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trying to bed a knight like: *unbuttons your jupon* *unbuckles your cuirass* *unbuckles your gorget* *takes off your hauberk* *stops to catch my breath* *unbuttons your gambeson* *takes off your shirt*

No death cab for ugly? Ugly has to walk?

Does anybody know if you ever stop being 11 years old and lonely

Like you can stop being 11 years old & you can stop being lonely but it seems being a lonely 11 year old might be a lifelong affliction

nobody coughs up blood dramatically into their handkerchiefs anymore

"get ready for video games to become unaffordable" video games haven't been affordable for the last 10 years

"get ready for video games to become unaffordable" video games haven't been affordable for the last 10 years

[pushing my glasses up with an air of unwarranted superiority and gesturing toward a painting without a minotaur] the Minotaur is implied.

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

that's MS. substance abuser to you

sorry women sorry sorry sorry you can kick me really hard in the head

Burt you beautiful bird. I own the only one in the world right now, I want to change that.

ALSO ODYSSEUS LITERALLY JUST GOES TO TROY HE JUST GOESSSSSSSS they don’t even TRY to put baby telemachus in the paper shredder he just dips without a fuss. they change odysseus hanging the maids to penelope kicking melantho out for girlboss reasons and they TOOK AWAY MY BAG OF WIND #mybagofwind they also took away the dipshit that falls off of circe’s roof and dies. deeply shallow meaningless movie.

the no kink at pride thing is really funny bc have you ever heard anyone say “no kink at halloween” or does everyone just think queer people are uniquely perverted and should be censored 🤔 i think it’s the latter…

If your wife finds your sea people theory boring it is probably spurious and unsupported in the literature…

*taking out the trash at night* what if there was a monster. lol *walking faster*