Do I Dare Disturb The Universe?

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also

I take a puff and then look at the chimpanzee I am supposed to be taking care of. with my enhanced empathy I know he badly wants a little bit. he does the universal primate gesture for give here. I hand him the joint, he carefully disassembles me like a lego house

anti abortion propaganda that tries to like scare you into feeling guilty by reminding you that the fetus has body parts are so funny. "uwu please don't abort me I have eyes at 4 weeks old 🥺" nice try sucker I don't care if you see it coming

No. I'm all for renters rights but if you want to evict someone from your internal organs you get to fucking do that.

"If you invited them in the house"? What in the fuck kind of vampire logic is that? Just... What? Nobody invited anybody to the house. I had a barbeque and some fuckhead driving by decided to just walk right in. No. Fuck off. Who even are you? That's a burglary, and I'm stabbing the fucker. In most cases it's not even a full bukakke barbeque, I'm just cooking dinner.

Lotta anti abortion ppl seem to forget accidental pregnancy can happen

well, no. they're very aware that not all pregnancies are planned or wanted. they just also think that a forced pregnancy is a suitable consequence for someone with a uterus daring to get laid.

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

#yeah but who’s his drift partner. a crocodile. just a crocodile. its not a special or humanoid croc its literally just a croc strapped in.

THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I’VE REBLOGGED THIS BUT I DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT HAS IMPROVED EVERY TIME

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

The slow realization that they have been loved not like a child, but as a trophy. But it was love nonetheless. Wasn't it?