gay and tired

Mitch McConnell has been sent to a nice farm out in the country where there's lots of open space to run around and lots of other senators for him to play with

can we send him to the glue factory instead

just a heads up. im gonna do a big curse soon

okay so honestly i wasn’t expecting they’d be able to hide the body for this long

LINDSEY GRAHAM ?

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

LINDSEY GRAHAM GONE!!!!!!!!

maybe if we keep speculating about mitch mcconnell more different repub senators will drop dead

Every morning I pray for a crab rave and every day the empty throne of God disappoints me

in a hotel room very cautiously removing my clothing slowly and constantly looking around the room shifty and scared as fuck anticipating attacks while a beautiful pair of women sitting side by side on the bed in matching lingerie excitedly but restrained with carefully lowered vioices cheer me on. they say Yes thats it thats how sex works! youre doing it right yeah! youve got it keep going! and im finally down to a sports bra and one tube sock when a car alarm putside startles me and i lunge for the empty handgun on the floor and put it in my mouth while they panic and scramble trying to calm me down petting my hair and cooing gently

“hot girl summer” no dummy it’s anguished woman autumn so are you coming to wander the moors with a lantern and a nightgown in the pouring rain or not because we leave at 8

i hope this email kills us both instantly