Aashes X Elutheros Verld

Hate within the community is sad. Hating yourself is heartbreaking. But self-hatred and a desperate need to blend in does not give anyone the right to urge others to censor themselves and go into hiding.

To all of you self-hating LGBTQIA out there, I’m sorry you are ashamed of who you are and hate the very people who have your back. But do not try to silence or erase the rest of us. We have fought hard to get where we’re at and we’re in an uphill battle. To dare to be vulnerable, share stories and stand proud when we are literally being exposed to a global hate-campaign and witch hunt is bloody brave.

And if you feel so insecure right now that you can’t help but aggressively discriminate and bully others, don’t go online.

NO HATE

I have:

Been denied emergency care when calling for help.

Been yelled at over the phone and dropped as a patient because I'm not straight.

Had doctors refuse to use he/him since I am not interested in women.

Had male doctors act like I personally insulted them by not wanting to joke around about women and discuss romantic relationships with women with them.

Been treated as a woman because I am not interested in women.

Had a female doctor pretend to throw up before touching me to show they were repulsed by my mere existence.

Had multiple doctors deliberately harm me through neglect and dangerous decision in the hope that it could lead to my death.

Been called names, pointed at and laughed at.

Been harassed to the point of almost having a seizure.

Been denied pain medication during emergency care. Or rather, the nurses grouped together, misgendered me, called me names and taunted me while they refused to give it to me.

Been gaslit.

Had my appearance described and rated in my medical journal.

Been told that all my health issues are just anxiety.

Been told by health professionals that my well-being and whether I live or die is of no importance to them.

But today I had enough.

I have had pain in my jaw and teeth for almost nine years since a botched surgery by a very LGBTQIA-phobic dentist. I have complained about the pain and loose crown for years. It fell out, they put it back half-way and said it was fine. I have been in so much pain since they put it back in. They denied anything was wrong, while knowing full well they messed up. Every time I complained about the pain, they wrote down the opposite in my journal. Then promised they'd fix it for free. Then gaslit me and asked 'fix what?'.

The second dentist was a fan of the first and said 'no' to anything I told them about my symptoms and past dental care. She, too, said it is fine that the crown is loose, that half the screw is visible and that it wiggles every time I breathe. That it doesn't matter if food gets stuck under it or if the area around it is inflamed. That those things are just things I have to accept. She claimed I just didn't understand how implants work since I'm not educated like them.

Now, in the middle of the night, the crown fell out. A little over a year since it was put back in. The area around it is inflamed and it almost looks like some of the gum had begun to die. The tooth was full of mould. The screw was covered in thick mould. And the screw is at an angle pointing directly toward another tooth, so there is no way any crown could ever be properly attached to it.

I have been in so much pain for so long and the last few weeks it has only gotten worse. Well, no bloody wonder.

It is the pride week in some places in the world, so I thought I'd spread some awareness. Hate kills. LGBTIQA bigotry is rooted in misogyny, sick gender roles and inequality.

These last few years every part of the system - and even the church - has showed me that they don't even consider me and other LGBTQIA to be human. Over and over again, I have been told that my experiences, my life does not matter. And more than once, the authorities and church insinuated and recommended that I just do them all a favour and off myself.

Even in a small country like Sweden, that has come further in equality and LGBTQIA rights than many others, hate kills.

Or rather, in some part/s of the world, it is. There are a lot of posts going around saying that this Pride, let’s be radically supportive of transgender people. Which is great, sure. Because rape, murder and suicide rates are only going up.

However, LGBTQIA people exist and deserve support and love 365 days of the year. Not just the one month per year that it is somehow more socially accepted for us to exist.

People urging others to be supportive just this month can create issues. There will always be actual bigots who pretend to be supportive just so that they can party at Pride, get some good photographs (as proof of their open-mindedness) and get praised and complimented. And then once it’s over, they go back to acting like bigots.

Growing mushrooms to eat while reducing and reusing waste

I’ll be using these three containers for the set up. A bucket that once contained 5 kg of coconut oil. I’ve been using the bucket to store my flour blend for a few years, but now I use mylar bags instead. And two jugs that I previously stored flour and soy sauce in. They’re washed now and they’ll be sterilised before I fill them. Which should be in about two weeks.

A neighbour helped me drill the holes in the bucket and I prepared the jugs with a knife and a pair of scissors.

I’m growing my own mycelium (pasteurised brown cardboard and used coffee grounds) and I’ll also be using my homemade mushroom block as my mycelium. As for my substrate, I’ll be using straw pellets and coffee grounds. If I have some that I need to get rid off by then, some cardboard as well.

Using mushrooms to break down waste

Later on in the season I will be experimenting with using mycelium to compost my plastic waste. Right now I’m saving just about all of my waste (not food) in a garbage bag to see how much I produce. After 6 months (next month), I’ll go through it and recycle it. The plastic will be cut up and packed in this manual device that turns plastic or cardboard into fairly tightly packed bricks. I’ll see if I can inoculate some cardboard, coffee grounds and plastic bricks to break down the plastic.

Food waste

Beyond texting and using the internet, I can only think of interactions in person, letter writing and phone calls. But phone calls almost exclusively relies on 5G these days, which feels oppressive. I hate being told I can’t opt out.