your smile makes my heart explode

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it

must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain

Had a dream instead of AI everyone was using their Furby for everything. Like "Did you ask Furby?" and "I just had Furby write it for me." I almost got hit by a Furby driven bus.

This is what ai needs to be a furby

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

Delivered in discreet packaging my ass.

hey whats with that sign

funniest thing to ever happen was when my boyfriend put on the first episode of columbo (which i'd never seen) but he wouldn't tell me what show it was he would only say "you'll get it when he shows up." but a fun fact about the first episode of columbo is that he doesn't show up for 32 minutes and when he does, he silently walks into the room with a cigar and does a little pose and goes "hi i'm columbo."

dude imagine if a hog saw this

wouldn’t be nearly as many mushrooms is all I’m saying

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP