ואנכי עפר ואפר

I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.

All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."

But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.

This is by a patient of mine with early late stage dementia, who was a poet for most of her life. Her new poems are dictated to me during writing workshops I run at my hospice job. She hadn't written since her diagnosis. This is one of seventeen poems I've written with her so far.

Imagine describing a dog to someone who's never seen one before and then asking them to draw it. It will look similar but the devil is in the details.