Novel Synopsis

FEMINAZI STOLE MY ICE CREAM SHIRTS AVAILABLE NOW!

This shirt is inspired by this video about misogyny and anti-woman hysterics. It is also inspired by the alarming number of you who marched to my door and demanded it. You were loud. You woke the neighbors.

We’ll be donating 25% of the profits to Planned Parenthood, who were there when my wife and I needed them. They were wonderful and it sucked to have to walk past security checkpoints that have to be there because of domestic terrorism that we don’t call terrorism. And Planned Parenthood is always having their funding threatened or fucked with, so it seemed a good place to funnel some money.

These shirts are screenprinted by my long-time friends at Commonwealth Press in the south side of Pittsburgh. Just the best people. Printed on Tultex shirts because fuck American Apparel for real. And of COURSE there is international shipping. 

There’s this one gay club I go to that actually has a problem of straight guys going there to dance with girls.  I guess these guys don’t understand that girls can also be gay, because they assume that any girls at the club are there with their gay guy friends.

So one night I was out on the dance floor, and I see this guy.  He’s like over six-foot, at least, all beefed-up, muscle shirt, looks kindof like a douchebag.  And he’s just circling the dance floor, in one continuous loop, looking at the crowd like a predator, and it’s creeping me the fuck out.

It’s creeping me out enough that I don’t immediately realize what’s going on nearby.  Some girl has attracted one of the Assholes, who has proceeded to begin grinding on her.  She’s pushing him away, telling him to get lost.  He’s pulling that whole, “come on, don’t be a bitch” spiel, and generally just not getting the message.

BAM.  Suddenly, the prowling guy swoops in, like some sort of Gay Avenger.  He shoves himself between the girl and the Asshole, grabs the Asshole by the hips, and starts dirty dancing him like a God-damned fuck machine.  Asshole completely flips his shit, like how DARE another man try to dance with him at a GAY BAR???, starts spitting curses, and tears ass off the dance floor and out onto the sidewalk.

The Gay Avenger turns back to the girl, inclines his head in an, “are you okay?” sort of gesture.  She nods, and he returns to his previous position of circling the dance floor, looking for his next target.

supersonicbionic:

 The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

-Frederic Brown

  Oh hello, I’m the Doctor! Why did you lock yourself in a room? Bit boring, isn’t it?

And the shortest horror story ever just became a comedy.

The Original Hunger Games