One of the kids I’m babysitting rn just asked me, “Miss Amy, can I tell you a secret?” and then informed me that his brother does not have blood anymore, because they saw a doctor take it
Same kid that attended this Sunday’s church service in full vampire bat costume and screeched loudly anytime someone said his name
Update his two year old brother just handed me a partially squished cockroach
Today’s secret is “if I carry too many things, I die,” and he definitely, for sure did not tell me that specifically because I asked him to pick up his jacket moments beforehand
“Where’s the tiger?” the five year old asks, peering around the zoo. “I don’t see him!”
“Probably he had to get his covid shot,” says the three year old, nodding wisely.
How could I possibly forget this exchange
“You can’t play with my skunk,” says the three year old, snatching the toy from the five year old. “Mr. Skunk doesn’t like you.”
“Whoa, whoa,” I say, while driving. “Mr. Skunk likes everyone!”
The three year old makes direct eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. “Except the police,” he says darkly.
Overwhelmed! When the five year old learned that I’m having a bad day today, he immediately asked me to take him home so he can “get us a snack and help with whatever you want to do today.”
The three year old has offered to carry all the backpacks into the house, despite his former statements re: dying if asked to carry his own belongings
Today the two year old stole the headphones I always wear, put them on upside down, and ran away yelling “hi Babydoll!” over and over, which is in fact how I greet him. I did not come here to be roasted by a toddler
I recently put a purple streak in my hair! The three year old says that he loves it. He says he loves my brown hair too, because it’s beautiful. I feel very loved and I am going to bake him cookies about it
The three year old has covid (he’s okay), so I won’t be seeing the children this week :(
Here's another story from last week instead:
“Do you want to come make paper airplanes?” the five year old asks. “I have a book that teaches you how.”
“Sure,” I say, following him upstairs. “I like paper airplanes.”
“It’ll be easy for you,” the five year old assures me, “because you can-- wait. Can you read?”
The three year old has recovered <3
He’s also a little confused by the phrase “playing a trick,” so if he suspects I’m teasing him, he’ll point and yell “you’re tricking!” instead
Today he told me that I’m “always tricking…… kind of like satan”
I have never in my life laughed this hard
Hi! This may actually be the last update on this post because I’m moving cities soon, but with that in mind I have some things to add:
The five year old and the three year old both have separate imaginary friends with the same name, which is Speed. They differentiate between Speeds solely by saying “my Speed” or “his Speed.” Yes, it does get confusing
The three year old’s Speed has a tragic backstory! His childhood home got destroyed by a meteor when he was very young. He also has some level of magical power, which he uses to resurrect himself whenever he dies, which happens often, sometimes at the three year old’s hand
When I asked the three year old about his Speed’s resurrection powers, he told me that yes, Speed does knows how to come back to life; Speed does not, however, enjoy coming back to life (because he knows that he will die again, over and over)
Their dad is a general contractor, which means that all three toddlers have a really intense relationship with building blocks and also a working knowledge of construction law, which means that I (an attorney) do live a life where every once in awhile I ask a five year old if he’s building skyscrapers and he tells me no, they’re not zoned for commercial
Last time I babysat for them, the three year old let me know that they have a new member of their household! Now I did assume this had something to do with their very pregnant mother, but I was wrong— the new member is a third Speed who belongs, of course, to the two year old. His Speed does not, to my knowledge, resurrect
Their baby sister was born two hours after that :)
