𖤓oh that is such a lie!𖤓

phoebe 

The big reveal is anything but spectacular. It’s lackluster. For you, at least. But, Phoebe? Not so much. 

Let’s rewind tho. 

There’s this thing with Phoebe and family emergencies that leads your hangouts to either get cut short or rain-checked.  

And yeah, you understand the first few times it happens but then it becomes a pattern as they pile up.

Phoebe can’t lie to save her life when put on the spot and she is doing THE most when it comes to making up reasons. 

This time it’ll be: “My sister has a flat tire. I know it’s the third time in two weeks and I don’t know how when Firestone just replaced it yesterday but what can you do?” The next time it’s: “The manor flooded— yeah, the entire manor. The basement’s a swimming pool now haha.” There’s also Phoebe’s favorite: “Sister drama. You know how Piper and Prue are when I’m not there to play referee.” (Um....ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT??)

It’s crazy how easy it is for her to get away with it. 

Like, she’ll ramble out some excuse, tell you she had fun, then bolt out the door before you can so much as blink. Now, you’re just sitting there (bbq sauce on your non-gender specified titties) wondering what the hell just happened.

At least Phoebe’s super remorseful about it the next day. 

She apologizes profusely and proceeds to make up an entirely different lie than the one she used the night before. Can you maybe let her off the hook? Just this once? She has the manor to herself tonight and she really wants to make it up to you.

Then the cycle restarts a few days later.

Now you’re laying in bed awake at night like: “Is it me? Am I the problem??”

Cut to Phoebe moping in the living room because this is the third night in a row that she’s had to bail on you (you’d think being saddled with this Charmed gig would guarantee you some incentives like magical pto). 

At first, you suspect that she isn’t as into you as you thought (which is not the case at all, believe her). Then infidelity comes up. For all you know, you could be the sidepiece. But she’s adamant that that’s not the case when you hint at it. 

So what the hell is up, Phoebe? 

Most people would have hit the switch at this point from being frequently blown off but you vibe like crazy and she has this magnetic presence about her. 

You swing by the manor to return the jacket that Phoebe left in your car. 

While you’re waiting for someone to come to the door, you feel something nudge your calf. You look down and notice that a cat is chilling at your feet.

Congratulations, reader, you are now in the presence of an icon. 

The woman. The myth. The CERTIFIED legend…‧⁺˖⋆KIT THEE CAT ‧⁺˖⋆ 

Dude, I’m so jealous rn because Kit gives you the honor of picking her up. 

Phoebe swings open the door, attention bouncing from you to the jacket to Kit mellowed out in your arms. Oh thank god, Prue was gonna kill her if it wasn’t back in her closet before she got home— Hey, it’s Miss Kit! Where the hell have you been, loca?

You trade the jacket for a kiss composed of awkwardly titled heads, clocked noses, and a stinging bottom lip after her incisor snagged it. What did you expect? There is a cat still clinging to you like you’ve got catnip hidden in the lining of your shirt after all.

Phoebe’s like: “Same.” since she too would like to be held in your arms. And then you say that it’s nice to finally meet her familiar. 

… run that by her again??? 

Naturally, there’s gonna be some panic on Phoebe’s end, plus the assumption that you’re a cute demon/baddy sent to murder her and her sisters or something (it happens more than you think). Shit, were her premonitions on the fritz again?

Um, you thought she knew of your witch status but she’s certain that you guys wouldn’t be having this conversation had she known.

Kit’s letting you hold her so that’s gotta be enough proof, right? 

Yeah, no, Phoebe’s so not having it because you could’ve given her evil catnip to keep her calm. You hit her with the “Be forreal rn” look and then brought up the fact that you met at that Singles Mixer for Witches a few weeks back. 

“Singles Mixer for Witches?” Phoebe is shook and ELATED (tbh she just thought she was a magnet for new ageists).

You’re like: “I mean. Did I not conjure you a whole ass rose and show you pics of Sophisto?” Yeah, but she assumed you were only trying to impress her with a sweet, albeit lame magic trick but hold UP. Does this mean that Sophisto the turtle is your familiar?!

You two have a lot of talking to do.

prue

Prue clocks your witchy status immediately eventually.

I say eventually since she suspects you to be a warlock from the jump. 

You can thank her impressive ability to jump leap to conclusions. 

It’s not like you’re running around Quake wearing an “Ask Me About My Power!” shirt but there are a few indicators that are setting off her “MAGIC USER NEARBY” sensors big time.

Like the fact that you always know their drink orders. And yeah, Phoebe’s go-to is Coke but how can you tell that Prue is in the mood for coffee instead of a diet soda despite her never asking for it?

Or when you randomly started to hum Hansen’s MMMBOP as you passed their table, the exact song that has been earworm-ing her brain for the past few days. 

What about that time you recommended insole liners to her because the new heels Piper got her for her birthday were killing her feet, huh? She never told anyone and def would have remembered bringing it up. 

And what’s with you always staring at her weirdly from across the restaurant? For all she knew, you were hip to the Charmed ones and were planning their demise! (you were just checking her out but go off, diva). 

Thus, she determines that you’re a warlock who can read minds.

I think she’d look you up in the book and find nothing. And that’s good. Great actually that none of her ancestors have run into you. Doesn’t mean you’re off the hook though.

Prue shares this with her sisters in the conservatory. 

In a surprising twist, Piper (who doesn’t believe her) decides not to care b/c a. you are her most reliable server b. you haven’t exposed anyone’s controversial takes and c. you aren’t showing any signs of killing her yet. That counts for something, right? (Prue and Phoebe think that a certain handyman might have something to do with her sudden bout of chillness).

Phoebe thinks that if you were truly evil then you sure were committed to your role (as if Rex and Jeramy weren’t). Demon or not, serving a party of 10 is not for the weak. Still, she humors Prue by assuring her that the very moment you exhibit any warlock traits she’ll come running. 

Prue’s miffed due to the lack of support but promises Piper that she won’t go scaring off her good servers by going on the offensive (risk of exposure and all). But she will keep an eye on you. 

Should you make the slightest move she perceives as threatening, TRUST you will be dealt with. 

Phoebe lightens the mood with something like: “Ha! I bet you will.” Prue goes: “What?” And Piper raises her eyebrows smugly before heading out the door to go to work.  

Sorry to say this but your lore isn’t all that interesting. You are just trying to get better tips with that little mediocre wiretapping ability of yours (personal gain consequences? in my season 1 imagine?? i don’t think so). 

With the amount of people milling in and out of the restaurant every day, being exposed to so many unfiltered thoughts may require you to get therapy. Your faith in humanity also dies a little everyday.

But hey, at least you know who'll tip more!

You catch on to Prue’s impressions of you (both of the evil and suppressed attraction variety). And you know that you’ll have to come clean. Just not today cuz she’s intimidating and #mymagicaloccupationmychoice 

Uuuuuh, it slips out when you try to downplay your handwriting after Phoebe thinks that it’s nice. Prue has Piper freeze the restaurant (before it opens) to see if you are a warlock. Nope. Just a nosy witch with student loans/renting in the Bay Area.  

I wanted to throw in some cute moments but I’m outta steam for this one. We could have, like, Prue realizing that you’re aware of all the diabolical thoughts she’s been having about you which is SUCH an invasion of privacy. Shame on you, reader! Shame!

She doesn’t show up to the restaurant for a week or 2 out of embarrassment. 

Prue eventually swallows her pride and skulks back in for lunch. 

When you return with her drink you slide her a napkin with your phone number on it and disclose that your telepathy doesn’t work through the phone. 

Prue takes it and tries hard not to think how cute you look in your uniform.

She fails.

piper

Neighbors to lovers trope take two! 

Piper has the honor of playing hostess yet again for the (bimonthly, weekly?) HOA meeting w/o her sisters who conveniently had work/school stuff going on today.

This means she gets 6 hours of Real Housewives levels of unadulterated bitching and moaning from a bunch of mini dictators who have nothing better to do than argue about trashcan etiquette and offensive paint color and suspicious-looking vehicles parked at so-and-so’s at 3 in the morning all to herself. 

Fabulous. 

She’s dropping off a tray of goat cheese crostini on the coffee table when she hears the doorbell ringing. Was Susan back with those sparkling waters already? 

It’s not Susan’s face greeting her when she opens the door but your’s instead. You’ve come bearing a box of club crackers that Piper treats like roses. 

Where have you been all her life?

You apologize for your meager contribution to the refreshment committee to which Piper makes a bold-faced lie about having just run out of food like there aren’t mini pizzas heating in the oven. 

Introductions are made before you tell her that you live next door. She blinks once. Then again. 

Like, to the right of them? No, to the left. Well, your left.

She pokes her head out of the doorway to see your car parked in the driveway. 

No way. You live there? Are you sure??

And you’re like: “haha yeah???”

She straight-up didn’t know your existence was a thing until recently.

Sorta sad considering that you’re living in her ex-bf’s house. 

Piper lets you in, mind-boggled. They aren’t that oblivious to the outside world, are they?

Apparently so since you’ve been there for about 2 months now.

2 months?!

There’s a cheating accusation thrown in the living room just as her nose catches the acrid scent of something burning. Her mini pizzas!!

You’re left in the foyer alone with a box of crackers shoved in your hands. 

Prue and Phoebe miraculously make a reappearance once the meeting’s ended to take care of the cleanup. 

She relays her encounter with you and goes on about how nice you were to help her serve hors d'oeuvres and keep her sane and— oh yeah, not abandon her to the petty drama of her neighbors. 

And her sisters are like: “Oop, another Dan situation? 👀👀” And Piper’s like um no it’s not? 

It literally is though. You are Dan 2.0, reader. My condolences. 

She snoops in the window for the next week or so to get as many glimpses of you as she can.

...so, no one's gonna admit how weird it is for her to be ogling in the same spot that she was in with Dan last year??

The only thing not making the situation weirder is the fact that you don’t wash or fix your car by hand.

‘kay, let’s get to the reveal. 

Piper would be psyching herself up to finally invite you over for coffee. 3 steps out onto the porch and her ankle buckles. 

She almost eats concrete but then you’re suddenly there holding her in a dip thanks to your enhanced agility power. 

You: “I have made a huge tiny mistake.” 

BREAKING NEWS: Local Witch Is Ovulating And Stressed. 

Of course, you’re magical. What the hell is it with her and being attracted to non-mortal beings?!

paige

Paige isn’t in the finding out club b/c this is your first meeting.  

There’s a soot mark on the attic floor that definitely won’t be coming up anytime soon from the latest vanquished tall, dark, and evil/morally corrupt trying to get her son and Piper is done.

Screw it, they’re going to the mall. She wants to get Wyatt those cute overalls she saw at The Baby GAP and Jamba Juice. Paige and Phoebe tag along for some much-needed retail therapy. 

Shoes, clothes, soft pretzels galore! 

As intellectually stimulating as watching Phoebe try on her tenth dress is, Paige volunteers to go loiter around Borders and spend money that she doesn’t have. 

She hits up the music section first to listen to some ’03-’04 jams on the communal headphones. 

For some reason, she feels like someone is watching her. But when she looks around, no one's there.

Um. Okay.

Then her headphones decide to go haywire. And the lights above wig out before going back to normal.

Is— Is this Borders haunted?? 

She follows the weird vibes and ends up in the mystery/romance bestsellers area. The hair on her arms stands up as she’s briefly surrounded by a chill before it leaves her. 

Woah. Had the temp dropped? Or was that the lingering energy of some intracorporeal being? (it was a vent. she walked under a vent).

The feeling happens a third time by the cafe.

Paige hopes that the ghost favors Patrick Swayze or Casper and not one from Poltergeist.

Time passes and it's starting to feel like a game of cat and mouse. That infamous Halliwell impatience that Paige swears she didn’t inherit is starting to rear its head.

A part of her is tempted to ditch the place and head back to her sisters but then Paige remembers that there are people who are both unaware and powerless to this sort of thing.

She can't leave yet. Not until this Borders is clean. 

Finally, finally, you guys bump into each other at the staff picks display. Like full-on shoulders colliding and shocked recoiling. 

Then it’s just a whole Spiderman pointing meme. 

You’re like: “You!” And Paige goes: “ME?? What about you???”

Paige assumed you were a ghost but you just have electromagnetism. You thought you had attracted a bookstore chain creep but Paige is just nosy.