DESPERATE MEASURES

*accidentally converts all the men and women I date*

to mp3???

You know your boyfriend? When I took him out of the file, I accidentally zipped it. Yeah, no. The file’s corrupted and he can’t be extracted.

happy being ok day op

I am so much more than ok

before and after you told them they were beautiful

}why did they ever do that to the cowboy one look at him he is the epitome of majesty and charisma I’d trust this sheriff with my life{

one of them isn’t even a cat

this is actually balloons don’t let them trick you

Okay but tad cooper actually became a dragon

Because Tad Cooper helped you commit the cardinal virtue of submitting a paper to an exhausted paper grader: making them laugh/being amusing/unhinged (in a good way)

i was playing scrabble and i had a B, U, R, G, E, and R and i thought “aha burger, one who burgs, but my mom will never accept that as a word” but then i remembered burger is actually a word

Scrabble does things to your mind that you can never come back from.

I once was playing and put down ‘cow’ but in my mind I was saying it so it rhymed with ‘crow’ and I told my friend that it might not be a real word but I’m playing it and he can’t stop me and he looked me right in the eye and said it like how ‘cow’ is supposed to be said and I was so mad at myself I nearly flipped the board.

My brother played the word ‘scrabble’ and my mom said, “I actually don’t think that’s a word.” And I said, “yes it is? ‘scrabbled eggs’???”

This is why you need like 7 dictionaries on hand to play scrabble

hey um i’ve got some bad news. we mulled your boyfriend. he fell in the wine and we mulled him. yeah with the cinnamon sticks.

fucking hate thar when you go to uni you have to actually do and turn in work like some kind of seventh grader. you should be able to just listen to the lecture & vibe

Is there a word for that like, “bright darkness” you get in winter?? When it’s been snowing or it’s supposed to snow past sunset and the sky isn’t Dark Enough. One of my favorite things

that nsfw snow…

My husband came to the youth theater rehearsal I was directing last night to work on some set pieces. He usually only works set on weekends when nobody is there, so his goal was to be totally inconspicuous. But the second and third graders treated him like a walking stim video. They were totally absorbed by his painting and drilling and clapped for him when he began or finished a task.

The children, in the middle of their scene, suddenly seeing that my husband is about to put the first stroke of white paint over a wall: WAIT can we watch please please please?