Petition to get Sam hugged.

No, he doesn’t piece it all together until he meets demonBrady in s5. And stabs him. And feels that too-familiar pull to put the knife to his lips, come on, just a little bit, you need it you need it you need-. And with demonBrady right there and the blood right there and all the shit he’s just learnt rattling round his head, that one memory of the time he got so high he thought he could move things with his mind comes back to him. 

And shit.

Shit.

Fuck fuck fuck no no that wasn’t no that couldn’t have been real no 

Sure, he had found things in odd places in his apartment for the few weeks after, but that had just Brady taking the joke too far, right? But... Brady had seemed fairly sober the whole evening (”Christ, Brady, how often do you do drugs if you have this much tolerance”) and he and Brady had been the only ones in the apartment at the time and it hadn’t been long before Jess- 

The evidence stacks up. He can’t remember how to breathe. He can’t-- But Dean is there, saying useful things like “fuck, Sammy” and “just breathe, goddammit” and “I swear to god if you touched any of that blood...”. But finally there’s a “Hey, Sammy, breathe with me, okay? You got this. One... two... three... Yeah, that’s it.”. And then inane chatter that Sam isn’t following but is grateful for nonetheless as they make their way back to the car.

But as the years go on, the boys are getting older and less easy to hide, it’s pretty obvious John isn’t as close to finding this thing as he wants to believe, and when asked, John starts saying I’ll stop when Sammy starts school and then when that milestone passes, I’ll make sure I get Dean into a good middle school, y’know, I’ll stop then.

And like you said, John isn’t much of a people person, so most of his interaction with the hunting community is purely business He does go to hunter gatherings every so often, though. Probably doesn’t tell the boys that they’re stopping in this town so he can go to a funeral - Sam doesn’t even know about hunting at this point, and he wouldn’t want to dampen Dean’s burgeoning enthusiasm, there’ll be enough time for him to face the reality of death later on. 

But there are always questions at this type of gathering. A lot of hunters pass on their knowledge to their kids, sure, because what you don’t know can definitely hurt you, but most don’t roam the country dragging a pair of pre-teens with them. So people are curious - how are your boys doing? do they like school? how are they coping with the moves? i guess it must be quite educational seeing so much of America? do you tell them much about The Life? who’s looking after them now? what do they want to do when they get older? John cuts these questions off with practiced weariness, but he keeps Sam and Dean away from these sorts of meddlers, who would surely try to interfere if they met the boys, and Dean especially mustn’t be distracted from what’s important. 

(Sure, some hunters are Dicks TM, but a lot are doing it to help their fellow man, because they are genuinely, at their core, kind. And as much as they respect the hunting prowess of John Winchester, a man who has definitely made his name in hunting circles, there are definitely a few who are worried about the Winchester boys. Because they know what the hunting life is like, and it isn’t a place for young children. But apart from pointed questions on the odd occasion, what can anyone do?)

When the rumours start circulating that John’s not just training his 12-year-old to fight anymore - that this literal child is being allowed to tag along on hunts - this raises more than a few eyebrows because isn’t that the complete opposite of keeping your child safe, Winchester? The rumours that the kid is good don’t really quell anyone’s anxiety. The rumours that the kid took a werewolf claw to his chest like a hunter three times his age - like his father would - confirm what everyone who cares is thinking. John Winchester is fucked up. And he’s fucking his kids up too.

The last hunter gathering John will ever attend is a “party” in some hunter’s dive in Minnesota. He’d never have gone if it didn’t happen to be on the way to their next hunt, and he’s never tackled a rawhead before so it can’t hurt to grab some pointers. So for once, he thanks Bobby for the heads up and says he’ll probably make it. 

He gets his rawhead pointers, but before he can make an exit, talk turns to his children, because of course it does. But today it’s not restrained questioning with a hint of disapproval - how old are your boys, now, John? don’t they find The Life hard? how are they keeping up with schoolwork? Today, it’s a bunch of gruff, grizzled hunters sitting down at the table where he’s finishing his drink and telling John exactly what they of his life choices, and refusing to let John convince them that he just has his boys’ best interests at heart. -Are you suggesting I don’t know how to look after my own goddamn boys? -That’s precisely what we’re suggesting, yes. If John were any drunker, there would have been a fight, but, angry as he is, he still would like to hit Duluth in the morning.

So he leaves. The hunters shrug among themselves. Bobby swears he had nothing to do with it, so John doesn’t cut ties with him - yet. The old man goes a bit too soft on the boys for John’s liking. And soft gets you killed. 

The boys grow up. The occasional hunter they meet on a job who invited them for a drink always gets turned down. The occasional funeral Jim passes on the details for doesn’t get attended. Because family’s the only thing you can trust, boys. Outsiders, they’ll want to split you up. Separate you. Or they’ll be a worse hunter than you, get you killed. Rely on each other, rely on me, okay? Then you’ll be alright. 

Imagine how much harder he’ll have trained during that time hoping that he can save his big brother when his dad finds him. Hoping he’ll be good enough for his dad to let come along. 

Imagine Sam struggling with target practice, doing homework for once instead of training, allowing himself to sob into his pillow thinking his dad’s asleep - and being met with “you think this is gonna help Dean?”. 

Imagine Sam being threatened with the prospect of ending up in the same position as Dean if he doesn’t do exactly as John says. And even after Dean comes back this is still often said and every time Dean looks away, unable to meet either of their eyes, but Sam just thinks it’s because Dean’s embarrassed about whatever happened. 

No?

Ok but would anyone like that idea? XD

And of course they would be very weary of one another at first, but then they soon become friends despite Castiel being of a much higher rank and the other officers questioning his motives. As we also know homosexuality was highly illegal at the time, so any romantic feelings for one another would also be incredibly risky. It would have to be a secret relationship full of angst and Sam would not be afraid to love him but Cas is scared because of his status and who knows what would happen!! I definitely reckon it would be a passionate love they share...

I really like the idea of hyper-competent still-raised-as-a-hunter Sam in this AU. So he’s in the really unfamiliar environment of a boat but he can take orders well, especially as his superior’s are better than John (or maybe they remind him of John and then Problems Happen idk both are good). And also our boy researches the hell out of everything and learns fast so he’s just Good. 

And this new recruit whose record show’s no experience but is quick and quiet and just gets on with things catches the attention of the Captain. Because he’s kind of caught everyone’s attention because he’s just weird. (No-one noticed straight away. Sam just blends in with the old hands. But his superiors start doing double takes of a “shit I forgot you were new I shouldn’t have asked you to do that it takes a few months to get right” “sorry sir I’ve done my best” “you’ve done it already and” checks “this is exactly right son how you do this”)

So people either really like Sam because he aims to please or really hate Sam because J E A L O U S Y and I bet at least three people of varying ranks have a big old crush.

But Castiel hears about this lad and has never heard anything like it so obviously this man must be cheating (because that’s how he became Captain so young through nepotism - he believes, anyway, it might just be his imposter syndrome speaking - but anyway he’s internalised him as cheating and this guy is more competent than he was at that age so things are Definitely Suspicious)

But there’s nothing he can do to prove it and boy does he try. He starts spending time with the new recruits to promote “a better atmosphere” because just hanging out with Sam would be weird. And he starts asking Sam to do more and more tasks for him, each one harder than the last to try and catch him out but Sam keeps doing it well and sure he quite often asks for help BUT STILL it’s quite often the weirdest things he asks for help with. [I can’t come up with any WWII things that most people would know but Sam bc hunting doesn’t but there must be some, right?]

And at some point the ship basically joke that Cas “stole” Sam to be his PA or whatever the ship equivalent is idk anything about this genre. But it makes sense because everyone know Sam is weirdly competent and ofc the captain would want to make use of that. So Cas makes the position official and now they spend a lot of time together and.

Oh.

Sam realises the weird socially-awkward captain who keeps asking him to do things that weren’t really within his remit is actually very good at his job and it’s kind of hot. And then Sam has a thought that maybe the Captain wanted Sam to do things for him because Cas wanted Sam around. 

And Cas has come to the conclusion that Sam is just Good At Things and it’s kind of adorable how hard he’ll work and his expression when he concentrates is just so cute and he’s really glad how this all worked out because he enjoys having Sam around and ordering about this absolute mountain of a man and oh fuck these are the bad feelings he’s tried to ignore all his life because it’s not natural, Cas, you’re not allowed to like him like that. 

But when he apologises to Sam one day. All “You look dead on your feet, Winchester. I know it’s been a manic morning, sorry. I’ll cut back on the orders this afternoon”. And then Sam replies with “I’m quite happy for you to order me about anytime, sir” in the sauciest manner (though, again, there is nothing Cas can do to prove that) and Cas’ mouth just acts before his brain can catch up and he responds “I’d like to take full advantage of you then, Winchester” and he tries to rectify it with “Of that offer, I mean, not of you, though of course you are the one doing the things and, er, but you know I just wanted-” but the damage is done. 

If “damage” is the right word.

Because Sam has been flirting with his Captain for weeks but it seems the Captain is the most oblivious person on Earth. Sam would almost have thought he was mistaken with his assumption - he knows he’s good at his job, the Captain could have just hired him because of his competency - but he keeps catching the Captain staring at him and sneaking glances and taking every opportunity to teach him how to tie knots (and Sam knows he tied them right but he’s not complaining about the Captain’s firm hands taking his to “demonstrate properly”). 

So FINALLY the Captain has noticed that Sam has done A FlirtTM and the Captain has also done A Flirt BackTM and Sam is ON IT.

Well, on the Captain. 

In a kissing sort of way. 

And Cas kisses back for a minute or so before he realises the door is still open oh God and so he backs off hurriedly and runs over to close it. Turning around, he sees Sam has kind of shrunken down in that way he does to try and make himself smaller and out-of-the-way and when their eyes meet Sam says quietly “I’m sorry sir if that wasn’t - I mean I thought - you said - and you keep I mean this wasn’t your fault sir -”. And Cas can’t even he’s just had the best kiss of his life and he wants it again and screw the risks they can be careful, right? So he takes a breath. Raises his eyebrow a notch. Smirks.

All Dean wanted was to close his eyes and fall back on the adequately comfy motel bed. They hadn’t, however, even begun to crack this case, so research it was. He bent over the files they’d taken from the scene, preparing to read the case file yet again for anything they’d missed. 

Wilton Blake, 36, was-

“DEAN!”

Sammy. Shouting. Dean leapt to his feet, gun ready. He could hear bumps coming from the bathroom, the shower still running, and then the lock rattling as Sam opened the door.

“Dean - it’s witches, Dean,” Sam gasped, gripping a towel with one hand for some semblance of privacy. His hair was dripping wet, and he was wiping water from his eyes with great gusto. “They - you gotta check for hexbags.”

“Shit, alright.” Dean sprang into action, grabbing his duffel and emptying it onto their bed. “What did they do, how are they onto us already?”

“I don’t know how,” replied Sam, still standing shivering in the doorway. “But the shower just turned to blood on me, and that’s pretty witchy by my standards.”

“I can’t believe we’re dealing with witches again,” grumbled Dean. “I swear it was only a few towns ago we last…” He trailed off and looked at Sam again, holding a pair of jeans loosely. “Hang on, the shower turned to blood, you said?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.” He shuddered. “It was - it wasn’t just red water, it was the thickness and the smell…”

“Then how come you’re not covered in the stuff?”

Sam froze, just for a second, then frowned and looked down at his body slowly. He raised his arms forward a little, as if to show them off to Dean. “I… I am. Look.” His voice had grown smaller and softer, a quirk of expression Dean had come to hate. Dean shook his head slowly, realisation dawning on him. He walked over to Sammy and put his head round the bathroom door, watching the still-running, absolutely-normal shower. 

He clenched his fist, cursing  - not for the first time  - their Winchester luck. “Hey, Sam?” he said, tilting his head towards the shower. “The shower still raining blood, too?”

Sam’s confusion was clear on his face. “Yeah, it is.”

Dean sighed. “I’m sorry Sam, but I think this is Lucifer fucking with you again. I can’t see any blood… anywhere.” 

It seemed to take a few seconds for Sam to process what Dean had said. He slowly wiped some water - or “blood”, Dean guessed - off of his shoulder, and looked at it intently. He dropped his head back, letting it hit the doorpost.

“Fuck.” 

Sam screwed his eyes shut, hand going to his scar almost automatically. “I’m sorry Dean I didn’t - I’m getting better at telling what’s not real  but this seemed so… It could have really been happening, y’know?”

Dean shook the apology off. “No worries, you’re right, we’ve seen crazier shit than that. It was about time I had a proper sort through of my bag, anyway.” 

Sam was now massaging his hand rather than poking it. 

“Is the blood… gone?”

Sam smiled tightly, but his eyes did not meet Dean’s. “Yeah. Yeah I think so. I still feel all, like, sticky though.”

Dean scrunched up his nose. “Too much info, dude, I really don’t need to know what you get up to in the shower,” he teased. An easy hit, but Sam smiled again, properly this time, and that was what mattered. 

“Hah, yeah, sorry,” Sam muttered, playing along. “Um, I’m going to try go back in there and wash it off. Maybe even without the devil this time.”

“So long as you don’t use up all the hot water. You’ve wasted enough already.” If Dean joked about the whole thing, it was easier to ignore, to pretend that nothing important had happened and that his brother wasn’t going crazy. “I’m not gonna let you off easy if I have to take a cold one, even if Lucifer’s stuck in your noggin.“

Sam nodded, grateful for the normalcy Dean was extending to him. “Course you wouldn’t. Jerk.”

Somebody else sees it!

The alt-right reactionary bigot using a book to push their hateful ideology and oppress minorities

And it just happens to look like harry potter?

I am, of course, only joking for the most part though messing up Klingon plans seems like an ideal K/S date.

Almost there Kirk... 😆

Hmm... hang on... That can't be deliberate. *squints* Nah... I've been spending too much time in this fandom, I'm imagining Kirk trying to hold Spock's hand... Though that totally had the same energy as when someone pretends to yawn and put their arms around a shoulder only it failed so you have to cover up.

Wait a minute... *squints harder*

😐

Sam+Castiel - Without Your Love

Here it is!

The full Sastiel fanvid that I uploaded a preview of to tumblr yesterday :)

I really do hope you guys enjoy the whole thing and not just the preview haha

Tagging Sastielers again because why the hell not <333

“Serena?” Elliot asked.

“Serene,” said Serene. “My full name is Serene-Heart-in-the-Chaos-of-Battle.”

Elliot’s mouth fell open. “That is *badass.*”

First of all, surprise queers!!! I had no idea that would be the case from the summary and it turned out to be great bisexual rep? And a same-sex relationship as endgame? And other queer minor characters? I love this

Elliot. I love this obnoxious disaster child who grows up to be just as much of a disaster who cannot communicate (but he recognises when he's hurting others and makes an effort to be better). I have so much love for this ranting and annoying nerd who changes the world through diplomacy. It's a nice change for a protagonist

Wings. Do I need to say more? I have a soft spot for winged characters, please don't judge me

And I love Luke so much, he keeps trying and keeps being a good friend who goes along with Elliot's stupid schemes even when he thinks Elliot hates him. His bond with Serene is amazing. I also really like his arc about accepting himself as a half-harpy

Also, I fucking called it on Luke liking Elliot this whole time. So glad they finally managed to communicate

Something something love as a choice and how the other person has to choose you back for it to work... Many thoughts

I love how this book comments on the fucked-upness of the "magical land" as a trope with all the wars, glorification of violence, child soldiers and the idea of "inheretly evil sentient species" (which I hate with a passion). Elliot the pacifist? Who eventually grows used to weapons and death? While being aware of how fucked up it is? I'm here for it

Golden is amazing for rejecting Serene's bad love letters that are basically just bragging. I still don't know what I feel about the elves (I know the point is to subvert gender norms to show how ridiculus they are, but it kind of goes further than in both our society and the borderlands. And Serene sometimes seems so clueless about it? Just glad it was commented on that neither way is good). I'm also proud of Serene's character development, go gender equality and defying societal gender roles!

In 12.22, while Mary's dreaming, he tells her that it wasn't fair that he had to be mother and father to Sam.

and it got me thinking...

On some level, Dean probably resents Sam for having played a role in the loss of his childhood. This is a pretty normal thing for people who have gone through parentification like Dean has, but I bet he doesn't know that. I bet he feels awful about it, like it somehow makes him wrong and lesser. He probably tries to compartmentalize it away and cover it up by smothering it with love for Sam but... that doesn't get rid of it. Not really.