Zephaniel's Gameblog

row 1: ongoing experiment in analog procedural generation of street-map-like patterns based on tilings of kisrhombille polyforms

row 2: layout ideas for a hypothetical basketball card game inspired by the resonant orbits of the gallilean moons of jupiter

New Englanders: “We have successfully put aside our petty regional differences to unite against our common enemy: Mainers.”

Tidewater: “the continued existence of anyone who isn’t exactly like us is a never-ending indignity that we all must endure. Also, we’re not responsible for Philadelphia.”

Piedmont: “Yes, there was a race war. Yes, the white side lost. Yes, we live with the constant simmering fear that we’re going to glance over our shoulder and see tanks rolling over the hills for round two. But other than that things are pretty okay.”

Free New York: “Grunst the Rat-King is polling remarkably well among the 18 to 34 sewer-dwelling demographic. Also, we’re not responsible for Philadelphia.”

Great Lakes Republic: “The fact that we’re a large nation with porous borders and a dozen mid-sized cities rather than one really big city means that we’re kind of like America’s Germany, which is an awesome historical comparison with no unfortunate implications. Chicago? No, Chicago is its own thing.”

Chicago: “You must bow before the Lightfoot Daimyo before we will speak with you.”

Philadelphia: “You might be thinking ‘wow, look at this burning, toxic, post-industrial hellscape, the Polycrisis must have really hit this place hard’ but that’s just what Philly’s always looked like baybee! FUCK YOU!”

Front Range: “our desire to recolonize more land is hindered by how that land is, unfortunately, Wyoming.”

Greater Texas: “The oil wells may have dried up, global warming may have ruined our farms and ranches, but at times like this we need to remember what’s really important: Muslims have taken over the goldam moon.”

Philadelphia: *pelts you with batteries*

Cascadia: “maybe we could finally throw off the yoke of Californian oppression if we could go five minutes without puppygirls hacking our government servers.”

The Kingdom of Acadiana-Orleans: “if you’re surprised that Louisiana went full on neo-feudal at the first opportunity, you really haven’t been paying attention.”

Očhéthi Šakówiŋ: “so the Bureau of Indian Affairs is dead and nobody cares even a little bit what happens in the Dakotas? Well, don’t mind if we do! After all, nobody else is living here so we can just take whatever we want, right?”

Disneystadt: “After meditating for three days in the sacred Hall of Presidents, the oracle will emerge with predictions for the fall harvest. She will also take enough ketamine to drop a rhino during this process, though I feel like that was implied.”

The Appalachian Khanate: “Oh so we spent decades learning horse archery but now suddenly everyone wants to ‘go back to normal’ and ‘stop being the sworn enemy of all who dwell within walls.’ Foller yer own lights.”

Sun Corridor Federation: “Yeah, it sucks that the local sheriff has jus primae noctis over the whole neighborhood but sometimes that’s just the price you pay for a house with a pool.”

New Deseret: "We're doing great! Everything's great :) the Polycrisis was an opportunity in disguise, a chance for us to build the city on the hill and spread the glory of the true faith of Mormonism by creating a society of brotherly love and freedom from poverty. :) Have a fruit basket as a welcoming gift. :) Come, stay a while. At least stick around for the weekly public flogging of sinners. :) Would you like another fruit basket? :)”

Navajo Nation: "The future sucks man, skin-walkers are on LinkedIn now. I swear I just saw one shilling a new crypto scam.”

Las Vegas: (was annihilated in 205X when The Sphere gained sentience)

New Englanders: “We have successfully put aside our petty regional differences to unite against our common enemy: Mainers.”

Tidewater: “the continued existence of anyone who isn’t exactly like us is a never-ending indignity that we all must endure. Also, we’re not responsible for Philadelphia.”

Piedmont: “Yes, there was a race war. Yes, the white side lost. Yes, we live with the constant simmering fear that we’re going to glance over our shoulder and see tanks rolling over the hills for round two. But other than that things are pretty okay.”

Free New York: “Grunst the Rat-King is polling remarkably well among the 18 to 34 sewer-dwelling demographic. Also, we’re not responsible for Philadelphia.”

Great Lakes Republic: “The fact that we’re a large nation with porous borders and a dozen mid-sized cities rather than one really big city means that we’re kind of like America’s Germany, which is an awesome historical comparison with no unfortunate implications. Chicago? No, Chicago is its own thing.”

Chicago: “You must bow before the Lightfoot Daimyo before we will speak with you.”

Philadelphia: “You might be thinking ‘wow, look at this burning, toxic, post-industrial hellscape, the Polycrisis must have really hit this place hard’ but that’s just what Philly’s always looked like baybee! FUCK YOU!”

Front Range: “our desire to recolonize more land is hindered by how that land is, unfortunately, Wyoming.”

Greater Texas: “The oil wells may have dried up, global warming may have ruined our farms and ranches, but at times like this we need to remember what’s really important: Muslims have taken over the goldam moon.”

Philadelphia: *pelts you with batteries*

Cascadia: “maybe we could finally throw off the yoke of Californian oppression if we could go five minutes without puppygirls hacking our government servers.”

The Kingdom of Acadiana-Orleans: “if you’re surprised that Louisiana went full on neo-feudal at the first opportunity, you really haven’t been paying attention.”

Očhéthi Šakówiŋ: “so the Bureau of Indian Affairs is dead and nobody cares even a little bit what happens in the Dakotas? Well, don’t mind if we do! After all, nobody else is living here so we can just take whatever we want, right?”

Disneystadt: “After meditating for three days in the sacred Hall of Presidents, the oracle will emerge with predictions for the fall harvest. She will also take enough ketamine to drop a rhino during this process, though I feel like that was implied.”

The Appalachian Khanate: “Oh so we spent decades learning horse archery but now suddenly everyone wants to ‘go back to normal’ and ‘stop being the sworn enemy of all who dwell within walls.’ Foller yer own lights.”

The Glorious Empire of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints: “having finally purged all the unbelievers, gays, feminists, and coffee-drinkers opposed to the True Church from our great land, the duty the Lord has laid upon us now is to take up a New Crusade and recapture the Holy Land of Missouri.”

The Desert Palisades: “the main job opportunities are cattle rancher or cattle rustler, and the main form of entertainment is shootouts! Every ranch is a sovereign and highly armed nation unto itself! At last, true freedom!”

Greater Dinétah: “so the Bureau of Indian Affairs is dead and nobody cares even a little bit what happens in Arizona? Well, don’t mind if we do! After all, nobody else is living here so we can just take whatever we want, right?”

New Englanders: “We have successfully put aside our petty regional differences to unite against our common enemy: Mainers.”

Tidewater: “the continued existence of anyone who isn’t exactly like us is a never-ending indignity that we all must endure. Also, we’re not responsible for Philadelphia.”

Piedmont: “Yes, there was a race war. Yes, the white side lost. Yes, we live with the constant simmering fear that we’re going to glance over our shoulder and see tanks rolling over the hills for round two. But other than that things are pretty okay.”

Free New York: “Grunst the Rat-King is polling remarkably well among the 18 to 34 sewer-dwelling demographic. Also, we’re not responsible for Philadelphia.”

Great Lakes Republic: “The fact that we’re a large nation with porous borders and a dozen mid-sized cities rather than one really big city means that we’re kind of like America’s Germany, which is an awesome historical comparison with no unfortunate implications. Chicago? No, Chicago is its own thing.”

Chicago: “You must bow before the Lightfoot Daimyo before we will speak with you.”

Philadelphia: “You might be thinking ‘wow, look at this burning, toxic, post-industrial hellscape, the Polycrisis must have really hit this place hard’ but that’s just what Philly’s always looked like baybee! FUCK YOU!”

Front Range: “our desire to recolonize more land is hindered by how that land is, unfortunately, Wyoming.”

Greater Texas: “The oil wells may have dried up, global warming may have ruined our farms and ranches, but at times like this we need to remember what’s really important: Muslims have taken over the goldam moon.”

Philadelphia: *pelts you with batteries*

Cascadia: “maybe we could finally throw off the yoke of Californian oppression if we could go five minutes without puppygirls hacking our government servers.”

The Kingdom of Acadiana-Orleans: “if you’re surprised that Louisiana went full on neo-feudal at the first opportunity, you really haven’t been paying attention.”

Očhéthi Šakówiŋ: “so the Bureau of Indian Affairs is dead and nobody cares even a little bit what happens in the Dakotas? Well, don’t mind if we do! After all, nobody else is living here so we can just take whatever we want, right?”

Disneystadt: “After meditating for three days in the sacred Hall of Presidents, the oracle will emerge with predictions for the fall harvest. She will also take enough ketamine to drop a rhino during this process, though I feel like that was implied.”

The Appalachian Khanate: “Oh so we spent decades learning horse archery but now suddenly everyone wants to ‘go back to normal’ and ‘stop being the sworn enemy of all who dwell within walls.’ Foller yer own lights.”

Giant knight with huge sword and flamethrower dragon shield:

(Source: Perlesvaus)

Blood-sucking Blemmyae, armed with enchanted severed heads:

(Source: Daniel von dem Bluhenden Tal, by Der Stricker)

Werewolf warbands:

(Source: Pa gur yv y porthaur)

Ninjas Javelin-throwing Acrobats:

(Source: Jaufre)

Lake Monsters that use Poison Darts:

(Source: Peredur son of Efrawg)

Assorted Humanoid Monsters:

(Source: Diu Crone, by Heinrich von dem Turlin)

...and nevermind the numerous regulars of dragons, giants and fairies.

Please send me the training or tutorial in a written format with maybe some screenshots if necessary. I don't want a video tutorial. I don't want to waste time trying to scroll to the exact moment in the instructions that I need and then have to pause and replay it because I missed the .01 seconds of actually relevant information.

There wasn’t one. The software rep swore up & down that there was no written documentation at all. They had “webinars”, which they thought were more than sufficient, and the rep insisted nobody had asked for a text version before. I asked them to double-check; okay, fine, your public-facing documentation has all pivoted to video, but surely a manual exists. Y’all made this software, someone must have written down how it worked at one point.

At our next meeting, they told me they’d looked into it & indeed no manual had ever been written. They insisted that all documentation on how to use the software had been recorded in video form & nowhere else.

My favourite find from that particular afternoon was a big yellow three-ring binder that said 'Emergency Procedures' in big text on the front and spine. I of course took it to use for D&D statblocks and stuff.