Safe Haven

Okay, I’m really annoyed by people thinking dysphoria is only debilitating, obvious to self body hate so they must be non-dysphoric. First off, let’s define dysphoria: Sex dysphoria is a disconnect, dissociation, or other discomfort a person has with their sex and/or sex characteristics. It can present A LOT of different ways and be very subtle.

I’m compiling this list to help people see how confusing dysphoria really can be. If you’ve experienced dysphoria in a way that isn’t listed here, please say something to me and I’ll add it. You can read my person experience with my subtle dysphoria that was more obvious upon looking back: [Link]

Ways Dysphoria can present: 

- [Unexplained] depression or anxiety. 

- [Unexplained] anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure or joy)

- Phantom penis or breasts.

- Something feeling “off” or “wrong” in the mirror. 

- Disliking being naked or seeing oneself naked. 

- [Unexplained] anxiety or depression after orgasm or sexual contact. 

- A physical anxiety-like feeling, especially when reminded of one’s sex. 

- Desire to mutilate sex characteristics such as genitals or breasts. 

- [Unexplained] irritability. 

- [Unexplained] resentment for sex opposite of yours. 

- Jealousy of the sex opposite of yours. 

- Feeling uncomfortable, anxious, depressed, resentful, or jealous when people of the sex opposite to yours talk about sex-specific experiences. 

- Stuffing pants/pushing in genitals from a young age and finding it gratifying. 

- Extreme fear of or worse anxiety than normal towards puberty. 

- Stuffing family member’s bras. 

- Making phallic objects and pretending you have a penis. 

- Taking sex toys and finding enjoyment out of pretending you have a penis. 

- Taking every chance with delight to dress up as the opposite sex as a “joke”

- Extreme aversion to gender non-conformity, often times hyper masculinity/femininity to the point of being toxic.  

- [Unexplained] general dissatisfaction when looking in the mirror, especially when naked. 

- Avoidance to being naked. 

- Avoidance to being seen naked by people who it’d normally be acceptable: (Significant others, doctors, etc.)

- Feeling “disconnected” or “Dissociated” from one’s body, especially sex characteristics. 

- Feeling like you’re watching a movie through your eyes. 

- EUPHORIA from transitioning, noticing changes, passing, or doing things reminiscent of the sex opposite of yours. 

- Poor perception of time, days mashing together, time going by fast or slow, etc. 

- Trouble with memory and/or focus. 

- [Unexplained] Flat Affect: Dull emotions, dull facial expressions, dull expression in general.

- General apathy and indifference. . 

- [ Unexplained] General dissatisfaction with life. 

- [Unexplained] Dislike of sex and masturbation. 

- [Unexplained] Discomfort with sex and masturbation. 

- [Unexplained] Uncomfortable physical or emotional feelings or mood swings after orgasm, sex, or masturbation.

- Avoiding sex and masturbation despite wanting to partake in them to avoid uncomfortable feelings after. 

- Feeling as if you’re putting on a performance. 

- Feeling unable to relate to peers of your sex. 

- Feeling more negative or personally hurt about homophobia directed at sex opposite of yours. 

- Frequent daydreaming about being the opposite sex. 

- Frequently making video game or original characters of the opposite sex. 

- Feeling more uncomfortable than normal about hearing your voice played back on a device.

- Feeling uncomfortable in clothing that accentuates your sex characteristics, such as (FtM) women’s jeans making you appear more curvy. 

- Feeling like your libido should be higher or lower, more like the opposite sex.

- Other issues or discomfort with sex or masturbation involving natal genitals, such as vaginismus or vestibulodynia.

- [Unexplained] Dissatisfaction or discomfort with height, feeling you should be taller or shorter/more like the opposite sex. 

- [Unexplained] Strong connection to fictional characters of the opposite sex who you are not attracted to. 

- [Unexplained] Feeling of not belonging or being out of place in social settings where everyone is the same sex as you. 

- As a child, not feeling connected to peers of the same sex. 

- [Unexplained] Extreme aversion to reproducing. 

- [Unexplained] (MtF) Positive or euphoric feelings when thinking about being pregnant.

- (FtM) Using a strap on during sex feels more natural and enjoyable during sex, and (MtF) being penetrated feels more natural and enjoyable.

- [Unexplained] Discomfort or feeling of wrongness at the rate of muscle growth from working out. 

- [Unexplained] Discomfort with fat distribution, especially below the waist.

- Thinking you’re doing something different from what you’re doing when expressing gender nonconformity. Like putting make-up on in front of the mirror as FTM = “Oh my god look at me I’m so faggy!” Building muscle at the gym as MTF = “I’m a strong woman! Subverting gender roles! Breaking the glass ceiling!” There’s dissociation between what you know is actually happening (you look gender conforming) and what you imagine you’re doing.

- Jealousy of trans people who have gotten certain surgeries done

- Difficulty forming connections with people, especially of the same sex.

- Difficulty expressing yourself.

- Unstable identity as an adult. 

- General feeling that something about you is “off” or “different”.

- Switching clothing styles often due to unexplainable dissatisfaction.

- [Unexplained] dissatisfaction with overall appearance.

Thanks, for several suggestions, Trans-Mettaton! :)

THIS IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING. Please send me suggestions and additions of your experiences or others you’ve heard and I will happily and anonymously add them, but right now I’m drawing a blank.

It’s also important to note while gender nonconformity is very common among trans people prior to transition, it is NOT inherently dysphoria or a sign of being trans. Gender nonconformity and disliking/being uncomfortable with gender roles, or your sex/sex characteristics being assigned a gender role, can mimic being trans and having sex dysphoria. The important distinction is that sex dysphoria has to do with SEX. So your physical body, anatomy, physiology, being seen and treated as the sex you want to transition to, etc. Gender roles have to do with behavior, perceptions, roles, presentation, etc. 

Pretty much all of these examples can be caused by other things as well, so if you relate to a thing or two on this list it doesn’t necessarily mean dysphoria. If you relate to a lot of things on this list, you may want to seek guidance from a professional on figuring out why and how you can manage it. Remember, dysphoria can be caused by a lot of things, and not all people overall benefit from transition.

ok so! this is mostly for myself but also for @keiithies 

when keith was young, he would get teased at school for having this weird little quirk.  whenever keith was upset, unhappy, stressed, or nervous, he would make these little rumbles in the back of his throat.  he would purr, which in turn would allow him to calm down, and help slow his heartbeat.  kids being the assholes they were, thought this was weird bc it’s obvious children aren’t supposed to purr, it’s silly for keith to pretend to be a cat!  so keith stopped comforting himself in this way because maybe those kids were right?  he doesn’t see any other kid doing it, it must be weird.  and so, he kept it hidden, nearly forgetting about this old habbit.

fast forward to the the revelation that keith is galra, yknow part big furry space cat.  suddenly, keith’s childhood comfort makes sense now.  he knows it must be part of his physiology, and that it was probably natural.  however, years of conditioning himself to fit in doesn’t make it easy to accept.  any time he feels this rumble in his chest, he clamps down hard on it, forcing it back down his throat.

that is until lance came along.  one night on the training deck after a particularly upsetting and stressful mission, keith is training.  he’s panting, bots scattered around him in shambles.  sweat drips down his temples, and a faint growling sound is coming from his throat.  that’s how lance stumbles upon him.  he can obviously tell keith is starting to become frazzled, his breathing is erratic, eyes wild, and cheeks red.  slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, lance approaches. keith flinches at the first contact of lances hand on his shoulder, but when he spins around he’s met with the kind, concerned eyes of someone who is truly worried about him.

before lance can even say anything keith starts shaking and goes on a huge rant about how stressed he is leading the team, distraught about all the people in the universe still suffering, and the undeniable weight that feels like it’s crushing him.  he’s upset because he can’t calm down and he doesn’t know why nothing works to help him.

and lance just….asks him if he used to do anything as a kid to help him calm down, because thats what he does, uses simple coping techniques from home when it’s really rough.  that question right there freezes keith and he slowly, stutteringly admits to lance that he used to purr when he was upset, and that it must be something the galra do.

“The universe is made of protons,neutrons and electrons but they always forget to mention morons.”