mayonnaise

press the teleport button to come over to my house and eat a bagel on the porch with me rightnow and you will earn 5 gems

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

i have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

Ok*reduces you to a simmer* go rest for a while

i love hyperpop i can’t tell if the song is supposed to sound like this or if my tape player is malfunctioning again

the puirpose of a spider is what it does

it spides

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

there’s a friday ass vibe about this wednesday boys keep your wits about you

I think it's cute when depictions of our solar system include earth's moon. Like yeah sure the moon's invited. We just like her

Like simplified models that don't have Literally Everything just the planets. And our moon #OurMoon

“responsible” exotic pet influencer voice: look at how cute and cuddly my endangered african cat is! don’t you wish you could do this too? remember, though, only i can do this! i’m not promoting this animal as a pet! hey, check out my super awesome king cobra freehandling, doesn’t it make me look badass? again, though, only i can do this! i’m not trying to promote these animals as pets for just anyone! all i do is post constant photos and videos making it look really cool and fun and badass to own these animals! don’t ask where i got them btw

my cursed sword doesn't even tell me to kill people anymore it keeps begging me to put on a skirt and tights

I already know I'm a girl dickhead I just like wearing pants

my problem is if i enjoy something enough i will be nitpicking. i Will have things to say about where and how it failed. out of nothing but love straight from my heart. unfortunately this often makes me indistinguishable from a hater who has never experienced joy or kindness. such is the amateur critic's burden.

all of my favourite things are like beautiful racehorses that trip over their own feet a hundred times. but they get back up again. and goddamn, you should see them run.

my problem is if i enjoy something enough i will be nitpicking. i Will have things to say about where and how it failed. out of nothing but love straight from my heart. unfortunately this often makes me indistinguishable from a hater who has never experienced joy or kindness. such is the amateur critic's burden.

all of my favourite things are like beautiful racehorses that trip over their own feet a hundred times. but they get back up again. and goddamn, you should see them run.