anthy !

Ilya plays a sexy elf bard that keeps trying to seduce all of Shane's npcs. the worst part is that it keeps working. at least half of shane's npcs have canonically had sex with ilya's character at some point in the campaign. the dice just KEEP WORKING in ilya's favor!!! troy is convinced that Ilya is cheating somehow. ilya is very smug about rolling 3 nat20s for chrisma checks. Shane is burying his face in his hands as his husband flirts with yet another bartender.

ilya's character also has a really interesting backstory/character motivation that ilya refuses to get into during the roleplay, which drives shane insane bc WHY would you have such a good, dramatic backstory and then NEVER MENTION IT and ilya just smiles like :) haha ... :))) and shane realizes and goes. oh. sorry. bc he forgot that that's like his husband's wholeass coping mechanism for his Real Life Childhood Trauma. the If You Don't Talk About It, It Didn't Happen strategy. . . haha :)

wyatt, haas, and harris are very very into the whole dnd concept from the START (wyatt has dmed before, but never got to the chance to a player!) and all had very well-written characters with complex backstories and motivations ready at session zero. haas draws character art for everyone and blushes every time they (rightfully) compliment him for it.

the rest of the team kinda half ass it at first, but lapointe, bood, and troy get really into it like two sessions in. harris convinces shane to let them film the campaign and the fans love it!

here's the classes/species i think everyone would play based purely on vibes (i haven't read tlg so pls forgive me if my understanding of character vibes is Wrong)

Hollander - DM

Rozanov - elf bard (later multiclasses with fighter bc he wants to play with swords now)

Barrett - tiefling paladin (specifically oath of redemption bc .. haha)

Harris - halfling cleric

Bood - half-orc barbarian

Hayes - dwarf wizard

Dykstra - human fighter (later multiclasses with warlock)

Haas - air genasi monk

Young - human rogue

LaPointe - gnome sorcerer

Holmsberg - dragonborn paladin

Chouinard - human druid

No one will ever convince me that there's not a connection between Shane coming out to his team, it not going well, and Shane volunteering to start an even more intensely restrictive diet than he was already on, that also punishes his relationship. Just like I will always view Shane's anxiety around Ilya coming out to the Centaurs/his friends as a trauma response based on how badly it went for him.

One of the most heartbreaking parts about Shane's performance diet to me, is how in both My Dinner with Hayden and TLG Shane and Ilya mention how they love to cook together, and it's like a fun couple thing for them. It's a point of connection, something they do together aside from hockey. And, unlike hockey, it's something they don't compete about.

Shane's performance diet robs them of this. There's a scene in TLG where Ilya has done a bunch of research to find a meal they can cook together that fits in Shane's diet. And Shane is delighted by this. But, notably, he puts no effort into finding other recipes they can do this with again. He tells Rose he likes the discipline of his diet, and I don't think he means just in regards to what and where he's eating, I think he also means in his relationship.

There's another major change we see in Shane between books. At the end of Heated Rivalry he's talking fairly optimisticly about both of them coming out to friends.

This is at the cottage. Very soon after they've decided they're in a real relationship. It's hard not to compare this with Shane's sheer panic in TLG when Ilya talks about coming out to Troy - not even about them, just about being bi - and also to the possibility of even meeting the rest of his team.

So, what's happened to Shane in the last three years that makes him go from joking around about coming out to his friends to rabidly controlling his relationship and protecting every small detail of it that he possibly can?

So now I'm thinking that maybe one day, completely out of the blue, after Ilya and Shane are married and have their first kid, Ilya gets a call. And it's from Russia, which instantly sets him on edge but he answers and there's a girl on the other end of the line that sounds about seventeen, asking in a shaky voice if she's speaking to Ilya Rozanov? And when he warily says yes, she tells him he's her uncle.

She got his number from her father who's gotten worse in the intervening years, her mother left him but also left her too and she can't stay here any more. So she remembered his drunken rants about his no good, useless brother, in amongst a lot of slurs, and went through his phone. And now she's here, asking for help because she has no idea who to turn to now. Because she's like him, she's different, and there's no place for her here.

Ilya is a little frozen. He tries to think about his family as little as possible and here it is, smacking him int he face and reminding him of all his trauma. But there's also a kid who needs him, some grown up version of the tiny little girl he was so excited to hold for the first time, and of course he's going to help her.

Shane is so, so proud of Ilya and of course he's completely behind him helping her, encouraging him when he panics about it and worries that he's not the right guy for the job, helping him sort out the logistics of getting her a visa and finding a way out for her that she can safely navigate on her own until she can land safely in Canada and they can take it from there. It's a long, slow process but they manage and she's there, standing in the middle of the Ottawa airport, looking so scared and so painfully young and clinging to Ilya like she's been waiting so long to meet him, just like he's been waiting to meet her.

I'm going to call her Yeva and she stays with Ilya and Shane, she's so shy and scared for so long, she's been living in a really bad situation and it takes her a long time to adjust to the fact that these two guys will protect her and care about her and never raise their voices. She really takes to Shane, he's very gentle with her, showing her the spare room and saying she can decorate it however she likes, he'll take her to get some stuff. And she loves little Alexi, she always wanted a younger sibling and he loves her the moment he sets his little toddler eyes on her, he'll follow her around wherever she goes. It helps that they all speak Russian, it's an easier adjustment for her while she learns English.

I think she's also gay, something she confesses a little while into her stay. She still feels like she's saying something filthy and wrong, even when she's saying it to these two men who love each other, but they understand how hard it is for her, they let her cry about it and they're so patient with her. Eventually she's brave enough to go to a pride event with them and it's such a freeing experience for her.

They help her enrol in a Canadian university and she loves to spend time with Svetlana and go to Ilya and Shane's hockey games, sitting with Alexi on her lap and making sure he can sit up and see his daddies down there on the ice.

yuna frequently says things like fuck him right up the butt or whatever, casually homophobic language, and i do think some of that comes w just the nature of being a middle aged woman like that, and i do think the other part comes from her being such a deep participant of hockey culture that it's ingrained in her, and i do wonder if another part of it is her being a young immigrant & trying to fit in.

i suspect subconsciously it is also her trying to relate with her son, be useful to her single minded son, someone her son wants to be around forever. i think she's afraid of fading into obscurity in his life bc of the way shane is (the same way ilya asked shane if he would even choose him, over hockey).

i think it's interesting that david, despite having actually played hockey, and at a decent level, does not participate in this culture or language at all, and in fact lightly admonishes her on several occasions, though he is a fairly passive man in general to the ways of his wife.

i do think the way yuna raised shane, like a bird tucked under her wing, was to protect him, bc trauma passes down trauma, from all the things she knew he'd be subjected to because of her and her heritage specifically. i do think this only worsened this strange codependency fostering between them and the lines blurring further between manager and mother and it makes it difficult for shane to set boundaries or even think he is allowed any or would even need any (he is loved by two parents who love each other...boundaries are for those less fortunate?) i do think her efforts to bond with him more are well intended but land with poor effect and pushes shane away further and further in fact. i also do think, combined with her Boy Mom Hockey-Ness & the Only Child bit of it all, this makes shane a bit selfish and even more single minded than he would've been otherwise. it is not a prettier part of him and ilya does hate it

i do think ilya rozanov, as the only man outside of it to have also not grown up even near it, and thus clear enough to see it, does find it unhealthy, does think shane should be saying no, yuna, i don't want to do that promotion on my free weekend i want to go home. does think that his boyfriend/husband's feverish desire to also please and be good is hot in bed but slightly concerning outside of it and it plagues ilya a whole lot, and he doesn't want anyone to take advantage of him ever ever ever.

i do also think ilya, as he is welcomed into the family and grows more comfortable, does start to see yuna as a maternal figure in his life (the ice cream, the blankets, the hugs, the meals, etc), and because he hasn't had unconditional love since he was 12, and, dare i say not until the end of the long game around age 30 either with shane (because it took a LOT for it to feel unconditional specifically), this makes things more complicated.

yuna is not a replacement for irina, but she feels steady, and i think sometimes he sides with yuna instead of shane when they're in the middle of it, which is frustrating for shane, just bc she's your mother shane she loves you (he didn't get to have it so it's warped), and all the other times, i think ilya is hell unleashed. i think he would hurt anyone and anything and burn it all down to protect shane, even if that means from his own mother and her overbearing nature and inability to know when to draw a line.

i think this is devastating bc i think ilya immediately falls into a depressive slump after it. he doesn't regret it bc shane is always #1 but he believes that the love was in fact, conditional, all along bc he is not her child, and it takes some therapy, and yuna coming to bat for him and back for him to fight again and again because no she will not just let you leave her family like that, you're in it now, and you're a second son now, and you will fight with me until we can be done with that bit and go back to the tender rest, and i think this changes ilya in such a quiet devastating wonderful way, and shane has never been happier in his life.

i think the hollander family is very very complicated & i think pretending they are some canadian version of the brady bunch is weird as hell & a missed opportunity like no other.

his shirt:

Ilya had always hated Pixar movies. They brought up too many emotions, made him feel vulnerable and raw. Stupid fucking Disney and their sneaky G ratings–he had a feeling someone in that company secretly had a lot of family trauma.

Still, when the Pike children had asked to watch Brave, he couldn’t exactly say no. How could he explain himself? Plus, he hated seeing those kids sad, almost as much as he hated disappointing Shane.

So he sat through the film, doing his best to stay rational, only to blurt out as soon as he and Shane both got in the car that night, “You would change it, if you could?”

Shane, who was clearly still a bit overstimulated and extremely exhausted, huffed from the driver’s seat. “Change what?”

Ilya almost lied. Made an excuse and moved on. But those stupid cartoon bears were dancing around in his head and he knew he would have ridiculous dreams about them if he didn’t say something. “Fate. Like in movie. Would you change it, if you could?”

It had been a few weeks since the unfortunate FanMail video had been posted, their lives turning upside-down, and Shane had definitely gotten the worst end of it. Even with Galina’s help and Shane’s reassurance, Ilya’s guilt ran deep, and he often wondered if Shane regretted being with him altogether.

But he couldn’t ask. The fear of getting an affirmative answer kept him up at night with stomach aches and haunted him in his waking hours. He truly wouldn’t be able to bear it if his fiance regretted them, and he’d decided up until this point that ignorance was, perhaps, bliss.

But that stupid fucking movie had sent him over the edge.

To his surprise, as soon as the question left his mouth, Shane veered off the road, stopping the car altogether and glaring at him, making Ilya’s heart hammer even more than it had been before. “Rozanov. Ilya. What?” Shane demanded, looking absolutely shocked.

So he tried to explain. “Would be…understandable,” he muttered with a shrug. “If you wish you, maybe, had never said hello to me, all those years ago. I know you love me now, choose me now. But maybe, if you were given chance, you would go back, and ignore stupid Russian smoking in that parking–”

He was interrupted in his favorite way: by Shane’s lips on his.

After a few heated seconds of kissing that left him breathless, he found himself staring, wide-eyed, at a Shane who looked so furious, Ilya might have just eaten the last of the kale in the fridge. “Ilya, I have made a lot of stupid decisions in my life,” Shane said firmly, freckled cheeks turning a bit red with emotion. “Walking out on you after the stupid fucking tuna melts. Not realizing that I was gay for way too long. Missing passes and goals, and stealing my mom’s car once when I was fourteen–”

“What?” Ilya gasped, completely derailed, shocked that Shane would do such a thing.

“I drove it ten feet down the driveway and then had a panic attack, that’s not the point!” Shane said quickly, waving his hand. “The point is, taking to you on that day in the parking lot was the best decision in my life. No fucking question. I’ve never regretted it, not once, not even with all the shit we’ve been through.” 

And he said it so vehemently, so furiously, that Ilya believed him. “Okay,” he said softly, lips curling into a soft smile.

Shane let out a sigh, as if relieved that Ilya understood. “Plus, did you, like, pay attention to the movie?” he ranted. “The point is you’re not supposed to question fate–”

Shane, who grew up loved by his parents unconditionally, has been undiagnosed with autism and has made his entire life about ice hockey, has never thought about being gay as an identity. He already has a clear identity: Shane Hollander, Japanese-Canadian, beloved son and the country's best ice hockey player. He already experienced discrimination so he has no desire to engage in the queer community and fight against stereotypes, that do not apply to him. Nobody clocks him as gay because his interests don't suit the hateful narrative. His interests, hobbies or personality traits have never been particularly queer, so why should he make a problem out of it? He is fine and as long as nobody harms him, he feels no need to take part in public discussion, being a role model or simply being visibly queer

Ilya, on the other hand, is a victim of domestic violence, verbal abuse and childhood trauma. He lives in a country that criminalises queerness to an extent that being queer is dangerous. He is a sensible man who was called the f-slur when he was a teenager and probably also a child. His father controlled him so much that he learned not to speak or move on his own in public. He minimised his personal expression to suit his family's view on masculinity. At the same time, Ilya accepted his queerness as a major part of his personality, because casual sex has been his coping mechanism for many years, his close friends are queer, allies or women and his interest in partying fits into queer escapism. He is hyperaware of the discrimination of the queer community because it's a major realistic fear in his life.

I had trouble searching for fics in this trope, mainly because I wasn't entirely too sure what words would get fics to pop up. I also find that most of these center Hayden on being a bad friend, LOL WHOOPS! I would also check out the small but mighty Skeptical Hollanders list!

Bad Friends

🏒 Fuck you, Hayden Pike | 1.6k

Shane’s final straw lies somewhere between Troy pushing him for a conversation he’s not ready for, and Hayden deciding that Shane’s marriage is hilarious. Hayden bears the brunt of it either way.

🏒 you haven't known me without him | 2.2k

J.J. is just a good friend who wants Shane to be happy. Hayden is a friend who should know better than to disrespect Shane's boyfriend (especially since he's the only one who knows who it is).

🏒 human nature (why, why?) | 2.3k

 ilya rozanov is shane hollander's best friend, to hayden pike's shock and horror!

🏒 Nobody Messes With Yuna’s Boys | 2.5k

Hayden hasn’t been the best friend that Shane deserves, and Yuna isn’t afraid to confront him about it.

🏒 I heard that you've been talking shit | 3.3k

Shane confronts Hayden about his shitty behavior.

🏒 The little mess you made (Can leave the darkest bruise) | 3.8k

Shane and Ilya invite Hayden and Jackie over for dinner in an attempt to smooth things over between Ilya and Hayden. While Ilya really tries his best, Hayden does not.

🏒 Touch me more. | 3.8k

Hayden never liked Ilya. They somehow got along, but argued often. This time Hayden took it too far. Ilya's depression is triggered and it needs all of the love Shane has for his husband to comfort him.

🏒 realizations and answers | 4.0k

🔒 While J.J.’s replaying the conversation he’s just had with Shane about his relationship with Rozanov, he realizes a few things. For one, he’s been a bad friend, but more importantly, he’s not the only one, and that might just be the answer to the question he’s been asking himself the entire week: why was Hayden allowed to know about Rozanov, but not him?

🏒 Sorry's Not Enough Anymore | 4.0k

🔒 Midway through Shane's first season with the Centaurs, the Irina Foundation hosts a silent auction fundraiser. Camp coaches are invited to mingle with donors and talk up the summer camps. Everyone seems to be doing well, having a good time. Except JJ and Hayden

🏒 rozzy's protection squad | 4.2k

 J.J. and Hayden don't understand why Shane chose Rozanov

🏒 Happy Anniversary | 4.4k

When attending an anniversary party for Shane and Ilya, Hayden realizes just how bad of a friend he's been to Shane. And how so many other people have been better friends to Shane.

🏒 The Stairwell | 4.9k

JJ takes the stairs at the exact wrong time and overhears The Phone Call™️ from Moscow. He, in canon typical fashion, does not take this well

🏒 Lazy | 5.2k

 Shane finally looses it on JJ

🏒 I don't start shit but I can tell you how it ends | 5.2k

"That dude sounded perfect for you.” Hayden immediately held his hands up as outrage flashed across Shane’s features. “What? I just think you can do better!”

🏒 Fresh Out of Any Good Judgement | 5.4k

5 times Hayden doesn’t get Shane and Ilya’s relationship, +1 time he does.

🏒 hope it hurts like you hurt me | 5.5k

Shane reunites with his former teammates at J.J.'s bachelor party. He's finally ready to say (and maybe punch) his piece

🏒 Maybe... | 6.8k

An exploration of J.J and Hayden as not-so-great friends, from Shane's POV. Ends on a hopeful note for Shane overall but not in regards to his two longtime friends.

🏒 Deep Misunderstanding | 9.0k

Except all along, maybe that wasn’t true. Ilya Rozanov, apparently, had been the guy. Before Hayden had ever met Shane, Ilya Rozanov had been there. And Hayden had never even noticed

🏒 it's all fun and games until someone weaponizes their trauma with therapy-speak | 10.4k

Hayden Pike confronts Rozanov about his relationship with Shane. It doesn't quite go as he expected.

🏒 you know i think about you all the time (my deep misunderstanding of your life) | 14.4k

Hayden finds himself unlearning everything he thought he knew about Ilya Rozanov

🏒 we want to be free, we want to be | 15.2k

“You are my friend, Hayden, but he is the man I am going to spend to rest of my life with - he is the man that I love. I will choose him over you, every fucking time.”

🏒 a flood that wrecked our home | 16.5k

Hayden Pike accidentally outs Ilya and Shane through his FanMail video. Except the “accident” isn’t an excuse anymore

🏒 I swear, it's the truth, and I owe it all to you | 17.3k

When Hayden and JJ dropped in unannounced over the summer, Shane was pretty happy. He couldn't have guessed how badly things would escalate in just one afternoon

🏒 The Many Plans of J.J. Boiziau | 17.6k

J.J. just wanted the best for his Capitaine. He’d thought that meant helping him find a man to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship with. His plans, however, abruptly changed when he found out about Shane’s secret long-term boyfriend – and about who that boyfriend actually was

🏒 What if I told you he sucks | WIP

Shane Hollander finally realizes Hayden is not a great friend

🏒 Take a look what you've done (cause now we've got bad blood) | WIP

Hayden takes it too far at a dinner party and fractures Shane's perception of their friendship. Now Shane has to decide if his friendship is worth the pain!

🏒 this is why we can't have nice things | WIP

Shane gets rightfully fed up after the first month of Hayden's behavior towards Ilya. Punching Ilya was the final straw, so he tells Hayden to pretend he never found out. It sets off a chain of events landing him, happily, in Ottawa a year earlier and with a better support system for both him and Ilya.

🏒 Somewhere in The Haze Got I Sense I’d Been Betrayed | WIP

A simple movie night with Shane and Ilya turns into Hayden questioning the couple's entire relationship (specifically, Ilya's intentions with his best friend) feeling betrayed, Shane goes off on Hayden, defending not only himself but the love of his life.

If you have any suggestions, feel free to add (:

Make sure to check out other fic rec request here -> Requested Lists

he gives up his LANGUAGE - if they want to talk on the phone around others, then shane cannot respond in russian. even to say i love you, he CANNOT do it in russian because its a dead fucking give away and ilya is OKAY with just responding in french, bc so many people speak french - but je'taime is so much shorter than Ya tebya lyublyu which even feels unfair THEN. He gives up his heart, his secrets, his trauma, he gives up his shields and swords and the thick walls around his heart and he gives and gives and gives and i just cannot fathom how anyone can look at this man and think for one second he would not willingly break every bone in his body if it meant shane hollander was whole, healthy, and happy.

You know how Shane looked like he was going to cry? Like he was Sad, heartbroken, but so proud of Ilya? Look at him: He isn't-- he's just so proud. Alone in his house, fully capable of letting his face show every ounce of emotion - and he's just..proudly smiling...

Realizing he thinks Shane is cute, (specifically cute!) and he'd like to pursue this little crush--

Realizing he is so in love with Shane that his entire world has just turned upside down

And realizing he he can make a life with Shane Hollander

omg thank u for asking this was so fun !!!

ghosttotheparty - i have read every single one of this wonderful person's fics and have all of them downloaded and saved and i frequently reread them and they post fairly frequently!!! they have 12 heated rivalry fics up so far but my top three by them is probably:

blood on the ice - ilya gets hurt instead of shane and ohhh boy is the angst fucking tasty.

маскировка - canon divergent take on the hospital scene, ilya runs into yuna and david at the hospital. these boys are in love and yuna's boy mom brain latches on to ilya immediately. adore it.

heavy handed - beautiful character study of shane hollander and his eating habits, autism, and OCD. codependent hollanov is glorious.

hcneymooners (romqntics) - four works up at the moment, has posted monthly since the end of the show, longer one shots. their prose is so fucking pretty and it makes me INSANE. you can find all of their hollanov fics in this series collection:

любовь и усилия. | love & effort. ( hollanov. )

boopboop - i have been following this author for a few years across fandoms. when i tell you i screamed and sobbed when they posted a hollanov fic. ohhh my god. i love their writing style, i love their character work. honest to god i am jealous of their character work, like, how do you do that? they have about eight hollanov fics up and are currently writing a multi-chapter fic and posting updates to a series. i cannot tell you how obessed i am with this author. now go read this series:

alright here we go

this isn’t really structured as an essay, but is a detailed analysis

first of all, i need to establish that a lot of my points come directly from personal experience — i am a mixed race kid born in kazakhstan, half-russian and half-kazakh, raised primarily in russia. i am also queer myself, although i was raised as a woman (i am now agender). this analysis will heavily focus on cultural elements, because they are crucial for understanding the depth of ilya’s character and why he acts the way he does.

i was quite apprehensive about ilya initially — western film loves to portray russian people as a caricature and use them for tasteless gags without really examining anything in depth (I’m looking at you stranger things, yes, you). i was concerned heated rivalry would remain surface-level about ilya’s background and portray him as a stereotypical, cold-hearted russian dude. i was also concerned about his accent being too caricatural, concerned about the potential dialogue in russian (as a linguist, russian dialogue in western film is infamously stiff and unnatural. looking at you again, stranger things), so you can imagine my surprise and delight when all of those concerns ended up being unfounded.