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In an alternate universe, J.K.Rowling is black and has one token white person in her books called Christopher Crackerjack

#harry potter #fuck jkr

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theterribletenno

I'm not going to fuck my computer

notahorseindisguise

the "came back wrong" trope except like... they didnt. like this mad scientists wife died, and so he studied necromancy, brought her back, and she came back and it all worked. like she came back exactly the same as she was before with literally no difference. but the scientist guy is like "oh no... what have i done.... shes Different now!!!! she came back Wrong!!!!" and shes just like. chilling. reading a book. cooking dinner. shes just so so normal but in the guys mind hes like "oh shes soooo weird" but shes just normal

mysticorset

Peer reviewed tags from @somanyofthekids

notahorseindisguise

NO its a JOKE and YOU DONT GET IT. ITS NOT THAT DEEP

hiveswap

While she was dead he put his memory of her on such a high pedestal that she could never live up to it alive

midnight-revolucion

alternatively‚ she came back perfectly fine but he thinks she came back wrong‚ because the tragic reality is that he never actually knew his wife

notahorseindisguise

im going INSANE thats MY POST.

marlinspirkhall

It's your post but the journey to posting it changed it to such a degree that even its closest intimacies are now foreign to you. Sorry dude.

milanesa42

“The employees need a larger salary” “hmmmm large celery”

shencomix

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themirokai

Hey here is your friendly reminder to not tell your nice boss stuff.

I’m at the executive management level for my very small company and I have 4 people who report directly to me. I am a nice boss. I’m friendly with my employees, I treat them like professional adults, I actively try to create a positive work environment, and I mentor them and make sure they’re advancing in their careers. I do my best to shield them from the rest of management doing stupid shit. My employees like working for me.

The other day one of my employees came to ask if she could change her hours on Mondays. I said yes immediately because it’s helpful for me to know when she’s here and when she’s not, but as long as she gets her work done I don’t care when and where she does it. She then proceeded to tell me that it was so she could attend therapy and like … I will never use this information but … as a general rule don’t fucking do that.

Do not tell your employer shit about your mental or physical health except for the bare minimum needed to request a reasonable accommodation. Even your nice boss can fire you, even your nice boss can unfairly change your working conditions, and even your nice boss at some point is probably going to face pressure from their superiors.

I’m not saying don’t trust your boss with anything ever. I’m just saying that anytime you are in the workplace you need to keep your private information private. You can still have a good relationship with your boss. Your workplace can still be pleasant. But if it ever feels like disclosing private information is required in order to have a good relationship with your boss, please see that as a red flag.

themirokai

This post got a like out of nowhere and I only vaguely remember writing it and I’m not entirely sure which of my employees inspired it, but it still holds.

your-average-ghost

Wish my boss fired me for being in therapy - I'd make thousands in damages for HR violations 💸💸

#and i wouldn't have to work #win win

neur0nom1con

imviotrash

"Kill them with kindness" Nah, fuck that, CRICKET BAT 🏏 🏏🏏🏏*SMACK* 🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏

the-haiku-bot

“Kill them with kindness”

Nah, fuck that, CRICKET BAT 🏏 🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*

🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

bulbekuggeleh

This opens up a lot of possibilities for what a haiku can be

timcurrysbooty

carlottagiudicellivevo

takiki16

NO FEAR. The actors who played Long John Silver and Captain Flint in Black Sails FULLY ACKOWLEDGE that the Muppet adaptation was the best

(source)

saint-batrick

alder-knight

hi i hope i get to be the one to break this news on Tumblr, because

I am reading Tim Curry’s 2025 memoir, Vagabond

and in it, he not only devotes a chapter to Muppet Treasure Island, but also references this very post

so, to recap

no, Tim Curry is absolutely NOT a Muppet; however

yes, he and Miss Piggy ABSOLUTELY fucked

buglikethecomputer

i hate reddit as a whole but r/kitchenchads is the best fucking thing to come out of any website. look at these. look.

“i have had sex before” absolutely hysterical

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skarchomp

i took beggar as my starting class cuz the spells are good, but im gonna multiclass into chooser for the extra bonus action trait

skarchomp

uh oh

moon-lord-big-naturals

For some reason none of my Miis like my beescake...

bakersfield-row

wheredidalltheusersgo

shaddy-bee

machine-saint

in an astounding coincidence, the right level of technology happens to be the exact one I was surrounded with growing up

your-average-ghost

Strap 100 PS2s together to form any modern technology you require

#secret minecraft recipe

autistobrat

this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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asteroidtroglodyte

Me, tears streaming down my face, sobbing, as I stare at the stars: it’s just so beautiful

The medieval peasant I went back in time to give a bag of Doritos to, concerned: what terrible and powerful sorcerers they must have in your age, to be able to veil the vault of heaven itself from view, as you say

Me, sniffling: I didn’t realize, I can’t, it’s so much, I, I… are the chips good, at least?

Medieval peasant, trying to make me feel better: they’re… magical, strange traveler

your-average-ghost

Coming back to Tumblr after doomscrolling Reddit for 3 years and immediately seeing the phrase "why weren't you at DILF practice"

stella-fragmen

#why did I ever leave this place

your-average-ghost

I choose to believe this is less about the existential horror of being trapped forever in a place of your own making and more about me having a pretty face

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