I Like to Think I'm Badass

over on patreon Tama asked for: ‘Selkies who live in a lake rather than an ocean, like irl Baikal seals’ so here are some fresh water friends. a jolly trader stepping out for the day, a dancer trying on an algae-dyed skirt, a cocky wrestler in pre-match ceremonial garb, and a bab.

General Selkie Facts:

Selkies in the Small Guide universe are somewhere between mermaids and werewolves. Except it would be more accurate to call them were-humanoids. They’re born in seal form and their skin doesn’t loosen until their first molt approaches. After this molt they can usually  remove their seal-skin at will, though many go their whole lives without completely removing it and just vibe in their half transformed forms by loosening their skins (seen here). They keep them attached as faux clothing since they’re able to split and mold the loose skin as they please. Also, trying to find somewhere to to keep clothes when you live in or near the water your whole life is a pain. This does not hurt, as seal-skin is strangely gelatinous  when loose and its tactile sense is kinda garbage. Like, if you stomp on someone’s skin with all your might they will certainly feel it, but it’d probably take them a while to figure out that you’re gently pinching one of their weird flesh tentacles.

Also don’t do that. That’s weird. 

A seal-skin is a real living part of a selkie’s body and it doesn’t stop living when they completely take it off. It’s an organ, and it acts like one. All skins look kind of creepy without a person inside them, but some are worse than others. It’s just as likely that a skin will look like a deflated, gently pulsating, seal-shaped jelly monster as it will a roiling pile of random fur and flesh. When there’s no one to control its structure, anything goes baybeeeeee.

@youseemewheniwant

"Which one? That rumor that my inferi army are made up of the bodies of my ancestors? Or that I have fathered the Malfoy's heir?"

The last one caused him a shiver, "You would think a heir of mine would be more-"

Voldemort paused to considered the right word for the nervous Scorpius Malfoy, "-competent."

He considered Delphi, the peek of what he considered a proper heir. Cunning, loyal, ruthless and talented with a flare for danger.

no, only if you're choosing to make others suffer to make yourself feel good

The rabbi was delighted to do it, and introduced the man to some charities.  After a few weeks, the man came back to the rabbi.

“I have decided not to build the orphanage,” he said.  “I realised that I was only doing it because I wanted to be admired as a philanthropist, my motives were selfish.”

The Fable of Abraham Lincoln and the Pigs

Once Lincoln was traveling in a mud-wagon coach along a swampy, rural area. His fellow passenger was his good friend and US Senator Edward Dickinson Baker, who later lost his life in the Battle of Ball’s Bluff at the onset of the American Civil War.

While they were conversing in the mud-wagon coach, Lincoln remarked to Baker that in doing good and evil, all people are motivated by selfishness. Just as Baker challenged Lincoln’s assertion, their coach crossed a rickety bridge over a slough (a large swampy marsh.)

Abruptly, Lincoln and Baker glimpsed a mother pig making a terrible squeal because her piglets were stuck in the swamp, couldn’t get out, and were in danger of drowning.

As their coach started to head away, Lincoln yelled, “Driver, can’t you stop just a moment?” The driver replied, “If the other fellow don’t object.”

With Baker’s approval, Lincoln jumped out of the wagon, ran to the slough, lifted the piglets one by one out of the swamp, and carried them to the dry bank of the swamp.

When Lincoln returned to the coach, Baker remarked, “Now, Abe, where does selfishness come in this little episode?”

Lincoln replied, “Why, bless your soul, Ed, that was the very essence of selfishness. I would have had no peace of mind all day had I gone on and left that suffering old sow worrying over those pigs. I did it to get peace of mind, don’t you see?”

eating enough food

eating consistently

eating a variety of foods

eating foods you enjoy

Here are some more “ambiguous” phrases which courts have found DO NOT invoke your right to a lawyer:

“Maybe I should speak to my lawyer first.”

“I might like a lawyer.”

“I think I should have a lawyer present for this.”

“Could I speak to my lawyer first?”

“How long until my lawyer gets here?”

And perhaps most egregiously – “Get me a lawyer, dawg – ‘cause this is not what’s up.”

Here are the magic phrases which you need to know if you want to invoke your Miranda rights:

1) “Am I free to leave?”

It’s worth asking this even if the answer is obvious. Even if the officer does not let you leave, by forcing them to admit that you are not free to leave, you are creating a record which your attorney can use to prove that you were in custody. Miranda rights only apply if the interrogation is custodial, meaning that police officers will frequently claim that their suspects were “not in custody” to get around their Miranda rights.

2) “I am invoking my right to remain silent.”

Simply staying silent will not invoke your right to remain silent. As absurd as this is, you must explicitly say that you are invoking your right to remain silent in order to invoke that right.

3) “I am invoking my right to an attorney.”

As stated above, you must be not only clear and unambiguous, but clear and legally unambiguous. Don’t get cute. Don’t get sassy. And on the flip side, don’t get intimidated and use verbal ticks to minimize your request. Say the line with those words exactly – say it clearly, and say it once, and then say nothing else.

Because even after you’ve done all this, the police can still try to get you to talk. They’re not supposed to interrogate you, but they’re allowed to make casual conversation, and if that conversation just happens to circle back around to the thing they wanted to question you about, well, that’s really your fault for talking after you said you wouldn’t, isn’t it? Can’t possibly fault the poor officers when you initiated – if you really wanted to have your rights respected, you wouldn’t have talked to them in the first place.

The police know this, and they will mercilessly exploit this loophole. So, once you’ve successfully invoked your Miranda rights, any and all conversation you have with police officers will put those rights back into jeopardy. 

Putting it all together:

Ask: “Am I free to leave?”

If they say no, say: “I am invoking my right to remain silent and I am invoking my right to an attorney.”

And then shut up and do not say a single thing to them for any reason whatsoever until you have actually spoken to an attorney. Yes, even if it takes hours. Yes, even if they start talking to you about something else.

Finally, a very important disclaimer: