Joanna

I love when desire leads to disappointment. It’s a classic

if you need me i’ll be going where im loved and loving where im going

becoming and becoming and becoming

being in my 20s is like I understand more of my mother and less than i ever have. My childhood friends are strangers to me and there’s no one i know better. i want to drink wine. i never stopped wanting to climb trees. i know more than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know anything at all. i’m seven years old and sixteen and twenty nine and seventy. I can’t tell when i'm happy. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to be little again. i want to be really old. i go to the ocean and feel like nothing matters more than that. in my bedroom everything matters so much. I go to the grocery store every day. i know how to cook a lot of things but the only thing i know how to eat is fried eggs. I can take care of myself but i want to be taken care of. i want to go home and I don't know where that is. i think it may be somewhere inside of me but i’m not sure

ugh why must I be always so repulsed by my own vulnerability but I find it very moving and impressive if other people are vulnerable with me????

Art is a kind of surgery. Something must be removed from inside of you. The process will irreversibly change you but if you don't go through with it you will continue to be poisoned. Are you listening this is important. You have to do it yourself like in Saw

only want to be using my body as it’s intended to (exploring nature, eating fruit, kissing, and creating art)