average cod enjoyer

john price's cult isn't a religious one at first glance, your editor told you straight off the bat. there's no second coming, no promise of a perfect afterlife, nothing like that. it's a cult of ideology, with price positioned as someone who's got it all figured out, who can lead the lost and confused through the world with his guidance- but there's whispers of a messianic figure with dreams that he treats like prophecy, a secret militia, illegal weapons, and underground bunkers. all from anonymous sources that you're assured are legit.

"we can't get anyone to talk on the record-" your editor says, taking a drag of his vape by his open office window, carefully exhaling blue raspberry clouds into the clean, fresh air. "-so you and cody have to go in. just spend a few months there, see what's up, gather any evidence you can, and report back here to write up the story."

"cody?" you echo, skeptical. cody's a good writer and a nice enough guy, but you don't think he's cut out for this kind of undercover journalism. from what you've heard, price runs a tight ship, and cody's the kind of guy who has his vices. you give it a week, tops, before he gets busted smoking or drinking or something equally stupid and preventable.

"i know, i know, but no one else will go- and besides, you need backup. it's best if you play at being a married couple- it'll make you less conspicuous- don't argue, yes it will. a single woman joining a group like this is bound to get you far more attention than if you come attached at the hip of a man." he points out, waving his vape in the air to punctuate his statement.

you sigh heavily, arms crossed. shit. you need this story, need to scratch the itch in your brain that's wondering what the fuck john price and his little cult are up to way out there in the middle of nowhere... so if you have to pretend to be the doting wife of cody of all people, so be it.

"when do we leave?"

your editor grins.

~

not even two days later you're at the compound, going through 'orientation', which seems to comprise of watching established members of the group meticulously paw through everything you brought and having to justify keeping it.

you have a much easier time than cody does- you'd been prepared for this. the only things you brought were clothes, toiletries, a journal, some pens, and a burner cell phone. the phone was the only thing close to a stumbling block- you'd had to point out that there were no saved numbers, pictures, or anything else personal in it in order to sell the idea that it was just for emergencies. you winced as you watched a woman dressed in grey rub nail polish over the camera lens, ruining it completely.

(at least she didn't think to get the selfie camera, thank god. whatever pictures you're able to take will be awkward as hell to shoot, but it's better than no pictures at all.)

cody didn't fare nearly as well. his personal phone is confiscated, as well as three bottles of liquor and countless kratom pills. they let the poor bastard keep his nicotine patches, but with the stern warning that if he hasn't weaned himself off of them within twelve weeks that the rest will be confiscated.

"jokes on them," he whispers to you later, "we'll be long gone by then."

after your bags are re-packed and handed back to you, the tour begins. luggage in tow, you're shown around the compound, which is just several trailers and makeshift buildings scattered throughout the woods.

your guides, kyle and alex, are nice enough, answering your questions and introducing you to the folks you come across. they explain how they have a deal with a nearby village- an agreement that the compound will purchase any and all fruit and veg not sold by the end of the day on the thursday market. sometimes they'll trade labor or the handicrafts that people make out here for bigger items, like the time the two of them helped build a shed in exchange for a backup generator.

you take mental notes as you walk around the colony, trying to remember faces, buildings, facts about the group that kyle recites for you with all the forced charm of a real estate agent. you're still in the 'honeymoon' phase of this thing, where they know they need to butter up new members to keep them from bolting. you play along dutifully.

cody, however, does not.

"i dunno, man. my wife might be into this, but i'm not sure. seems like a big commitment without a lot of return, you know? like we're out here giving you free labor in exchange for what, exactly?" your elbow finds his ribs.

"cody!" you hiss. "we talked about this!"

"is there a problem here?" a gruff voice asks from right behind you, startling you with a gasp as you spin on the balls of your feet. standing there is none other than john fucking price himself, the self-imposed leader of this whole operation. shit, it's game over, cody's fucked this mission before it's even started, time to think of something. fast.

"mister price, i'm so sorry about my husband- i've heard such wonderful things about what you can do for people, and i really think that seeing it in action will help him embrace everything you have to teach here." never in your life has the bullshit flown so easily, and to be honest, you're instantly a little proud of how sincere you were able to make that sound.

judging by the way his expression softens, it looks like price buys it completely. a scowl melts away into something softer than indifference, but not quite committing to a full smile.

"it is out of respect for your lovely wife and her wishes to better herself that i am not asking you to leave this compound immediately. i will not, however, tolerate further disrespect of these good people or our mission together. is that understood?" price's voice rumbles with warning, like a rattlesnake right before a strike.

"thank you." you say softly, before reaching over and squeezing cody's hand as hard as you possibly fucking can.

"yes, and thank you." cody says with the sullen attitude of a teenager in detention. price just looks him up and down before nodding once, curtly, and marching away with a gaggle of very large men in tow.

price looks back at you once, blue eyes locking on yours before he slips into a residential building- one you presume is his, based on the fact that it's bigger than everyone else's.

"wanker." cody mutters under his breath, catching an elbow from both you and kyle at the same time.

~

early in the morning, before the sun has deigned to make an appearance over the hillside, you wake up to loud banging against the hollow door of your little 'couples home'.

"open up! right this bloody instant!" a man's voice calls out from the other side. you're on your feet faster than cody, pulling on a robe and yanking aside the chair you'd wedged under the doorknob last night when you'd found there weren't any locks. hard as his knocking is and cheap as the door seems, it's a wonder he hasn't simply burst through what you'd swear is just weatherproofed balsa wood.

when you swing open the door you're dumbfounded to see john price again, the big man in charge, standing on your stoop- and he looks furious.

"good morning." you say, nervously clutching at your robe, holding it closed in nervous hands. you don't even know why you're shaking, you haven't done anything wrong, but something about those wild blue eyes glaring right at you from under furrowed brows is very nearly activating your flight response.

"what's this?" he says in lieu of a greeting, stepping into your home without invitation and pointing to the chair by the door.

"oh, well, there wasn't a lock-"

"bloody right there isn't." john crosses his arms and tilts his head, tucking his chin to his chest. "i know you're new here, but listen well: we have rules here at the colony, and one of them is that you will allow access to yourself at all times. to deny any of the colony this right is to spit in the face of community itself. you do not have the right to make the others feel unsafe in this way."

you blink, dumbfounded, trying to parse out this word salad for any real meaning.

"unsafe? all i did was lock the door-"

"and who told you to do that?" john asks, eyes darting over your shoulder at cody, who's only just now shuffling in behind you. "was it you?"

"i- now, look," cody stammers, clearly taken off-guard. "locking the door at night is a perfectly reasonable thing to do-"

"stop." john practically spits, nostrils flared as he pauses to find his words. "it's one thing to come here with your poisonous ideas about our community, but to infect your wife with it? when she so clearly wants to be here, to see the kind of life we have to offer? shame on you, taking advantage of such a dutiful woman."

"i- what?"

"this is your last warning. you don't have the right to treat people like this." john barks before turning on his heel and storming out, taking the chair with him. the door slams shut, leaving you and cody alone and reeling, staring at each other with open mouthed shock.

"what the fuck?" cody whispers, and you can only shrug. what the fuck, indeed.

~

a few more weeks go by without incident. cody has finally learned to shut the fuck up, and you've managed to make friends with a few of the more senior members like kate and farah. price, however, has been conspicuously absent as of late. you've been told that he's normally the one giving the daily talks, but something came up and kyle's simply been gracious enough to fill in for the time being.

you try to imagine kyle's words of empathy, community, and honesty coming out of john- but it's difficult. it doesn't pair with the man who, in the first two times you ever saw him, only spoke directly to you in order to scold you. people talk about him being charismatic, unpretentious, grounded- but that's not the impression you've gotten. it's hard to make anything of him based on those two interactions, but you can hardly imagine him being someone you'd want to go to with your troubles.

during the days you spend your time alternating between listening to lectures and working in the kitchen. you can't pretend you haven't noticed how gendered the division of labor is here, with women taking on domestic duties and mostly men going out to hunt, fish, or travel to town to earn money with labor.

it's hard to swallow your pride and not say anything- but you're here to get a story out, and if you call attention to yourself, go against the grain, you're likely to get kicked out before you have the chance to get anything good. so far all you have is 'they're weird about traditional family values but at least they don't make us sing'.

cody tends to disappear for hours at a time, claiming he's doing some snooping for the story's sake, but based on the way one of the younger women in the cantina suddenly can't seem to look you in the eye anymore, you're guessing he's doing a lot more than that.

whatever. you're both settling into a new routine now, one that seems to be working out. you're making connections with the women in the kitchen, and hopefully can keep cultivating those relationships until someone confides something in you about the inner workings of this group. so far all you've managed to pick up is that a few of the other senior members used to be in the military with john, and that john apparently has dreams that can tell the future. it's a red flag, for sure, but not enough to make you run. if anything, it makes you wish he were around again, just so you could maybe talk to him, find out some things for yourself.

but until then, you just content yourself with early morning motivationals, midday crafting lessons, then sweating over a hot stove right before a generous meal that's accompanied by another talk. in a way, it reminds you of summer camp. the rigid schedule, the emphasis on comradery, eating around a campfire on warm evenings, and the frustrated sighs of your instructors as you attempt and fail at the fiber arts they're trying to teach you.

in another life- one where you'd heard far less about what the leadership is up to, one where you didn't mind automatically being assigned to 'women's work', one where you had fewer connections to other people or worse self esteem- you could see yourself loving this place. the air is clear, you eat well, and you genuinely enjoy the company of some of the people you've met.

but having heard the anonymous sources, not just the information they gave but the way their voices shook when speaking against john price, you can't get too comfortable. lives are at stake, ones you plan on saving if you can by exposing truth to sunlight.

you just have to work a little harder to get what you need so you can save mary, who has a gap in her teeth and the prettiest smile you've ever seen. and jane, who snorts when she laughs and can't tell when people are kidding. and kate, one of maybe a handful of women you'd call handsome. and marta, and simone, and princess, and giselle, and so mi, and jordi, and-

so you keep at it. keep rising before the sun to make breakfasts, keep stone faced while people recite price's words about community like it's scripture, make journal entries using a series of innocuous seeming code words and phrases, pretend you don't smell pussy on cody's breath, gossip with the girls in the kitchen, and wait for price to return.

~

two weeks later, john comes back. he starts giving his speeches in the mornings and evenings, and lingers around the colony during the day, overseeing lessons, cleaning, cooking, all of it. nobody says anything about his absence, or even his return, so neither do you. after all, the name of the game is blending in, not attracting attention, slowly building up enough trust that these women will share their gossip with you- and tonight, it pays off.

"-heard he had another dream, that he went off to the woods to parse out it's meaning." simone whispers to giselle in the walk-in freezer, clearly unaware you're behind her. giselle's eyes go big, and simone jerks around, staring at you.

"i heard nothing, marta just needs more chicken." you say casually as possible, immediately going for the chicken breast you were sent for, doing your damndest to pretend like you don't care. you do, even if it's just mystical bullshit. it speaks to the hidden culture in the camp, a part of the narrative you will need to incorporate in your story. mentally, it's already a quarter of the way written. there's more to be learned here, and right here and now, you have the opportunity to prove you're chill enough to gossip around.

so turning on your heel, you force yourself to immediately leave the freezer, acting as nonplussed as possible while the nosy bitch in your head (the one you credit with making you such a good reporter) screams at you to turn around.

during dinner you can feel simone and giselle staring at you as you eat and listen to so mi gush about this new books she's been reading. every now and again you can see them whisper to each other out of the corner of your eye as you nod along to so mi explaining her book series to you, bemoaning the fact that all the blurbs on the cover indicated it would be much spicier than it actually is.

for the past three dinners, cody keeps disappearing with that girl whose name you refuse to learn. fucking idiot. dinners are an all hands sort of situation, his absence next to your side is glaring, and you can see price is also glaring your direction- although seeing as you've had no interactions with him since his return, you imagine it's not at you so much as the fake-husband-shaped empty space by your side.

after dinner you walk back to your abode alone, well-worn dirt path lit by torches in the rapidly dimming evening sun. you can hear the patter of hurried footsteps behind you, heralding an arrival you already expected.

"uh-" you hear simone before you feel her tap on your shoulder, and it makes something behind your ribcage twist with worry as she flinches back.

"hey, you okay?" you ask, brows furrowed. in the distance you can barely make out giselle waiting around the corner of one of the simple homes, clearly playing lookout.

"yeah, sorry, i just. like." she swallows hard. "i'm not supposed to talk about that stuff around new people. freaks some people out, scares them off. i really like you, i don't want you to leave."

she sounds so sincere, so earnest, that you can't help but feel touched.

"i'm not scared." you assure her. "and i'm not gonna tell anyone, not even cody. i don't want to get you in trouble, because i really like you, too. both you and giselle have been so welcoming, you've really made this transition smoother for me. thank you, and i'm sorry i never told you that before."

the open flames of the torches reflects in simone's watery eyes, her smile wobbly and wide, and when you open your arms she steps right into them, hugging you back.

"pardon me."

simone practically throws you off of her as she vaults back at the sound of john price's voice, sending you stumbling back a few steps. price gives her a tight little smile, one that stretches out his moustache into a straight line over his lip but doesn't crease the corners of his eyes.

"didn't mean to break up this lovely little meeting, but i need a word." he says directly to you before throwing a glance simone's way. "alone."

"oh- uh- of- of course. goodnight." simone scurries away without waiting for your own goodbye, giselle hot on her heels.

"did i do something wrong?" you ask, voice small. it's hard to say, but if your instincts about him are right, price might be the kind of man where deference will go a long way- and judging by the way he coos, smiles softly, and gently holds your shoulder, you'd say your instincts are right on the money. again.

"no, no. you're a lovely addition to our little colony, pet. a sweet girl and a hard worker... no, no, you're just fine." he pauses for a moment, expression shifting to something unreadable as he stares at your face. "however, i must ask that you pass along a message for me to your husband. skipping meals with the group- well. it's simply not done. bad enough he leaves you unattended at all hours."

he tucks his chin to his chest and leans back a bit, giving you a serious look.

"you'll tell him?"

you nod, dropping your gaze to your shoes, trying to disguise your annoyance at cody as humiliation. price's hand slides up the slope of your shoulder until he's cupping your face, tilting your gaze back towards him.

"i want you to know that even if things don't work out for cody here, you are always welcome. you don't have to leave with him, pet." john slowly leans in, and klaxons blare in the back of your head.

danger! danger! danger!

"i- uh- i should wait for my husband. at home. where he's expecting me." you demure as you step back to avoid a kiss, putting space between you. his hand hovers in the air where it had cupped your cheek, before slowly being lowered with a sigh.

"of course. don't forget about my message, pet."

"i won't, i promise. goodnight, mister price."

"just john, sweetheart." he calls after you as you turn to leave.

"goodnight, john!" you call back, powerwalking back to your domicile, leaning your weight against the door in lieu of using your confiscated chair.

shit. all this time and energy, potentially squandered because cody's bad at pretending to be married. there was no point to him being here at all if this is how he's going to behave- he was supposed to be your cover, and instead all he does is attract the wrong kind of attention. part of you wants to believe that maybe he's making progress, that he's found something and is investigating a lead, but likely the only thing he's found is willing pussy back at the cantine.

two things keep you from outright kicking cody off the piece and sending him packing- for one, you don't know how this group would respond to a 'divorce', but you don't imagine it would be favoriable considering all the tradwife bullshit you've been fed.

for another- john very nearly kissed you tonight. even if the group is cool about divorce, you get the feeling that suddenly becoming single is not in your best interest, that things could go very, very sideways if you aren't careful.

fingers crossed you can work fast enough to get what you're looking for before cody, that incredible fuckup, blows shit up for both of you.

~

after passing along john's message (and your own thoughts on the matter) cody finally takes the hint and glues himself to your side, making a menace of himself in crochet class and the kitchen, but at least he's behaving himself, you suppose.

john, conversely, has seemingly disappeared again, but this time, the girls in the kitchen seem more open to talking about it. apparently word has gotten round that you're chill, and you content yourself just to listen as they chirp their theories to each other like clucking hens.

i heard he had another dream.

i heard he's off meditating in the woods.

i heard he just went to the city to get more supplies for winterproofing.

cody, for once, also shuts the fuck up, kneading bread dough at your side, occasionally throwing you an impressed look. you may not ever want to work with him again after this, but you can't deny it feels good to have this proof that you're good at your job, that you can get people to trust you (and by extension, him) enough to talk freely.

after a long day of classes and chores on the compound, the two of you come back to your couples quarters to find price himself sitting on your couch, lighting a cigar.

"sit down, both of you." he says, tossing two throw pillows to the carpet, a silent invitation to sit at his feet. 

"now, as shepherd to this flock, it is my solemn duty to look out for my people. the two of you may be newer, but i still consider you both exactly that- my people." embers crackle on his inhale. "which is why this meeting pains me so."

he pulls a folder from behind his back, throwing it between you and cody. warily, you reach for it, flipping it open to find pictures of cody with the girl from the commissary, printed out on cheap copy paper. there's a handful of them, clearly taken over a series of days on one of the many security cameras on the compound. he's got her bent over a stack of milk crates, clearly having a much better time than she is, judging by the look on her face.

cody's poker face is fucking terrible, embarrassment clearly visible as he throws you a guilty look. he had one job- pretend to be a pious married man. just watch and listen. go home later and write the story. and he fucked all of that up just for some brainwashed pussy.

pathetic.

"i had a dream the night before the two of you came here. i was in a field, walking by a river, and i saw a beautiful horse. she was pregnant mare, outfitted with a golden saddle with my initials embedded into the leather. she was clearly mine- meant just for me. but there was a venomous snake sitting in the saddle, threatening to strike her and infect her with it's venom. i didn't know what it meant back then, but i understand it now." 

whatever this metaphor is, it's lost on you. price is known for his dreams, the ones he claims give him instructions from god- 'just as he did with joseph', price always says.

"i have allowed this... union..." price spits the word like it tastes foul in his mouth. "... to exist solely because the missus here seemed happy. i thought to myself "who am i to break up a happy, pious marriage?". so i let it continue. but now i can see she's not even surprised. upset, certainly, but that's understandable. but not surprised."

"now, john, our marriage is not your bus-" price cuts off cody with a two, sharp, snapped syllables that pierce through the air like a whipcrack.

"quiet." 

price gets to his feet, looming over the two of you, and you can't help but flinch at the suddenness of it.

"easy, love. not you. never you." price reassures, hand outstretched like you're a skittish animal. he affixes his glare at cody. "but you-"

with a solid boot to the chest, price kicks cody over. you'd swear you can hear ribs cracking on the impact, and a shriek slips from between your lips.

"god gave you a perfect woman, who you bound yourself to in holy matrimony, and you disgrace your union with a nineteen year old?" price kicks cody again, the laces of his boots slamming hard into his side with a sickening thud.

"john! no! please! don't do this- you dont have to do this!" you scramble across the floor and hold onto his kicking leg, using your weight and grip to prevent further blows. you press your forehead against the outside seam of his jeans, clinging tight whispering a desperate pleasepleaseplease against the denim.

"lookit that. still a loyal wife, even after such a betrayal. you don't deserve a woman of this- this caliber." john spits down on cody, who merely flinches amd whimpers, curled up on the floor with his hands still protecting his face. judging by how hard john kicked him, cody's probably dealing with broken ribs.

you can feel the heat of john's palm against your head as he pets over your hair like a dog. 

"i cannot abide by your presence any longer, cody. you are an infection, an infestation, a rot that must be removed." price pontificates, reaching into his jacket pocket.

a pistol glints in the meager overhead light.

"john, please- i forgive him, i do, please, you don't have to do this-" you beg as cody stares wordlessly, eyes wide, clearly in shock.

"i do, pet. it's my job, in fact. part of being a good shepherd is knowing when to cull the herd- and he needed to go a while ago, pet. it's time. "

the silencer mutes the two shots, but you shriek anyways. cody's body jerks wildly as his skull explodes from the back, coating the wall in blood, brains, and bone. your pulse pounding away in your ears is the only sound for a while, and you find yourself still wrapped around price's leg, too shocked to even let go.

after what feels like eternity, john finally breaks the silence.

"sit down on the sofa, love. let's talk about the future." it takes a beat before you slowly get to your feet, knees wobbling as you make your way to the couch. you watch silently as price opens the door without a word, ushering in a few senior members who quickly remove cody's body, wrapping him up in a sheet and carting him away before closing the door behind them. now all that's left of him is the mess on the floor and the hole in the wall. 

"where are they taking him?" you ask voice small and frail. john smiles at you from over his shoulder as he fills your kettle with some of the potable water in your cabinet, your boxes of tea already set on the counter, clearly preparing to make a cuppa on your little burner.

"it's always best to bury the dead quickly, before they pump his body with unnecessary chemicals and preservatives." john explains simply, as if the barrel of the gun in his holster isn't still warm.

you're so fucked. beyond fucked, really. you've been incommunicado for months now, and nobody is expecting to hear from you for another few months yet. nobody will know cody is dead for a long time- and shit, the same could happen to you. easily. imminently, perhaps. after all, you've seen too much. know too much. the only thing that you think is keeping you alive is john's attraction-

-or is that what killed cody in the first place?

"how did your dream end?" you ask. you don't really care, but the silence as you wait for water to boil is oppressive, stifling, threatening to choke you.

"hm?" he cocks an eyebrow your direction before slowly sauntering over.

"your dream- the one about the beautiful horse and the snake. how did it end?"

john drops himself onto the couch next to you, arm snaking over the backrest as he scoots a bit closer, boxing you in against the edge of the couch.

"i lured the snake away from my horse with a rat, and crushed it under my boot. the horse gave birth to the sun, which lit my path as i rode the horse on a star bridge out into the edges of the galaxy." price says with such a nonplussed, matter-of-factness that the bizarre statement almost doesn't click. as soon as the dots connect, you feel sick.

"i'm the horse." it's not a question, just a statement you need confirmed. john hums in affirmation as you feel him trace his fingers gently against the back of your neck. "but i- i'm not pregnant-"

"no?" he asks, free hand sliding across your belly without warning. you bite back a reproach, withhold your instinctual slap, hoping he mistakes the way you freeze and go quiet as submission and not you muzzling your own anger.

"no."

"how can you be sure? you have one of those- those implants some of these modern women have?" he practically spits the word, disdain clear on his face.

"i- no, it's just- well, cody and i- he lost interest in me some time ago." you lie, dropping your gaze to where he's still petting at your soft belly, hoping the way you stumble over your words will be interpreted as a byproduct of humiliation and not rusty improv skills.

"oh, sweetheart." price closes the already tiny gap between you, his hip pressed firmly against yours as he leans into your space even more. "don't worry, it's all right. i'll fix it. we'll make you a mum yet. just need some time."

his lips find yours with the help of his hand anchored on the back of your neck, holding you in place and his beard scratching the thin, tender skin of your lips when he tries to deepen the kiss.

"john- my husband-" you press against his chest and he relents with an exhausted sounding sigh, but still keeps his grip on your nape.

"i believe the phrase is 'til death do us part', love- and death has parted you. so you're not doing anything wrong- just fulfilling your destiny. our destiny."

you gape at him, eyes wide and mouth open in shock- and you can tell he clocks when your eyes dart over to the gore splattered on the wall when he chuckles a little too warmly as he presses his forehead to yours, forcing you to look deep in his eyes.

"now, you just forget that git. no more wastin' tears on him- i don't ever want to hear his name again. from now on, i'm the only husband you know. heard?"

the hand on your stomach slides down, deftly unbuttoning your jeans.

"w- i'm- we're not married-"

"oh, yes we are. we are if i say we are, because what i say goes." john refutes, biting at his lip as he yanks at your jeans- a clear signal for you to lift your hips so he can undress you.

"john-"

a solid hand clamps over your mouth as he bullies you sideways against the armrest, practically climbing on top of you.

"now you listen to me- i saved you from that snake, and you will give me the sun in return." he practically snarls in your face, hand sliding off your mouth for only milliseconds before he's pressing another clumsy kiss against your lips.

calloused fingers tear at your clothes as he mumbles to himself, and through watery eyes you stare up at the ceiling, listening to john talk to himself as you mourn not only the death of cody, but also your freedom.

Sitting on the steps, your hands are limp in your lap as a detective kneels before you. Her posture is professional but kind as she nods along to your rambling while she records it on her notepad. You keep shaking your head. Eyes squeezing shut, you go to wipe at your eyes until you realize you can't with the substance that stains you. Your tears are quiet. The detective hands you a tissue, but it's not enough.

A few officers stop him from approaching you—a job he appreciates as a captain. Keep the area secure. But they don't see the storm raging in his chest. Anger and fear bundled into one from your frantic please, they're in the house text message that stirred him from a dead sleep at half past two in the morning. They don't know how he would rip the world apart to hold you.

"John?"

Tender—your call for him is the only key he needs. They let him pass. Understanding the look on his face, the detective says she has enough information for now, but still gives you her card to call her if there's anything else you want to add. John replaces her spot, kneeling before you with his hands cupping over yours, unafraid of the blood that taints them.

"Are you hurt?" It's the thing that's been eating at him the most. He can heal the emotional and psychological scars, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if you were injured.

You shake your head. "It's not my blood. It's not my blood."

He has to scrape you off of the steps to get you into his car. Limp like fresh carrion, he guides you the whole way there, leading you to the passenger's seat and buckling you in when you can't seem to get your fingers to work well enough to do it yourself. The drive to his place is quiet. He doesn't bother to turn the radio on as the engine rattles below his feet while you stare through the windshield with eyes he wishes he could polish back into shining again.

Everything is simple once he pulls up to his house—slow. No sudden movements lest he scares you into hiding again. When he opens the door for you, offering you his hand to keep yourself steady as you rise, he expects you to keep quiet but is pleasantly surprised when you speak.

"I want a bath."

He has no qualms about it, and leads you to the bathroom the moment the front door is locked behind him. There's no fuss about being naked in front of him. You're too numb to it. All you can do is sink down into the water John's drawn for you and sit as the plain water dissolves the filth staining you. John stays nearby watching as you pitifully thumb at the dried blood on your hands, but it's all you seem focused on. It still lingers in dry patches along your throat, chin—even the tip of your nose that he loves to pepper with kisses.

Seeing you like this breaks him. It's as if you're holding a mirror up to him when he comes back from overseas, body battered and mind attempting to mend and replace the parts that make him human; but he's just a copy of a copy of a copy. He's so blurred out that sometimes he can't see his true self through the gore.

Unable to handle seeing you like this, John dips his hand in the water and raises it to your face. You don't move or flinch when he rubs his thumb over your collarbone to scrape away the blood, and he's not sure if he should take pride in knowing that you don't fear him, or mourn the smile that should be breaking on your lips at this movement.

"I was so scared." Your voice is hollow. It lacks the lilt of happiness that should be there; that wide-eyed awe he loves to witness in your spirit that now seems snuffed out—ash baked into the ground. "I thought I was going to die when they broke in. I didn't know what to do. Grabbed a knife from the kitchen and I just… I dunno…"

John doesn't stop cleaning you. Each pass of his wet thumb over your body is another inch clean—another inch of you he gets back. He passes over the apple of your cheek and the tip of your nose before you finally look up at him.

"I just kept thinking that I couldn't die. I had to stay alive. For you." Your voice breaks as the tears begin to well up in the corners of your eyes again. "I had to see you again."

Someday, John will tell you about the mantra that keeps him going when he's away from you, and how eerily similar it is to the one you're spewing at him now. He'll tell you about all the things he's done, and how he's done them all for you. For now, he settles for kissing the tip of your nose and revels in knowing that you're safe in his hands.

"You were so brave, darling. I've got you. You did what you had to," he assures before cradling the back of your head. "Let me do the work, now."

Kyle thinks about the night before, the loud pub, his mates from London all rowdy over the footie match that was on the TV. There had been a constant flow of pints and shots and pretty pretty birds stopping by just to say hi. Kyle didn't usually entertain that kind of attention, he was on leave, could be called back at any time, he didn't need to hurt some woman's heart with his choice of career.

But there was someone who caught his eye.

You.

You had come into the pub and taken a seat at the far end of the bar nursing a drink while looking at something on your phone before looking around the bar as if searching for something, or someone.

You had run into him by chance, both of you queued up for the bathroom. You had complimented his hat, said it was patriotic, asked if he served. He had waved you off with a laugh. But he hadn't missed the way you eyed the hat, then his boots and his jacket. None of it was regulation, but he supposes there might have been something vaguely military about it.

He had approached you, slipped into the empty seat next to you and asked what you were drinking. You looked surprised to see him again, even more when he offered to get you a drink. You told him you had been stood up. You had seemed nervous, told him pretty boys at the pub didn't typically buy you drinks. He had thought it was a shame and was drunk enough to tell you so.

It gets fuzzy from there. Had he left with you? Had he left with his mates? Had someone picked him up off the street? Recognized him? Had you been with him?

Stupid fuckass hat.

That same phrase again, the voice panicked and frustrated. He wants to think he recognizes it, that he will get some answers to his questions but his brain is fuzzy and his left arm is starting to fall asleep from the way he's laying on it. And is his captor baking? It smells strongly of sugar, butter and something chocolaty.

When the door finally opens he's ready for it. His feet are free, his hands still tied and numb, but he's listened long enough to know his captor is alone and in the habit of singing along to the songs on the radio in between bouts of cursing.

"Oh, you're a—"

Kyle leaps out of the bed, the room must not have been very big because his shoulder hits a soft stomach, the person lets out a shocked oof as they fall to the floor.

It is you.

You scramble away from him, the eye mask pulling off in the scuffle. You are not dressed like any captor he has met before, typically they don't wear satiny robes and house slippers. Nor do they bake while they have a man tied up in the other room. Well, maybe not the terrorist types he typically deals with.

"Fuck, are you okay? I didn't mean to, I mean, fuck." You drop your head back against the wall.

"Didn't mean to what? Tie me up?"

Kyle wiggles until he can sit up. He's in desperate need of paracetamol and water, and to get his hands free.

"No, I mean, yes because I did tie you up, which feels totally illegal and I'm so sorry, but, shit, would you believe me if I said I thought you were someone else?"

You had tied him up on accident?

Kyle can't help but laugh, it pulls uncomfortably on his arms yet he doesn't stop. His RTI training had prepared him for getting captured but he always imagined it would be by trained professionals, that he would wake up in a chair with guns trained on him. Maybe some light waterboarding, threats to his body, his friends, his family.

"Can you untie me?"

It's a simple enough request.

"I could," you start and then eye him uncertainly, "but could you maybe agree to not kill me? I mean, at minimum it would be great if you didn't call the cops?"

"Fucking hell, kill you?" he asks, shocked because what about him last night or when he had been unconscious had screamed killer to you.

You leap up, not bothering to help him and return, looking sheepish and holding his hat, his wallet with both his ID and his military ID — which you would have seen if you had been snooping— the knife that Ghost had gotten him last Christmas, and his phone which lights up repeatedly with messages.

"I have tea and cookies and there is a cake in the oven and I can make you a cup of coffee if you prefer, just..." you trail off, standing in the doorway with his things.

"Fine, okay? I won't call the cops, just untie me."

Your unease quickly melts away into a smile. Far too naive, far too trusting for someone who had panicked and tied him up in fear he might kill you.

Your kitchen is tidy despite the chaotic way you move around it, first grilling him on his tea preference, then making him a plate with far more sweets than he could ever eat (Ghost would be in heaven if someone tied him up and fed him sweets). You're babbling as you go, something about an ex-boyfriend and a friend and you had been out of town. None of it was making sense and the paracetamol you had given him had yet to do its job.

"Sit down and tell it t'me slower."

You sit obediently, your own cup of tea is only lukewarm now but you sip at it gingerly before turning to Kyle.

"I was away on a work assignment, my friend started dating this total loser, Kyle. Kind of bloke who walks around in camo, has the stupid blacked out flag hat, the stolen valor type. Well he cheats on her, then starts harassing her, following her around to her favorite places and we tried telling the police about it but they didn't give a shit, so I thought I would scare him."

"Scare him?"

"Look, it wasn't a very well thought out plan, was it? You weren't supposed to blackout, we didn't even drink that much. You weren't even the right Kyle!"

"So your plan was to lure back the military obsessed stalker ex to your flat? And what? Scare him straight?"

It's ballsy, he'll give you that.

"No. Yes? Maybe, but when I realized you weren't him you were so far gone. Bloody hell are you heavy, and then I got you here and kept panicking. A knife? Really?"

"And the ex? Evil Kyle."

"Already bothering her at the cafe this morning. Fuck, I am so dumb."

You look as though you want the floor to swallow you, the embarrassment is clear on your face, in the way you bite at your lip.

Kyle's phone lights up again, there's no name on the caller id, but he recognizes the number.

"I gotta take this call, but after you can convince me not to press chargers by telling me about what else you can bake."

Your face brightens, the barest hint of a smile at the corners of your lips, your eyes widening and the frown marks between your brows smoothing out in surprise.

"Okay, yeah sure, you can take it in my room. I promise I won't try to poison you or anything."

Kyle has multiple missed calls and texts, when he calls back the number he isn't at all surprised to hear Ghost's voice on the other end, gruff and bored with his own leave.

"Thought I was goin' t'ave t'send out search an' rescue," he says instead of hello.

"You free?"

"Got a bottle o'whiskey an' a date with my 'and later, why?"

"Cancel the date, got a job for you. Goin' to break a few laws and maybe a few bones."

"Aww, didja meet someone? Too busy fuckin' t'answer my calls?"

"You could say I was tied up."

Simon laughs, "kinky, Garrick, I like it."

AN: if you missed it, a few other writer are doing this in order to raise money to help the Indigenous communities in Canada that have been impacted by fires. Please consider donating, or spreading awareness by reblogging!

“You’re hangin’ on by the skin of your teeth, Gaz. It’s not like you.”

Six months’ deployment will do that to a man. ‘Course, it didn’t do that to Soap or Ghost or Cap—but him. It reeks of failure. A lapse he should’ve been able to muscle through, and could, if he had a little more time. Kyle said as much, but the way Price regarded him said that the call had already been made. Paperwork stamped and filed away out of reach.

“Eight weeks leave. Approved, starting tomorrow. Go home, Gaz. Rest. Relax. Do not let me see or hear from you before your eight weeks are up, understood?” 

Kyle had nodded, molars almost dust. What sticks out now as he plays it back is how Price rubbed at his ring and the faraway look in his eye as he added—

“Find a girl to pass the time with.”

Everything after that blurs. He couldn’t say how the meeting ended, only that two days later, he stood in the doorway of the cold, barely-lived-in city flat with a chip on his shoulder and no idea of how to grind it down.

Typically, when he has nothing better to do, Kyle runs.

He runs himself ragged outside, on the track or at the gym, at all hours. Sleep eludes him. It’s no good to lay in the dark, watching the ceiling and the headlights that sneak in through the curtains. The silence gets to him. There’s no chatter or stomping outside his door. No one telling him when to get up, where to go, what to do to fill the hours of the day. So running is how he copes.

He doesn’t track the time or distance. He goes by feel, specifically, the burn. How long before it blooms in his calves and then migrates to his lungs and throat, until it feels like they’re lined with fiberglass. He runs until all he can hear is the stock algo playlist du jour in his ears.

When he finally stops, it’s because his body at last turns on him and he doesn’t want to limp home. He folds over on the pavement, hands braced on his knees, hamstrings snarling at how close he came to ruining them anyway.

It’s never enough.

He drags himself home, taking the long way to wear down what’s left, but the rest of the day is there when he gets back. Long, idle hours with nothing to fill them. He needs a mission. He needs a boost.

So, he takes his Captain’s advice. He finds a girl.

Well. He finds girls.

The first is all nerves, with mile-long legs in heels.

Her arms wrap around him in the hallway of her building. She makes a small sound when he gathers her up against her door. Surprise, then ardor. Giggly when he bends her over the plaswood kitchen table. Afterward, she prattles on about going for breakfast in the morning, and insistently paws at him while he dresses. He gets her name wrong on the way out and she corrects him instantly, lips puckered around a pouty scowl of regret. He forgets it by the time he reaches the station.

The second is louder and five times needier. She clings to his bicep, afraid he’ll vanish if she lets go. He works her up in the last cubicle of the men’s toilet, her head tipped back against the marked-up wall while he marks up her neck in return. When he pauses, hand up her skirt, he sees hearts in her eyes. It extinguishes what he wants then and there. He unlatches the door before it can go any further, and she asks if they’re leaving. The wounded look she gives him rolls off his shoulders as she follows him out, all but sprinting back to her friends.

Objectively, he has fun, all this messing around, but it doesn’t stick.

By morning, it’s gone. In its place, the sense that he’s mislaid something important without ever knowing where he set it down or what it was, exactly. But by the end of the week, he’s got matches aplenty on different apps. Proof, as if he needs it, that he draws the eye.

That if he really wanted to, he could.

He takes to ending his morning runs with coffee.

Same spot, same order. Back to the wall, earbuds out, watching throngs of people stream past on their way to work. He itches for more, but no. This is what he’s been ordered to do.

Across the way, a couple lifts a pram in tandem over the curb, working effortlessly as partners. A two-person team. The wife bends to check on the kid, her full arse on display. He sips without thinking and scalds the roof of his mouth, nearly pitching the steaming cup into the street on reflex.

He hisses through his teeth and reaches for his phone instead.

For the first time in ages, he opens Instagram. The account he made a decade ago and never used. His work is not exactly conducive to having a life, much less documenting one. He scrolls anyway, checking in on old classmates and cousins. Spying their engagements, promotions, and toddling children in coordinated outfits. Milestones, one after another. Evidence of forward motion.

He pauses on a photo of a former footie teammate—arm slung around his wife, both glowing and smiling on a beach somewhere. His ringed hand rests on the curve of her belly.

He lingers on that detail long enough for the screen to go black.

Eight weeks is long enough to fuck off somewhere warm. Book a flight, find a beach. Find a bird and pretend he could be a man who belongs in pictures like that. The sun warming his back, an arm curled around him like he’s the center of a world.

The thought fizzles. He’s seen the inside of enough planes this year alone.

He’s stuck on the blank screen when a pair of shoes steps into his line of sight.

Polished burgundy leather. Fancy.

His gaze tracks upward to stockinged legs that disappear beneath a skirt. The rest is wrapped in a buttoned coat.

Then he reaches the face, and it catches him off guard. Open and welcoming. Your cheeks lift in a tentative smile, lips stained a shade of red that suits you perfectly. Your eyes are warm and bright with an energy he burned through several streets back.

You hesitate, indecision writ plain in your drawn-up shoulders. The worry of your fingers pinching a card.

“Excuse me, hi. I don’t mean to bother you, but do you have a minute?”

You’re younger than him. Not by a decade, maybe, but in his line of work, even four or five years is a gulf of experience. You don’t read as especially confident. He reckons you’re breaking it in like those expensive shoes on your feet. Your manicured fingers tremble as you offer your card, and his attention snags on the tiny, intricate designs decorating them.

You give him a name. It burrows right in.

“—I run a boutique matchmaking service, well, not run, as in by myself, exactly, but, well, I’m building my client base—”

He takes the card, and your relief is immediate, as if you’d cleared the highest hurdle. The cardstock is thin. A cheap, creamy white, with a heart and arrow logo that looks like it came free with the template. Your name and a website sit below the words Made to Last Matchmaking.

He blinks, attention snapping back, realizing he’s missed the meat of your pitch while he was busy deciding exactly what, if anything, to do with you.

“—dating can be so difficult in this day and age, and I’m working to revitalize the old fashioned way of meeting people face-to-face, outside of those lousy, impersonal apps. Now, obviously, I don’t know if you’re single, but, well, do you have any trouble meeting people? I’m offering steep discounts—”

His mouth twists with delayed offense. One look and you decided he’s lacking. That he has another problem to fix.

He looks from the card back to your face, brow furrowing. “I don’t need help.”

Your smile falters, but you recover quickly and snap back into place. “Of course. I just thought I’d ask.”

“What about me gave you the idea?”

That gives you pause. You must know you’ve stepped in it.

“You seem like someone who might be too busy to find someone, or…particular.”

Particular. He scoffs.

Kyle reclines, hooking one arm over the back of the café chair, and catches them—your eyes. The quick dart from the sweat cooling on his biceps to where his thighs strain the hems of his shorts, then away again. Kyle doesn’t call you out, but a thoroughly smug pleasure unfurls in his chest. He isn’t ignorant of his looks, never has been.

Pretty eyes, pretty hair, and a smile he knows how to use. Down to the scar on his cheek, which he lets do some of the talking when he flirts and talks around what he does for a living. Beyond what God saw fit to give him, he has a spendy vintage watch on his wrist and the activewear he’s in now is performance-grade. He can’t afford cheap on his salary.

And maybe that’s the real reason you approached. So he could be the feather in your cap.

He can see it: his face splashed on the front page of your website, in a carousel of success stories. Handsome, young, reasonably well-to-do. His first name above a tidy testimonial he’d be required to supply as a satisfied client. Exaggerated enough to sell and proof of concept.

He knows he’s a catch by any metric that matters.

But particular? That, he won’t touch.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ve got a date this weekend.”

You press your pretty lips together and rub. He wants to know what kind of lipstick holds that well. You give him a tight smile in a look that says you’ve realized the conversation’s a dead end, but have to back out of it politely.

“Really? Lucky girl.” You adjust the strap of your purse, puffing up a touch, birdlike. A vexed dove. One small, dismissive flutter of your hand toward his cup of coffee. “Sorry for taking up some of your busy morning.”

Then you’re gone with a crisp turn on heel, pumps practically thundering as you rejoin the crowds. He watches until you meld into the mob completely, then reads your card again. He glares at the embossed letters and bends it between two fingers, shoving it into his pocket.

Only then does he tip back to prop up his feet on the empty chair across from him. His sprawl bumps the café table, and his cup wobbles in slow motion before it dumps straight into his lap.

The coffee’s cooled enough, but it drenches him completely. A half-second later, the cup hits the pavement and shatters, and a dozen passerby turn in his direction.

Perfect.

At home, he texts and inveigles the girl from the cubicle into a date.

It doesn’t stop his surveying at the gym, tracking the pretty birds that flit past his stations. No one holds his attention.

On his way out, he stops for an overpriced juice. As the cashier hands it over, he catches her nails—painted a plain, forgettable milky white.

Just like that, his thoughts veer off where they don’t belong.

He wonders if you’ve found any takers yet.

Cubicle Girl cancels minutes after he sits down. A wall of text along the lines of I talked to my friends and you’re stringing along a nice girl.

It puts him back at square one, but he won’t stay there for long. He’s got a phone and bar full of options.

There’s no rush. It’s Friday. The place is packed, bar to dance floor. The air is thick with body spray and perfumes, the souring musk of sweat, liquor, and vape pens. The seat beside him will remain empty as long as he wants it to.

By drink two, he’s attracted a warm-blooded stray who has wandered off from her group. One compliment about her smile, and she’s more than happy to join him. She’s in town for a conference and wouldn’t you know it, she’d love recommendations from a local. Never mind he’s only home a handful weeks out of the year, and doesn’t recognize half the block anymore. He plays along, chatting her up until he’s certain she’s about to invite him back to her hotel.

Until she drops she’s sharing lodgings with her colleagues.

He thinks of Soap, who doesn’t mind an audience. Kyle has never understood the appeal.

His place is out of the question. When he spends months at a time sharing close quarters with Soap and Ghost, he keeps his space his.

Kyle doesn’t push it when she announces her party is moving on, or when she stalls, suggesting they meet up next time she’s in town. He dismisses the idea, and tells her to enjoy the rest of her trip. He does not give her his number.

Alone again, he reclaims his spot at the bar, ignoring the peals of high-pitched laughter and cheery voices all around him. It all eats at him more than it should, especially when his thoughts drift back to the girl on the street and the cheap business card.

He thinks about the way you saw him and decided he needed help. Him.

If the matches and messages blowing up his phone aren’t enough proof that he knows what he’s doing, what is? He hasn’t needed help in this department since he enlisted. No wingman, certainly no coaching. He knows exactly what he brings to the table. It’s not arrogance if it’s true, and for him, it usually is.

Still. He has to give you this, if only in the privacy of his own head. A reluctant and begrudging concession—there is more that he wants, that until recently, he’d had little patience for, and no interest in entertaining beyond the abstract.

It’s Price’s fault, the greedy bastard. Cap had only shared the one picture of his new missus, and even that had been heavily influenced by drink. Stupefying, really, how Price swore him to secrecy with all that color in his puffed-up cheeks. He’d herded Kyle out onto the pavement beyond that dingy pub, one bear-like mitt locked tight around his phone while the other cupped protectively over the screen to shield it from prying eyes, cigar pinched between his teeth like he was guarding yet another state secret instead of showing off a pretty woman.

“Beautiful, isn’t she? Skittish. Got some bad habits we’re still tryin’ t’break, but toothache sweet.”

The photo itself had been nothing, mundane and domestic, yet it’s burned into his skull.

Price with his arm around her shoulders, his hand fisted in the chain of a small heart necklace at her throat. Her shy face. And the look on Price’s? Kyle’s never seen him smile like that—never thought Price could make a woman smile like that, either. That’s what stuck.

Because he wants it for himself.

And if a man like Price—irascible, immovable, inflexible—can lasso a piece of heaven and pin it down long enough to plant a flag in it, then there’s no reason he can’t do the same.

He knocks back the rest of his drink and resentfully writes the night off as a wash. He signals to the bartender for his tab, and a hand lands on the bar beside him.

The nails are a familiar vibrant shade he remembers admiring. His cheek twitches with a smile, but he squashes it. Good thing, too, because the first thing out of your mouth is,

“Your date running late?”

Fucking hell.

You hover, angled toward the bar, one hip cocked slightly while you peer down at him. The slope of your face sits half in shadow while the lighting catches on the brownish-mauve stain of your lips and the smears of glitter on your eyelids.

Then you turn to flag the bartender down and neon spills across you, filling in the rest. Greens, blues, and pinks—refracted color sliding over your skin like the inside of a kaleidoscope. A strobe light from the dance floor lights up your face, three concentric circles pulse over your features. Your eyes shine, glossy with however long you’ve been drinking, as you set an empty glass on the bar.

Kyle can’t look away. His heart lurches.

“She canceled. Something came up.”

“Nooo,” You smirk as you fold onto your elbow, cheek settling into the bridge of your curled fingers. “That’s a shame.”

He chuckles under his breath and scratches his brow, using it as cover for another peek.

Tonight you’re in a silk velvet skirt the color of moss, gold where the lights touch it, in a halo for your hips, and a black top that leaves your arms bare and dips low. A thin gold necklace rests against the sheen of sweat gathering at the tops of your breasts, drawing attention exactly where it ought to.

Who exactly are you when you’re not trying to set all the single men and women in the city up for a living?

“Hardly.”

“Clearly. Her loss, I bet.”

“Absolutely.” He leans back in his seat. “You stalking me, by the way? That determined to land me?”

“As if. No, I’m here—thank you,” you pause mid-sentence to accept your cocktail from the bartender. Kyle taps his card against the reader before you can reach for your purse. Your smile turns wry. “Thanks. I’m here for a hen party.”

You take a half-step closer and twist, revealing a garish button pinned to your top. The silhouette of a hot pink hen with swooping lettering Team Bride. He laughs, then he gets a lungful. Juniper gin and jasmine perfume. He’d like to lean in and bury his nose in your neck for another whiff, lick the sweat off from below your ear to see if it tastes the same. Cross-reference it with the sheen on your tits.

“Client’s?”

“In a way. It’s for a friend I set up with an old coworker three years ago.”

“So you’ve always been a meddler?”

“I’ve got a knack for it.”

“Better remember that when I win back your favor.”

“That implies you had it.”

He lays a hand dramatically over his heart. “And here I was thinking paying for your drink might make up for the other day.”

“That’ll take more than one cocktail, I think.”

“Are you trying to guilt me into buying a round for the entire party?”

“Maybe.” You smile coyly behind your glass. “But you were considerably less charming last we met.”

“Yeah, well, I hadn’t realized who I was talking to.”

“Wow.”

“If I get drinks, do you think the bride-to-be would mind if I crashed for a bit?” he grins, surprising even himself, but he can’t help it.

Normally, he wouldn’t be caught dead at a hen party. Been there, done that, it’s either too much of a good thing or a bloody hazard—hauling Soap out of a pub before he pounces on some poor, unsuspecting girl. And yet, because it’s you? He’ll make an exception. Play nice, charm your friends, let them interrogate him if it means another hour or two of puzzling you out.

Your nose scrunches with a laugh. “Not this time, stranger.”

You squeeze his shoulder as you say it, as a warm and friendly gesture. All it really does is superheat the alcohol in his bloodstream. Makes him think about what those fingers would feel like clawing at his back.

“It’s Kyle,” he manages, clamping one hand down on his thigh. “My name?”

That earns him a brief once-over.

“Not this time, Kyle.”

It takes effort to keep his arse planted instead of tailing after you when you head back to your friends. A whole flock of women crowded around a table near the back, all wearing that same pink button save for the bride in white.

It’s his turn to drag out his departure, sticking around longer than he should for a man with no drink in hand. And Christ, he should probably just walk up and ask you out properly, like a sane man would.

But he already cocked that up at the café. His ego too busy sneering at your pitch to notice the woman giving it and the opportunity. Now, seeing you again while he’s fresh off back-to-back false starts, it’s difficult to separate how much of this is pure want and how much is pride rearing its head. Because by the looks of it, you might actually be too good for him.

Convenient, that Price’s voice should surface in his head.

“I’m tellin’ you, Gaz. You see something you want, you take it.”

He runs his tongue along his teeth, deciding to get out before he does something stupid just then. He’s perfectly capable of waiting until he gets home for that.

Kyle finds your card beneath a menu for Ola’s and mulls it over for all of three seconds before pulling up the website.

It’s not quite as shameless as he originally imagined, but the site is awash with photos of happy couples. He scrolls past a manifesto on love, an overly romantic mythos about soulmates for the tender-hearted, and for those less-inclined, hard statistics. The reviews he knew would be there encourage visitors like him to Take a chance, tempt Cupid’s aim.

Instagram next. Boutique, just like you said. The company account only has a couple hundred followers. Near the beginning is a photo of you beside another woman who must be your co-founder. It doesn’t take long to find you in the followers list. Your personal account is public. Bold, considering how you’d been earlier.

Curated, but not contrived, and chock full of colorful squares. Stray cats, graffiti, uni throwbacks, plates at restaurants—then he reaches a series of posts from a girl’s trip!!! beach holiday, dated a year ago.

(Where was I? he wonders, Getting shot at, probably.)

The crown jewel of the collection is you.

Stretched out on your stomach on a towel, a book open and tented in front. A beer bottle stuck into the sand within reach. You’re looking back over your shoulder at whoever took the photo, hand lifted to shield your eyes from the sun, smiling wide.

A persimmon silk scarf wraps around your hair. The straps of your swimsuit press into your shoulders, taut over your arse, and dig in enough to flash a crescent of a cheek dusted in sand.

The caption’s simple: beach bum

He exhales through his nose.

Yeah. I’ll say.

He takes you to bed with him like that. Your smile and arse beaming down at him in the dark, his fist working furiously beneath the sheets.

He imagines what kind of internal struggle you’d put up, with him staring you down. Would you be self-loathing? Shy, embarrassed? Would you be in disbelief as you spread your legs, or apologetic that you ever doubted him as his cock slid home in your warm cunt? 

He shudders, cursing into the dark, staring at the pixels of your arse until his retinas fry. He’d take you on your hands and knees, just to watch it bounce.

His orgasm comes quick at the thought, messy strings of cum splashing up his abs. He groans as he squeezes himself on the upstroke, going until there’s nothing left but a puddle on his skin.

If you were here, he’d tell you to lick it up. Gather it on the tip of one of those nails and suck it off.

His cock twitches at that and he groans in discomfort, but he finds himself swiping through your photos again, beginning and end.

You, at your first proper job, a sneaky selfie in the lift. You, holding a friend’s new labrador puppy. You, on holiday in Madrid with your parents. Notably absent from all of it—a partner.

Secondary fantasy follows the first.

You, on that beach towel again, except this time with him stretched out beside you. Him, nudging at your hip until you roll onto your back for a kiss. Sand sticking to warm, sweaty skin. The curve of a pregnant belly beneath his palm.

It should embarrass him, but it does the opposite.

He stays up late combing through the scraps the internet offers up. Your university’s blog to your extended family’s businesses. Abandoned accounts you probably forgot were public. A sprawling Pinterest account from half a decade ago, dated in taste but deliciously informative: places you dreamed of visiting, the wedding aesthetic of the time, and other evidence of the hopelessly romantic life you’ve imagined. All these breadcrumbs left behind without realizing someone might follow them. It’s basic recon.

Once he’s seen enough and the decision’s made, the rest comes easy. Here’s his worthy pursuit. The opposite of Price’s orders, but once the old man learns the details, he’ll understand. Might even be proud.

Twice now, you’ve come within reach. If that isn’t the universe conspiring in his favor, what is? Fate insists upon putting you in his path—he’ll draw Cupid’s bloody bow himself.

“So, Mr. Garrick, what made you change your mind?”

Today you are in plum. Monochrome, the top a shade lighter than the trousers it’s tucked into. Stylish glasses perch atop your nose and he can’t tell if they’re prescription or decorative.

You are far too professional and clothed for his liking.

“Just ‘Kyle’. Our conversation got me thinking, is all.”

“How so?”

“I did some self-reflecting,” Half a lie. He certainly reflected when he wiped his belly in the mirror last night. “And I think you’re right. I’m particular.”

The pinch of your lips when you suppress a smirk nearly takes him.

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being selective is important. Most people just don’t stop to assess themselves honestly, and consider how to engage with or present themselves to other people.”

Kyle filled out the inquiry form in bed, expecting a wait. Instead, you’d carved time out immediately. A casual coffee chat to ensure he knew what he was getting into and more paperwork to formally onboard him into your little operation.

He didn’t know what to fully expect, only that it brought him into your orbit and gave him the opportunity to start luring you down from the sky. He didn’t think you’d be so upfront.

“How I present myself. What, you think I need a new look? New haircut?”

You smile slyly and glance down at your notes. “No, I think we both know that isn’t the problem, but according to you, you haven’t had a serious relationship in years. You listed work as the primary obstacle, which, fair enough, but I know plenty of married soldiers.”

Not many like him, he wants to argue, but you aren’t wrong, either. There are operators who manage to build lives between deployments, but they don’t do what he does. They only play at it.

You tilt your head, and he gets the distinct impression you’ve stopped reading from whatever internal script guides these things.

“And between us? I don’t actually think work is the real problem.”

Defensiveness flares on first instinct. He could shut this down. Deflect and charm you sideways, or turn it all into a joke. Instead, he keeps his face agreeable, because snapping at you would be shortsighted.

“Suppose that’s why I’m here, hm? So, what’s next?”

That restores your smile.

You launch into your explanation of the entire process. Intake and compatibility assessments and vetting.

He mostly listens, but the lion’s share of his attention falls to your mouth. The short pauses you take to collect your thoughts. The shine of your lipstick and how this one leaves a print on your cup.

“I actually have someone in mind for you.”

His brows shoot up mid-sip. “Oh?”

You nod, pleased with yourself. “Potentially. It’ll take one or two days before I can set you up. Background check, first.”

Kyle nearly laughs into his coffee. Kate and her connections scrubbed his records years ago. All you’ll find is the good soldier Kyle Garrick.

The meeting winds down not long after. Your phone buzzes and you frown at the screen.

“Oof,” you wince, gathering your things. “Afraid I need to take this and be on my way.”

He rises as you do, leaning closer when you offer your hand. What do you know, fits perfect.

“I’m looking forward to working with you, Kyle.”

He gives your hand a little squeeze before letting it go. “Likewise.”

He’s approved within days.

You forward the results and his first match. Kyle skims the details while breakfast burns on the stove.

Camille is an orthopedic surgeon, an avid outdoorswoman, and a fellow runner. Ambitious, disciplined, and a good person on paper. In another life, she might’ve suited him. Unfortunately for her, he’s already met you.

He meets her at a restaurant she’s been wanting to try for months, and he tries sabotaging the evening from the start. He arrives fifteen minutes late, shirt visibly wrinkled, and prolongedly whinges about paying nearly thirty quid for grilled octopus.

She takes it all in stride.

She’s unflappable. She gives as good as she gets, too, parrying every attempt he makes to scuttle the date.

Doubt creeps in when their plates are cleared. Maybe he’s overestimated his ability to tank things, and you’re actually good enough at this to make him forget why he signed up in the first place. Then football comes up, and he mentions Liverpool. A side effect of spending months on end with Price.

The warmth drains out of her face. Honestly, it’s comedic. She breaks and saw limbs every day, and this is what disgusts her.

By dessert, she’s monosyllabic. The guilt for having wasted her time is there and gone as he pays, reasoning that now she has something to report-worthy for you. She’ll probably ask that you screen for club loyalties, and the next poor bastard you pair her with can sit beside her nursing United’s losses for the rest of their lives together.

Every date comes with a debrief with feedback from both parties. He rings you while Camille disappears into the back of a taxi alone.

“Well?”

“Sadly,” he says gravely, “We had irreconcilable differences.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“She supports Manchester United.”

“You’re joking.”

“‘Fraid not.”

“Football? Really?”

Kyle smiles to himself, looking toward the ground as he nudges a pebble with his foot. “What can I say?”

Your sigh crackles warmly down the line. “Okay. You’ll try again.”

Dates two, three, and four follow in quick succession.

The women continue to be perfectly pleasant. He continues to kneecap things.

Date two sours when he talks in circles until she gives up trying to pry anything meaningful out of him. Date three doesn’t last when she asks him for his birth time, and he tells her astrology is fake.

Date four is tough, because she’s funny and clever. She works in publishing and takes pride in her tracking her reading. It pains him to lie, especially with the stack of books waiting for him back at his quarters on base, but he tells her he doesn’t read for fun, and doesn’t see the appeal.

When they part for the night, she’s kind enough to tell him they’d work better as friends.

So when you text him the morning after date four, asking if he can pop by for a quick check-in, he knows it’s all on course.

You share your office with your co-founder, your desks side by side and decorated with small tokens. One framed photograph draws his eye. The trip to Istanbul last spring to visit your cousin. Beside it, a photostrip from the bar down the street from your flat. In the corner, a vase with no flowers. He’ll fix that later.

You’re gorgeous, though the puffiness beneath your eyes leaves you looking frazzled, like you’ve slept poorly all week. The sleeves of your cardigan are shoved unevenly to your elbows, the front buttons misaligned. You greet him as you organize a stack of papers.

“So this is more of a progress report.”

You slide the papers across the desk—they’re feedback forms, neatly transcribed in your handwriting. 

He skims. Most of it trends positive.

Attractive. Funny. Intelligent. Easy to talk to. Confident.

Then come the circled sections.

Off-putting comments. A little condescending. It felt like he lost interest halfway through? Hit a wall. Emotionally constipated. Cracks jokes at inappropriate moments.

Kyle bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

You tap the pages. “As you can see, there’s a pattern. You start strong. Your dates like you. Everything’s grand until you either disengage or, frankly, kill the conversation.”

“Maybe I’m just boring.”

“You are not boring, but there’s a difference between being charming and being emotionally available.”

His teeth will leave a permanent indent in his cheek by the time you’re done here. You frown, seemingly mistaking his silence for offense, but truly, he isn’t. Every one of those dates went exactly as he intended. He’d been as unavailable as he needed to be to end up here.

“Kyle, look, I think you–”

Your phone buzzes suddenly on your desk. The name Daniel flashes across the screen.

“For the love of…” you mutter under your breath. Your thumb comes down hard on decline, and you stare at the screen for a beat. You flip it face down, then plow on without apology. “As I was saying…I think you’re throwing the dates.”

There that is—but what was that? Who was that?

“Throwing them? What makes you say that?” he asks innocently.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

Your phone lights up with a voicemail notification. It sits upon a stack of countless others, and you ignore those too. Makes him wonder if this Daniel’s why you haven’t slept. Shit landlord, maybe? Another, needier client?

“Maybe I haven’t taken out the right person yet.”

“Mmhm, and not one of those lovely women qualified. Curious. Well,” You clasp your hands atop your desk. “I called you in because I think it’s time we discussed–”

Your phone starts vibrating again. Persistent bastard.

The glare you shoot at your phone is downright venomous. You finally snatch it up, shut it off, and then bury it with a shove into your purse. Both hands come up to your temples and massage circles as you worry your bottom lip between your teeth. A sigh forcefully hisses out. When the irritation ebbs, it leaves behind pure exhaustion in every part of your pretty face.

Kyle leans back into your line of sight. “Unhappy customer?”

“No. That’d be simpler.” You turn fully to him, rubbing at your forehead next. “My boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

The world about falls out from underneath him. Nothing he found suggested a boyfriend. It’s a glaring gap in his intelligence. Ghost would have a field day.

Unless, this Daniel was—

“Sort of. My ex.” Bingo. “It’s complicated.”

The weariness with which you say it stirs up ugly feelings. He imagines the kind of man who keeps calling after being ignored and what he’d look like bleeding from the mouth.

His jaw hurts again.

“Yeah, looks like he’s rung you about a hundred times. He bother you like that often?”

“No, not usually. It’s just, well yesterday, I…” You stop yourself with a light slap to your forehead. “We’re not here to talk about my love life.”

The universe intervenes on your behalf with the swing of the office door.

Your co-founder appears carrying coffees, stopping short when she sees him. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t know we had a guest. I’ll, um….”

You shoot to your feet. “It’s alright. We’re done here. Kyle? I’ll see you out.”

He lets you hustle him out, the two of you nearly knocking shoulders as you hurry down the hall, shrugging into your coats as you go.

Outside, you stand with him at the bottom of the steps, crossing your arms tight across your chest as the wind sends leaves tumbling down the street.

“So, okay, back to what I was saying before that.”

You return to the bullet points of the check-in, as if you can shove the entire Daniel-not-boyfriend situation back into Pandora’s box. You go on about intentionality and all the ways he can supposedly work on himself. He doesn’t interrupt, because this new development with your ex changes things, and he needs to factor it in.

Ten minutes ago, Daniel hadn’t existed. Now the loathsome oaf sits squarely in his path like a dead policeman. Or, more apt, a sinkhole.

Kyle watches you suppress a yawn mid-sentence and he’s irritated all over again.

You’re sweet. Clever. Earnest to a fault. He would wager that you’ve given this man several chances, and what have you got in return? Apparently many sleepless nights and no flowers to show for them.

Fortunately, Kyle is more than capable of changing tack.

“Maybe you could coach me.”

The suggestion derails whatever you were about to say next. You blink, eyebrows lifting up and up and up.

“Coach you?”

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right and I’m rusty.”

You laugh nervously. “Kyle. That’s not—I don’t think—that’s not what I do. I’m not a dating coach, that’s more her thing.” You point a thumb back toward the office windows where your partner’s probably halfway through her latte by now. “I could set up a meeting?”

Kyle tries to look disappointed and your expression breaks a little. A sliver, but that’s all he needs. Once he finds an opening, he knows how to force the rest of himself through it.

“I don’t want her. I want you.”

You let him pick the place and he’s glad you did.

It’s the sort of posh restaurant he’d catch endless hell for if the rest of the 141 ever found out he brought a date to it. Olive tile lines the wall behind the bar, and every table is made from rich sapele wood. Glowing fixtures posted few and far between, while smaller tables like yours make do with candlelight. Smoke and scorched citrus drift out every time the kitchen door swings open, turning hopeful heads when someone in a white apron sweeps past with plates.

Your nails drum while you take the place in with quick, furtive glances. Your attention flocks to the loaded shelves behind the bar then to a waiter balancing a tray full of oysters nested in ice.

You haven’t outright said you’re impressed, but he assumes.

The moment your wine glass is filled, though, you snap right back to attention.

“So, Kyle, is it as awkward for you as it is for me that this was arranged?”

Right. The roleplay. You’d mentioned it in your texts.

It took some cajoling to get you here. Out there on the blustery walk outside your office, imploring you to sit down with him over a nice meal to help him figure out where, oh where, he’s been going wrong. You said three times that this was unofficial, a favor rather than a formal extension of the matchmaking package, and therefore absolutely could not appear in any review.

Kyle agreed to all of it, because he knew it would be worth it.

And now you’re here, pretending this is purely educational while he thinks about how the fuck your ex botched things with you.

He hadn’t spent the intervening days idle. He found the worm lurking on the follower list of a friend. One query led to another, then a brief chat with an old contact still working for the Met, through which he uncovered a nasty little trail. Several small disasters follow Daniel. Nothing dramatic enough to make the evening news, but enough to paint a picture—one he doesn’t want you in.

Multiple CCJs and thousands of pounds in gambling debts. Assault within the last year. Three employers in eighteen months with behavior cited as reason for dismissal.

You spend your days vetting strangers for other people, yet what care do you take for yourself?

“Not at all. We all need a little push sometimes.”

“Really?”

“‘Course. I suspect even you need one from time to time.”

You huff quietly through your nose, but the conversation comes easier after that. 

First comes family.

He gives the broad strokes. That cannot change too soon, even if he has plans for you that stretch farther into the future. With the spotless records you’ve already pulled, you should be satisfied. He talks about his mums, their troupe of rescue cats. About his last trip out of the country, where he fell down a flight of steps in Minsk and walked away only mildly concussed.

(He leaves out how that happened. That his target tried throwing him down them, and how the man ended up going headfirst beneath Kyle’s tumbling weight, and never got back up afterward.)

In return, you tell him about your siblings. Your old job in marketing and how you pivoted. About university, too, and how half your social circle ended up dating because you kept introducing people. You weren’t lying about your aptitude.

The waiter comes and goes. Somewhere between dishes, the conversation loses its scaffolding entirely. You lean across the table, eyes glittering. Laughter sweet as honey and bubbly as champagne.

For a fake date, it certainly feels real.

And for him, it’s as simple as flipping a switch. All that effort spent sabotaging his dates redirected. He doesn’t waste time now that he has you to himself. Every detail goes into the ever-thickening file he’s been compiling on you.

“You know, you’re easier to talk to than anyone else you’ve set me up with.”

You snort. “That’s because this is practice. I’m not trying to impress you.”

“Too late.”

“Mm, I believe ‘joking at inappropriate moments’ was feedback you received.”

Kyle grins. “I’m dead serious. Best date in years.”

Before you can roll your eyes, he reaches and settles his hand over yours. Your gaze drops to where you touch, then returns to his face with an uneasy look.

“This is practice,” you repeat.

“Doesn’t have to be.” He drags his thumb over the back of your knuckles. “See, I’ve been listening to everything you’ve said about chemistry and all that. Think we’ve got it.”

“Kyle.”

“You’ve had a good time, right? Be honest.”

You worry your lip instead of answering. Your gaze bounces from your drink, to the candle, to the dining room beyond his shoulder. Anywhere but his face.

When it finally returns, you admit it with a sigh. “Yes, alright, I’ve had a good time.”

The satisfaction that sparks in his chest is wholly disproportionate in its strength. He has to resist smiling too broadly, galvanized by your concession.

“Right. And if you were your own client?” He gestures between the two of you. “Would you set us up?”

“That’s beside the point.”

“Is it? Look, I know you’ve got that ex of yours, or whatever you want to call him,” he adds when your brow furrows. “He’s a piece of work.” The kindest thing he could say after what he’s found. “Walk me through it. One more drink and let’s see if we can’t sort it.”

Your fingers twitch beneath his.

It’s funny, really. In the field, getting answers is often ugly business. Fear, exhaustion, pain, truth serum. Most people who find themselves seated across from him are either terrified civilians trapped in a mess far bigger than themselves, or enemy combatants determined to die before informing.

You are neither. You’re a pretty girl with wine in her belly. Nervous, certainly, but you haven’t tucked tail. You could have fled at any time. Could’ve smacked him and told him to piss off.

Force was never going to work on you. It would’ve driven you off. Not that he minds a chase, but it would be unnecessary. Given enough room, you’ll arrive at the conclusion he wants all on your own. That’s the beauty of it. It’s masterclass. He is, after all, good at what he does. Always has been.

When the waiter sidles up, you ask for a refill.

It all spills out after that. You and Dan have a history. You technically go all the way back to primary school. Thick as thieves for years. You, a shy and bully-prone girl. Him, your pigtail-pulling protector, happy to terrorize everyone else if they left you alone.

In secondary, without much fanfare, he became your boyfriend. In the years that followed, your on-again, off-again man.

When he was good, he was easy to love. He’d stay up until four in the morning to help you study for exams. He knew your coffee order. He’d show up with your favorite takeaway when you were ill. Charmed complete strangers into hour-long chats when you went out. Picked you up all the way in Swindon once when you got a flat. He could be warm and thoughtful in these fleeting moments, enough to make you picture your life together in five, ten years.

Then the tide would inevitably turn.

He’d remember your anniversary but forget your birthday. Borrow your car without telling you and return it empty. Lose job after job because someone else was always the problem. Borrow money and never repay it.

The good and bad came in waves, and you’d become a champion swimmer. You kept hoping he’d grow up, and that the version you fell for would eventually turn up and stick. But the money—the mounting pile of debts and the broken promises attached to them—proved to be the final straw. You couldn’t keep pretending the good outweighed everything else.

Nowadays, your family hates him. His name taboo amongst your friends. Every time the relationship implodes, everyone celebrates. And like clockwork, weeks later, he worms his way back into your life, hat in hand, talking about the good old days.

As if Kyle needed any more reason to loathe the man.

You insist you’ve been better as starting the company changed things. You promised your partner you wouldn’t let Daniel drag you backwards, and for the most part you’ve kept that promise.

It’s just that he keeps testing you.

“He showed up at my flat last week.”

“What’d he want?”

“What do you think?” Fair. “He said he’d had a rough week and needed to talk.”

Daniel didn’t appreciate being told no, and within eight hours, you’d received eighty calls and a hundred plus texts—even after you blocked him. 

The more you talk, the more tired you sound. By the time the bill arrives, you’re quiet.

Neither of you speak much more until you’re outside. Your chin stays tucked, all embarrassed now that your dirty laundry has been aired. You search this way and that for an opportune exit.

He won’t allow it. Every date comes with a debrief, after all.

He steers you toward the corner with a hand on your back. People pass, heads bowed against the wind, and music spills nearby from an open pub door. You stop beside a cut-through and begin fastening the remaining buttons of your coat, staring intently at your fingers.

“I’m sorry for dumping all that on you. Now that I’ve said it out loud, it sounds pathetic.”

“Pathetic?” He scoffs. “No. He’s skint, can’t keep a job, and thinks terrorizing you is a winning strategy. Pretty sure we know who the pathetic one here is.”

Despite yourself, a laugh escapes, but you still won’t look at him. “He wasn’t always like this.”

“Oh, they never are, are they?”

The corner of your mouth quirks. For the first time since Daniel’s name entered the conversation, you look relieved.

Kyle steps closer. “You know, for a matchmaker, you’ve got terrible taste in men.”

You tip your face up at last. “Yeah? What does that make you?”

It is, though you don’t know it, a trick question. He has done terrible things. He will continue to do terrible things. The world keeps providing reasons. The blood on his hands is there to stay.

He’s spent weeks in pursuit. Hunting, if he were being honest, though that hardly seems accurate when you’ve given him only opportunities the whole way. He’s never had to offer you an exit—not that he would. Maybe what he’s done makes him a terrible man, but watching your eyes flit to his mouth and back again, he doesn’t think it matters all that much.

He doesn’t preempt whatever objection is rattling around in your head. All he can think of is closing the space between your mouths.

Your throat clears.

“I should get home.” In a blink, you straighten and step around him, phone already in hand. “This was fun.”

Seven words to take the wind out of his sails. Aren’t you playing hard to get, taking things slow.

He lets you pass. The impulse to pull you into the dark alley to change your mind and speed things along rears its head. Ghost’s influence, most like.

“So you admit it. Does it mean you’d like to do it again?”

You make him wait until your ride is accepted before you look up almost bashfully from underneath your lashes. “It’s probably a wildly stupid decision, but...”

And another seven words for the urge to recede. A few more days won’t kill him.

“I can’t keep your money if I’m the one dating you. I’ll refund it.”

“Nah, keep it. You did exactly what I hired you for,” You walked right into it. “Found me a match.”

A smile tugs at your mouth. “We’ll see.”

“We will.”

Kyle relieves the ache of returning home alone with a long shower.

He finishes with a grunt, stomach and abs twinging with a side-stitch. His spend drips down the tile and swirls into the drain. With it, several options for how to approach his last loose end, most of which would land him in hot water.

(If he was stupid enough to get himself caught.)

Every idea falls short. Daniel’s a parasite who keeps crawling back. A cockroach. He could call in another favor with the Met, pad the man’s colorful file, make life more inconvenient for a while, but that won’t cut it.

He has his address. It would take him less than an hour to knock on the man’s door for a chat.

Yet, for all Daniel’s run-ins with the law, he’s exactly the sort to go crying to the police. Kyle has no desire to explain things to Price, let alone why he’s spent mandated leave paying social calls to a bird’s ex-boyfriend. Worse still, he’d also go crying to you, and that’d squander weeks of work.

He has to outsource.

Price is out, for obvious reasons. Soap would get too involved as he always does. Nik’s disappeared into one of his periods of radio silence. It leaves him with one unsavory choice.

He doesn’t want Ghost to know about you yet. He has a habit for collecting things people would rather keep quiet and saving them for a rainy day. Kyle, far less talkative than Soap, has always been one of his favorite marks. Unfortunately, he’s also the exact man for the job.

He sends the text when he goes to bed, and the reply is there when he wakes.

ETA 36.

Well into his morning run, his phone buzzes.

A selfie. Your co-founder, grinning over a box filled with cardamom buns and chocolatines, thumbs raised in emphatic approval.

Another. You, cradling the bouquet he had delivered to your office. A sunrise-colored bunch of snapdragons, peonies, and paper moons. Your smile peeks out from behind the petals.

Thank you for the treats xx

His runner’s high hits like never before.

One last point of due diligence: a visit to the halfwit.

Kyle tracks him down to a sticky-floored Grosvenor that’s seen better days, an apt comparison to the man himself. Daniel’s as unremarkable in the flesh as he is in his socials and police records, hunched over a poker table with a pint at his elbow and a shrinking stack of chips in front of him.

He only half pays attention to the slot machine he’s claimed. The flashing lights and chirping speakers drown out most of the table talk, but the louder notes of Daniels’s complaints carry.

A bored-looking woman hovers at his shoulder, nursing the dregs of a cocktail, chipped nails tapping idly while her attention wanders. He slaps his cards onto the felt after another losing hand, gesticulating at his companion while the dealer calmly pushes the pot toward the winner. He curses, knocks back his drink, and grudgingly buys back into the game, but not before awkwardly trying and failing to coax the woman down for a kiss. She turns her head without so much as looking at him.

Beyond him, posted beside the cashier’s cage, two broad-shouldered men speak amongst themselves, occasionally nodding toward Daniel’s table.

Kyle watches him unravel all over again when the next hand is dealt.

He decides then and there there’s no need to get any closer or learn anything more. Simply clapping eyes on the lout is enough. He’s not worth the risk.

Besides, Ghost’ll leave a more lasting impression.

Ghost has the rear of the pub to himself.

Last booth, back to the wall, one thick leg swung wide and extended out into the open floor waiting to trip someone. Two empty pint glasses at the edge of the table. He’s probably scared off any wandering staff. Kyle takes him a third.

“Could’ve texted you were here early, LT.”

“Needed the ‘me’ time. Soap’s insufferable without you to throw at ‘im.”

Kyle snorts. “Cap suspect anythin’?”

“‘e knows better than to pry when I take personal time,” he pulls the pint closer. “So, you fuckin’ stir crazy? What’s this about needin’ some bastard’s legs broken?”

That wasn’t what Kyle had sent. He’d mentioned an ‘old friend’ who needed setting straight, that he couldn’t be recognized, and that the job called for Ghost’s brand of finesse. Promised he’d owe Ghost a favor. He sticks to his story, offering no more detail than necessary.

“Mm. Called me ‘ere to do your dirty work. Wonder what Price’d say about his star pupil dishin’ out a little clandestine ‘urt?” Ghost tugs his mask aside for a drink, smirking. “Lemme see ‘er.”

Kyle bristles. “What?”

“The girl.” Ghost jerks his chin. “If I’m gonna get my ‘ands dirty for some bird, I wanna see.”

“This isn’t for—”

“Sure it isn’t. Y’asked me to slip off base, off the books, to rough up some schoolyard bully? Fuck if it ain’t for a woman. So let’s see ‘er.”

There’s no point in arguing. Kyle pulls up the selfie from that morning, and slides his phone over.

A man wandering to the toilet slows, neck craning to eavesdrop and steal a look, and Kyle glares to hurry him on his way.

“This ‘er?”

Kyle looks back at Ghost.

The look in his eyes sends a shiver down Kyle’s spine. Ghost’s pupils have fattened, his thick brow lower in focus. The big man’s gone completely still save for his chest, expanding like bellows in a deep, ragged inhale. His free hand migrates below the table to shamelessly adjust himself.

Kyle glances down at the screen and unclenches his fist with relief. Ghost has swiped one too far. He’s staring at the photo of the co-owner. Poor girl.

“Not her. Go back one.”

Ghost doesn’t do that right away, opting to airdrop himself the photo first, then swiping back. When your face pops up, he doesn’t nod or comment, and Kyle is absolutely fine with that. The last thing either him or you need is his approval. Once his phone is back in hand, he forwards everything he’s compiled on Daniel.

“And that’s him.”

A chuckle rumbles from across the table as Ghost skims the text. He turns the cracked screen to show the unimpressive mugshot that Kyle’s Met contact had forwarded. “S’rare for me to be the more ‘andsome one. She blind?”

“Watch it.”

Ghost just laughs. Kyle could save his life twice over, and he’d still dodge paying a compliment.

The discussion of what to do with Daniel is short. No killing, no permanent damage— physical at least—unless he decides to bother you again.

“Garrick,” Ghost leers down at the ring-shaped crack in his phone’s screen, its epicenter right around your friend’s face. “Favor for a favor.”

Kyle’s gaze slides right off the picture. Plausible deniability.

“‘Course.”

You pick this time. An intimate spot, where you get the best table.

(You know the head chef, you explain. Introduced her to her wife, a former coworker.)

Tonight you’re dressed in that deep burgundy shade again. A full-bodied red to make his mouth water. You’re brighter than you’ve been, though for the first quarter hour, you’re obviously nervous. There’s no pretense of coaching or protocol to fall back on. Knee bouncing, nails drumming.

Over the entrée, you don’t use Daniel’s name, apparently having adopted your friend’s taboo, and add that he never took you to a dinner like this—excluding your practice date. It’s brand new territory, being on the receiving end of effort. An advantage he won’t waste.

Everything he’s learned about you finally earns its keep. This is the home stretch. With only a handful of weeks left before his return to base, he wants to spend as much time as possible with you firmly nailed down.

The conversation threads from travel to music to books. He mentions cities he’s visited because he knows they were on your bucket list at one point. Namedrops authors whose books he’s seen in the background of your posts. Drops seeds he knows will make you bring up your family.

Kyle spends the meal waiting for the other shoe to drop, searching for a sign that you have any inkling of what he’s done, what he’s doing, but it never comes.

By the time you stumble out of the restaurant, you’re warmed by an endless supply of complimentary prosecco. Behind you, the staff have stacked the chairs and stools, all the candles but the one at your table snuffed. You slip both hands around the crook of his arm and lean in, painted lips curling into a smile that tells him you’ve lost complete track of your troubles. That alone would have been enough, but then you ask, slightly slurring—“What d’you say to a nightcap?”

Kyle can’t remember the last time he’s had company. 

He watches you like a hawk from the door, toeing off his shoes and hanging your jacket as you amble further into his flat. Your fingers trail over the table before your attention meanders to the photographs on the wall.

In the periods of limbo such as this, the leaves he spends here as opposed to his mum’s, this place feels fake. Set dressing—sparse and unornamented, what is here are remnants of the man before the task force. Before Piccadilly and Price. Might as well be fossilized in amber or lidded like a time capsule. There’s been no sense in changing much.

You turn, surveying, and he can’t help but wonder what blanks you’re filling in. Whatever picture you’ve painted, he’ll spend the rest of his life speculating how close it is to the real thing. Is Kyle a terrible man? You don’t know. You never will. You’ll never learn that at this very moment, your ex is having the worst night of his life because Kyle arranged it. You won’t know that you’re standing in his home because he spent weeks laying the bricks in the road that led here.

Still, he would like you to know him as a good man. So if you find his space lacking, he will make room. He’ll let you breathe life into every empty corner.

You do the song and dance. Kyle offers the perfunctory drink, the one you ostensibly came back to his for. You turn it down, so instead he meets you at the mouth of the hall.

Though, as he closes the distance, he reckons you could’ve done with one last ounce of liquid courage. You sobered up too much in the car.

His hands land on your hips, bunching up the wine-red linen as he draws you the slightest step closer. Your eyes go big. The first part of the beginning of his name slips out, a soft and uncertain K, as you look utterly at a loss for what comes next now that you’re this close. Your faces hover an inch apart, but he diverts, dipping his head to skip his lips up the line of your neck to the spot beneath your ear. You melt, fingers curling in his shirt, and emboldened, he follows your jaw back down to your mouth, pausing long enough to let you meet him halfway.

He means for the first kiss to be sweet and exploratory, erring on the side of caution given who has had you before. That changes when everything from his navel down twitches at the softness of your lips.

He snakes a hand up to direct your head by the nape, tilting it up further to deepen the kiss almost immediately. His tongue eagerly swipes into your warm and so-far welcoming mouth. He licks behind your teeth and the roof of your mouth, his slow-growing hunger tested by the taste. He hums as you clutch at his shoulders, and when he pulls back, your grip loosens.

“You alright, angel?”

You swallow, smile wobbly. “Yeah.”

“C’mere, then.”

Seconds and thirds of your tongue stretch the time it takes to reach his room. Clothes fall by the wayside, namely your pretty dress, but his shirt goes too. While your hands skim up the carved planes of his stomach and chest, his fiddle with the hook of your bra. It pops open and catches his foot briefly on the descent before he shakes it off. The kissing comes to a pause when your legs hit the edge of his bed. You topple backwards and he lets you.

You land with a quiet oof and rise quick to your elbows, but stop when you see him looming over you.

Your expression flickers. One feeling gets overtaken by the next between blinks. A hint of embarrassment to a swell of delight to an uncharacteristic shyness. Underneath them all is want. Stark enough to survive every passing squirm.

Once upon a time he imagined you maybe hating this. Had he been hasty and pounced too soon, under poorer circumstances, you almost certainly would have. But this way? You’ve been aching for it, haven’t you? Sweet, love-lorn girl. Probably touched yourself after carrying that bouquet home. Did you think of him later, when ducking to smell the peonies, only for your brain to misfire and conjure your scent instead? God, he fucking hopes so.

You track his hands as he works off his belt and trousers, breath hitching when he finally drops a knee to crawl over you. Once he’s in range, you tug him down for a kiss.

Yeah, you’ve been wanting it.

The minutes pass by like this—languid kisses, heavy petting, and sweet nothings. For someone presumably so pent up, you’re savoring.

His fingers pet the skin below your navel then hook over the waistband of your knickers. Your hips buck, jutting against the leg he’s slotted between yours. He chuckles against your lips then moves to mouth at other expanses of skin.

You fidget as he merely holds onto the fabric. He gets caught up in the hills and valleys, leisurely touring your tits and stomach. He waits until you’re distracted by him dragging his teeth over the curve of a breast to twist and push his fingers into your panties.

“Fuck, baby.”

You say his name, but the sound’s pure fuzz before it ever reaches his ears. He drags his fingers through your warmth and shows them to you. Sticky, tacky, wet.

“All worked up, huh? All for me?” He answers his own question with a nod and you echo it a moment later.

He licks his fingers first, then pushes them into your mouth.

“You taste good, don’t you? Sweet girl, sweet pussy. Can’t believe my luck.”

You nod a second time unprompted, and the sight of your kiss-swollen lips wrapped around his fingers makes his cock pulse.

After you suck them clean, he trails them back down.

His fingers slip back between your folds, teasing your entrance every few passes until he feels your thighs jerk. It takes very little for one to sink in and little more to add another. He’s lazy with it, slowly sliding them in and out, the whole of his hand stretching the cotton it’s trapped inside. He’d like to peel your panties off and take a proper look, but he’s glued to your face.

“Kyle, please,” you pant, claws digging in where you can reach. Pinpricks on his forearm and shoulder.

“Yeah? You like that, angel?”

Words fail you when the heel of his hand presses to your clit. Sensitive like the rest of you. He rubs it in tandem with the fingers stuffed inside, rubbing incessantly at a spot that’s got you shivering.

“Think you do, oh, I really think you do—feel that? You needed this, didn’t you?”

He knew it wouldn’t take much, but the speed at which you hurtle to the brink prompts ink-blots to appear at the edges of his vision. He’s drunk on it. Can’t get enough of it—your pitchy and shallow breaths, your needy pussy, all your scratching—and he hasn’t even gotten his cock in you yet.

You come with a cry, a couple tears rolling down your cheeks, cunt pulsing around his knuckles.

Through the aftershocks, you weakly paw at him, but he only lethargically pets between your folds. He kisses your temple and neck, grinning against your jaw when you mumble about his cock. You blindly reach for it, eyes welded shut and beaded with tears. You’re so good to think of him, but he can wait. He can still taste prosecco.

He migrates down the bed, using your lagging coherency to get your ruined panties off and tucked into the mattress. It isn’t until his arms hook under your thighs that you realize what he’s doing. You try to close up, but that’s what his shoulders are for.

“Kyle, wait, it’s too much—”

Yet after one long swipe, he knows it’s not enough. ‘Least not for him.

He kisses with an open mouth, using more spit and pushing it through your already sopping folds tongue-first. He latches on to your crying clit, sucking and rolling his tongue until you’re shaking more violently than before, so worked up neither of you can tell if the hands on his head are pushing him away or pulling him in.

Your hole clenches around his tongue when you come for the second time. The orchard-sweet taste of wine gushes over his tongue again.

He’s slower with his retreat this time, shoving his boxers off and indulging himself. He stamps his nose to the fat and hair above your cunt for a whiff before he climbs up to brush the tears from your cheeks.

You’re stunned, out of breath and words. You jolt some when he leans down to kiss your tear tracks, cock dragging over the crease of your thigh and leaving a trail.

“I, um, wow, I’ve never…” You eke out as you wipe your forehead. “Back-to-back like that.”

“What else haven’t you done?” He lifts your hand to kiss the divot of your wrist, pressing a sly smile to it.

You push at his chin as if shooing him away, but breathlessly laugh.

He is teasing, but your lack of an answer leaves a blank space for his imagination to fill. He’ll find whatever lines you drew for your ex and test them for himself. After all, according to you, these things loop back to compatibility. Sometimes it just takes the right partner.

He smooths his palms up your legs.

You’re primed for him, prepped by hands and mouth, your spit and cum-slick cunt gleaming up at him—a homing beacon calling him in. You watch him in awe like he’s the man with the golden touch. He’s never felt so god-like between a woman’s legs before, and he’s had a few.

He lifts his cock off the warm cradle of your thigh. He brushes the tip of it over your clit and licks his lips at how your whole body shivers.

This is a courtship some might wrinkle their noses at and say it’s too short a runway to be sure. Others’ll politely talk around it and call it a whirlwind romance. Doesn’t matter a whit to him. Not with how easy it is for him to sink inside you. Proof has a wet-hot grip.

He drops over you, leaning down on a forearm to swallow the noises you make as he bottoms out. One soft plea escapes.

“Oh, Kyle, please—”

Somewhere in the world, a starting gun fires.

Like that first kiss, maybe these first seconds inside you ought to unfold slowly. A little more tenderness to cement the fact that this is it for the both of you. That bit of goodwill and sense shrivels when he pulls out a couple inches and sees your pupils dilate.

You see something you want, you take it.

He holds on long enough to give you a sporting chance. A few minutes of gentle rocking and smooth, shallow strokes. All it is a wind-up though, he knows it, and he’s sure you do too when your eyes and mouth open wide when he pulls out. He pushes one of your legs open and toward your chest to watch your skin stretch taut around him.

He drives the breath out of you with that first earnest thrust. You won’t get a lungful until he’s done.

Your hands fly to his biceps, slick palms scrabbling at their swell as he gets going. 

Gorgeous, is all he can think. An angel spread out in his bed, tits bouncing in time with his thrusts. Sweat shines along your neck. He stoops to lap it up, moving from your throat to the tears beading under your eyes, answering another indulgence he seems incapable of denying himself. If providence saw fit to lay you at his feet—it would be a shame to ignore whatever impulses that follow.

His face returns to the junction of your shoulder and neck, eyes shutting so all he hears are the punchy noises he knocks out of you. His thrusts turn shallow, furious. Your hands jump to his back, nails scraping down his skin and setting off a chain of tremors in his spine. He groans and shudders as he pushes up, peeling himself off of you.

His cock slips out as he readjusts. A shiny gloss paints its length, droplets of pre-cum dribbling onto your waiting cunt. It’s a head rush seeing a pretty girl like this. Fucking obscene.

“Fuck, angel,” he rasps as he feeds his cock back into your twitching hole. “You are something else.”

You’re far past coherency. Distilled to needy moans and whimpers that struggle to even make it out around his thrusts. His hands plaster to your hips, pulling you to meet him when it’s clear you’re past keeping up with him, too.

“Kyle,” you gasp as he zeroes in on a spot that makes your nails sink into him. 

“I know—I know—”

You’re both so close, circling each other and racing to the finish. 

You bite your bottom lip, back bowing off his bed, until the whole line of your body draws taut before coming hard. Thought finally abandons him, warm static filling his head and ears, complete tunnel-vision on the cunt strangling his cock and his own release hot on its heels.

He drags your hips up, sweaty palms on sweaty skin, and buries himself in as deep as he can go. A long, hissed-out fuck skating through his teeth as he empties himself into you. 

It’s everything he’s wanted and more, this. Vindication twice over and then some.

He groans as he pulls out, watching his cum leak and pool between your folds. One last weak jerk and a stringy tag of it lays a trail down your crack.

A delirious, half-drunk mumble guides him back up the bed to where he tucks into your side like a good man. A hand ghosting over your quivering stomach to your face, stroking your cheek languorously along until you’re planet-side.

You don’t wake up much after that, not even when he cleans you up. He watches you breathe deeply, body and mind fully relaxed into a prosecco and orgasm-induced sleep. 

Your ex problem, hopefully a hundred kilometers away and moving.

Kyle’s still awake when your phone lights up sometime after two.

Careful not to wake you, he reaches across your warm body and lifts it from the nightstand. It takes two attempts to guess your passcode—your mum’s birthday, very cute—and one new text awaits.

An unknown number with a long, winding apology riddled with typos. More excuses he plainly expects you to believe that boils down to something’s come up, a job opportunity overseas, and don’t expect to hear from him anytime soon.

Kyle considers deleting it, but it’s better if you have some measure of closure. Out of sight, out of mind and all.

He finds a text waiting on his phone as well.

All it is is another photograph. Daniel in a queue outside a coach bound for Dover, black-eyed and snot-faced. A plastic bag stuffed with clothes with a toothbrush protruding from a hole in the bottom. His face turned, looking over his shoulder, but missing the camera completely.

As tempting as it is to keep it as a token, that’s the message he opts to delete. No loose ends.

In the morning, while he’s making breakfast, you tell him you’re going to pop by the chemist on the way home.

You don’t want a baby yet, new business and all, and you want to see where this goes. Fair enough. He’s in no rush because he already knows where this’ll go, but then the thought wells up, dark and thick as oil: the look on the old man’s face if he manages to knock you up before the new Missus Price.

His mind runs with it, beyond the horizon of what exists and into the future.

A strip of coastline, both of you hiding out under an umbrella. Sand sticking to your damp skin. Your hand in his, a ring glittering in the light as you admire it. 

A cold afternoon in the city, him knotting your scarf and buttoning your coat over the bump of your belly.

You, standing in the doorway of your home, puppeting his baby’s arm in a wave, cooing Hi daddy, we missed you, daddy.

He can see it all so clearly. 

But he’s staring down the tail-end of leave, so he simply kisses your cheek and tells you to forward the receipt.

"the kraut has been released and is apparently determined to talk to me." you say into the silent telephone.

"that right?" big d practically snarls into your ear.

"mhm. what's going on?"

"your guess is as good as mine, love. powers that be banned 'im from the table. might be lookin' t'find whoever snitched on 'im, or maybe 'e's lookin' f'recommendations f'new places t'play- or f'someone with a good reputation t'vouch for 'im t'come back 'ere."

"i'm not doing that." you blurt, and big d laughs, low and rumbling and altogether menacing.

"good to 'ear." he chuckles. "you talk to 'im? find out anythin'?"

"no. i refused to speak to him. i was out with a- a friend. who doesn't know i play. and i didn't want to have that conversation in such a public place." you stumble through your reasons, feeling childish. there's something about big d that always leaves you feeling silly, foolish, and naive- even though you know for certain he doesn't see you that way.

"ah. 'e's likely t'come back and try you again, then. not one f'learnin' lessons, that one." d muses.

"d, i'm a little worried about this- i didn't think he could find me like that." although, thanks to kyle, you're now armed with the information that he's a mercenary. maybe. he possibly has connections and could call in favors to dig up information about you- the same way kyle did with his former captain.

"why's 'e lookin' f'you, anyways?" d asks. "didn't think the two of you were close."

"we're not. i'm probably just the only person at the table who hasn't called him a stupid motherfucker... to his face." you supply, but in reality, you have no idea why the big ugly brute sought you out either.

d hums in response, but the tone borders on disbelieving. what you'd give to be having this conversation in person, d's an open book when you're face to face- which is probably why he prefers to deal with people over the phone.

"d, what do i do? if he keeps following me around he's eventually gonna tip off the people in my life how exactly it is i earn my living- and i can't have that." you lie. in truth, kyle's the only person you're hiding it from, and that's solely because you would love just one place in this city free from his presence. nobody else would give a shit, you're pretty sure.

"way i see it, you've got two options: can either leave the city for a bit and 'ope that 'e don't follow, or go talk t'the big git." you can hear the crackling inhale of a cigarette on the other end of the line, followed by a slow exhale. "'course, if you talk with 'im and find out what exactly 'e told the bobbies, i could see to it that your next buy-in is covered. dependin' on 'ow good the information is, o'course."

"of course." you echo, chewing your lip. having your buy-in covered would really set you up nicely for a while, especially if you decided to win a little bit more than you lose. it's several grand you wouldn't have to try to win back, there would be no hole to dig yourself out of from the start of the game, anything you won would be pure profit. it's be worth it to try one more time to see if the austrian has anything but empty space in his skull.

"see you next thursday." big d chuckles, sounding far too pleased with himself before the line disconnects.

~

the rest of the day is a haze. you meander through shops but you're not compelled to purchase anything, walking through the library does nothing to soothe your nerves, and even strolling through the park you're still on edge, just waiting for a crusty bavarian asshole to accost you once again.

he'll be coming back for you, big d even thought so, and you're nervous for when it happens. will he hurt you for not talking to him the first time? is he desperate enough to try to get back to the table that he'll threaten to kill you? it's hard to say, the austrian is hands-down the person you know the least, what with the complete silence between his ears and stoic nature. but now thanks to kyle, you know he's capable of anything- and that has you nervous.

and speaking of kyle- that's a whole new can of worms. it's going to be difficult to keep him in a sort of neutral space for a while as you figure out whether or not the austrian is a real threat. you have to keep him endeared to you just in case you need to wield him like the weapon he is, but you can't do or say anything that might encourage his obsession, either. that's what it is, right? obsession? after all, it's not just some soldier pulling some tricks so he can fuck a girl while he's on leave anymore. when you'd left him, he'd been alternating daydreams of bending you over his couch with more domestic scenes; doing laundry together, curling up on the couch in each other's arms, playing with your ring as he holds your hand at the pub. he's only talked to you twice and he's already wondering to himself if you would want children- and that's more than just a little terrifying.

the bottom of your shoe barely touches the curb on your block when kyle's thoughts quietly begin to seep into yours- and it almost feels like a sick sort of relief when your worries for your safety are drowned out by an elaborate revenge fantasy on a man whose face you've been on high-alert for.

the austrian, kyle's sidearm pressed to his head, arms and legs bound tightly, positioned in front of a very deep hole. it's not long like a grave, but rather narrow, like a well. it's so deep, in fact, that the bottom is simply not visible, pitch black and shrouded in darkness.

kyle's free hand holds open the austrian's phone. your contact is pulled up, texts to your number explaining that he's breaking things off, he's moving back home, he's wishes you the best but wants to go in a new direction with his life, blah blah blah. just enough to make you write him off and move on, but not enough to truly devastate you.

he's not a monster, after all.

"so now what?" the austrian spits. "you're going to kill me because you want to fuck my girl? had you asked, i would have let you f-"

"that's quite enough." kyle snaps, shoving the man headfirst down the narrow hole. from the bottom of the pit he can hear the dull thud of a thick skull against dirt, followed by a pained groan.

"what the fuck?" kyle can hear the panic start to rise in the austrian's voice, and it's delicious. "get me out, get me out, please!"

"mm, i don't think so." kyle calls down into the hole.

"i cannot even stand, it's too narrow, i'm stuck! please don't leave me!" the man screams, eyes widening in horror as he realizes the position he's in. still entirely bound, he's unable to move whatsoever, stuck with his neck at a 90* angle, too far deep into the earth to ever hope to wriggle his way out. his legs are pointed skywards, but it's too narrow to bend them back under his body to a standing position.

"better hope it doesn't rain. could drown in there." kyle mocks, laughing as the austrian's screams of horror warble and warp with sobbing tears.

the second your key enters the lock to the door on your flat, the scene comes skidding to a halt, replaced with a sort of giddy excitement that you're too mentally exhausted to make sense of. your arrival means that kyle gets to test something- something on his computer, apparently- but it's not until his laptop boots up and he double clicks a small orange icon that you understand what exactly it is that has him so worked up.

on his screen, you can see yourself- frozen stiff at your entryway, staring blankly down at the floor as you try to make sense of what you're seeing in your mind. you watch the night-vision green and white version of yourself hesitantly flip on a light, catapulting the image into full color. stiffly, you walk to your bedroom, watching as kyle temporarily zooms in on your ass before you step out of sight. he taps a few keys before the screen changes- a view of your room, perfectly positioned to record every corner, the angle of which seemingly indicating that the view onto your bed is coming from up high. your eyes drag upwards, stopping at the smoke detector that you definitely don't remember being here when you left the house today.

breath freezes in your lungs as your eyes latch onto a round dark spot on the smoke detector, positioned near the steady red light. through kyle's eyes, you watch yourself stare right into the camera, and can practically feel the way he's holding his breath as his eyes lock onto yours through the screen.

leave it, leave it babes, it's for the best, i'm just looking out for you, don't touch it, leave it-

"i must be losing it." you mutter to the empty room, testing for microphones. you hear it through kyle's ears milliseconds later and heave a shaky sigh.

it's hard to say how many more cameras and mics there are hidden away in your flat, but you know there's only one way to find out: you'll have to go out, come home again some time later, pretend to find one on accident. you'll text kyle for help as if you think it's the austrian who's responsible for putting cameras in your place, and invite him over to help you search for more. he won't be able to stop himself from thinking of all the spots he hid them as he walks through your flat with you, that should help you clear them all out.

it's a solid enough plan- but one you'll have to wait to enact tomorrow. you've been on an emotional roller coaster today, and it's been fucking exhausting, mentally, physically, and spiritually. your legs ache from walking, your head hurts from overthinking, and your soul is weary with the knowledge that kyle's leash on you is growing ever tighter.

it was already tiring dealing with watching kyle's violent memories through the wall, but now you have to juggle his newfound infatuation with you, the austrian potentially making himself a dangerous nuisance, your reputation with big d and the people who help fund your lifestyle being potentially on the line- and on top of all that fucking nonsense, you're pretty sure your period is going to start in a few days.

as you drown in your emotions under the surveillance of your stalker, all you can bring yourself to do is flop down onto your bed, not even bothering to change out of your clothes. through kyle's eyes you watch the footage of yourself, face down and unmoving, feeling his anxiety ramp up.

shit, what happened, babes? did that big ugly git find you again? we should have stayed near, should've kept an eye on her, bloody hell. she's not even moving- but she's still breathing. oh, babes, please, call me over. we can make this all better.

the threat of oncoming tears start to sting at your eyes as he imagines himself 'comforting' you- sliding into your bed and burying his face between your thighs- and as soon as they leak out through your tightly closed eyelids, it's like an avalanche; a cascade of violent sobs that you're helpless to try to stop. his fantasies fizzle away immediately as soon as he hears your muffled wails and sees your body shake with the emotions you can't bottle up.

you feel so helpless, so much more trapped than you were before- it was bad enough feeling like you couldn't come and go as you pleased, now you have to act for him, to pretend everything is normal and that you definitely can't hear him through your wall. no longer is your flat a sanctuary where you can react and respond to what drifts through your head freely- it's now been transformed to a stage where you are forced to perform the same song and dance of normalcy that you do for the general public when you step outside. you know what the consequences are if you don't: a grippy sock holiday. you did that once in your youth, and it taught you an unforgettable and important lesson about not conforming to expectations and reacting to things that aren't said out loud.

babes, text me, tell me to come over, give me a reason, please-

blindly you reach out to your nightstand, fingers searching for a familiar shape, desperately seeking the only small relief you can muster without having to get up. your face is still firmly buried into your pillow when the pads of your fingers find it- the round plastic edges of a sleep sounds machine, the volume cranked to what you've mentally dubbed 'kyle levels', with endless hours of pink noise queued up and ready to drone on and drown out intruding thoughts, all at the light press of a button.

as soon as you feel your way to the power control the sound clicks on.

the relief is instant, like a glass of ice water on a hot day, and with the mental feedback of hearing it a second time through kyle's ears, for the very first time in your life, it feels like staticky sound of the pink noise is truly drowning out all the other thoughts invading your mind, as opposed to just covering it up- like the difference between taking out a bag of smelly garbage versus spraying some sort of aerosol over it.

the tears continue to roll on, sobs making your ribs and sinuses ache in equal measures, and it almost feels like your agony is hollowing you out like a jack-o-lantern, carving up your messy insides bit by bit as the sound of the little white speaker on your bedside table helps clean out what's been already been stripped away. it sounds like a ceaseless waterfall, an ocean tide in your mind that only ever ebbs, washing you clean of every worry, fear, concern, and thought- both your own and others.

it's not long before your exhaustion starts to pull you under, every weary muscle in your body feeling leaden and weak. you don't fight it, letting the gentle shushing of your little speaker continue to faithfully lull your mind to sleep. in this blissful moment, everyone else's thoughts and feeling are exactly that- everyone else's. they're not your problem right now, and your mind is the most your own it has been since you you were a very, very small child. for the first time in a long time, you get to sleep deeply without having to smoke, drink, or swallow anything to achieve it.

it pulls you so far under that you're deep in rem sleep when kyle finally closes his laptop an hour later, so you don't even notice when the second layer of pink noise is abruptly cut off. or when the low level hum of your neighbors thoughts seep back into your mind again. or when the sound of door 542 opens and closes. or when the elevator chimes down the hall.

no matter what you do, he's going to find a way to manipulate another meeting. it's inevitable. it sucks, but at least there's a silver lining: it gives you the opportunity to convince him not to want you anymore. shouldn't be too hard, really. over the past few days he's built you up so much in his head that you've convinced yourself that just getting to know the real you would shatter the (glossy lipped, full-lashed, giggly) illusion he's built up in his head and destroy his interest.

hopefully.

fingers crossed.

worse comes to worse you can always bomb on purpose; slagging off chelsea, chewing with your mouth open, and your favorite option: criticizing the military. kyle might have captain price's connections to dig up the dirt he can use against you, but you can use what's in his head to immediately give him the ick.

now you just need to create the opportunity to do so.

it takes no time at all to make your plan of action. in the late morning you leave for the cafe, taking your time as you make your way to the elevator and head towards the front door at a leisurely pace. kyle definitely heard you leave, and absolutely plans to follow as soon as he sees which way you're headed through his window. he's behind you in minutes, carefully keeping just far enough from you to stay inconspicuous but close enough not to lose you when you take a corner. it's tempting to stop, turn around, and loudly ask why he's following you- but you're on a mission. operation bubble-burster is a go, and you're determined to do whatever you must to get that man well and truly put off by you. shit, if you do a good enough job, maybe he'll be the one to move.

you're sitting at a table in the rear of the cafe, your back towards the door so he can admire the way your arse fills your seat as he orders, waiting to make himself known until he's ready to sit down and settle in. he passes by your table, doing a planned double take before flashing a charming smile. his imaginary version of you is a bit more realistic looking since your last talk, but she still smiles and giggles at him in a way you never will.

"hey, didn't expect to see you here. mind if i sit with you?"

"please." fake you says, with a hopefulness in her voice that makes you roll your eyes as you push the cafe door open.

kyle slows his pace when he sees you walk into the cafe, hovering by the entrance as you choose your seat and wrinkling his nose a little when you pick the spot close to the front, facing the door.

your novel does a decent enough job of hiding your amused smile as kyle orders his coffee and pretends not to notice you, mindlessly flipping through instagram as he revises his strategy for approaching you. he doesn't come up with anything particularly good before the barista calls his name, and he glances your way as he picks up his americano.

so bloody pretty. i'll be livid if i have to kill her for spying.

"oh, hey, i wondered if that was you." kyle says as he strides up to your table, pretending his running into you is a mere coincidence. "mind if i sit with you?"

would it stop you if i did? you wonder to yourself as you force a small smile.

"go for it." you say tonelessly, gesturing to the empty seat across from you. you don't bother to look at him or even put your book down. you're not reading it, per se, but you're still using it as a small shield, something to protect you and give you an excuse not to look at him until you're ready to engage.

too bad kyle has other plans.

"you liking your book? i just finished it a few days ago. gruesome stuff, but really compelling." kyle says, his smile easily reaching his eyes.

"it's fine." you tell him, sounding bored and hoping that being mildly disagreeable will be enough to burst whatever bubble he's in.

it doesn't work.

poor girl has such high walls. it'll be work knocking them down, but it'll be worth it. he sips his coffee, not bothering to hide the way he's admiring you from across the table. fuck, she's so pretty. just let me in, babes. i know there's a sweet girl under that facade. you're just scared of how you feel, i'll bet. you like me, like the way i look, and you're scared of what you might say or do when your little boyfriend isn't around- and that's because you're so sweet. you're too good a woman to cheat, i bet. fuck, i need to find and scare off that bellend, get rid of that hesitation so i can get my bloody hands on you.

"you're staring." you say flatly, leveling him with a glare over the edge of your novel.

"am i?" he asks, tone light and slightly mischevious, knowing full well that he is, in fact, staring shamelessly.

"mhm." you snap your book shut with a sigh. "what do you want, kyle?"

to fuck you hard, fast, and often, he thinks.

"to talk to the very sweet girl who's pretending to be a bit cross with me." he says instead, and you blink at him in surprise.

"oh, you think i'm pretending?" you snipe back, and to your surprise, he smiles warmly, leaning forward onto his forearms.

"i think you're a private sort of person who maybe doesn't open up very easily. i think you're a very loyal girlfriend who feels the need to keep some distance between us because of your relationship. and i also think maybe i make you nervous because i find you so interesting." his voice is lowered, just a little, and you can tell without being in his head that it's the truthfully what he thinks, every word of it. it somehow takes you by surprise by how candid he's being- you'd expected a lot more schmoozing, sweet words with no real honest behind them- not to have him rattle off two intensely true statements about you, hitting so close to home that you feel almost exposed. still, you can't let him charm you, can't let him win-

"pretty bold statement, considering you don't know me." you point out, a little softer than intended.

there it is, that's our in, he thinks to himself, and you don't hold back your small scoff.

"i want to." he counters easily. "it takes a very smart and aware person to notice their neighbor's habits like you have, and it takes a very sweet and kind person to accommodate someone's needs without asking. of course i want to get to know a woman like that."

i also want to fuck you so hard you ever forget you've had anyone else. i want to hear what my name sounds like when you moan it. i want to taste my cum in your mouth when i kiss you. i want to come home from a mission and know you'll be here waiting for me.

he shrugs, casual as can be, and sips his coffee as you try and fail to hide your shock. the lewdness you'd expected- his eyes keep dipping to the open v of your shirt- but the honesty of wanting to know you and have you as his- not just as a fling, but as a loyal partner- is startling. you'd thought it was a purely physical thing, some chubby chaser losing his mind over your big hips and thick thighs. never in your life did you expect he'd want anything more than that- and it frightens you.

kyle garrick isn't just trying to fuck you. after only seeing your face exactly four times, he's already decided he's playing for keeps.

is that-? holy fuck, it is- kyle's brows raise at the sight of someone over your shoulder, but he stays silent. through his eyes (and the eyes of the man contemplating divorce at the next table over) you can see the austrian, apparently released from police custody, standing up from the table at the very back and striding straight towards you with heavy bootfalls.

a bombed out building, floors opened beneath feet, walls blasted away, ceilings blown open. gunfire ricochets singing on the wind, muzzle flash illuminating bombed out rooms in the cool dark of night. a giant man lumbers into view- dirty pillowcase tossed over his head with crudely cut eyeholes and shit brown streaks down the front. the way he walks reminds kyle of frankenstein's monster- lumbering, awkward, and slightly meandering. the man might have on tactical gear and be holding a weapon, but he's less a solider and more dumb hired muscle. bright blue eyes- just like the austrian's- peer out from beneath the crude mask, locking in on kyle's before two quick pops ring out from kyle's sidearm. chunks of the austrian's leg explode from the velocity of the gunfire, and the big kraut swings the barrel of his shotgun towards kyle's head- but before kyle can put send a third round through him, the floor gives way under his feet, sending kyle tumbling down to the next story, vision briefly whiting out when he lands hard on the floor below.

"i have been looking for you. we must talk. in private." the austrian says in lieu of 'hello', stepping up to your table and ignoring kyle completely. he looks haggard, the bags under his eyes pronounced and body odor pungent. his hair is oily and clearly hasn't seen a brush recently, and you wonder how long he's been running around this city trying to track you down. once again you try to listen in and see if you can pick up what's going on in his head, but as always, there's complete radio silence. it's shocking to think that he even might be the mercenary kyle remembered- you've had no clue what this guy does, or even his name, and his mind is so blank that you wonder if he knows either.

"i don't have anything to say to you." you tell him flatly, but he ignores you.

"it is important-"

"i'm busy." you gesture towards kyle, whose dark eyes flit between you and the big man that's looming over your table. he continues to ignore kyle as he sighs and rolls his eyes in exasperation at you.

is that the boyfriend? bloody hell. oh, babes, there's no way this bellend's giving you what you need. kyle thinks to himself, eyeing the austrian up and down suspiciously. judging by how this little talk is going, it won't be hard to get her to break it off. clearly things aren't going well.

on one hand, it's insulting that kyle thinks you'd give this big ugly lug the time of day- but on the other? this might work out in your favor, depending on what the idiot wants from you.

"is everything all right?" kyle asks, and you throw him a tight smile.

"yes, because he's leaving." you look back to the austrian. "goodbye."

"i don't know what d told you-" he begins, but kyle cuts him off.

"she said goodbye, mate. take the hint." kyle stand up, squaring his shoulders and crossing his arms over his chest, clearly ready to do something if things escalate. a look of recognition finally crosses over the austrian's face, followed by a brief flash of what is undeniably fear before he manages to school his expression back to something more neutral.

"fine. we will talk. later." the austrian says stiffly, stomping out of the coffee shop and down the street, not a single thought rattling around in his head. kyle doesn't move again until the man is out of sight, slowly sitting back down with a slightly worried look.

"sure you're all right?"

my hero, you think to yourself sarcastically.

"yeah, fine. thanks for your help." you sip your coffee just to give your shaking hands something to do. whatever the austrian wanted, odds are pretty fucking good you want no part in it. part of the secret to your longevity in those backroom games has been how inoffensive you are- you don't have beef, and you don't take sides in beef. whatever did or didn't happen with the police and the austrian isn't your fucking business, and you don't want it to be.

i don't like this. not one bit. kyle thinks, glancing around the coffee shop and observing that no one is looking your way.

"i know it's not my business, but i can't help but be a bit concerned about the very large man who seems determined to catch you alone and doesn't take 'no' for an answer." he's being honest again, you can see the worries forming in his mind.

whatever he's got you into- i can save you, babes. i want to. let me help. you don't know what he's capable of. i swear he won't put his hands on you, i won't let him near you again-

"it's fine. really. he's just being an annoying idiot." you sip your coffee again. "i'm not, like, in danger or anything."

you poor, brave thing. you don't trust me yet, but you will. we'll get there, babes, kyle's mind coos as he gives you a sad sort of look and sighs.

"will you do me a favor?" he asks, and you narrow your eyes for a moment before nodding slowly. "will you just take down my number and promise to message me if he gives you any trouble? i'm just next door, i can be over quick."

stop being stubborn. let me help. i can protect you so much better than even the police could. let me be your hero, i'll let you show me how grateful you are in my bed, i want to fuck your throat and tell you how i'll keep you safe-

ugh, gross but not entirely unexpected. still, a really effective way of pissing him off would be to never reply to him or even open his messages. that might go a long way in terms of helping speed up the process of ruining his obsessive crush on you.

you hand him the throwaway cell phone you pulled from your go-bag before you left the house today- after all, you don't want to give someone like him your real phone- and realize immediately that you've made a mistake.

no boyfriend on the lock screen- or the home screen. no apps on the home screen either. kyle tilts his head, an unconscious manifestation of his curiosity being piqued. either this is a burner, or her man's got a tight bloody leash on her. that might explain the lack of social media, actually...

he taps his name and number into your contacts before quickly sending himself a little text.

"feel better?" you ask, brow arching playfully, and his smile warms.

"i do, yeah. thank you for indulging me." he leans back and tips his chin to his chest, just like he's seen his captain do a million times. "but i'm serious, if anything happens, please call me. i'll be right there."

"so long as you aren't deployed, you mean." you point out, just to be a bitch.

he might be thick, but he's still bloody dangerous to a big softie like her... if she's a civilian at all. they could be working together for all i know. might be best to take him out and see what she does- after all,we've been too lenient on kortac in the past. taking him out could be beneficial on a number of fronts.

bloody fucking hell. he's going to kill the austrian. oh, fuck. you've heard plenty of people think about killing other people, but nobody you thought would actually do it. kyle's different, though. you can tell he's not just thinking about it- right now, it's a foregone conclusion. you can already see him moving past that as a step to winning you over, and now he's mentally moved on to plotting how he'll position himself to be the one to comfort you through your grief.

shit.

on one hand, it's fucked that kyle thinks it's fine to murder someone he believes is your boyfriend just to get him out of the way- but you've heard of kortac, and if your memory (and kyle's) is to be trusted, you have a dangerous fucking merc tailing you around town trying to get you alone. there's a decent chance you're in some real danger here- maybe it's best to just let kyle go through with it? like it or not, he is far more prepared to deal with a threat like that than you are. after all, it's not like you can hear the austrian at all, so you have no advantage against him whatsoever. at least with kyle you can listen in and know what his next move will be, but with the austrian? you're just some fat card shark who took one karate lesson six years ago, going up against someone who kills for a living. if things really do go sideways with the austrian, having kyle by your side is unfortunately your best bet for surviving it.

...shit. knowing the austrian's job changes everything now. you're going to have to backpedal a bit and play nice with kyle as a safety precaution until you figure out what the hell the austrian actually wants from you.

"actually, i'm taking extended leave, so i'll be around a bit more." kyle says, and that's your cue to soften a little more, no matter how begrudging it is.

"oh. good." you say softly, fingers flexing against the porcelain mug in your hands as kyle throws you a relieved looking smile.

there we go, good girl, now you're getting it, i'll be here for you, i'll take care of everything, kyle thinks.

"so. any big plans for the rest of your day?" he asks, eye contact momentarily broken when his gaze darts down to your lips.

"not sure yet. might get some grocery shopping done, might go to the library instead. i'll see where the day takes me, i guess." the cup in your hands is warm, but not nearly as warm as your cheeks as kyle contemplates your face, memorizing the contour of your mouth and the line of your nose. it's wildly embarrassing that even knowing what you know about him doesn't make you immune to his charm. "how about you?"

"phone call with my sister, then fifa with a mate later on- so i pre-apologize for whatever you hear through the wall tonight." he flashes another smile, and, ugh. it's disgusting how aware he is of his effect on other people. he's so handsome, and he unfortunately knows it well enough to weaponize it.

come on, smile back, you want to, stop fighting it, you know i look good, stop pretending, just smile back at me-