alright, flower?

Like imagine he walks in on you playing stardew valley and he’s like “who is that guy in your house” and you’re like “that’s my husband Shane” like not only is he offended that some virtual bastard popped the question before he did (and you said yes!!!) but also he’s like what do you see in him??? He’s nothing like me!!

He introduces you to overwatch thinking you’ll like hazard cause he’s this ripped Scottish bad boy with a mohawk and you’re like “heehee reaper is cute. He kinda reminds me of Simon” like you’re literally making your boyfriend throw himself upon his own blade in utter despair

jumping on the portal sex bandwagon. ft. portal penis with Kyle who used to be your bully in secondary school and now he's just begging for your attention.

you don't want to fuck him. in fact, you want absolutely nothing to do with him. but you lowkey want revenge on Kyle for tormenting you back when he had no business being that mean to a teenage girl who didn't do shit to him.

so you tag him with the portal. best part is he isn't aware of it.

and you take your time making him squirm.

next time you see him sitting with a couple of your friends at that corner cafe, he's as rigid as a statue. unlike many times before when you ignore him, he's shocked as you sit down at the table and smile and say hi to him.

because this time you know you left your vibrator on high touching the very tip of the dildo connected to his cock.

you carry a conversation with your friends and watch as they try to include him. it's hard to restrain a smile when he keeps his answers clipped and short, when he takes heavy breaths and when his hands tremble as he picks up his cup of ice tea when your friends aren't looking.

you do have to admire his restraint because he hasn't cum by now. yet you know what he's getting up to when he politely excuses himself to the restroom.