Hi, first of all, I want to thank you for your opinions of this manga, because I am new to this fandom. Also thank you for the translations of the chapters analysis, they help me a lot to understand it better.
My English is not very good and I haven't written in this language for a long time, so I apologize if these thoughts are not very clear
Reading this manga over and over again, I realized something, when Yashiro has "his encounters", even in his fantasies and memories, he never touches someone of his own free will, he is always touched, kissed, beaten, tied up, slapped, etc. and it is understood, he is a masochist, to obtain pleasure it must be through pain... Except for two occasions: the tender rub on Doumeki's cheek in the middle of their meeting and the kiss before telling him what bothers about him (I don´t count when he kissed Inami, the policeman, since that was before they had sex and to avoid a disaster with Doumeki being there annoyed by what he said)
When he takes the initiative (I think you know what I mean), he only touches "the part" that he likes, he does not touch any other part ... but when Doumeki begins to help him when he need it, Yashiro little by little begins to touch him, maybe it's instinct, I don't know, I haven't seen someone else do it to him either, maybe I'm thinking this matter too much hehehehe
What will happen when he is the one who wants to touch? Will he ever want to touch Doumeki? Now that Doumeki doesn't touch anyone else directly due to his gloves, will Yashiro feel the need to touch him? Will he want Doumeki to touch him again? When they are together again (because I know that will happen sooner or later), Will he touch him or will it be the same as always?
I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too much about the matter as I said before and I'm going further but I think that if you are with someone and you are in love with that person, you have the need to touch and feel it, I don't think that Yashiro is immune to those feelings, especially if he's still in love with Doumeki after 4 years
This is a long question that deserves dedicated answer. 😊 Your question contains multiple factors and I will try to answer them one by one. If you cannot understand my responds, please don’t hesitate to ask me again.
Yashiro is NOT a masochist, not from the first place. He made himself one to sustain his corrupting mental stage, so he won’t drown in the abyss of hatred and agony. He kept telling himself “I like pain” “I like it hurt” so he could survive the twisted lust of his stepfather. This is his survival instinct. He adjusted himself to fit into the world around him (Please refer to my other analysis <<Hello, Yashiro. How are you?>>).
Yashiro survived his childhood by deceiving (or you can say hypnotizing) himself. These lies then become part of him as he used these lies to protect himself. After he grew up, these lies become his armor, protect him from the hostility others hold to him. I said deceiving, because Yashiro wasn’t exactly enjoying sex no matter with pain or not. He hate sex (or in Misumi san’s words, he hate all mankind), but he kept doing it, because this is what he did when he was growing up, this is a part of him. He cannot simply cut it away, it is the same as he cut a major part of his own body away. The pain will be unbearable, and he most likely can never recover from it.
The major part of sex is touching. No matter it’s kissing or hugging or rubbing on skin, it is touching each other affectionally. But for Yashiro, who hate sex with all his mind, touching is not so enjoyable. He hate touching, just like he hate sex. He cannot cut sex away from his life, then he will keep affection away from sex. This is why he cannot accept any affection in sex. Anyone who dare mixing affection in sex will be discarded mercilessly. The best example we had is our poor Doumeki.
Talk about Doumeki. We all know he is special to Yashiro. Yashiro never let anyone (psychological) get close to him. He never open his heart to anyone. Yet Doumeki make out a territory in his heart. This is not normal. Nanahara, who worked for Yashiro for 10 years, couldn’t enter his heart. Misumi san, who knew Yashiro before he was even a Yakuza, couldn’t enter his heart. Hirata’s subordinate, who got suspended for falling in love with Yashiro, couldn’t enter his heart. Why Doumeki can? What makes Doumeki special to Yashiro?
There are many different theories according to this thesis. This is my guess.
Because Doumeki was impotent.
Yashiro hate sex. Anyone who are able to have sex with him is his target of hatred. This is why he never let Nanahara do it for him, because he doesn’t want to hate Nanahara (He is like a family to Yashiro BTW. The same reason Yashiro never thought for doing it with Kageyama.) But he allow Doumeki do it for him, and he didn’t hate Doumeki for it. Why? Because Doumeki was impotent, he was not able to have sex with Yashiro. I think a part of Yashiro feels safe around Doumeki, because he hate sex, and Doumeki can never do it with him. He felt comfortable about this. So comfortable that he allow Doumeki do what others can’t on him, so comfortable that he allow Doumeki stay close with him, so comfortable that he allowed Doumeki enter his heart, and became a special existent within him.
The feelings Yashiro hold for Doumeki was very simple, or you can say pure. Around all the men that could hurt (sleep with) him, Doumeki was the only one who was not able to do so. That’s why Yashiro became fond of him. You can say Yashiro didn’t see Doumeki as a Man (because Man will hurt him). Therefore, Doumeki was safe to touch, unlike the others. This is why Doumeki could stay close to Yashiro and eventually entered his heart. Because Yashiro hate all mankind, but in his eyes, Doumeki was not a “Man”.
However, this intimacy has one extremely important condition that CANNOT be violated. Yashiro cannot accept any affection mixed in sex, so for Yashiro to hold affection to someone, the rule is they CANNOT have sex. Because Yashiro hate sex. Sex is harmful. Sex is painful. Sex is the darkest part of him that he could never cut away. That’s why he accepted Doumeki, because Doumeki could never associate with sex. That’s why when Doumeki chose to cross that boundary, Yashiro fled.
And you asked if Yashiro wanted to touch Doumeki? Well...…
Maybe Yashiro was in love with Doumeki way earlier than we imagined.