*molts out of my husk*

cats are small, simple, radially symmetrical creatures with no skeleton or brain. they survive off of whatever detritus happens to find its way to them, typically chunks of plastic and a bowl of wet food.

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

(Rude school bully voice) LOL aren’t you that guy who listens to music?

My mom: So there was a shooter at the correspondents' dinner- Me: Excuse me what. What did you say. My mom, with deepest sorrow: But the president is alive and unharmed- Me: Go back did you say there was a shooter. You're on the dog. My mom: I'm on the dog???? Me: Yeah you're on the dog

stop drinking beer with the deer and come have a cider with the spiderrrr

logging onto woundblr and seeing all the pain on my gashboard

spike! regouge!

the reason usa birth rates going down is because we have a whole generation of women whose sexual awakening was Sans undertale and none of the men want to wear jorts and drink ketchup and go Er er er