bee

I'm currently living in a two-cat household, and there's a thing that happens where the first cat is calling for me, the second cat shows up like "you rang?", and the first cat immediately smacks the second cat in the face like "not you, knucklehead". They do this every day.

The second cat always comes running when the first cat calls for me, even though it gets her dope-slapped with 100% reliability. I suspect she simply enjoys the attention.

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

KillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKill

Because this has mostly been talked about with Windows 11, heads-up that this installed itself on every Windows 10 computer in our house with this week's update.

be patient with yourself. you’re growing into someone you haven’t been yet.

why does it take SO much energy to keep your house only sort of clean

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

cool and awesome people are supposedly calling me “my friend”

hey. dont cry. 566 california condors, okay? 369 free flying.[1] it's gonna be okay.

for the record, in 1987 there were 27. [2] things can get better.

HEY. DONT CRY. 607 CALIFORNIA CONDORS, OKAY? 392 FREE FLYING. [3]

the grocery store should be open 24/7 but they should let the employees go home and just trust us

I like when you click a link and it turns purple its like youre bruising it

When I was a kid watching tv was idiot coded and nerds read books, but now scrolling shortform videos is considered braindead behavior and watching tv means you're some kinda intellectual. You might think this shifting assessment of media's consumers might make readers into absolute super geniuses, but no. Only perverts read now.

I’m putting in my too weak notice.