mada mada

I really want one of those automatic door alert chime thingies for my apartment, except it plays Magic Brian’s “Hållö hållö wəlcöme to mý cæv” every time someone comes in

This post radiates sincerety on a level I can only hope to approach in my lifetime

op do you accept constructive criticism

choose your next words carefully, dear sushi

m i n t    s u c k 

bruce wayne was batman??????????

Or you could just… you know… ignore it?

Raccoons should have guns I think

they will

it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence

did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine

additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.

Rasputin was an old god from times before humans

He is like a cleric gone wild

His dick is presumably preserved and can be looked at in a museum. It’s not really confirmed to be his dick but it was worshiped by a cult of women and then reclaimed by Rasputin’s own daughter so real or not it’s still a good addition to this post. X

he was also stabbed in the gut by a sort-of-nun at one point and just sort of casually held his intestines in place til he could get to a doctor (or so the story goes–he was chased through the street for a bit, at least)

it’s actually inverted out of respect!! - plimbko the elf requested to be hanged from an upside down tree because he felt himself unworthy of a death in the same manner as santa

This is the scariest addition to a post I think I’ve ever seen