post I've ever written about relationships, may be the longest, I've ever written too. I have been just letting my main man school me and deal with me. I can say, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know jack! 

Life is truly magnificent because it's all about learning God's way and unlearning our way. With each lesson from Professor Holy Spirit, the more I realize that the best way to ace self, relationships, and life is to do it all God's way. It really is God's way or no way. 

Maybe you've got some really dope relationship advice that you could pass down. Send me a message and we can start taking notes from each other's book of lessons together. 

Until next time…

—🌿Abigail  

REsources:

'There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing; a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. '

There are four letters that people in relationships are afraid to hear: we need to talk.

(personally, I love this phrase because it means we’re going to get personal. The phrase means we’re going to dig deep, we’re gonna get away from the small talks and really get to know each other. I still don’t understand why people are afraid of this phrase, to be honest.)

So…

2020 (as if she was a person), we need to talk.

I want to begin by saying thank you. (I know shocker, right?! Here I go again with my unpopular opinions.)

Thank you 2020 for exposing to me why the past years needed to happen. Thank you for being my why. Thank you for teaching me what God was doing when he said no to certain situations, and said yes to more of him. Thank you for making me stronger than I ever thought I could be. Thank you for being the year that helped me understand the importance of stepping into Christ with no reservations whatsoever.

See, I believe that 2020 has been quite difficult for many of us. At the same time, every situation in everyone’s lives is different from my own. However yes, I have been affected by COVID. From losing a family member to not working for maybe about a month or two. In all the causes of COVID, I believe that when chaos hits, when life truly hits the fan, we can see more of God’s fingerprint in our lives. I know I’m probably confusing you, so let me explain myself a little better.

Do you know that verse that says God is near to the brokenhearted? Well, I’ve been reading through Psalms, meditating on David's experiences, and reading through Paul’s messages. In doing so, it’s become evident that storms are pathways to experiencing God’s power in magnificent ways. God illuminates Himself through the chaos. It’s not just when life is convenient, it’s not just when it's all rainbows and unicorns. In fact, I believe there’s a reason why we as people tend to want life to not be chaotic and that is because of our first parents: Adam and Eve.

As humans, we began in the garden. We are all the seeds of two perfect beings. God has placed eternity (absolute peace with Him) in our hearts (his word says so). However, we are no longer in the garden, but the garden is in us.

Humanity searches and seeks for peace because we were made to live in eternal peace with God (check out Revelation for more confirmation).

Though, while we're on earth we will go through. We will be in seasons that challenge us and causes us to let go of our sinful flesh and embrace more of who God is; be more like Christ. 2020 is exactly that season for us.

From the death of Kobe at the beginning of the year to COVID, to quarantine, to racial injustice being exposed more, we have been through it this year.

…and we’re only halfway through.

As someone who loves to encourage people, I would love to tell you that the rest of 2020 is going to be nothing but rainbows and unicorns. Though sis wouldn't tell a lie. (I will be a whole mess, but I will not lie to your face as you were reading this post right now. That, I did not cosign.)

We don’t know what 2020 holds, however, we do know who holds 2020. Since we know who (God) is in control, there is so much encouragement knowing that God has already seen what this year is going to manifest. The fact that he is already outside of time, encourages us to keep embracing Him and trusting the LORD to take care of the unknown. While we wait for what God will expose for the remainder of the year, I've got to thank my main man for the beginning of the year.

Despite death, COVID, unsure what tomorrow will bring, and facing racial injustice, 2020 has exposed to me some valuable lessons that have been years in the making:

Love always, no exceptions. Access is determined by discernment.

Often, we associate loving people with letting them into our sacred spaces. It took me some time, I realize that access should be valued. When I look back at Jesus's life, it's evident that Jesus loves all of us. God loves every one of us (John 3:16). Though, Jesus didn’t make himself accessible to everyone in the same way. Jesus chose 12 disciples out of the multitudes that followed him. Even with those 12 disciples, only three of them got to see him go through transfiguration. So real talk, you don’t need to make yourself accessible to everyone however, you and I as believers must love everyone. (In fact, it is a beautiful privilege to love everyone and we need to treat it as such.)

Piggybacking on point #1, not everyone is meant to be your friend.

Is it good to want to get along with everyone? Yes. Friendship is a different level of accessibility that should not be handed over to just about anyone. Friendship is a blessing that impacts our alignment with God. Discernment from the Holy Spirit is imperative when it comes to who is a friend, who is an associate, who is an assignment, and who is an advisor. (This post is in the making so we'll revisit it another day.)

Jesus is the best you're going to get

I know it's been said many times before, though I'm going to reiterate it: if Jesus is not enough, no one will be enough for you. There is something powerful about letting yourself be fully immersed in the love of Christ. To let go of who you thought you were, and let God craft you, His way, is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. As a society, we’re obsessed with being rich, having status, having the right partner for those picturesque Instagram shots, and looking good for the people. However, we don’t even look good on the inside.

We struggle to let God work on us so that we are more beautiful on the inside than what we share on the gram. Child, let me give you a message that took sis awhile to grasp: no job, no friends, no money, no status, no relationship is going to be enough for you. God has crafted your heart to yearn for him. There is a missing puzzle piece inside each of us and we use everything materialistic including people, to fill up that hole. We’re never satisfied because that’s a God size hole. People will love you but earthly love is only a reflection of the greatest love of all time, God’s love. Everything else that you use to fill up that missing hole, will fail you. Soak up this lesson now because you'll look back and be like, "dang, shoulda, coulda, woulda."

This point actually matches what I just said: is it what God wants for you or is that what you want for you?

(I can already see the people coming for my edges. Hold the pitchforks!) Some people will say, "well, why can't what I want for me be what God wants for me?" Listen, until all you want is Jesus, many things you want are not in alignment with what God wants for you. Let me give you some background for where this lesson came from:

Similar to many men and women, I desired to get married because that’s what it meant to be successful. I wanted children and I wanted to get married. (is that something that I still believe is in my future? My lips are sealed🤐.) Though about two years ago, God started asking me a crucial question and I started asking myself this question as well:

Did God put this desire in my heart, or did society and I get misinformed in the sauce?

See, I wanted these things for myself because that’s with the world says success for women is. To be 22 with your degree, 25 to 28 married, in your 30s with at least one or two kids, and well if you got a business, that’s a bonus. Let me tell you something that took me a while to learn, God has designed all of our lives very differently from what the world thinks success is. God’s definition of success is not the same as what society values. As believers, we have co-signed to what God wants for us. We all need to go and ask God, is this what you want for me or what the flesh wants? Trust me, you'll be shook and enlightened. Real talk: if you’re not doing life for God as a believer, then what are you doing it for?

The most authentic you is worth meeting again and again.

Quarantine has been one of the greatest blessings this year for me. Before stepping into the season of lockdown, your girl changed her lifestyle because beef and my body broke up. I became a pescatarian earlier this year and my body feels great (the post is in the works.) you guys already know me, I’ve been a fan of fitness. So yes, I have lost a lot of weight…15 pounds and counting since quarantine (wasn't the goal, to be honest, but hey, my body is healthy and happy. Should I do a post about that too definitely worth pondering ) I also went back to some of the things that I loved as a child, like painting, reading(currently reading my 12th book for the year), cooking, and so much more that I can even list. Though this season wasn’t what we wanted, it has been what we needed.

All in all, at times when it looks like it is a stormy season, when we feel like all hope has been abandoned when we feel like we did something wrong and God is punishing us, it may really not be the case. (God doesn't even do punishment, but that conversation is for another day.) The storms of life prove to birth the greatest things in us. In fact, a beautiful tree can’t flourish in the jungle without going through some rainy seasons. God’s fingerprint can be found in darkness.

This beginning half of 2020 has encouraged me more than I could’ve imagined. The LORD is cooking up some dope testimonies behind the scenes. Though if you look at life just to look at all the tragic things that are happening, then you’ll miss the bigger story. Yes, losing a family member during COVID did hurt and my family has been processing it. Yes, not being at work for two months did affect me financially. Yes, having to buckle down, and let God teach me what he wanted this season was uncomfortable. Though, I wouldn’t trade the lessons of the beginning half of 2020 for anything.

Who I walked into 2020 is different from who I am now, and will be different from who I will be walking out of this year, God willing. If we look at the chaos, we’ll miss the lessons. With all the messages I’ve been soaking up from God, I will say this:

Thank you 2020. Thank you for lessons that needed to be manifested for more glory to be shined on God. Thank you for making the experiences of the past years make sense. Thank you for giving me the full picture of why I had to let go of many things and embrace all of God. Thank you for encouraging me to love harder, love better, and love stronger. Thank you for teaching me that the best me is found in my best man, Jesus. Thank you for some hard lessons, and equally grateful ones. I don’t know what the rest of the year has in store, however, I am more excited now than I was at midnight on January 1, 2020.

Until next time,

Confession time: I am an undercover nerd.

This is not a drill and I’m being for real. From all things Disney to Harry Potter, I’m officially coming clean. Actually, speaking of Disney, were you just as excited as I was to pay for that annual membership for Disney+? I mean, I knew I was going to subscribe but goodness, I am blown away by all the options on this platform.

When I first logged in, I was struggling (like any Disney fan) on what to begin watching. Was I going to start with Lizzie McGuire or That’s So Raven? Or since your girl loves her some Star Wars, maybe I should’ve started with Episode 4? Guess what I actually binged on first with Disney+? The entire Avengers movies. (I told you, it’s confession time.)

As I began with Captain America: The First Avenger and working my way to End Game, I started noticing Easter eggs that I had missed that later show up in the series. Like, it totally went over my head that the tesseract was first mentioned in Captain America. What?! (I know, I need to chill out but still shook that I didn’t pick this up earlier.)

This got me thinking about the greatest adventure I’ve ever been on (no it has nothing to do with Avengers). See, following Jesus is the greatest journey that we all get to be a part of. We already know the end game with this adventure (no Tony Starks were harmed in the making of this journey). These three things make this adventure with Jesus (being a Christ-follower) better than any journey:

(wow, I already sound like a church with the three points)

You know that come rain or shine, you are loved and are more priceless than anything in the eyes of God. Nothing will ever separate the love God has for us.

You are never alone. Literally, the very same spirit that dwells in Jesus is inside of you. How dope is that? (wow, I haven’t used that word in a post for some time; welp there goes my grammar, I tried)

There is never a dull moment. In each day, each season, there is a hidden gem that God has placed for us to discover. Kind of like me re-watching Avengers and realizing that Tony’s dad stole from Wakanda (still shook), God literally has made this journey with Him the most exciting part of life. (this point is what this post is going to be hitting on)

We get to start each day, knowing that we’re on this amazing journey with the One that loves us the most. However, recently I’ve realized that there is more to that third point.

See, we do get the opportunity to learn and discover something new about life, purpose, and God. Though, God has been given me a new perspective on this last point: each season is another opportunity to discover more about God and to die to self.

Remember when I talked about dying to self awhile back: Sis, Do You Even Know What You’re Saying? Well, God loves to dig deeper and with everything that’s been going on in the world (from COVID to the continuous fight for the eradication of racial injustice), God has been challenging me to die to myself a little bit more. Confused? I’ll explain.

Like many of us, I was upset with a lot of what has been happening to us, those who are black. It hurts to have to take the innocence of children away from them by having to over educate them that the world will not treat them with love because of the color of their skin. It is frightening to start the car without having my ID in the cup holder so, God forbid if I’m stopped for whatever reason, the officer wouldn’t mistake me reaching for my ID in my purse as me reaching for a weapon. This season has been painful for many of us and as I’m navigating through my feelings while my subconscious is reminding me of the many times I faced covert racism, I’m learning to surrender.

Don’t get it twisted though. I’m not surrendering to my stance and fight for racism to be eradicated. No. God is teaching me to give Him the pain that hurts so much that I wish my stories of systematic and institutionalized racism, racial microaggressions, and macroaggressions would be enough to explain.

See, one of the passages God has laid on my heart when I first saw Ahmaud Arbery’s video was:

'Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, Let the thief no longer steal. Instead, he is to do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need. and don’t give the devil an opportunity. No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.'

–Ephesians 4:25-32 CSB

How does one face racism daily, through friendships, romantic-ships, workplace, and in public…and yet can be angry and not sin? How does one see the lynching of her brothers and sisters and not flip out (which makes sense to)? How?

Y’all, let me get real:

I don’t have it in me, by myself, to not go off. I am righteously angry about the enslavement of my people since the 1500s (do the research and get the education because Jamestown wasn’t the first but it began way back). It is truly by the grace and love of God that I’m even able to share my pain with you because this hurts. The only way I have been able to face this pain without coming for someone (God said no slandering, shouting, or malice) is by God and God alone (okay, throw in therapy).

See, this surrender is different from the one I did at 15 years old when I said yes to Jesus (different but still surrendering). Back then, I said, “Jesus, be my guide because you are God in human form and the Savior of the world.” However, this new surrender sounds more like, “Lord, I need you because I’m livid and hurt. Ahmaud, Breonna, and George…why? This is messed up and it keeps happening. Help please because we’ve been hurting for so long. Take this anger, take this pain because it’s heavy. Give me your instructions, your way, your words, your peace, and your compassion. I ask for you to take what I cannot carry on my own and to take up your easy yoke and light burden. Help.”

With all the pain, all the ashes, and all the brokenness, I lay it all at the feet of God. By saying, “ I cannot do this by myself,” God has given me something that my little faith didn’t realize He could do (even though His Word says it). God has been replacing this hurt with courage. Pain with compassion. Anger with empathy for those who hide behind doctrine and insecurity to take the lives of those they are inferior to, whether that be by words or actions.

Brokenness has now been replaced with hope, peace, and joy. Hope because I know the end game and He always wins. Peace because Jesus gave her to me in the form of the Holy Spirit and she’s my precious gift. Joy because true strength isn’t found in how many black bodies you pile up (that’s hatred and weakness) but found in how many souls you add more light to with each encounter you have.

No, I do not have all the answers to how to eradicate this evil called racism. Though I know who does and the assurance I now have is the beauty that God gave me when I handed him my hurt in the form of ashes. A season fill with tears of sadness has been replaced with tears of joy and faith. This new surrender of my emotions isn’t meant to make sense to the world because God does everything so different from the world and thank goodness for that!

As I continue to let him heal me and this world through His love, I want to ask you:

what hurt have you been holding onto for so long that you said you gave to God but continue to carry around? When was the last time you really asked God to teach you how to let go of this pain by giving it to Him and picking up His unconditional love? Maybe it’s time for another chat with our Father?

Until next time…

–🌿 Abigail

'The Spirit of the Lord God is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the Lord ’s favor, and the day of our God’s vengeance; to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who mourn in Zion; to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair. And they will be called righteous trees, planted by the Lord to glorify him. They will rebuild the ancient ruins; they will restore the former devastations; they will renew the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. Strangers will stand and feed your flocks, and foreigners will be your plowmen and vinedressers. But you will be called the Lord ’s priests; they will speak of you as ministers of our God; you will eat the wealth of the nations, and you will boast in their riches. In place of your shame, you will have a double portion; in place of disgrace, they will rejoice over their share. So they will possess double in their land, and eternal joy will be theirs. For I the Lord love justice; I hate robbery and injustice; I will faithfully reward my people and make a permanent covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations, and their posterity among the peoples. All who see them will recognize that they are a people the Lord has blessed. I rejoice greatly in the Lord , I exult in my God; for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation and wrapped me in a robe of righteousness, as a groom wears a turban and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth produces its growth, and as a garden enables what is sown to spring up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring up before all the nations.'

This post is a dedication to my beautiful family. Those who heard the cry before it left my lips or became visible through the tears. Those who called when the world was falling apart and prayed for me so radically that God sent His messengers to give me heads up that beautiful souls were interceding on my behalf. To those who I can no longer just call friends but my sisterhood, my brothers, my tribe, and my village. I am the woman I am because of your love for God and me. I love you all so dearly, thank you.

“The purpose of life is to listen – to yourself, to your neighbor, to your world and to God and, when the time comes, to respond in as helpful way as you find…from within and without.” – Fred Rogers

I want to begin by giving you a glimpse into my memory bank. Let me take you on a quick journey to an event that took place but happened so quickly that though I was hurt, I didn’t understand why…at least not until now.

Several years ago, I had just begun dating someone new and thought that they were the greatest human to have ever existed. ( see, I was already messing up; sorry Jesus, you take that seat) Now like any couple in the cupcake phase, I was smitten and no matter what anyone said, I refused to accept the red flags God was exposing. This new guy and I were having a conversation about the beauty of how multicultural our city is (DMV represent) then he said:

"I am so glad I have an African girlfriend. You’re the first black girl I’ve dated and you’re different. You’re English is so good and you speak well. I like that."

Though I was taken aback, I decided to take this as a compliment and not see it for what it really was: racial microaggression.

Months later in the relationship, when I met his family, I was told to be myself and that they would accept me for who I am. Sadly, this world (specifically, America) doesn’t work that way. See, being myself meant letting my guard down and being honest and authentic. The sucky part of this story is when dinner with his family came around, your girl loving all things spicy, asked for hot sauce. (Yes, this is a simple story about how asking for hot sauce went terribly wrong.) To me, it was as simple as asking for salt because that’s just my taste preference. (Yes, hot sauce shouldn’t be discriminatory but looks like you learn something new every day.)

However, my partner and his family didn’t see it that way. (Funny how people like to say, they accept you and love you for who you are only for them to come for you when you don’t fit into their box.)

Silly me, I just took the hot sauce and smothered my steak with it (back when I ate beef). After returning from the trip, my partner told me that his family was hurt and upset that I asked for hot sauce and didn’t eat their food as it was.

Typical me, I went straight into apologizing though, looking back, what I really was doing was apologizing for being me, being black, being someone who has different taste in food and a different culture altogether.

Needless to say, that relationship served its course and I was blessed for it. Now let’s talk about the present.

Since the horrific, brutal, and disgusting deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd, I have been taking some time to check in with myself. I cried for weeks (still crying from time to time) whenever my memory reminds me of the second gunshot that shot through Ahmaud and the raspy voice of George calling for his mother as life was being drained from him with the knee of a murder who was power hunger. (yes I said it.)

Hurt that my brothers and sisters are lynched and murdered without a second thought. Angry that instead of standing up for the black lives that have been stolen and taken so senseless, some want to justify themselves with all live matter which we know is untrue when Black, Indigenous, Hispanic, Asian, Pacific Islander lives do not matter. Frustrated and confused as to how someone can pull out a Bible to debate doctrine when real talk, you’re not even living the very basic commandments to love God and love others as ourselves. I was righteously angry and trust me, after spending some much needed time in therapy and dates with Jesus, I know that God is just as livid.

Livid and sad. Sad that the very people I thought actually loved me for me were really liking me for what they could benefit from associating with me. Yes, I mean being their token black friend and trophy black girlfriend to justify that they are not racist. Let me say this: if you use your association with any black person to justify how you’re not a racist, you are in fact exposing the fact that you are indeed a racist. It’s not a debate I will entertain.

I will not entertain evil and anything that contradicts the Word of God such as racism. I’ve taken the time to really process my hurt and anger as my memory keeps reminding me of how every romantic-ship I’ve been in was with people who used me as their trophy black/African girlfriend. I have prayed and have been asking God what to do with this newly recognized pain from relationships with those who called themselves my friend when in fact they using me as their token black friend by not asking and listening to the constant pain that we as a family of black, brown, beautiful souls face daily due to the systematic and institutionalized racism that has oppressed many generations. (Whew child, what a run-on sentence!)

Instead of giving me one answer, God began giving me countless friends who love me just the way I am.

Friends who called as soon as they saw Ahmaud’s video asking how me how I was doing. Those who made themselves available to talk, ask how they could help, and allowing me to share my experiences of racism with them. Friends who prayed with me and for me. Friends who refuse to let me go a day without knowing how much they love me just the way I am. Friends that I can no longer call friends but family.

I love how Proverbs hits this on the nail:  

“As water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the person.” – Proverbs 27:19 CSB

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.” – Proverbs 17:17

“Don’t abandon your friend or your father’s friend, and don’t go to your brother’s house in your time of calamity; better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.” –Proverbs 27:10 CSB

Oh and let’s not forget about these amazing confirmations about the importance of loving people the way God made them and being there for them through and through:

“No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13

“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

See, God has been using this season of pain, hurt, and self-revelation to teach us some important lessons that as a nation we have neglected since the first settlement:

Love is an action word and cannot be true unless act upon. Love is most evident not based on the benefits one receives from another but the decision to die to oneself for the opportunity to empathize and stand with another soul especially in the seasons of greatest pain. Love is 1 Corinthians 13, John 3:16-21, Galatians 5:22-23, 1 John 5:3-4, Matthew 22:37-40, Matthew 5:43-48, John 4 and most important…the whole Bible.

“ Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good.” – Romans 12:9

“He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the Lord’s unfailing love.” – Psalms 33:5

Though I recognize this pain and am processing it with my Father, my heart is set on making sure every soul I meet knows how valuable they are regardless of what the world says about them. I believe that and stand by the truth that to hate God’s image-bearers is to practice evil. To treat anyone less than what God has demanded we ought to treat them is sinful.

We must humble ourselves as a nation and listen to those who have been oppressed, understand the over 400 years of crying “ I Can’t Breath,” from the black community, empathize cause God can switch this world around real quick, and act upon that empathy with the love that we so boast about when we say, “ We love black people.” Mr. Rogers (the greatest neighbor to rock a red cardigan) says this best:

“More and more I’ve come to understand that listening is one of the most important things we can do for one another. Whether the other be an adult or a child, our engagement in listening to who that person is can often be our greatest gift. Whether that person is speaking or playing or dancing, building, or singing or painting, if we care, we can listen.”

[…]

“ As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time. It is our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.”

[…]

“The more I think about it, the more I wonder if God and neighbor are somehow One. “Loving God, Loving neighbor” – the same thing? For me, coming to recognize that God loves every neighbor is the ultimate appreciation!”

So for you, my neighbor who is currently reading these words, I want to say thank you. Thank you for listening to my words. Thank you for being patient with me and letting me share a small glimpse of my experience with racism. Thank you for hearing my heart and my love through my words.

Most importantly, thank you for being you.

You are so important to me and amazing just the way you are. I love you and I’m so grateful for who you are. I love you just the way you are. Let’s both do better by healing our world from the pain we currently are feeling. Together with God, we’ve got this!

Until next time…

– 🌿Abigail