you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

Have you ever seen a cat white knuckling something before?

Shall I compare thee to some shit that's gay?

wire son and cloth son

okay but chess terminology is like. you pinned your opponent's hung knight and now you can mate? oh im sure

Spent the day with regirock. He's a fantastic guy. Great sense of humor and also 200 physical defense

Nothing more embarrassing than accidentally using a big word wrong because now I'm simultaneously both stupid and pretentious, the worst combination of all time

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

The lion does not concern itself with the bank account balance when a little treat is calling

The lion will never financially recover from this

anxiety will have you thinking things like "will everyone hate me if i order coffee at the coffee shop" and "will people think i'm crazy if i work out at the gym"