third base is when i do my one man renditions of one day more and non-stop in front of you

bought a pint of fancy 11 dollar ice cream & i know it would go so hard high but it's midnight & i have an opening shift today so i can't do edibles & the cart i have sucks and is evil and won't let me actually hit it

Hello TSA Agent. My Suspiciously Shaped Bag Is NOT A Bomb, It Is Like 6 Different Dildos And Three Different Whips/Floggers And Also Rope So I Can Have Crazy Gay T4T Sex With My Boyfriend

this shift feels excruciatingly long. i just want to go home and buy a sandwich and chill but instead i’m stuck at my stupid fucking job

u all i am SO FUCKING EXCITED i am for real actually finally getting to visit germany i‘ve been wanting this for YEARS. i get to see my awesome boyfriend & see dArtagnan live (who are one of my favorite bands ever and the entire reason my life has taken this trajectory) & see tmg live in germany (so maybe i‘ll finally get to see going to maryland live because they really only play it germany for some reason) & i get to explore berlin‘s music scene & it’s going to be SO FUCKING AWESOME

old bay is basically the spice melange of maryland

thinking about sandwiches is literally getting in the way of me comprehending this damn audiobook. like i keep zoning out and imagining the beautiful sandwich i could be eating right now and then i zone back in and i've missed like 5 minutes of narration and have no idea wtf is going on. i think i'm supposed to be learning important things about what an abomination is in the eyes of the bene gesserit but i did not actually comprehend any of what was being said because in my mind's eye i was imagining a beautiful and tasty chopped italian hero

if i could have any superpower in the world it would be the ability to conjure any sandwich i could ever dream of from thin air

regretting the immense amounts of self control i practiced earlier in not buying a sandwich on my way home from work. because now i want a sandwich so fucking badly and i have none