my chemical dragons

i think it's ok that a girl sleeps for so long that she grows moss and mushrooms on her body

I'm unsure if the antlers are staying but I know people like em! you can rub them gently...but once

I just hope he's super tuff looking,, do we fw him?

GDGDGHFGH

Adding that it's absolutely okay to correct someone's pronunciation. Please! I am tormented, in sweat cold terror, of traveling to some coast and asking the locals for directions to the nearest bitch, because you neglected to roast me when I needed it the most

When you get mad, take a deep breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. No one ever expects that.

(smugly) actually all narration is unreliable because language can only ever communicate through approximation

southern american politicians will be like "m'name's buck bingo and i'm a hard worker...... just like y'all" and he's an private school + ivy league educated guy actually named buckley beaumont carlisle who was born into a family who owned slaves and still profits from it to this day. and people eat that shit up.

last night i went on a crazy wikidive lol

hey, I couldn't help but notice you're getting crushed under a boot. that's a real bummer. I can see how it happened, though, you were doing things that get you crushed by boots. there's really no helping that--the existence of boots and the things they crush you for, I mean--but I do have some advice. I've never gotten crushed by a boot in my life, you see--not in real life. what I do is, I make a boot of my own in my head and just crush myself with it pre-emptively 24/7. and that way I never ever do anything, ever, you see? it's easy. it's incredibly easy and makes my life so much better.

I am pro-accredited aquariums and zoos. My posts critiquing the animal rights movement are blowing up right now and I just want to come out and say definitively that I appreciate zoos and aquariums allowing the public to view wild animals without potentially disturbing them in their natural habitat or resorting to the illegal exotic pet trade. It is valuable for conservation purposes and many aquariums/zoos take unreleasable wildlife and host breeding programs for endangered species. They are not just institutions for human amusement, they are integral to maintaining public interest and studying the ecology and biology of the animals contained within.

hey man can i bum a couple of fire arrows

i'm pregnant... with the next great American novel! [looks directly at you, suddenly serious] and I'm getting an abortion