With so much loss I have had to deal with within these past 7-8 years and big losses at that I have decided to go back to therapy. I start on Monday and a part of me is glad I decided to call and start up again but Iβm also nervous. This will be my third time starting therapy and I hate that. I wish myself and the place I go to wld be consistent but I donβt know we will see.
This month will make 8 years since my brother has passed away and it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I already dread the month of May because it was the last month I ever seen my brother before he passed and A knew that and he always seemed to check in on my often because he knew how May wld make me feel but heβs no longer here either and it just already feels different.
My dad has now been passed away for a little over 2 years and everyday itβs just so hard. The smallest things happen and I am just back to that day in my head and it just makes me a mess all over again. I am constantly questioning everything I did leading up to the moment I had to call 911 after my brother and I found my dad. My brother screams while playing or even just jokingly and I am back to that very moment.
I always want to call the detective on my dadβs case to ask for an update but I always chicken out. Iβm not too sure why I donβt call or show up to the police station more often demanding some type of update. It has now been a year since we last talked to the detective but after recently talking to a family member and hearing that the police should be questioning that they potentially arenβt is upsetting. I sometimes feel like the police just look at my dads case as a whatever type of case in their eyes he is just another Mexican man that dealt with the wrong ppl thatβs been killed but my dad was so much more than that. He was a father of 5, a papa, a brother, a son, an uncle. He was my kids world. He was my siblings and I best friend. He was just so much more and he didnβt deserve this. He deserves justice. Knowing who killed my dad will never bring me any peace but we deserve to know who and why. The person and or ppl that did this to my dad deserve to go to prison for the rest of their lives. This isnβt right and itβs not fair.
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