Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō

-at some point between month 3 and now my voice dropped. I dont know exactly when but at some point I started cracking and I am still kind of cracking a bit. It may drop lower? But maybe not?

-my dick is huge #humblebrag

- I think im starting to read more androgynous. Im still not passing. I think most people read me as a very masculine woman or as some sort of androgynous individual. People still say "Miss" to address me. But sometimes I get that blank, assessing stare. When I introduce myself by my preferred name, people nod like "Oh yes! A transgender!"

-i am even hairier now than I was at month 3! Absolutely blessed! I am getting thicker and darker hair on my thighs, calves, stomach, chest, and arms. My neckbbeard is also growing but patchy and my sideburns are growing but patchy. No hair on my cheeks yet and no mustache to be seen yet. Im hoping that time and a higher dose of testosterone will do me good.

-before T i was extremely horny. Right after I started taking T I wasn't horny at all. My sex drive was AWOL and my desire to yack it or do anything with anyone had dried up. Im getting it back now, but its definitely not the same.

-I think Im still bi? im not looking very hard at it

-I havent had a period since February and I would get a hysto if I could. I just dont need or want a uterus. If there was a program where I could donate my working one to research, I would enroll.

-my front hole and chest dysphoria is WORSE. but binding helps. And I dont have a sex partner right now so when I made my "nothing goes in there anymore" rule, no one was there to be disappointed

-voice dysphoria alleviated somewhat. And sometimes its at zero because I can throw my voice low enough to sound like Bojack Horseman now

-I dont really cry that much anymore. I used to cry once per day or once every two or three days. Or once per week MINIMUM. now I might cry once a month. And it takes ten minutes and then im done. I used to have three or four hour crying MARATHONS

-I never wanted to be a parent before but now I REAAALLLY wanna be a Dad. A very important part of this is I do not want to be a carrying parent. Im thinking more adoption route at this point. Also I need a spouse.

-I am doing the best I can with coming out. Far more people know I am trans now than three months ago. This summer I am going to focus on coming up with a plan to come out 100% at work. Which will be really hard but it would be really healing if I got to be myself at work.

-Im currently on 0.35 mG T (i think thats what the dose is called?) but I am going to request a jump up to 0.45 or even 0.55 at my next appointment

-Testosterone does not cure Depression or schizophrenia 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎 they need to make HRT that cures schizophrenia and like - gives you fangs (I also told Elliot about my cool top surgery for girls idea where transgirls who want bigger tits might consider getting squeaky toys put in their implants as a sort of fun and sexy gag. I know Im not a medical professional but I think we should at least CONSIDER it)

- I am far more temperature resilient. Its summertime here and most days I am sticky with sweat by the end of my work day but it just doesn't bother me anymore for some reason?

-for the first four months or so if I didnt have four or five huge meals per day I felt like I was withering away like a consumption patient. I was so hungry all of the time. Im still pretty hungry but at least I dont need to eat constantly.

-when I am taking my iron supplements regularly my hemoglobin count goes past FIFTEEN!!!!! 💪💪💪 before T I could only get it past fourteen if I was abusing iron pills (just kidding! I would never abuse pills because I love them!)

-MY MASSIVE DICK IS HUGE ! CALL ME IF YOU WANNA GET PIPED THIS SUMMER!

-but on a serious note....honestly i am just sort of emotionally stable in a way that I have never been before in my life. Apparently T is a mood stabilizer. And I think that my mental stability actually comes from a) taking testosterone b) getting sober c) being allowed to wear men's clothes d) coming out at least somewhat e) finally living alone and f) exercising somewhat regularly. These are all important moving parts and I am grateful that I have testosterone. It genuinely saved my life. I was going to kill myself last October but I really feel like I am capable of building a life worth living now.