1000 Meetings

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

pride month is almost over I would just like to say happy pride to boring LGBTQ people in particular. everyone expects us to be brilliant creatives and scientists and interior decorators and quirky professors and tortured artists but some of us wear nothing but Kirkland Signature clothing and watch Friends and The Office and are incapable of having an interesting conversation and that is okay. our diversity is our strength.

talking to a very boring LGBTQ person once in a while is so refreshing, you’re like “Whoa! You’re so average and normal! You’re like a coworker at an office job! The only thing we have in common is our LGBTQ identity and that is beautiful!”

“They tell us we’re born to suffer but you were obviously born to maintain the lawn outside of your suburban home. Very sweet.”

Seriously though, unmarked/badly marked graves on historical properties are a much bigger problem than you would think. People were just burying people anywhere, especially children who seemed to have home burials more often than adults. Sometimes you know, sometimes you do not. Often there was a wooden cross when the person was buried and it has since decayed. My great great great grandmother is buried alone in the middle of a cow pasture. Her grave is marked by a rock. Just a large weathered chunk of granite, not a headstone. You wouldn’t know she was there if you didn’t have family oral history. She deserves to have a headstone I think but I’m not sure if disturbing her is right. The rock was out there by her husband so it feels wrong to move it.

if someone gets killed by a grizzly bear or a polar bear it’s like “Damn, that’s unfortunate. Luck of the draw.” but if someone gets killed by a black bear you’re like “What did they do to that bear to make it that angry?”

Grizzly bears? You’re usually fine if you’re minding your business but every once in a while one of them decides to go on a killing spree Sankebetsu brown bear incident style and that can’t be prevented in all circumstances. Polar bears? If it wants to kill you, it will decide to kill you and then do it, not your choice. But black bears? My uncle has been chasing the same bear around his property for years Looney Tunes style with no casualties on either end, what the fuck do you have to do to a black bear to make it want to kill you if chasing one with a broom after it was picking your apples does not provoke them to violence?

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

many dishonourable knaves in the notes of this post

It would be kind of fun to have a medical dramamedy show where people (patients and people in the medical field) could submit their craziest experiences with the medical system and those plotlines and patient stories could be dramatized and woven into a cohesive narrative with any additional profits from the show going to pay off medical debt.

Pay medical debt? That’s bullshit. A for-profit system that is fundamentally flawed for making money from people’s suffering and desperation shouldn’t be shored up by Go-Fund-Me and bake sales and white knight debt buyers. It should be made illegal. No amount of comedy should ever make the morally indefensible even the least bit palatable.

this site is something else, man

The Masc of Amontillado

If you find yourself feeling like you're in an AU of your own life... maybe you're just passing by a place where adequate safety precautions had been taken, and thus a disaster never happened.

I think they'd be missing a trick if they DIDN'T do 9/11, frankly.

Official ominous book

i must say, i am a huge fan of when a book is in the middle of a very exciting plot containing many interesting problems when out of nowhere for a few pages it's like, "hey by the way, real quick, here's a detailed explanation of the city's water filtration system! i'm telling you this for a reason and you should worry about it. anyway! haha okay back to the plot" and you just get to be Scared for a while

The most interesting question you can ask about any character is not what do they want. it's what do they believe they deserve. because those two things are almost never the same and the gap between them is where your entire story lives. a person can want love completely and believe they don't deserve it and that belief will destroy every good thing that comes toward them in ways they won't even notice they're doing. write the gap. the gap is the character.