9 K A O N A S H I 6

I’ve never been so emotionally overwhelmed, yet emotionally unavailable at the same time

I don’t post on here, mostly because my irl friends have abandoned this platform, but I’m a mess right now. The guilt that I feel within myself is unreal. I wanted to follow my heart, but for my safety I had to listen to my head. It seemed like there wasn’t ever an outcome where everyone won except the fact that I’m extremely late to admitting the truth about things that I was on the fence about in my life. Despite everything I yearn to recover and have things go back to how they used to be but I can’t fathom it. This wasn’t all my fault, but once again not advocating for myself has got my back against the wall and I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I’m turning 30 this year. I ask myself every single day, when am I going to get my shit together? I guess we’ll see. Probably not the healthiest answer but I’m too empty to fill my own cup. Anyways, whatever.