Tell Me When It Kicks In

Carmy is part of a system - white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to be exact. And that system ascribes roles and expectations on everyone that gets subjected to it. Including white folks. I've talked about Carmy's racialisation here but the TLDR of it is that Carmy is part of the Italian-American community that has been assimilated into whiteness over time in America. As a white man he sits at the top of a racial hieriarchy with a history and current reality of horrendous violence and control. He grew up and worked in cultures that valorised a toxic, violent, white masculinity that expected him to perform excellence, dominate and control everything around him as a result.

The rest of us - particularly racialised women (I'm a non-Black, diasporic woman of colour so I can't speak to Syd's specific experience but I think this holds true for all WOC) - we are never expected to dominate. We are often expected to be excellent because of the time and resources invested in us by our parents and communities and because of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy's insistence that mediocrity is a luxury that only white folks get to enjoy without being penalised. This garbage catch-22 is most starkly articulated by Syd during her nightmare in 4x08 Green:

Syd: And then, you're gonna take a perfect little sliver of chive, put that all on top, and it'll be great. And of course, if your dish fails, its no worry at all, no trouble, really. You'll just be a complete waste of space and a failure and a disappointment to anybody who's devoted any time or energy to you.

So how does a white man like Carmy - who was never socialised to be of service in community, who was raised throughout childhood and his career to smoke others, to prove that he could smoke others ("fuck you, watch this") - how does that white man navigate a world where he's no longer the best? Where he's no longer in control?

If that white man was integrated and mature? Well he wouldn't have been trying to dominate in the first place. But for argument's sake and in this context, if this hypothetical white man was those things - integrated and mature - maybe, he might take a step back and let others lead.

But Carmy isn't integrated. He's not there yet. Realistically, he does have to unlearn a lifetime of abuse, socialisation, racialisation and his own dysfunctional coping strategies so that he doesn't keep hurting people. He does have to figure out who he is without all of this bullshit. Honestly, as infuriating as this was to watch...I get it?

The frustration is that we, the viewers, have seen all the characteristics that Carmy identifies in Syd in that fight from 4x10, in him too. In 4x10, Carmy tells Syd:

You are considerate. You...You allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher.

Across this show, we have seen Carmy be considerate of others, most significantly of the BIPOC people in his life (bringing all the crew at The Beef over with him to The Bear, giving his chef's knife to Tina, making Sydney The Bear's captain), we have seen him deeply feel (see Carmy's long overdue confrontation of his abuser, Chef David Fields in 3x10), we have seen him care (see Carmy's incessant checking in with Syd throughout this show), and we've seen him lead and teach his team (see Carmy walking the crew through how to make chicken piccata in season 1).

We know that Carmy is good. We know that he's deserving of Syd's love and that she is more than deserving of his. We know that folks can chew gum and walk at the same fucking time and so we - I mean most definitely me - yell at the TV screen (and on this platform lol): WHAT THE FUCK MAN? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE THERE FOR SYDNEY, THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR HEART!!!!

But Carmy, and a lot of other straight, white men (and white women, quite frankly), probably don't know this about themselves. They probably don't know that its not being a soft shitty bitch when you're considerate of others, that you can feel hurt and pain and survive it, that you can care about others and have that be a strength, and that you can lead quietly and consistently without swinging your dick and trying to smoke motherfuckers.

I mean, America. Look at who the majority of white voters - that's white men and white women - elected to lead your country, for fucks sake.

This is white supremacy culture at work. This is the Berzatto's intergenerational, racialised trauma at work. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy facilitates the conditions for white people to not know themselves in their wholeness. To not know who they are in relation to others and the world. In fact, it invites everyone into this condition (via assimilation). So how do you resist it?

Integration time

How will Carmy fix it? How will he integrate?

Carmy will need to learn about himself. In 4x09 Tonnato, Donna tells him that she doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. This is true.

There is work to be done here in terms of understanding his lineage and the history that makes up Carmy's very skin and bones. But he has already begun doing this: Carmy knowing about tonnato because of his culinary training and imparting that cultural knowledge to his Italian-American mother because she's lost that knowledge or never had it to begin with made me tear up because THIS is the work of integration. Of reclaiming your history. Of resisting assimilation. It fucking hit me in the chest, right in my displaced, diasporic heart.

If Carmy was paying attention, he would have also seen Richie doing this throughout season 2. Recall his basement chat with Carmy in 2x01:

Richie: You know, um, I'm trying really hard to be on board with all this new shit, cousin. I'm, uh, I'm reading a lot. I'm trying to learn about who am I to my history.

Likewise, Sydney spent all of season 2 studying and integrating her past trauma into effective leadership for her team. I know for certain that we are going to learn and see more about Sydney's history in season 5 (if the show gets picked up again) and how this has influenced her professionally and personally.

But then what? What will Carmy do after he's undertaken that work?

This is where Luca's plotline is crucial and not just as a vehicle for us to gush over him and Marcus (which, yes, I gushed. I'm still gushing. They're adorable, supportive of one another and an indecently attractive couple).

Recall the conversation between Luca and Tina in 4x08 Green:

Luca: Pressure.

Tina: How do you get rid of it?

Luca: I think you get to a point where you don't want to. Like, at first the pressure sucks, right? Its the pressure that makes you feel shitty at what you do. And actually, thats just the pressure getting in the way. You learn to live with it. And then, next thing you know, you thrive on it. And before you know it, you can't fucking wait to get rocked. Like, you want that pressure, you need that pressure to be able to perform.

Tina: *looks dubious* (me and you both my Queen lmao)

Luca: So, then, the challenge actually becomes, can you live without that pressure?

Tina: Can you?

Luca: I guess not. 'Cause I'm back here working for Carmy again, so...I'm probably not the person to ask, but you let me know if you find out, Chef.

What Luca is describing, a state of not being able to wait to get rocked? That might be fine every now and then for motivation's sake. But what Luca is describing is a state of mind that folks are expected to be in for the duration of their working lives. He's telling Tina how to survive if she wants to remain working in this system. Wanting to get rocked, learning to live with getting rocked sounds the tagline for any ad selling white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to the masses: With our centuries-old system, you too can learn how to tolerate getting fucked, regularly!

Problem is, we are humans, not replicants (shout out to Richie and Phillip K Dick), and we don't take kindly to being fucked every day of our working lives. The Bear knows this too. Recall Mikey answering Tina's question about whether he likes his work, in 3x06 Napkins: "I definitely do not like never not being fucked."

So the question is, once you become accustomed to this way of life, like Carmy has, like Luca was, like many of us are, can you conceive of a different world? A different way of being?

I know Luca tells Tina in the above convo that he isn't there yet but truthfully, he is. Luca comes back to Chicago to "address things and not run away from things" as he tells Marcus in 4x08 Green. Those things involve his family, namely his sister. He's there to address something to do with his roots. In doing so, he says its made him appreciate the city. He, like Richie, is doing the work of learning about who he is to his history.

To give himself the space to do this, he's come to The Bear to work as a stage - one of the lowest level staff in the hierarchy of a restaurant. This is someone who once worked as a sous at Ever - ranked the best restaurant in the world at one point. He's using the skills he has acquired in the course of his pretty decorated career to support others who have not yet had the same opportunities as him.

Luca is at The Bear, doing the quiet, consistent work I've previously talked about: that work that creates the safe space for inspiration, creativity and dreams to thrive. This is the work of being in community. Luca is in community with Marcus, with Tina, with Gary, with Carmy, with Sydney. He is - without ego - supporting and mentoring Tina and Marcus. Luca is resisting (whether consciously or unconsciously) a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system that would ordinarily demand that he dominate The Bear's kitchen. In doing so, he's being a good culinary ancestor. Next season, should we get it, it will be Carmy's turn: to come back integrated, sure in himself and without ego, to be there to support (in any way she requires it) Sydney.

And by the way, for the record:

In a world where Black women were the single biggest voting block consistently and overwhelmingly using their generations-long-fought right to vote to protect America from itself the zenith of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy - fascism - in 2016, 2020 and 2024, this statement from Carmy:

[A]ny chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving? Its with you.