"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry
Today's Document


oozey mess
$LAYYYTER

pixel skylines
h
Sade Olutola
Noah Kahan
hello vonnie
Xuebing Du

PR's Tumblrdome
taylor price
The Bowery Presents
NASA

Kiana Khansmith

trying on a metaphor

shark vs the universe
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

@theartofmadeline

seen from Pakistan
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@2fingerstyping
"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

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What was the most recent natural disaster you’ve experienced
* blizzard/ice storm
* earthquake
* extreme heat
* fire
* flood
* hurricane/tropical storm
* landslide
* twister
* sinkhole
* wind/dust storm
* something else
* see results
What was the most recent natural disaster you’ve experienced?
blizzard/ice storm
earthquake
extreme heat
fire
flood
hurricane/tropical storm
landslide
twister
sinkhole
wind/dust storm
something else
see results
A couple of months ago i realised i had run out of tea and the shops were shut.
This is, of course, a joke at my own expense, because im lucky enough to live in a place that is geologically stable and that rarely had any weather that could be described as extreme. Nver underestimate the absolute privilege of a boring life.
tag that make me frantically dig my earbuds out of my pocket in this public restroom
listen i'm not advocating for exotic animals as pets, but i really just feel like cheetahs are probably different
i feel like we need to give them another shot as housebeasts
this is a critter who wants greenies and then to take a nap on the couch next to me, and i KNOW it
cheetah in House perfec t size for put inside! inside very Soft and Comfort cheetah sleep soundly put cheetah in House. Put Cheetah In House. no problems ever in cheetah in ho use because good Happy and Satisfy for human where sleep. House yes a place for a cheetah put cheetah in house can trust cheetah for giveing good love to humans in house. friend cheetah
I mean, as someone who as worked in a zoo, this is fairly true.
Obvious disclaimer that you shouldn't have wild animals as pets.
But like, cheetahs are the only large cats that keepers will do free contact with. Hell, even most small cats don't get free contact. (Because small cats can be VICIOUS. They'll have a baby pallas cat wearing thicker gloves than when handling an owl. Because small cats can just be vicious.)
Like I think the only other cat at our zoo where I've seen free contact with was servals? Because I know they've used servals in shows to demonstrate their natural jumping ability. But I know servals can sometimes have a mean temper as well. Meanwhile they'll do the cheetah run and afterwards put the mic by the cheetahs and it's just like an engine with them purring. It's fascinating to watch when the message in every other large animal is "no free contact because it's dangerous even when they're born in captivity".
Legit if any wild animal could be adapted to a pet it would be cheetahs lmao. Only problem is they can be skittish and very anxious and that's why they're often raised around dogs in zoos to gain confidence.
congrats, i award you funniest take on this post
This is the glorious Josephine Baker with her beloved Chiquita.
Panther in the rain.
Happy Wet Beast Wednesday to all those that participate

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“Perhaps you have forgotten. That’s one of the great problems of our modern world, you know. Forgetting. The victim never forgets. Ask an Irishman what the English did to him in 1920 and he’ll tell you the day of the month and the time and the name of every man they killed. Ask an Iranian what the English did to him in 1953 and he’ll tell you. His child will tell you. His grandchild will tell you. And when he has one, his great-grandchild will tell you too. But ask an Englishman—” He flung up his hands in mock ignorance. “If he ever knew, he has forgotten. ‘Move on!’ you tell us. ‘Move on! Forget what we’ve done to you. Tomorrow’s another day!’ But it isn’t, Mr. Brue.” He still had Brue’s hand. “Tomorrow was created yesterday, you see. That is the point I was making to you. And by the day before yesterday, too. To ignore history is to ignore the wolf at the door.”
- A Most Wanted Man, John le Carré
The older I get the more I admire people who are earnestly, genuinely into whatever their thing is. I know it sounds like an annoying cliche but unless you're being cruel or hurtful there is really no need to be normal about things. The dude with the bad fake accent at the renaissance faire is having the time of his life. The people having photoshoots with their fashion dolls are loving it. The old lady with a yard unreasonably full of tacky ass lawn ornaments is having a blast, HOA be damned.
Don't waste your time being too cool to have fun, y'know?
This is incredibly important- as one gets older shit happens that one has to deal with, cope with, endure so why the ever loving heck should we have to give up things that make us happy? Even if we’re being told “oh only young people can do xyz”.
No! Fuck off! I’ll be 70 this year. I can no longer drink, smoke, dance, fence, go horse riding, shoot a longbow and circumstance makes it very hard to write. But I can still appreciate other creators and you’ll pry my AO3 account from my cold dead fingers.
please behold the 24 Hours of Lemons race, in which you can only spend $500 total on a car to cross country race for 24 hours
named after the legendary 24 hour Le Mans race, Lemons rallies barely legal cars in an endurance race across America. had the privilege of sharing the freeway with this race and seeing the absolute art od this event
This is so American I could CRY
oh this is nothing. some of my favorite lemons entries are:
an airplane stuck on a toyota minivan
this miata built by rocket scientists
the mr2 boat
the nyan cat bmw that i think actually played the song at all times
the homer simpson car built by uranium workers
this limo whose brakes caught on fire
the dumbest corolla and supra wearing funny hats
and so much more. 24 hours of lemons my beloved
The absolute metaphorical snarl that is a Limo modeled after the titanic called "unstoppable", whose breaks caught fire, is just, absolutely sending me
@miata-detector
ohhh ive been! my favorite was a car that wasn't properly cooled so they installed a barbecue in the engine to slow cook ribs while they race!
no idea if this counts as a lemon or if it raced but I NEED you guys to see chewbaru
It is covered in teeth, dentures, toothpaste, various bones, and several baby doll and mannequin heads which IF I remember right had teeth put in them
A small price to pay for mountains reflected in the eyes of a trailside pika
ModernAU Wangxian: Music School Edition
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had been assigned to perform a duet together. Perhaps their professor had thought that Lan Wangji would be a good influence on Wei Wuxian--something he could not say the other students would be. Most would succumb to Wei Wuxian's mischief. His approach was different.
Stolen glances that meant nothing.
Silence instead of speaking when his heart thrummed.
The squeeze of his fingers into a fist.
Together, they were weapons against the assault Wei Wuxian waged on him. The other man would never know how he affected him, should never know, else he might use it to his advantage and get out of practice.
Wei Wuxian did not show up to the practice room for the first week. The performance of their duet would take place in another.
Then, one day, Wei Wuxian mysteriously appeared behind Lan Wangji and whispered in a low, teasing voice. "Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, let's meet up tonight in the practice room. I'll play whatever I want to play, and you can join in. How does that sound?"
Giving Wei Wuxian the choice of music was not the worst decision. He might pick a pop standard. Lan Wangji could endure it. "Mn."
Later that evening, Lan Wangji sat at his guqin, plucking a few notes. Wei Wuxian was running late.
And then, in the distance, he heard the whining cry of an instrument, wavering in the air, but it was not the sound of the dizi. A black shoe stepped into the room, then another. Wei Wuxian's long hair blanketed his face. Behind the curtain of hair, Lan Wangji spotted the offending instrument, Wei Wuxian's fingers expertly playing the otamatone.
A modern instrument. Electronic. How distasteful.
The corner of Lan Wangji's mouth twitched upwards briefly, almost invisibly, before settling into a frown.
They would play a duet tonight. But at what cost? ______________________________________________________________ For reference, this is Wei Wuxian's precious otamatone:
(He has another dozen at home, but he'll bring those out another day to offend Lan Wangji's sensibilities.)
This is just brilliant.

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When I am elected president I will institute a law saying that anyone with a net worth over 50 million must, at their own expense, employ a Jester. They must feed, clothe, and house the Jester according to the Jesters wishes, may not fire the Jester, and may not retaliate against the Jester, as the Jester will have Jesters Privileges.
One must spend at least three hours per day on the company of your Jester, and allow the Jester access to your quarterly reports.
The Jesters will be chosen by voluntary lottery. Jesters will be regularly interviewed to make sure they have not become Lackeys.
This law will prevent rich folk from being surrounded with vapid yes-men. A lot of problems with the world right now are happening becuse rich and powerful men don’t have anybody on hand to say “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
This would make Prime Ministers Question Time so much more entertaining
this website lets you listen to the sounds of all different forests around the world
Reblogging again cause I tried this site last night and if you need background noise to focus this is perfect for that, I was locked the fuck in on a task. And it’s also just gorgeous to listen to
Yeah that tracks
Man you could just do stuff back then huh
Can you even call yourself a con artist if you’re not legally changing your name to avoid false advertising laws?
CRIPES
... Brush and floss your teeth!
#M.A.S.H. had Painless Potter #now I know why
don't let this flop. monty python watchers what phrases have had the most impact on your lexicon. for me it's "what's all this then" and "other than that, perfectly normal"
"...It got better."
He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!
I saw this at CVS and took a picture because a) it's cute but also b) I don't think this orange cat has been to medical school.
I showed it to my mom tonight and this conversation ensued:
My Mom: Why does that cat have a syringe?
Me: I don't know. I don't think he's qualified.
My Mom: Why is there a cat on the poster at all?
Me: Well, he's cute, and he's in fall colors.
My Mom: A giraffe would also be in fall colors.
Me: Are you saying you trust a giraffe to administer vaccines?
My Mom: No, but I don't trust him either!
Update: I got the TDAP today because it's been six years since I had it, and also I'm on a medication that makes me susceptible to respiratory infections
Sadly or fortunately or both, an orange cat did not give me the shot

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*whispers* serving buster keaton realness in 2025 is such a move.
I know we don’t get happily ever afters in real life. I’m a hopeless romantic, not a total fucking idiot. As my friend, Russell, said to me once, “Even with the happiest couples, one of you dies first.” But first there is such unalloyed joy. We went to the supermarket yesterday and we were wandering around and, at one point, he took my hand, because that’s the kind of thing he does. And instantly, I got flustered. Residual anxiety. Remembrance of past battery. Enduring scars. Even though I know I’m hardly likely to get my head kicked in by the salad bar, PDAs can still make me nervous. And then he said, gentle as anything, and I’m not going to do the accent… “If there’s a gay kid in here with his folks, frightened that he’s a freak, don’t you think that it might give him hope, seeing two guys wandering around, being themselves, getting their groceries, like everyone else?” If happiness is a place… it’s the biscuit aisle in Sainsbury’s. And anywhere else I am with him.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️